Matt23

Thanks. Yeah, I think I have a tendency to go overboard with all the self-help stuff. A yoga teacher recently suggested to the class to go easy and express more Yin (female, compassionate, easy, etc.), as the culture I was brought up in (Canada, modern western culture) is very Yang (male, action, positivism, etc.). He talked about how if people go too far outside their comfort zones, they'll be too tense and can risk straining or traumatizing themselves more, and how relaxing back a bit will help loosen us up and allow the space needed to open up. Thinking about it now, I can see how certain aspects of self-help could be used as a distraction from dealing with other aspects that we don't want to deal with. I've been doing it for a few years now, and before I felt relatively calm doing it. Like "What's the big deal? What do you mean 'healing is scary'?" This is the most scared, uncomfortable, and nervous I've been with healing so I feel like it means I'm on to something. Cheers. Questions for all who've gone through a healing process: - What do you wish you would have done more of throughout the process? - What was/is the most important thing that helped you through the process?

Hey. Back story (from what i remember). In the last 5-7 years I've been struggling with severe anxiety and depression, off and on. I think has been there for my entire life though. I've never felt able to hold a long lasting connection with many, if any, people. All types of relationships. I've also been struggling with binge eating and an addiction to porn. Last night I smoked some weed (I don't normally smoke weed but have smoked maybe 4 time in the last 7-8 days or so. Before I smoked I was trying to figure out what i wanted from healing since I'm going to a breathwork session this week. To cut a long story short, I kept thought "I'm a gay guy who's been masturbating to women and straight porn for pretty much his entire life. Even as a child." It was like the gravity of the situation grew by X100. I also felt and saw how scared I am to be myself. I don't know if i perceived correctly. But I do know that I was on the border of freaking out. I managed to navigate it and say to myself that I should put it away till I'm in a safer and more supportive environment. It felt like opening Pandora's box. I was also excited at one point since "something was happening", and I've been struggling to understand my neuroses for some time now. It's like I'm starting to crack open more than I ever have. Which is scary too I'm at a point now where I can either try to get if done all at once or take bite sized chunks and go slow. I feel like going slow is the wisest option. And that if find the right person and environment, I'll open up.

wow...intense. I liked the artwork and symbolism. Though I found it a bit too intense for my brain. My brain may have liked it more if it was shorter. Looks to me like a Green message reacting to Orange. Cheers

Leo recommends on his books list to star with Kriya Secrets Revelealed by J.C. Stevens. He says it is a more technical and comprehensive book. He Recommends Santata's book for people who already have a practice. He also said that the exercises are shorter in Stevens' book.

Hmmm... did you find that out in yourself or have you noticed that in others as well? Why would you say this is so? If that's true I should definitely cut down on internet

Nice work. When I read the research paper I was confused about how her model reflects spiral dynamics. Im wondering if people could help me clarify. It seems like in Cook-Greuter's model there are two stages that encapsulate Orange (Expert and Achiever). Then Green is Individualist (since in her model Individualist comes after Achiever). I can see how perhaps she used different criteria in her model which resulted in SD stage Orange being split in two: the first Orange stage being more reactionary from Blue and individualist, the second phase incorporating a move towards a more Green social conscience. The issue I see is that, similar to SD, her stages move from integrated (social?) to differentiated (individualistic?) as you move up stages. Which places the Individualist stage (or, if I laminate SD onto this model, stage Green) at a differentiated or individual stage. First, I could be misinterpreting her use of differentiated and integrated. But I don't think so from what I remember in the paper. Does she use the criteria of being group conscious in integrated and individually conscious in differentiated? If not, this could explain why it wouldn't line up perfectly with SD. Secondly, in Leo's stage Green video, he mentioned it as having a paradox: it has an individual mob mentality. It lies in the group conscious side of the pendulum but it also, somehow, has individual qualities like being "counter-culture. This may also explain the discord between the two models since Cook-Greuter may be modelling only the individual expressions of Green. I've been trying to reconcile this for a while so any new perspective or ideas on this would be great! Thanks

Linda Clair https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXLWCXd-reTEDlQh_mdn42Q

I recently finished watching Leo's Deception and Survival series and found that this was a great example of survival (more so as a self-image). To me it seemed like the man who murdered the women was still reluctant to give further information about his crimes even after admitting doing them. I thought it was telling of how powerful and relentless survival is. The video provides explanations as to what techniques the interrogator uses and meaning to different body language. It's quite long. I've watched the first 40 or so minutes which seemed to be the most interesting.

