puporing

@Razard86 yeah I agree with those, things are more connected and rich in many ways, just have to work on surrendering to the majority of people who are not in recognition of their true nature, and allow myself to still enjoy the interaction(s) and whatever goes on out there, without feeling like I'm going crazy for not being in alignment with them in various ways.. being okay with putting on an act for people (in limited amounts) etc, or don't coz it is up to me anyway..

@Jowblob are you talking about like a glowy sort of field around your body and stuff around you? Idk if the same but I had that on mushrooms before.. I tend to not emphasize about visuals but sure has a divine feel to it. Well and there was another kind... That was more like layers and layers floating over the contours of my body as if I was zooming out of it. Well anyway visuals are not what's important..

@Matthew85 Yeah I have stuff going on in life, it's just I have "deconstructed" alot of it too, even as I'm doing things, and now maybe time for a bit of construction to keep a healthy balance.. : ) Thank you for the reminder. Also it was really just wanting to share and be understood in that.. took a lot of the anxiety away.

@Inliytened1 thanks for that.. I think things will "settle" eventually. I have to stop myself from imagining the godhead for awhile in my baseline I think... Even typing on this forum is triggering that "state" of awareness. The line has really blurred lately. I will figure out the right balance eventually.

'In our personal development we have to go through 7 stages: The "Doominous" to the "Gloominous", "Fuminous" to the "Luminous", then to "Bloominous and Zoominous", and finally the "Huminous".' ???

LOL, easy to get stuck in that one.

I do get it, I'm saying I literally don't gravitate towards novels/fiction and things of that nature these days, it's been like that for me for some time now.

@Someone here I appreciate the care... I don't know if you're referring to the same but, I'm just integrating. I already feel alot better right now..

It could be revealed while you're physically alive if you want.. sounds like you're already halfway there.

The surrender makes sense and I can probably surrender some more.. I think the main thing differing from that approach is that it is coming in conflict with one of my top values - authenticity. I have this urge to talk about it with whomever I come in (close) contact with (if there's an opening that is). Maybe that's also part of God's will and waking itself up. My natural inclination is the opposite... (and I really don't enjoy violent movies, not before nor after awakening , I'd rather watch some clouds.. and it's a bias I have). The way I would enjoy it would be to see it accurately, seeing the God in them.. right now disguised. I don't need them to be real. It's just been isolating when I can't relate with people on a very existential point. But I'll get over it. It sounds like you don't try to trick yourself but just see everything else as a trick. That's what I was wondering about..

No I'm not invalidating that it expedites awakening, probably by an astronomical degree. But one has to do the work of deconstructing as well. I'm saying there're many different kinds of intentions and uses with psychedelics most don't produce awakening, and that might be what Brendan is referring to/knows about here. A distorted mind will have those distortions amplified, like imagining more of "the other" for example. And then the embodiment aspect which also takes work/integration that is not at all guaranteed by just having awakenings. This is prob why manual meditation tend to produce more embodiment because of the long and tendious journey one has to take on and the more disciplined environment it happens in, vs expediting it with psychedelics.

Daww cut yourself some slack there.. Geez. I still get attached to people even knowing the imaginary nature. Actually possibility more so because the love has increased also.. It's okay.

@Aleister Crowleyy It's a common theme in the music industry, the "winner take all" thing is still mostly a thing. Here's my response about that to another on the forum: Have you considered doing something else to make a living for the near future while you're making music/marketing it? I get that.. but sometimes it happens when you're not "looking" and just doing your thing in the world.. That might be affecting alot of your moods as well.

Very true.. and level of trauma (remaining) as well..

Why don't you move to Vegas?

Idk if he realize by saying that he's also saying we're all shit (when someone is attracted to us).

Sometimes it's not simply "meeting your beloved", it is remaining with the one that has an opening to you.. the openness and ability to remain with you in difficult times is crucial. And cultivating and deepening the connection that may not be exactly what you want at the start. Takes leadership.. Doesn't always work you have to use your best judgement with this.. but often it takes great patience and having faith in the one you're with..

Something I realized since getting into music training was that the road to making a good living from it would be difficult for most. Most musicians I know are relying on teaching as the main income and maybe performance and creating on the side. It's a very "winner take all" kind of field right now... This is not to discourage you but it's what I see around me. Lot of depressed musicians because their work is not rewarded financially. So it's good to be strategic about this (balance between your passion and what kind of material living you're also aiming for). Teaching can be a good way to dial down your working hours as it usually nets more per hour, giving you more time to create on your own. But I know not everyone is interested in that also.. so search your feelings. I'm personally not that invested in the idea music will earn me a steady/good income and it's something I'm just doing for the sake of it at this point. That's not to say it won't happen I just don't have the luxury to put all my eggs in this basket... And yeah we have different level of interest in it and different circumstances so don't just take my word. Just offering some insights. I think become good at assessing realistically where you are and can get to in the short term vs long term. It comes back to what I mentioned about "boundaries". Most music creation right now is a form of giving.. but it's good to also balance looking after yourself!

?? That's great.

@blankisomeone Yes be gentle on yourself.. feel free to share if you run into problems/issues.

@mr_engineer It's a decision about, do you want to solve problems with violence or non-violence. Once you open that can, it's easy to justify violence for anything. In that case and I can't afford it, I'd rather die than shoot someone and think that it'll guarantee some change I want. There're usually many other unexplored ways to affect change towards conscious politics if that's one of your passions.

@Aleister Crowleyy Are you experiencing chronic fatigue or something?

@mr_engineer You're asking if I'll lower my standards? I don't think so, but I guess it's always a possibility. Maybe if my brain gets fried one day. There's always problems to solve but there's gotta be a hard line drawn about violence.

You're thinking this from a higher consciousness perspective so it seems absurd. But it's actually not absurd from their perspective. There's also a cultural/environmental factor. If one is from say an environment that has a very negative stigma around divorce and one had built most of their self-worth (specifically the masculine identity) and identity around having the family together even if superficially. The cultural narrative play a role in how we view these things. Being very attached to time investment, money and pride and when those are threatened in a seperation/divorce situation it can really trigger the ego. Killing children that don't agree, well, that also makes sense from a very selfish ego entirely driven by its own interests and sees children as their property to do whatever they want with.

Yeah it doesn't have to be all-or-nothing. I'd say it's an "endless" kind of journey. Growth is endless. Self-love as God includes your finite self also and where you are at right now. So it's not just about giving and giving endlessly to the point your energetic integrity is disrupted (well realistically that's also kind of impossible if you want to survive/have a body). Not to mention that you're not as effective either from a place of "poverty". It makes more sense to fill yourself up with love or whatever else you need while you're trying to share (if that's one of your desires). There comes an "inflection point" that's available to anyone's growth journey to become more biased towards selflessness (as the ego) and embody more the "big I" that incorporates all of reality. When this happens practically speaking it becomes more about leadership, holding space, creation, love, etc. It's not better or worse, but just a trajectory of development. May happen in this lifetime, may not. I'm assuming alot. But basically don't rush your development. But since you made this post it seems like a doorway has opened so I am being encouraging . It's good to have a vision/sense of where you're headed.