Theprofessional

I have been meditating for 15-20 minutes nearly every day since November 5 2017, and what I can tell you is that it has helped a great deal with my confidence issues and anxiety. My awareness has increased significantly and I feel like I now truly see the world as it is for the first time in my life... with that being said, I also fear that increased awareness is hurting me. Two months ago I began practicing the guided meditation you, Leo, made and put a link to in one of your videos, and since then, I have noticed some radical changes in my life, like improved social skills and improved attention to details. It also led to my first real "enlightenment" experience in which I met with the devil and every evil in the world that ever existed but then I realized all of it was made up by my imagination and no evil exists or has ever existed. But there is a problem: at the same time, over the last 2 months I have fallen into a mental "fog" so to speak. I have lost interest in school, I have lost interest in becoming a psychiatrist (which was my life purpose, yes I know you're supposed to figure out other ones as time goes on but I'm in a position right now where I can't really do that), I have allowed my sleep schedule to fall into a routine that is mentally destroying me, I no longer care for having girlfriends, I have been experiencing short manic episodes fueled by either fear or anger (or both), and all I seem to want to do is write and make music. Music has been a hobby of mine for a few years but now I just find my mind always focusing on how I can become a fucking rockstar instead of how I can complete tasks at hand like homework or studying for a test or doing well at my job. I don't do drugs or drink or any of that, so that's not the reason for this. It's ridiculous, I don't want this path for myself because I know it will only bring me despair but I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Please help

I seek self actualization. Unlocking the full potential of my brain has been a goal of mine for a long time now. However, I fear that it is not for me. I notice as I have been watching these videos and developing myself using methods suggested in the videos that I have become colder and emotionally detached, which is healthy I understand, to the point where I no longer connect with normal people emotionally on certain topics. However, my current passions in life that I am finally beginning to pursue are screenwriting and filmmaking, which are jobs that require the creator to be emotionally sensitive, in order to recognize what will connect with an audience and what won't. I was recently watching a film where a scene appeared that was intended to disturb the viewer and make them feel hatred for certain characters, but I felt nothing. How can I create emotionally resonant scenes when I can not actually feel them? Is it possible to still be successful in these fields and create soulfull, emotional works while remaining emotionally detached? Should I give up self actualization? Thanks.