puporing

I mean if you're not having a good time constantly around someone I don't see why you would be around that person day in and day out in general, "narcissist" or not, unless you are masochistic. If you don't have a choice say it's your boss it's a bit harder to deal with and requires more conscious effort to repel how that kind of mind works.

@5-D - L O V E Highly recommend Matt Kahn's work if you haven't been following yet. A living embodiment of the Absolute with a focus on healing - which is intricately related to integrating your ego. It can take some time and many iterations of shedding the old conditioned self especially if you have a lot of baggage to work through so don't beat yourself up. A fully realized and healed/embodied being is extremely rare still but is a catalyst for all. There're a lot of inner shifts that need to happen and it's very hard to do on your own without a guide that knows what they're talking about... That and I do find the occasional anti-depressant (which isn't how it's supposed to be used but how I found most helpful) has helped me get out of a "dark night of the soul" situation relatively quickly (particularly when it's energetic in nature), you can prob get similar results with things like ketamine but I haven't tried that myself. Keep in mind also that trauma is not just from this particular life time, most obviously is our immediate family's, and then things we absorb from the environment, and culture and/or collective, and so some of us are dealt a heavy hand. And you might feel like energetically it seems quite vast and more than you can handle.. because there were a lot of imprints as consciousness is all interconnected. Similarly when you heal you are also indirectly healing others (where the "self-love" becomes "Self-Love" ). If you're very sensitive to other people's energies it's good to learn boundary-setting (both externally and internally) and noticing how much you can tolerate so as to keep your level of consciousness relatively unaffected. It may not seem like it, but you are making progress, just not in the way we typically "measure" it. Surrendering works similarly as on psychedelics in this case, there's a similar experience of "dying" as you expand your sober state of consciousness. Eventually the peace and love will be the pre-dominant experience and shadows are more like little blips. Getting there can feel like eating glass at times though.

Prob coz most relationships are practiced like a prison? To varying degrees lol. But.. I guess some are more sensitive to this than others.

Hard to say for sure. Forum isn't the best place for getting help so I'm suggesting other options. Even if they don't understand the spiritual stuff or all of your struggles, there are people out there who are in the helping profession and try to support you/meet you where you're at (over here we do have some publicly funded therapists as well as psychiatrists which I now prefer over private counselling ones). For me personally, a kind of cloud was lifted when I got a formal diagnosis recently. I'm still not sure about meds but I'm cautious about trying them to take the edge off. I'm sharing coz I can relate to some of what you're saying like not feeling really here anymore. I've read some anecdotal reports on people's opinions/experiences on meds and spiritual access and it seems like for some it helped them, and at the end of the day it's up to you to see if the "pros" outweigh the "cons" with such assistance. I think a big part of the reason my "symptoms" got worse lately was because I became even more sensitive due to spiritual work and sensing more energies around me/being more vulnerable to any "toxicities", sadly mostly it's been very heavy and hard on the body (manifesting as a kind of physical dread/pain) to feel what I feel all day so I needed some help. Anyway, I understand if you're not receptive to this message right now, but I'm just planting some seeds. I had the fortune of being referred/encouraged by a private counselor as I had doubts about that too, and so far it's been helpful but you might have an entirely different experience.

Yes I'm just saying those other cases seem they could also be lumped in as you could very well interpret the rule that way if you desired, and people could potentially get banned for having a small group chat. If there are exceptions I feel they should also be stated to protect users. Alternatively if there are no exceptions people should be aware what they're getting into by being on the forum. Currently based on my interaction with Leo it appears there are no exceptions besides 1 on 1 conversations. What are you talking about? All rules are a restriction on freedom. That's not the same as saying they all don't make sense and can go too far or be misused. I was not talking about this particular event/case.

That's quite far from the truth (speaking in the relative) if you need to get away from your family or whomever and not have the ability to earn it. You might want to do some research into non-profit organizations that may help refugees (or even locals but it sounds like your country has little to no such support). I'm not overly familiar.. but it was a thought that came up.

I don't know what kind of medical system you have. But have you tried seeing a psychiatrist and getting a formal diagnosis?

@Carl-Richard I have a question, at what point is a "group" considered a "community"? What if you got 3-4 people who met through the forum (independently or from connecting one through another lets say), and they became friendly with each other and just wanted to chat with each other in some fashion as everyone's scattered across the globe. It seems like those would be distinctively different from the kind of communities you are talking about. Anyway don't have to answer me necessarily, it's just a thought I keep running into that could happen. It feels more tricky to me in those other cases coz now it feels more like an intrusion on some basic freedom people should have to connect with each other. But I guess if you told me straight that even the 3-4 groups aren't allowed (if it ever happened or you learned about it), it's better people are aware that if they eventually found themselves in one they would have to quit the forum.

Sort of, my state seem to be permanently shifted to this: It wasn't something I really accessed in the same way on mushrooms before (except for the visual acuity), but another user reported that they had experienced it on mushrooms, and I think it was related to my prior trips and sober work.

@Tyler Robinson Please be reminded of the limitations and expectations of being on this forum: https://www.actualized.org/forum/guidelines/

That is this part of the universe giving you a response, in the form of a non-response (or other ways like this thread). We do not regularly talk to Leo or have meetings (though that could also change and not a fixed thing like everything else on this planet). Mods don't have more power or say to change the forum structure than a regular user (as of now) like you all think we do, and that's probably for the best to avoid corruption. You should recognize that Leo is the only one who can make major changes on this forum and no responses/changes are similar to a "not now" or "no", and then you can make your decisions based on that.

