Magic

The game is over. I ended it as she had been showing no initiative and even become snippy. When I told her that I can't see the point of it all anymore and the reasons why, she responded "There's a battle going on in my head and heart. Sorry for my behaviour." She even added "See you later.", but no hear for three days now, so probably totally meaningless. I'd lie if I told you I don't care now. I'm trying to gain from this situation, to be "antifragile". I'm collecting takeaways from this shit, learn from my mistakes: SDS helps a lot. Digression: I practice 1h a day. All in all I've been meditating for half a year now every day, in SDS I'm just staging up from dropping thoughts to observing the consciousness itself. Quite recently, during SDS I fell into something close to ecstasy, the feel was orgasmic, I can't explain it, yet I was able to control it. I can reproduce this state, though can only sustain it for just few seconds at once. I used LSD a few times, but not this very first time. The substance could have advanced me, I guess. "No one is going to help me." helps a lot. Catching yourself on playing a victim helps a lot. Focusing on your emotional center and observing the emotions, not only during mindfulness meditation, helps. I am still myself, I was very happy before all this. This is just a temporary state and I will get back to center. Not to withstand or bear the suffering, but not to feel it is the best way. I am having glimpses of such a state from time to time, but it's really hard to sustain. You have to be constantly aware. The breakup exposed my vulnerabilities. It had a reason: Honestly speaking, this was the second time I made the same mistake - I was overly enthusiastic. Hence, life gave me the same lesson once more. Never more. @abgespaced, some of your tips could have been applied here (if I only knew - now I do), but not all - the girl is quite aware of the Corey-Wayne stuff. She was kind of special and self-actualising. "When people show you who they are, believe them." - almost certainly, I idealised her in this early stage. "Live life consciously - love comes to you on its own." - this is exactly why she was having a crash on me. Getting back to this state is a matter of days. Breakup revealed my insecurities. This one is a huge takeaway and a new space for personal growth. Now I'm looking the emptiness straight into the eyes, I know I'll find my happiness where I left it. Give yourself time to heal. Emotional wounds are just like physical ones, your energy level will be lower, you need time to recuperate. I could do nothing but smile when Leo was saying this: https://youtu.be/PYRg1fQYyzY?t=22m45s It's just 1:1 what's happening to me. Edit: I forgot to add that I'll have to talk to her to get back my belonging and give her back hers. Any tips when and how to do it?

Well, I read she cares about me from her talking and behaviour. Although it is not explicitly visible, it's still readable. All that being said, at this point I am wondering if it's worth the effort. I mean emotional effort. This is huge emotional effort. But emotional effort is incorporated in self-actualisation. So if this effort I would incur can make me a better man, I will continue. This thought somehow positively energizes me. I'd stay on my track trying to tackle the effort. That gives me two scenarios: I win or I loose the relationship. In both cases I learn something about women, relationships, and emotional mastery. The doubt to clear is whether the effort really can have a good side, or it's just suffering?

I want to grab this book, but don't know which edition to choose! I saw editions for singles, men, military, instasummary, summary & analysis, classic, and more! I am 30, single, but I've just met someone, and I'd like it to come off. Can you recommend an edition for me?