Hey. If you're interested in helping eliminate heavy metal toxicity, iodine might help. I don't know too much about it, but my mom and grandma have been doing it for a bit and I've started recently. Apparently it helps eliminating heavy metal toxicity and radiation (apparently it's the only thing that will cure radiation poisoning). Iodine is put into some table salts, but apparently it's not as effective or the same. I take mine in a liquid form: 30 minutes before eating or one hour after eating. Two drops in the morning and two around lunch time. I found it increases my energy and wakefulness. They say to not use it in the evening since it can make you stay up. I've also heard it can have negative side effects if done too much (which may be unique to each person). The iodine I take is called EnerG-Iodine. it says it's colloidal ingestible iodine. www.VoiceBio.com I haven't researched it too much (lazy), but am still taking it. I'd recommend doing some though.

Remember that spiral dynamics is, at least partially, a system about values. So one way to establish where you roughly are might be to notice what triggers you in others and what you strongly agree with.

Hey. Sounds rough. I don't think I've had the same degree of social issues, but I've had some so I'll share what I've experienced and learned. I've had, for the better part of my life I think, had trouble feeling connected and like I belonged. I felt I never really had social security and was always an outsider. After graduating and since then I've had long periods of isolation with not many people around me. If I did have people they were some family and a couple of other people. Even if I physically had some people I kept in contact with I would still feel isolated, stressed, and disconnected from them. I'm at a point now where I've been focusing on allowing feelings and behaviors to come through and have associated my social block with an intense pressure in my chest which, in previous years, had gone unnoticed. I've had moments recently where I was able to "turn it off", like a light switch using mindfulness, labeling, love, and contemplation. I'd be able to focus on the sensation, label it "allow" or "love" or "let go" or "feel" (or anything of that sort) and could release the sensation for a while. After this I'd be totally open and communicative with others and would actually enjoy being around them. I also noticed, which is new, that the feeling seems to be me rejecting others (perhaps from fear or of being hurt). Reiki, mindfulness and labeling, giving oneself love, sentence completion exercises, accepting the emotions, and self-inquiry I think have been major contributors to my successes. And psychedelics.... and compassion. It was actually through self-compassion that I experienced my most significant shift out of the social block. Connection, for me, is very important. I used to focus solely on enlightenment but I could never manage to live by myself without falling apart. I'm at a point where I realize that developing social connections is very important for my health and well-being and that it opens the doors to so much in life. Perhaps one day i'll be mature and developed enough to do the ol' "live in a cave alone" thing and focus on spirituality. Till then I think (for me) that human connection is a very important aspect of life and growth. Also, I think it's important to have a balanced and long-term view of healing/growth. I used to want to get it done with in an instant. I think that pressure was counter-productive. One's attitudes, thoughts, beliefs, and strategies towards healing and suffering can be almost as beneficial as the actual healing itself. Love and acceptance is probably a good place to start . Starting from a place of love makes transformation more smooth and sustainable. What attitudes, views, or beliefs in regards to your issues are a hindrance? What attitudes, views, or beliefs in regards to your issues are helping? Why do you want to change? Where haven't you investigated (in terms of therapies, aspects of yourself (somatic, emotional, memories, perhaps past lives or perinatal traumas)? What can you do to grow socially without being too far outside your comfort zone (no growth due to too much stress) or too far inside your comfort zone (no growth due to no change)? Can you notice if your issues are survival strategies? If so, what are you trying to survive? (I'd recommend Leo's Survival series if this question doesn't make sense) What do you want? Were there times when these issues weren't apparent? If so, what was different about those times? What's worked and why? What hasn't worked and why?

Uhhhhgg......not good. I love the nationalist vs. international perspective he gave and the issues that come from it. "What right do we Americans have of telling Brazil what to do when we cut down our forests?" I'm not saying I think something shouldn't be done, but he brings up a good point. Also, I never thought that Brazil doesn't get paid for trying to save the rainforest. It seems to me like since it's such a global issue that affects everyone and everything, than the global community should be investing in helping Brazil and giving it incentives to stop destroying the rainforest. I don't know if that's already happening and to what degrees, or if it's been tried but Brazil and other organizations inhibit this process. But I think that countries should be incentivizing Brazil to work towards protecting the rainforest. Does anyone have any idea how much the international community is trying to help save the Amazon (governments, orgs, etc.)?

