puporing

From personal experience, alcohol can help one 'peel away the layers' so to speak. If you struggle to go out of your comfort zone, open up so you can connect with others more deeply/directly. Then once you realize that's a possibility with the aid of alcohol, you could do that without alcohol. But of course, integrating the experience after the fact is super important just like other drugs/substances if you're using it for growth.

Yeah I totally agree. It's important to acknowledge the pain and loss that we experienced. Sorry that so much was not going the way you wished it did at your age. Becoming independent and moving away from home can be a major turning point for one's growth. It doesn't make it less of a deal just because everyone had to deal with it one way or another. Every life is precious. I really hope things will get better soon too. I too have lost and missed opportunities to connect with others during this time. I think this forum has been one of my ways to reach out and connect with everything happening.

@soos_mite_ah I think it's understandable that you're feeling this conflict of societal pressures, your desires, and the isolation situation. There's multiple ways you could take this as an opportunity for growth. One like others have said, working on yourself, life purpose, meditation, reading, doing things/socializing within the limits that we have, etc. The other angle if you are open to it as it can be more challenging to your current values, is to work on questioning the things that are making you feel anxious about the 'time-wasted'. Are those things really something I feel or from other people? What are some counter examples? What might be the deep rooted source of my insecurities? Gaining clarity on them can help you move forward with more wisdom.

@Karmadhi yes it's a highly complex, nuanced issue. At the end of the day, 'feminine' or 'masculine' are labels to communicate broad generalizations, and we all have these traits within us to varying degrees. I mean in a way it goes back to nondual thinking - how society perceives as more valuable. This is in addition to the challenge of individuality and allowance for one to freely express either broad qualities in society if one wishes to do so. The thing I find hard is often people will equate 'pop feminism' with rigorous study of history and examination of current affairs on women, and therefore abandon the whole subject altogether because 'pop feminism' is less credible. In my experience, sociology is treated as less credible than the physical sciences, and thus easily dismissed. By its nature, studying people over long periods presents different challenges compared to studying things in a controlled or smaller setting both in space and time. The very nature of a less advantaged group advocating for themselves is itself a challenge. Such as when a Black person writes about their experiences of being a Black person in a society that refuses them equal voice or expression, a slave writing about being a slave in a society that has yet abolished slavery, it automatically tends to get tossed out the window. We could only hear about them now because we are no longer in such a society, or that they escaped their situation and relocated to a more tolerant society, and that these people banded together to improve their rights and situations. The situation with women is difficult because the vast majority still gain a lot of survival benefits by continuing to be more passive and less individualistic. It takes a willingness to take risks and self-sacrifice and potential for ostracization by the group (on the survival strategy front) to be an advocate.

Great question. Broadly: Exploration and growth Opportunity to assist with others' exploration and growth Adding beauty and love to what's already here

This reminds me a lot of the memoir/Netflix series "Maid". Might give some ideas, it was a success. I don't have experience writing a novel, but Stephen King gives the recommendation of just reading a lot, a lot of different books, fiction, non-fic, different genres, etc if you were hoping to approach this as a long-term career.

Yes and no, if someone feels in alignment with their assigned biological sex and by extension the expectations around it then it feels right to them. But when the person has the tendency to deviate from their assigned sex it can be seen as a box others are imposing on them. And yeah like you say it can be a complex combination of situations when someone prefers to be feminine or masculine, unique to each individual. In the future, I believe that humanity would be served by allowing freedom of expression regardless of one's looks/bio sex and respecting the individual above the collective.

That's what I was trying to say, there are natural tendencies based on biology, genetics, and chemistry, but once puberty hits conditioning also hits hard on both sexes on top of that, this plays a big role. A woman who has a natural tendency towards autonomy and raised like a boy or a boy/girl at the same time, and or a male who has a natural tendency towards communion/feminine traits and is not discouraged by it would both be able to live out their natural tendencies and be more masculine/feminine regardless of their biological sex. And also how much society is accepting of gender flexibility plays a big role. Right, some are like that and have blind spots, but let's not forget feminists are not all the same. A feminist could give the same importance to biological differences as well as the conditioning aspects.

@Barna If you’re still having a hard time getting people I suggest looking into volunteering on a distress line. Really good impromptu practice sometimes pretty urgent cases.. also comes with lots of training, though yes you won’t be talking to the person more than once.

Actually the “originators” tended to not to want to make themselves into some “religion” or write books, often they discouraged it and it was at the plea of followers that they start to do more of these activities.

Very true can relate alot.

A large part of this is a result of conditioning rather than from one's own natural tendencies if it were permitted/nurtured. If you read some feminist texts, it's a recurring theme that girls are more restricted in their upbringing and by society throughout their life relative to boys, and mothers (the primary caregiver) parent daughters much differently than they do sons, no matter what stage on the spiral the society is in. A woman who first conceives of the importance of freedom and truth above all and exercises them in reality can find almost no allies and would be lucky to not be persecuted especially when such truth is perceived as taking away a male's ability to survive, nonetheless, some do and persist. I just think it's important to consider/point out the bigger picture when making generalized statements like this.

