puporing

If you're contemplating suicidal thoughts (besides some kind of thought experiment which I will leave room for) something is obviously causing you pain in this existence. Men are especially good at covering it up so no one notices, but are the best at successfully ending their lives. The thing to do is to face the pain and the source of it.

Healing goes beyond trauma and is never "complete" because there's other people's traumas around you that will affect you as well. But that's a less personal point. And it's untrue that you have to be well healed to heal others. You can be with someone at a similar level of healing and go through it together. That's more balanced. Otherwise it becomes a parent-child like relationship when the gap is large.

@no_name I wasn't trying to give her advice was just talking to @Scholar. I could've clarified better. However, the other point I should make is that, everyone has "trauma" to one extent or another, just degrees of it.

Depends where someone's at with their development I think. If you've done most of the healing work, transcended ego and gotten some awakenings, live in the present moment (and mostly egoless), got your survival stuff mostly together, it would be more possible to engage in non-monogamy long term. But then where to find people like this in current time? Who will be similar and not use it to manipulate or have their selfishness/ego agenda ruin the dynamic? A less ideal form is possible but I feel that anything less than the above would have dysfunctions.

@Scholar Yes I think that when someone has enough what you might call "baseline character", but obviously has some unprocessed pain/trauma that is causing them to behave in certain dysfunctional/unloving ways, there is room there for healing in the relationship and if yourself can recognize that it's not "their essential being" but a wounded energy that wants to lash out. It takes great patience and sometimes you may be tempted to give up. It's always nice to hear there are people out there who would stick around and guide the other person towards more love and healing.

@Razard86 Dawwww, I am always here . I am doing alright thanks for asking. Pretty hot days here this summer but I'm trying to enjoy it while it's here. Hope things are well with you too .

Shunyamurti seems to have but he doesn't talk about it much and probably not using extensively though that's just my assumption on the ladder.

And that was my direct experience, that when it comes to casual sex, most guys I've personally dealt with have a "psychopathic" kind of approach about it that is dehumanizing and emotionally painful. But clearly I said most so not all were like this. You can disregard the heresay part as I said it was heresay and clearly can't confirm directly what other women experience, but sometimes heresay should also be taken into account as that's all you have. Like when you're sharing about something on this forum even if from your experience, it becomes heresay. Though there's layers of "directness" and you can choose to not trust ones farther away from "direct experience ", and not take too seriously.

That's why generalizations don't work for individual cases. And I wasn't referring to that kind of comparison. You're just straw manning to avoid the actual thing being pointed to. You're mixing the mildest possible example in the first case with the most extreme in the other example. But on the other hand, it's degrees of pain/suffering, and how do you know if one is really more or less? It's only true to the individual/experiencer. Unless you've directly experienced the same kind of pain of being ill-used for sex as I have you don't understand what that's like either and just trivializing/dismissing it the same. And I'm not gonna list out all of my experience on a public forum to you right now. And I'm done talking about this with people who have no direct experience with it nor care about the truth. You can keep fantasizing that this kind of thing doesn't exist or causes no emotional pain.

Yesss! If you keep doing it (especially when the ego gets triggered by something), it'll lose strength over time. And it's pretty joyful to go from a place of irritation lets say, to peace and love. (does help to have some reference experience I'd say). This forum is just us talking to ourselves trying to help "ourselves" understand all this and merge, lol, well, and maybe some other stuff to keep us entertained. Fyi don't mean to pressure... do what feels true to you.

@Aleister Crowleyy I prefer being connected to the person and seeing/being seen. Not sure about yours. We all have "preferences" or else you'd be okay having sex with an animal. And because you see sex as mainly animalistic (which I consider more an aspect of), it makes sense you're not getting the point I'm making about therapist.

At some point, you are faced with whether you would talk to the people who might get it, or to "everyone".

At first when you try to. It takes practice I guess. Especially notice when you're getting worked up about something.. that's the opportunity to practice letting it go and notice the additional layer being added to your true self. Letting it go may be harder at first than just noticing it. Well it would be seen as not real. And an act you're doing (maybe for others sometimes and for "practical reasons" to get by).

Hmm...that it was this made up thing that we held dear to..and in an instant you can get rid of it if you want, just let it go, like a hat.

Attacking the ego never works, yet we keep doing it .

You don't know this, because they won't admit to it directly. I've had experiences where the therapists were desperately trying to hold on while I was breaking the thing off. This might not happen often but it can. But you also have to be conscious enough to see this subtle dynamic happening.

The right one can help a great deal and "move mountains" (when they act from selflessness). But like most people it's hard to keep this up and not let your own personal agenda get in the way. The other options are also good tools.

@Ampresus time will help.. might take you awhile.. sorry it can be rough I know what it's like, it can make you sickly for awhile. maybe just feel into it and stay there for as long as you need. It's a kind of grief process.

Maybe if you were very conscious and more so than your therapist... you would be paying someone to lift them out of areas they are not conscious of while totally accepting them as they are, or just leave. So the therapist may not even suspect anything weird going on but think you're just a very nice person they can talk to that gets them (you become their therapist while acting as a "patient" ).

Yeah basically whatever the "human" wants to be... no preference from God's view.

Depends on the therapist. Some are extremely corrupt and will make things up to keep you as their client. But if you're very conscious you would see right through that bullshit and leave.

I mean if this is true that seems to check out . But I get what you mean.. there could be some interference as well.

It's an opening/invitation for you to go deeper with "yourself" as the limited self is realizing more and more that it cannot find the deep love it yearns from another ego. There's no "practical"/surface level solution to this that I've found. I've been this way most my life until having some awakenings. But maybe since you're a guy, you can be more assertive and pursue more women, but still might not satisfy.. I recommend both.

@Devin Yeah that's cool do what feels right to you. I know how hard it can be though... like even therapist I had to search the whole city upside down. And then I landed here.