Has anyone any info about such programs in Canada?....eh

I went to the ENB (experiencing the nature of being) workshop. He reccomends that one first. I found we went through a diversity of material and exercises. The majority of the format was being read and taught different concepts as a group and then doing individual guided contemplation and also diad work (partner contemplations). I found it was illuminating, difficult (especially the exercises where you had a partner and had to say aloud any thought that entered your mind :)), and frustrating.... I think the biggest thing I learned was that anyone can see their true nature. Regular folks can do it. That was generally and briefly my experience.

Have any of you tried Peter Levine's Somatic Experiencing trauma therapy? I'm trying to heal this tension in my heart which seems to be related with me pushing people away. Additionally, any info or experiences in prenatal trauma or infant trauma would be appreciated. Cheers

hmm... After recently watching Leo's series on survival, I could see how I'm the one actually creating this feeling and am in part actually wanting to keep it (and all the other behaviors) "surviving." Also that I could be suppressing them since I want to keep them going, or/and that the conditioning I received told me that those ways of feeling and behaving aren't "good". So I suppress them in order to survive socially. I'm not sure if I totally understand this part. I've done Leo's life purpose course and have spent lots of time thinking about my values and purpose. But this, I feel, has done little to relieve this particular issue. I've also journaled and drawn the sequences of behavior and feelings I feel which may have done something. But nothing substantial that I noticed. Are you saying that if I write what I feel on a board and visualize it, I'll gain a different perspective on it and recognize it consciously so as to help be liberated and healed from it? Could you elaborate?

Oh... I've been told that when I was a kid I had the chicken pox really badly and had a sever seizure where I went to the hospital. Sometimes I wonder if that affected me and if it's the cause (or a partial cause) to this feeling/block...

@Nahm It could be true. What I notice for myself is that there's a tension in my upper chest which, when I bring mindfulness to it, can subside to a smaller area of tension. Though this tension feels very physical in nature and very strong. Like it's my muscles/bones contracting. I have felt inklings of emotional pain, though this could be a result from the tension and not the cause. I'm not sure yet. Also, it seems like it inhibits me from connecting me with others. While tree planting and going to a festival recently, there were moments where I managed to release the tension for a bit and it totally changed how I interacted with others: going from awkward, avoidant, stressed, to open, loving, and joyful. I'm also seeing how I could be pushing people away and this tension might be a self-protection against other people. While this tension happens around people, I try to move past the awkward loss of connection and see if there's anything deeper. What seems to be the case is me hating other people. Sometimes, while alone, I've gone to a place where I hiss and act like an animal to other people. Like an animal would who's threatened.... I seem to have a very difficult time developing relationships (friends, intimate) and feeling connected to others. I don't think I've ever really felt the security from belonging to a group. I think this tension (whatever it is) is directly correlated to that. I've tried lots of meditation, some reiki, and self-investigation and love to try and release the tension but it's really strong. It feels like a leech that closes me off from others and cause other self-destructive behaviors. Besides reiki and meditation, do you know of or have any experience with other forms of healing work (trauma, energy, etc.)? Thanks for any info or thoughts.

Hey. So I'm starting to think that I might have BPD. I've shied away from the mental illness perspective but am now considering that it might be valid to a degree. I don't really even know what a mental illness is. For me it's all based in the mind and beliefs etc, but I haven't considered a biological, physiological, or any other perspective on it. Leo makes it sound that spirituality and Truth is a cure for all (mostly). But I'm wondering if the modern scientific psychological model is helpful enough to use or too "in the dark", thus holding me back? Does anyone have or know of anyone with BPD? If so, what do you do about it? Does anyone know any books, people, or other research items about BPD? I'd love to hear any of your advice, thoughts, stories, research, or personal experiences. Thanks Matthew

Thanks everybody! I really appreciate your words.

I find I have this reoccurring issue around family. In particular my mom. I find I often feel like she means to put me down and treats me and doesn't give me respect. I felt it very highly tonight at a small family get together. I felt like she didn't acknowledge me or if she did it was in a way that put me down and was meant to make me small. I felt like I was put down and not "welcome" in the group. Like I was lower than them. A big question for me is whether it's actually happening or happening in my mind. I find it very difficult to know. I am also seeking any advice at all since it's becoming a recurring pattern that I find very painful. Thanks for any help.