Magic

@Nahm, nopes (I always try to be as direct as possible :)). A friend suggested to me that being very happy can lead to self-admiration, which I think might be viewed as narcissism. I suspected tendency to narcissism in me, thus I wanted to learn more about this correlation. Quite ironically, not much later she bashed on my happiness so hard I'm still regaining balance, and it's been a month now. Lesson (is still being) learned.

Opinions and validated resources.

@Nahm, this is what I mean by narcissism in this topic: Prioritising own emotions over emotions of others. For example: "My comfort is the most important. My well-being is the most important. My time is the most important. Everything is fine as long as I'm tranquil. For me to be tranquil my needs need to be met no matter what. I'm fine even if you're not, or less fine." And so on.

From my personal experience, I can tell you one thing that really works, even if it seems brutal or whatsoever low: Start meeting new girls. I bet you're not feeling like meeting anyone new and you just want her because she was so perfect and all that stuff. I know this state. This is your ego wanting you to suffer, give it the finger. Force yourself to spend nice time with other girls and avoid thinking of the ex - remove everything from your surroundings that reminds you of her. After short time you won't have to force yourself anymore. Also, don't look into the pain. Grief-counselling and introspection has been proven to actually worsen the grief in most cases. Stiff-upper-lip attitude works much better, don't underestimate your innate emotional resiliency. I've just recently been through a break-up and I was researching the topic for a month or so, trying out multiple pieces of advice from various sources. This is the one thing that really worked.

Strangely enough, Actualized forum has very little content on these topics. Maybe anyone has some experience to share? Afaik, @Leo Gura never mentions it in his videos, does anyone have an idea why? (Though I haven't seen all of the videos.) Maybe someone knows some weathered resources to learn and start working with this stuff?

@herghly I found the source.

Imagine your perfect day at work and pick an occupation that suits it. If you're addicted to learning, which is just perfect, pick a position in which research would be the main task. But don't discount the financial aspect as money can be utilised to further your growth.

You get it wrong: You'll gain recognition only when you're authentic. Who gets the "recognition", if this is not authentic you acting? (If a like can be called "recognition" at all.) Or the other way around: Maybe it is the authentic you? Needy, insecure, seeking validation and appraisal from people you don't even know, let alone their hierarchy of values. You are totally irrelevant. Whether you exist or not, the reality doesn't give a shit. Acknowledge that and feel how liberating this notion is. I'd guess your issue is vanity. Realise that you are really nobody and your self-actualisation resides solely in your mind, thus not making you any different to the world outside you. Do this and just do good to others, no matter whether they meditate or not. Nothing forces you to feel outside but you.

I have been working very, very hard for last 8 years or so and managed to get a very highly-paid job (top 1%) that I like. One of my saddest moments recently was when I realised that I achieved everything (not only money) I once wanted, and my happiness is sooo fragile. The simplest advice for living a good life I know is to be virtuous and serve others not expecting anything in return. Elaborating, if you prefer science, there was this research conducted for over 70 years on a group of over 1000 people, which have been recently concluded and the results have been boiled down to one sentence: "Good relationships make us happy, period." (Sorry but I don't have the link now - I think TedEx posted it somewhere.) Make the purpose of your life to build good relationships with other people. Not needy, not codependent, etc. - good in an actualised sense. I guarantee you will be happy.

It happened to my just once or twice: I am down and I allow myself to cry during meditation. At the same moment when I allow it, the need to cry disappears and I start to feel brighter emotions. Then I don't shed a tear. Don't ask me why it is so, I have no idea how this works :D. Please tell me if you have a clue :). @MIA.RIVEL, wise words, thank you! They remind me of this: And I have also a great question I ask myself when troubled: "Who or what compels me to grief?" Of course, the answer is always: "I". I agree with not pitying ourselves, but I think we should always take full responsibility for out deeds and consequences, especially the emotional ones. What do you think of the attitude of "Never regret"?

@ashashlov, as I said: By external resources I mean books, videos, etc. - that is wisdom that more experienced people share with us. Not everyone is Seneca. @MIA.RIVEL, and what if these things matter and actually could have grown you more than the rejection? If one can grow from failure at all, as one might not be ready to do so. In my humble opinion this is very advanced skill.

Frankly, it sounds to me like some new-age bullshit, or it's too imprecise at least. Our inner selves are most of the time fucking lost in the woods and we have to constantly look for wisdom in external resources, and only then struggle to somehow use it in our lives. And that's what we do. Maybe some day, through personal development, one can reach a point where its inner self is the teacher, but this point is not even on the radar when you start. When you start, your inner self is the dogma, the close-mindedness, the preacher, the judge, the ego, and so on - you're asleep and you start only thanks to having a gravitational centre that is innate. The self is the source of suffering, so calling it the greatest teacher has to me a religious taint.

@Arkandeus, that's an uplifting response. Could you give some sources, please?

Emotional twirls happen to us all the time, it's good to learn from them. This is seldom easy - as for me, most of the time I can only observe and I want to be able to do more. Let me use an example: You are going through an emotional breakdown, serious but still not pathological; say a break-up or a relative's death. You meditate, focus on your emotional centre, see your emotions very clearly how they twist and hurl from one side to the other. You can't control them and presumably you should not try to. Sometimes you don't understand them as they are unreasonable and / or illogical. Over time, you see how this gale calms down and you start seeing sun rays of a new day. If you do meditate and observe your emotions, you should know what I have in mind. So the question is: What more than sole observation one can do to get out of an emotional crisis as much as possible? To grow stronger and more conscious? PS. I associate this topic to the ideas Leo describes in his videos of exploiting others to grow yourself and that observation itself is curative. (I can't recall now which videos exactly.) Maybe that's a trail to follow?

I understand. Leo offers coaching sessions on finding the purpose in life. Also, there are 7 books on this topic in the recommended books list, perhaps you'll find it useful!