MHarris

What is too early? What age is too late?

How to do it? I am trying to be at peace with the fact that I will never be in a relationship with a girl, or do anything remotely romantic with a girl. I am 23, and nothing with a girl has ever happened. When I was 14, I was in an accident, which left my face very disfigured and asymmetrical. And upon meeting me, it's instantly apparent to you that my face is very different to how a normal, healthy face should be. So, again, I'm trying to be at peace with the fact, but I'm finding it very tough and extremely, extremely upsetting. I'm trying to tip my focus on to other things, but it's still hard when you're living in a city like London and seeing all these gorgeous women around, and just thinking and obsessing over how good my life would've been if that accident never happened at age 14. I want to be at full 100% peace with this, but I just think the rest of my life is just going to be complete hell if don't become at peace. I have a long time to go on this planet, assuming I don't die early, and to live with this is just going to be hard. I just know for sure it will be super hard. My authentic self wants to be in a relationship with a girl. Well and truly, I WANT a relationship with a girl. But the fact is that it is not possible for me. I'm not one of those normal guys that can get a girl to like them. So I'm just trying to be at one with this, and to just get on with my life, I guess. So, what do I do?

It's said that you cannot see the picture when you're in the frame. So I'm, once again, asking for some guidance from the lovely people that are on this journey of self-actualization. I am DESPERATELY trying to find some meaning to my life. I am DESPERATE for a purpose. A mission. Something to really sink my teeth in to. I've been reading an insane amount of books. I go to seminars for personal development. I'm on sites like this. I've taken the life purpose course and have found my top values and strengths, and this has been extremely cool for me. But, I have not yet found my real mission in life. Or I haven't created it yet, at least. And I think about this constantly. I really want to have this feeling that I'm following my purpose. The reason I am so desperate for this is because I actually know the feeling of having a mission, or a purpose. I know what the feeling is like. Or what the feeling was like. And it was a feeling of absolute invincibility. A feeling that everyday, though it may be hard or a slog, that it was worth it and one step closer to my mission. During this period of having a mission, a period of maybe 2-3 years, I was immensely passionate everyday, incredibly motivated, and self-inspired. I was able to make sacrifices that could not be made if I didn't have the intense positive feelings associated with my mission, and I was able to make huge, bold life changing decisions because of this. My life was focused. Every thought and action was conscious and deliberate. Sadly, that part of my life is over and done with. I achieved my missions objective, but did not find something else that motivated me. One thing I noticed while on that journey was that my vision was HUGE! It was massive. And I was pulled out of bed because of this. It's sort of sad, really. Since I know what the feeling is like of having a real mission, then just going and doing some ordinary thing with no passion is just unfulfilling. It sort of makes me think that life would be way more fulfilling and straight forward if I never had that mission in the first place; if I was just ordinary. Because then I wouldn't know about all the great stuff you get when you have a mission. I should've taken the blue pill, I sometimes think. But what I felt was not ordinary. No way. Not at all. I am lost, and don't know where to direct my life. If you're a regular on this forum, you may have noticed that my threads that I've started are also varied and un-directed. I'm just someone trying to find/create some meaning and purpose. I don't want to live life on auto-pilot, because I know what it is like to live life with a mission, and the feeling is amazing. Advice? Thank you

Do you keep in touch with old friends from high school / college ? If so what do they think about how much you've changed?

Hey everyone. Lets get in to it: So my top 3 values are: Courage, Knowledge, Excellence. My top 5 strengths are: Love of learning, Hope/optimism, Critical thinking, Perspective wisdom, and Bravery/valour. My main interests are: - Math/Physics/solving problems. - Talking and connecting with people by having deep and interesting conversations with them. - Reading biographies / self-help - Hiking - Public speaking (as I write this I'm noticing how little interests I actually have) So, do any of you know of any careers that incorporate some of this stuff? I study physics, but do not wish to be a physicist or anything to do with academia. I also don't want to go in to Wall Street, which it seems a lot of people studying quantitative subjects are doing, of course.

So I suck at cooking. When I mean suck, I mean I can't cook at all. I can microwave stuff and just toss stuff in to the oven, but cannot cook anything. Im a university student, and study a pretty difficult course, so most of my time goes towards studying. So I have limited time for other stuff, as well as preparing my food. I was thinking that maybe I should enrol on a cooking course for the new year. Just before I get back to university. I think that would make sense. It's a 5 day course, for beginners, and I learn an insane amount of stuff in that time. And I reckon I'll be pretty much set for life with cooking after taking this course. The problem is this: it's $800. I have the money. And think it will be going to good use. But I can't help but think of all the other things I can buy with that money. I'd be able to travel with it. Buy more books with it. And more. Conclusion: I think it's a good course for me. I know I'll learn a lot and have great confidence to actually cook something. I'll have skills to last me forever. But the price is damn high. Should I do it?