I think if that's the main goal is to add additional functionalities to the forum, you can always start a thread and/or poll on it to see if Leo would be okay with that. I think those are reasonable requests, and sometimes do get traction. But please don't make your whole healing contingent around this, you can heal with or without this forum. Your healing is inevitable, in time. There are many more ways to heal and places to visit is what I'm saying.

This does not automatically happen in most places on planet earth. At the best of places, one could expect a give and take in general. When you say show empathy, what you're asking for is really special privilege and treatment, not simply empathy. Please see more clearly what you're asking. The reality you're in right now is one of give-and-take. And generosity (ie special treatment) is a bonus/gift, and not an ongoing expectation. This may sound harsh at first, but it would really help you not to get so down because others are not behaving the way you want them to. The reason you feel that shouldn't be the case is because some people got more growing up than others. And this you can heal and balance out somewhat in a therapy relationship and your own recovery.

You shouldn't try to hold Mods accountable for the structure of the forum as we have no control over that. They are not at fault for something they have no control with. Personally, I don't recommend relying on one thing for healing (especially if it continuously exacerbates things for you than the opposite, that should be a sign), you should try to have a diversified approach to healing. Many people here have their own healing work too and don't demand others to be a certain way for them. Unfortunately, even if therapists aren't always the most helpful, they are one of the only options for one-sided relationships, which is what you claim to seek; in conjunction with others like journaling (privately), reading materials, meditation, and so on. People here are not trained therapists nor did they sign up to be in a therapeutic relationship with anyone here when they joined the forum. Being spiritual does not mean one should expect to be taken advantage of for their more generous sides. People here often also have their own struggles as well and this place is designed to be more of a give and take rather than one-sided scenario. And if your needs are greater than that can give, therapy is your best option, as that's one of the only options where the relationship can be expected to be "one-sided". All that I said applies just as much to anyone else here seeking chronic healing from this place so it's not meant to be a personal thing but I think some here are in denial about what to expect of the forum.

Thanks @Tyler Robinson and @integral for starting the thread. I had reported on one before so I'll just leave it here:

You still gotta work through the self-deception post-trips, in some ways more so if you just take everything very literally on trips. And no you're not the first human/only one to have realized that, nor does that really matter. Though in a very micro sense we all have unique experiences with each awakening (with broad commonalities) so in that sense you can say that's unique to you. We're all becoming our full potential and even "becoming" is itself illusory as it already is and just need to be realized/remembered.

Just let them be unless there's an opening. If it's too much create some distance.

Narcissism is a result of trauma/lack of love usually and a very dissociated state, but if you're acknowledging it it's probably not a full blown NPD case more likely BPD (but don't take me too serious there's very little info to go off of..), if that's what you're pointing us to. I would recommend therapy since you seem to be receptive.

If you're at that point growing your consciousness would be one of the main focus if I were you. This helps to prepare for your next journey/incarnation.

Everyone has their "time", it's not a problem. Living primarily not from the ego perspective (or "integrated ego") and from the cosmic is something you arrive at after you've exhausted living as the ego and the pull of divine love/consciousness is so great that it can "wipe out" what you've known before as you allow it to enter your reality. Fear/discomfort is about the change and not knowing/uncertainty, not the thing itself. And there's a whole range of baseline consciousness too it's just where you feel more "at home" and moved to grow into.

Yes because All is Well no matter what you do or not do (at the highest level). You are Eternal and indestructible.

Most therapists (I should really say all because none of them understand reality and the truth of what you are) I came across don't fully understand what healing means due to their level of consciousness, most are not what I consider "fully healed" themselves or have experienced things like depression, but they can still be of help and it's a job that allows room for creativity. Healing bleeds into spirituality and expansion of consciousness which is not currently a focus in psychotherapy. So all in all if you're in this community and interested in trauma healing, my sense is that you don't necessarily need that official registration, unless you can't see yourself doing something different/on your own. The main advantages with a registration (and also simultaneously disadvantageous) is that you are regulated by a board, it is more recognized by the public, and people with insurance can get reimbursed.

From the perspective of the One/God, there's no other. But this One contains all. And you and God are sharing even though you are also One. So from the perspective of a divided/seperated mind, there is another. It's just that ultimately our minds are united in the One. Reality is a paradox and it's actually something you can find a lot of joy in. For instance, you are both sovereign and never truly alone at the same time . Appearances will deceive and say you and I appear to be seperate, but our minds are joined no matter what. This link is indestructible. Whether or not one has the powers and to what degree to retrieve things from the limited mind is another story. Depending on your "abilities", you can intuit how "other minds" work and its patterns, as well as when it makes a shift. And I would say we're all evolving to a same kind of mind from the source of which it came, at varying stages. Each broad stages you can start to recognize once you've gone through it.

That sounds insanely hard. I would go two pronged approach ..one is seeking refuge in God and knowing that you're Eternal. The second is see if you can ask the Universe and get help/a response on what creative solutions might come your way to set you free. You have nothing to lose, keep asking.

Just a little "blip" and detour before "returning home" .