This was my biggest problem, which I solved with the help of LSD... Not going off-topic too much, I must tell you the substance opened my eyes so radically, I cried for a few hours having realised how harmful, detrimental, toxic, unnecessary, and deeply unhumane my judgemental attitude had been, and how prevalent in my part of the world (Western Europe) it is... It's a very, very good question. One theory I've heard goes that you can tell a narcissist by absolute priority of his emotions. I think it can be reworded as lack of compassion. That could apply to me, but I am not sure, I am trying to find out. I know that I, having arranged my life in almost perfect calmness, tend to avoid problems people share with me. But this applies to problems without definite attempts of solving them, I hate it when people just talk about what's bothering them and don't do anything about that, except for worrying without respite, of course. On the other hand though, I could devote more of my time to deconstruct the problem and help the person move on, but from my subjective experience I know it rarely comes off, so I choose to avoid the whole hassle upfront. So the most frequent scenario is that I try to help, but if after some time I see no or little action, I withdraw. Do you think compassion is related to narcissism? Can you recall any situation from your life that would support or rebuke such claim? Hmm, that's interesting, although I find one doubtful theory you follow here: Narcissism involves caring in an unhappy state primarily about oneself. And you assume that one does care primarily about oneself when being unhappy, but is this really so? I'd rather suppose one, say a man of low consciousness, will try to attract attention and blame others for him being unhappy, but does that equal caring? Apart from this one doubt I have, I agree with you that filling one's own cup first is healthy. (I think it's called positive egoism nowadays.) Maybe you're right... I might be trying to better myself beyond reasonable limits, incurring alternate costs... After some consideration, I think I am doing so because I am happy. Then, however, a doubt arose in my mind, if I am not too self-content and thus a bit insolent? But then I recalled that nothing can forbid me to be happy and no one can refrain me from letting go a worry, in defiance of many social and cultural mechanisms.

@Nahm, I have some thoughts but I keep my mind open... I opened the topic to hear what others have to say. I don't know if I am narcissistic and I don't want you to focus on me, I'd rather hear about your experience. I am sure you have much more to say about the latter. Pity you sound like not interested in any findings whatsoever, as opposed to trolling the topic by posting content that is indirect and obscure in meaning, so maybe take five. @Bronsoval, Could you tell how do you know you are a narcissist and what you do to get better? And how do you know you are actually getting better?

Yeah, Trump might be a narcissist... but frankly, I don't know and I don't care. ;D I wouldn't like to assess anyone here. :) I'd like to talk about How happy life can conduce to development of a narcissistic personality?

I am very happy to hear that :). Please upvote my answer if it was of any help!

That's because you've already set expectations and attachment. And it's exactly the opposite what I'd advise anyone to do. As I wrote: Nurse the emotion, don't expect anything, don't get attached to anything. Only the emotion is true, everything else is fake anyways.

@AilinKyung, I suppose you understand "men" and "women" by human beings with adequate genitals? If so, don't you think this might lead you astray? What about a person's brain sex? I am physically a man, but I have a quite relevant feminine element inside. Don't you? I have female friends. Maybe they have masculine element on the inside that plays well with my feminine portion?

My first impression from your post is you're deep in love with the guy :). Of course, most probably this is just the first sparkle. So yeah, cooling down sounds reasonable. But on the other hand, how often does it happen to you? Isn't it a wonderful feeling? If so, I'd nurse it. Just for the emotion itself, no attachments. IMHO, if you see any chance of a deeper connection with this man, it's worth it. Of course you're left to consider the practical pros and cons of this on your own, such as costs, safety, worst and best scenario, etc. As a bottom line, I say: If you feel perfectly safe about that, go for it.

Perhaps this post fits better in "Meditation, Consciousness, Enlightenment, Spirituality" forum? @SamEuphoria93, I am just on a search for answer to the same question. I've been practising compassion and love meditation for the past few days. To break down the process for you, I can distinguish these steps: Start your normal mindfullness meditation practise, i.e. focus on "see", "hear", and "feel" channels until you're deep in the state. When you're ready, start slow. I.e. think about a person you really love, like your mother, or brother, etc. Watch this feeling. I feel it distinctively in my upper body, radiating from chest up. Move on to person you "love less". Here I start to feel how my ego rebells against love and compassion for this person. Watch closely what happens to the love you felt in step 2. Move on to someone you might not like at the moment for various petty reasons. Now, what I start to feel is how dirt and mud starts to cover all the love I felt in step 2. What helps me at this point is: Realising what unworthy reasons hold my love back. Though it's not always obvious initially, in my case it always turns out to be some ego horseshit. Realising that I don't have to conditionalise my love on the target. I have the right to feel this wonderful emotion towards all life. And that's beautiful. It's very demanding, hard emotional and intellectual work. When I was doing this for the first time, I had to stop before the timer set for mindfullness meditation, I got so exhausted. But I also saw the extraordinary effects already after the first session. This is a process I am still devising for myself. If you decide to try it, please share your insights .