An update: So I've decided to do something about this: I'm going to get a girlfriend. Well, I'm going to try, at least. Otherwise I know I'm just repressing/suppressing what I authentically want. I'm smart enough to see that, in both the short-term and the long-term, not doing anything about my situation will cause me great pain, angst and regret. And I also see how this suppression of actual wants is spilling over negatively in to other parts of my life. I'm becoming bitter. That's not good. I'm acting like a victim, which is definitely not good. I also logically realise that having a girlfriend or some sex or whatever isn't going to actually make me happy and fulfilled. I know this logically. But I feel I need to at least go through with direct experience. I would not be a strategic motherfucker if I don't get this part of my life sorted out. So, where do I start? Any advice? Should I get a dating coach? Any books/videos I need to read/watch? [p.s. I don't like clubs. Doesn't fit my lifestyle at all (I wake up really early, every day)]

A bit of a non-issue (or maybe it is?), but what do you prefer and why? I use both, but think it's easier and cleaner to take notes on ebooks, as they have functions which allow you to take and customise notes in a real easy way, without decimating the book. But I've read somewhere that you're able to remember more information if reading from a physical book.

Where do I start? There's so many videos from Leo that I've watched and taken notes on, and I thought I was getting some growth by just watching the vids, but purely from a physical point of view, my life is pretty much still the same. What do I do to properly start up this personal development thing? (I've started meditating daily. I've bought the life purpose course, have taken value from it and have found my top values and strengths, but have not found my real LP yet). What are your strategies towards personal development?

@Arman Really? Currently it just feels that I'm a mess that is full of information, but have no idea what to do with the information or how to use the information. I want to start taking action, but don't know what action to take in real life

For the last 18 months or so, I have been feeling extremely lost with what to do in/with my life. I've been following actualized.org for I guess like a year now, but not at all been taking action; it's just information overload for me atm. I don't know what sort of action to take, because I have no real purpose or mission to work towards. I went through the Life Purpose course, but did not find my purpose. I found my values and strengths, but don't know how to implement them together to create a compelling future for myself. I am 23 (almost 24 ), and am a year in studying at top university in London, studying physics. I realise (logically) that I am in a very privileged position to be doing this. I have many, what I would call, 'acquaintances', but no actual friends, whether from inside my university or outside of it. And this upsets me because I see so many people able to socialise so very easily, and I cant do the basics which is actually making a good friend. I literally have no life. I'm incredibly unmotivated by my studies, although it can be ok sometimes, and am uninspired by my prospects in the future, which is killing my mood every time I wake up in the morning. It takes so much effort just to get out of bed. I regularly just decide to miss classes in the morning, just because I don't feel like I can face the day. I have no hobbies or cool activities that I do like everyone else, but I feel like I just find everything boring. I am just finding life itself immensely boring. I just want to stay in and watch movies and tv. I wasn't like this a few years ago; I was extremely motivated to get into a top university and attack the world, but ever since I came to the university, my motivation and drive has just vanished. I feel this is because, before I had a clear mission that was emotionally compelling to me, but now I do not. I want that feeling of invincibility again of having a clear purpose, but don't know what to do or how to find one again. I am literally just spending the day, waiting for night to come so I can fall asleep again, only to do the same process again and again and again...... Don't feel like I fit in with anyone I am around. Everyone is younger than me, at like 18 or whatever, and just wants to party nonstop, and that cool for them, but I feel like I am wasting my time when I'm doing that. I have already wasted so much of my time, so doing stuff like that I feel is just sinking me and pushing me deeper in to a hole. I've also never been in a relationship. I am ugly as hell, so I am more or less accepting the fact that loneliness will be my companion forever, but I do wish it were different, you know? I don't know how to manage my time, but more importantly, I don't know what to do with my time. Basically, I don't know what I like, or what to do. At this point in my life, what do I focus on? If you were in my position, what would you do? Been putting off asking for advice for a long time as I feel this is my problem I need to solve, but I really need a kick here. Sorry if all this is just nonsense, or I'm complaining too much or whatever, but the feeling that I am well and truly in the shit is very real for me, and would like some advice, if possible. Thanks

@STC I currently am sharing a flat, and studying physics at a university in London. I go to the gym, have hobbies that I like as well. Don't know what you mean by 'nice'. They're not expensive, but fit pretty well. Also, im currently trying to find out what I want to do with the rest of my life; I doubt I'll ever kill myself, and because I've removed myself from the dating game, this means I have ton and tons of time to do what I want. But I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Nothing in my life that I'm super passionate about. I'm trying to look for this though by experimenting with different hobbies and such.

Hey thanks for the replies But I'm not asking for advice on how to turn my luck around with women. I KNOW that I'm completely done in that area. Trust me. The accident was pretty brutal. I just want to know how I can live with this fact, without thinking that my future will just be full of helplessness, misery and tears. I don't want that for myself, if I can help it.