puporing

Connection, like real face to face connection that’s not a therapist, or a work one, or a friend that just wants me to take are of them, lol covid is not helping.

Both my parents were around stage purple to red with little bits of blue and orange and were only really concerned with their own problems/perpetual conflicts and how they looked to others/how I made them look.

@PurpleTree That's how I started, I mean not just this piece but yeah stuff like this

Comptine d'un autre été by Yann Tiersen.

@Thewizardking What helped me was going back to the works of other musicians that first inspired me, I would just play their songs/pieces over and over and I get so much inspiration from that. And I acknowledge I still need some time to get to where I really want to be creating. Love the process of getting where you want to go, trust it, and don't expect anyone else to give you reassurances nor let them talk you down/out of it, as there will likely be lots of "rejections" before you make a "success" but know that the process itself is you contributing to the beauty of this world. The very act of it and living it has tremendous value and is already affecting those around you. A reading/re-reading of the War of Art may also be beneficial.

I second that Moved out of mine to a large degree now with more focused meditations in the float chambers.. lawl. And a lot of sleep...

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I've considered hosting Meetups too at one point something similar but more spiritual leaning.. it just seems very daunting like you say people being at various stages. Kudos to you for keeping with it despite the challenges and finding meaning through connecting people face to face. It's hard to come by these days to find more conscious communities.

Wonder if this forum has gotten more traffic since Covid.

LoL thanks, yeah compost is super-rich stuff, now my city collects food scraps I hope it goes to farms, so underrated. @John Paul I used to work as an environmental tech and go to contaminated sites and do cleanups/write reports and stuff so know some about how they travel and how long they can persist in the environment. And I ran a no-spray farm. I chose leafy greens and juicing veg because I feel like leafy greens have the greatest surface area (from the spray, also broccoli), and juicing because all the vegetables I use don't usually have a shell which does act as a bit of physical (but not perfect) barrier and juicing extracts like everything from the veg so it would be more concentrated I feel. Can't say I've actually done a literature study on this mostly just info I collect here and there on the web + observation. I'm really not paranoid about it just do what I can to reduce... it is expensive afterall and not everyone can afford this.

Yeah that's the tough one isn't it...

@Windappreciator lol. Like I said it so highly depends on the farm and best if you did some research of the source itself. But no back when I did some org farming I used very little if any fertilizers, just compost.

Admin/accounting skills are great life/business skills to have. Everyone has their own unique path... It seems like you're well on your way to figuring it out now.

Yes it's like a very skewed pyramid, very few make all the money and the rest get bread crumbs. But maybe that is the reality check we need to feel. That this was never a sure thing financially, but something we do out of love for the craft.. And so I guess then you can evaluate how much time you want to be spending on something that's not earning but you do for love.

@Thought Art You are clearly growing and you seem level-headed to me.. and you can make yourself more stable in time, it's in the realm of possibilities let's just say.

Hey maybe it's precisely because of all of your struggles that made you so talented, have you thought of that? You have something unique to offer that others who haven't experienced simply can't. I know personally if I hadn't struggled I prob never would've pursued something like music at an older age. But I also know how much of an impact some musicians had on me that I would want to dedicate a large chunk of my life to it as well. You're just on a bump, it sucks, sometimes it really really sucks. (I get courage from Charles Bukowski too he struggled his whole life pursuing his art in poetry and writing and being poor, not advocating for that, I do believe people should have some material abundance/security). Or maybe you just need to save up for awhile, look for something that pays really good - like a trade, change it up and then come back to it. That's totally valid and not less valid.

Yeah that really sucks, especially if you were already onto something there and got a taste of freedom. Not having enough money does limit you, esp in certain fields like the arts. I don't have all the answers I struggle with this as well. Maybe it's good to just ease off on the LP for awhile can be good to take a break.

That one too yeah.. so many possibilities.

@Thought Art Maybe music could help you... something else to take some focus away from the ringing sound... I'm sorry about your condition. Please research about it, are you open to alternative meds? I had something which western med could only deal with through surgery, but I sought out acupuncture and I'm pretty much healed, not saying that'll work for every case. Exhaust all options and think outside of western med if that doesn't help you. And then, if still nothing, you can still find ways to cope/manage it.

@Javfly33 It's tough. I've only experienced "unconditional" love once through a therapist, (though ironically paid), and that changed/healed me a lot. I was doing so much inner work but still spinning wheels and not getting too far. Sometimes you do need an 'intervention'. Even just a single interaction was profoundly healing and shook me, it was the first time I felt like I've come 'home' and I didn't know that was what I was struggling for my whole life. Mind you I went through 5 therapists until I found this one. And I did have to exit eventually for other reasons.

I'm sure you've thought of it, but I'm guessing no answer from the docs?

@Thought Art Injuries are also common with practicing musicians, I have to manage one too. But I know what you mean if hearing is not clear..

@John Paul some things like leafy greens or if I'm juicing something.

I don't know if this helps.. but I could only get my life together and start doing music at 28 and feel like making progress right now. And for others who did start young, many have to teach in order to keep working on their craft. Depends on what you want to do also... Here's an interview with a classical musician that may affect your beliefs around age:

Bit cliche but, love the other as though they're yourself (also true).

You're just on a harder mode of life.