Similarly to @Schulzy and @Bob84, I think forcing yourself not to fap is more harm than good. You are in your reproductive phase of life and going against biology may hurt you. Ejaculating is a basic biological need, just like eating and sleeping. Fap every time the need to fap dims your mind. Don't celebrate it though with lengthy porn sessions or the likes - just do what you need to do and don't blame yourself. This approach should help you overcome porn addiction.

@vizual, you write: Isn't the feeling of love in me being triggered by this external stimulus, in this case other person? If so, the other person is indirectly responsible for what I feel, as consciousness was prompted to relieve itself by her. That sounds perfect, but I am afraid it's wishful thinking... Do you mean that the true love is independent, but the expression of it is on the two people involved? That's how I understand that.

I've got ISFJ twice, but I am pretty sure that self-surveying is not the right tool if you want an objective answer. As a sidenote, if you're interested in the topic of intro- and extraversion, I encourage you to read "Quiet" by Susan Cain. I found this book a year ago and I think that's one of the most important books I've read. It literally revolutionized my life in terms of self-awarness and actualization.

By Pyrronian school of philosophers: (Source: Marcus Aurelius; Meditations; Book Five;) I agree with this thought, ask yourself if you do. As for love, imho: Human beings are unable to love unconditionally, yet striving for this gives meaning to our lives. This is so because our innate need for love is unconditional.

Hi, I'm Matthew, I'm 29. In the past, say 8 years ago, I was getting a lot of one-night stands. It was study time, it was fun, it was the hormones, and the ego; and girls liked me for my wit and sporty appearance. With time, I grew out of this to such an extent so to avoid occasional sex. Reason made me grew out of this. Because it's irresponsible, futile, makes awful reputation, recedes me from genuine love, takes so much time I could be spending on something more valuable, and eventually somebody's always getting hurt. Having this intention in mind of avoiding sex without true love holds me back from hitting on a girl. And I have this intention in my mind always when I talk to a girl. This is a problem since, afair, developing true love takes time. All that would be fine if I wanted to become an ascetic. But I don't. First problem is that I lack sex physically. I haven't had sex since I decided not to get into relationships only for the sake of it! It's been c 4 months - it's like the longest pause since the beginning of my sex life. I don't want any trouble because of this primordial biological need. The other problem is my longing for my image of true love. I meditate, I am aware of true happinness not being found in the external world, but at the same time I internally long for... a woman made of flesh and bones I could love. And to top that I am picturing her so perfect probably not gonna find her. As a result, I've found myself in a gridlock: On one end I instinctly avoid sex without true love I won't find anytime soon, and on the other end I physically need sex, even if it had to be a one-night stand! Feels like some part of me remembers and wants the wild times back, but the reason kicks in and blocks any attempts to go there. All deep stuff aside, doesn't love & sex, this intimate relationship between two people, give true happiness? I remember it does. Isn't this how we are programmed, after all? To complete the picture, I must add that: - I was never left by a girl. It was always me to get bored first and break up. - I also left a girl that might have been the love of my life. Maybe only now I idealize her. I started to regret the break-up no sooner than 3 years after we split. Please share your thoughts.

As you wrote, "our programming gets updated with ever experience". It's natural. Moreover, I think it's good as some thoughts in fact are superior to others. For instance, "not to hurt others" is superior to "hurt others", or "it's good to self-actualize" is superior to "it's wrong to self-actualize". These are my thoughts, too. Using your nomenclature I could say "I updated my program to improve it". That's what brought me here in the first place... Isn't this exactly what makes this place is unique, that people are welcome to ask such questions? What are you referring to as "limiting beliefs"? The ego part strikes a chord though... Could you elaborate, please? Sorry to say this, but please realise it's a very shallow and extremely detrimental platitude (attachement shows it in one way). Additionally, you can read I was doing it and why I quit.