puporing

Depends what you mean by grief and what you think sourced it? For me it's mostly from being around/having to deal with family member who is abusive, utterly asleep and unconscious (aka, being disconnected from Self/God), and knowing I am trapped to be abused by them until the day they die. The literal curse of being the "devil"'s "imaginary child". It only makes perfect sense I had to meet God to make up for this crap and make it "tolerable". (Though some days I still have the urge to disappear from my parents completely). Grief could be from the contrast between unconsciousness and consciousness, what is and what could be to a dreamer or visionary. Grief could be from change from the old and familiar into the new. Grief could be purely from feeling what "another" is feeling, so empathy. Grief could be from basking in the beauty of mundane "stuff" that miraculously surround you. Grief should help you find and live in alignment. Awakening changes your relationship with grief, it's all part of you. It's seen as pure beauty.

The thing I may be projecting (or completely accurate about!) is that, there may have been inadequate love/attention given to the adolescent Leo in the form he needed at his age/growing up (possibly from a masculine figure, tho the truth is more nuanced usually) which may have contributed to the opening of and development of that relationship.. I had my share of experiences where it was ultimately not the right person to get involved with but it felt not really up to me at the time due to the sheer lack of goodness and love in my environment, and whatever love they did give (and ultimately failed to give) also contributed to me finding God.. May be related, maybe not :).

Sadness.

You have no expectations of the person before, during, and after the fact, just whatever occurs mutually/voluntarily, that would make it more pure.

You don't "need" love from a finite being anymore once you discover/have access to God's infinite love..

Some may otherwise stay stuck in depression/suicidal ideation. Almost nothing finite can dissolve your pain or satisfy you except God. Truth liberates you in more ways than one. You'd really appreciate it if you've experienced what it's like hitting a wall over and over, reaching the same end of the road with the "human life".

It may be because the gap has been/is quite large between you. You are also their teacher, in the disguise of "their child", if you choose this "role". It can be a tedious one with no guarantee of any "result". With struggles and inner turmoils, the desire to run away, you may ultimately feel there's no other path but to take the responsibility to be their guide, in a way that they can receive, because you might arrive at a point one day where there's nothing else really worth doing more. It's the kind of endeavor where it requires you to learn the art of teaching quickly.

Well they should be. And also sexism goes way beyond what is being said. Same with racism.

Often it's not because the desire isn't there but that it feels a "lost cause" situation and you're just gonna get dragged into drama because the person cannot be reasoned with. Often it's because you'll then get bullied if you're a woman calling out a woman. But yes there are probably just as many cases where they choose to turn a blind eye. It's hard to tell from the man's perspective.

It all happens "in time" or "in turn". You're shown what you're ready to see and just within your awareness. You're in like the "not knowing"/deconstruction phase it seems. There's no need to "rush", unless that's what feels right, but whatever you feel called to/ready for will be shown to you...least that's been my experience.

Biggest joke is when you can integrate just about anything except your mom or people like your mom. It comes back full circle on me.

I would get a blood oxygen, blood pressure and pulse monitor if in your ability to do, so you can check yourself when it's not an emergency but you want some reassurance. Are you experiencing stress? Like psychologically? Sometimes it's tied and if you can minimize the psychological stress, it might minimize the cardiac stress.

Yes, it would be much simpler as well : ).

When you do enough work on yourself and notice self-biases/delusions in yourself and others, the layers and layers of it, & when you do enough work to wake up, socializing is going back to delusion by default because others are not awake. You have to play a role to socialize, and that role itself is a construction. You have to play along the projections of others. How much of it do you want to stomach living a constructed life that's another thing and your choice, but you can't ignore the fact it's going back to a made-up thing and not Truth in its totality. At least right now because 99.99999% of human interactions is built on delusion and falsehood, to varying degrees.

If you have to deal with people or be in relations with them in one form or another, practicing discernment (of what's true) is pretty crucial and establishing the space required for "independent thought". Finding people who can respect how you see things and ideally minimizing contact with sources of "untruths"/"constructions". Over time this process will lead you to be more independent quite naturally and as you work on more independent ways of having an income.

What goes beyond the selfish agenda is like "conscious playing" (besides just being). Which is more about being in the moment and fully experiencing/appreciating what is occurring, and simultaneously able to let it go as well. More as a possibility, I mostly lean towards experiencing life fully and as consciously as you can be going about it until you organically arrive at something more in the present.. But yes when it comes to basic survival I don't think you can get around it, except I've heard some people can eat a lot less the more conscious they become rofl.

In the relative you can become more and more "God-like" but it's not the dimension meant for being totally God-like as then you would cease to exist as a finite being. On the other hand it's possible to be 99.999% "God-like" hypothetically if that's something one chooses to aim for. The remainder being very minimal survival needs. Just my 2-cents.

Most humans are only capable of doing the best they can to defend themselves and reduce harm overall which is their right to do. But most humans are not suited for or capable of the task of delivering "real justice": Real justice is “served” through being made fully aware of what has occurred and the consequences of one’s actions exposed, through the internal realizations and radical transformation in consciousness that may occur from within the doer and everyone around by the “grace of God”, through cutting through falsehood and moving toward Truth, through a rebirth in consciousness. "Real justice" leads everyone closer to God.

Can be rough, everything is recontextualized. It can feel isolating as anytime you try to connect with most people you have to act as though you are still in the dream and play along.

I'm glad you're okay... that sounds like a lot all at once. It's a bit paradoxical how waking up works.. on the one hand, you realize the unreality of things, which helps you out of/ease suffering. On the other hand, you realize the depth of "darkness" consciousness is capable of, in contrast with "light", and that it's relative depending on what you're contrasting with. The good news is consciousness is moving and leading itself toward the light.

You are complete and total!!

Well this was awhile ago now and before my awakening, and I never finished it coz I kinda got the gist and moved on to other things. I was reading it more holistically rather than the details. If you read it holistically it's signposts to the nature of reality.

It's good to have some distance to process things more objectively, and allowing yourself the space to grieve if needed.. and once you feel better about where you are mental/emotionally it's still fine to reconnect again, hopefully without or with minimal amount of the same dynamics. Thats something you'd have to gauge your comfort level and ability to set some boundaries with them. When you first do it boundary setting might not feel good or normal. Oh and watch for the guilt coming up. The guilt is not you, it was something they gave you. The space "apart" can also give them an opportunity to grow too as often parents have their kids as emotional crutches that prevent their own healing and growth. And yeah it can be hard to do all this "alone" without support. But you got to recognize that this may be a necessary step in your growth journey to be more healed and whole. And the love doesn't have to go away, you can learn to see the bigger picture, of how their way of being toward you was also something they've learned from their parents and so on. It gives you more empathy potentially in the process.

Maybe you are not "reading it right" . The little bit of GEB I read were very enlightening and mind expanding.