So glad to hear that you have gotten more clarity and got to communicate it as well! It's hard to go wrong when you're being honest with yourself and doing the most loving thing. The possibility of separation in relationships for various reasons is what comes with entering into them. Growing pains.

I think you're on the right track. Life purpose is not the end of the road just like relationships, material stuff, etc. I guess the more you can integrate your life purpose with your spiritual growth the more you can get out of both. I would say let go of the idea that achieving your life purpose is the only thing that will make you happy. And then you can pursue it from this more detached place and everything you do achieve is a bonus and/or a celebration of life, just like relationships are a bonus to your life. Hope that helps.

Depends on your financial situation and all that. Ideally develop skills that will help you with your life purpose - which often entails multiple things anyway rather than 1-2 skills. Imagine that you're becoming superhuman - whatever form that looks like to you. But if you're in more of a need to survive in the next little while, it MAY be good to have a more tolerable job down that gives you the ability to pursue your life purpose, but this should be a short term thing that you'll then try to get out of.. In this case I would just recommend something that you have the best tolerance per pay ratio (ie like a trade for instance). Hope that makes sense.

Yes that's usually a very good clue/starting point .. Look up Charles Bukowski or something he was pursuing something that he would do even if he had to pay to do it.

Of course it's possible, if everyone raised their consciousness to a certain level like others have said here.. meanwhile it'll be a struggle to get there, but it is happening, we are in a more peaceful time than before, even if it may not seem that way.

Most likely shadows you haven't examined deeply yet and integrated them into your present. Something in the past that has made a habit of your present way of being. That or you simply forgot your true nature in the moment - or choosing to 'forget' and instead experience the relative.

I have been/am in a similar situation. I had to let go of the idea of a close or supportive relationship, or getting approval from them.. You can still love them and have compassion for them, but you would be disappointed at trying to change them or make them see things the way you do. They may or may not in the future, but be detached to it and continue to pursue what's important to you regardless. This can feel like eating glass in the beginning, but it will get better and you will be glad to have stuck to what's important to you. On a practical level...you will probably have to talk to them to set boundaries. Like being explicit about you have different values and that you do not want to share everything going on with you now, that you need space, etc. I know it's hard if you have authoritarian or controlling parents. But they have to back off... I hope you can find an ally and/or the inner strength to confront them on this.

I have been/am in a similar situation. I had to let go of the idea of a close or supportive relationship, or getting approval from them.. You can still love them and have compassion for them, but you would be disappointed at trying to change them or make them see things the way you do. They may or may not in the future, but be detached to it and continue to pursue what's important to you regardless. This can feel like eating glass in the beginning, but it will get better and you will be glad to have stuck to what's important to you. On a practical level...you will probably have to talk to them to set boundaries. Like being explicit about you have different values and that you do not want to share everything going on with you now, that you need space, etc. I know it's hard if you have authoritarian or controlling parents. But they have to back off... I hope you can find an ally and/or the inner strength to confront them on this.

@JosephKnecht Hmm.. interesting, I feel like this is the result of me integrating them. I do just enjoy exploring the polarities of masculine and feminine, and show up the way that feels comfortable rather than how I'm supposed to show up. It feels more true to me, I think I just got to embrace it even more. But yeah to your point, it's not actually so black and white like that, hard to explain, it does get mixed up and it's not always dependent on the setting or how I'm dressed at the time. It's usually a pretty conscious choice how I'm choosing to show up moment to moment. Thanks for the reminder.

So the last two years or so I have found myself identifying more and more with this but really have no one (that can understand this) I can talk about it with, I would prefer the term 'two-spirit' but it is reserved for Indigenous... For anyone out there who identifies themselves this way (ie, having both feminine and masculine traits, unrelated to your sexual orientation), I am curious what circumstances do you find yourself preferring to act/dress/behave in one gender over the other? Do you often get people who may think that you're also bisexual or gay when you are being more the opposite gender (understandable)? For me, it seems like I've developed a pattern of whenever I'm in a professional setting I would prefer to dress/act more masculine, and feminine when it comes to romantic situations (makes sense given my sexual orientation..).

This is so great, thank you, I wish my therapist(s) would just talk about this straight from the start... most of them drag this stuff out wayyyy too long and I get impatient or feel exploited lol.

I've done a Web Development bootcamp before. They're pretty efficient at getting you entry-level jobs ready, some even offer job search services where they have connections with companies looking for entry level devs, I would go for those ones if you're investing alot financially. And then like @bazera says, build a portfolio of projects (the bootcamp usually already has that) on Github, prep for technical interview questions. It's one of those jobs where if you're good at what you're doing you will eventually get hired because there aren't many people who can handle the cognitive demand in that job. I hope you don't give up if it's something you truly want to be doing!

When more freedom is attained, now you have the opportunity to create more freely. What would you like to see more of in the world? What are your highest values? And can you think of some manifestations of those values? @catcat69123 Osho's pretty great for that.