Matt23

might help...

I've recently been doing lots to overcome similar fears of my sexuality. I'm gay, but I significantly feared it. I think what worked for me was a gradual process of allowing thoughts or acts to happen. Aclimatization, so to speak. Maybe the next time you have gay thoughts, maybe just try to allow them. Once your comfortable with gay thought, then maybe try masturbating to them (if that's what you like or think you like), then if you've gotten comfortable with that, maybe go to a gay bar and just have a drink and leave, etc., etc., etc., Also, leaving room for exploration may help. Exploration without labeling things as black/white or gay/straight.

@Leo Gura Thanks for the advice. I dunno, I might be misinterpreting/conflating emotional issues with SD levels. I think I'm also gay, yet have been masturbating to women for most of my life (I'm 27)... suppressing or not even being aware of my feminine/gay sides could have significantly stunted some aspects of my growth for some reasons. I dunno either though. Can you still have emotional issues (depression, anxiety, etc.) even if you're at stages Blue, Orange, Green?

Would you be willing to keep us updated on this new state/awareness in the future? I'd be interested to see how these feelings or states or w/e you call them persists (or doesn't persist). To see if any changes happen or not. Congrats!

I feel like there was a point in my life when I tried this "winging it 24/7" technique. I don't know if it's what you're talking about, but from my perspective I was just following my intuition. Like, every moment I would just do what felt most right. I don't know if it was the "universe" or me. All I know is that it was pretty difficult since the fear was real. It was like I was just completely facing all my fears all the time (mostly social fears). Like I was breaking boundaries of my personality and comfort zones. I dunno though, I think I over-did it and crashed. But I think I remember having some serendipidous moments. Might've just been a mind-trick.

Naval Ravikant, in his interview with Tim Ferriss (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7J-Gwc9pVg , I think he talks about this around 30-50 minutes in) suggested using books like the internet. Not needing to necessarily finish one fully and then start the next, but just have multiple on the go and pick out sections that interest you. Not even necessarily starting at the start. He mentions how most books are long because that's what sells and justifies making a book, and that most books can be adequately summarized in a few pages. I thought it was an interesting view.

@Leo Gura and anyone else, how much do you think one's level of Spiral Dynamics effects success in business, and particularly coaching? I heard Leo, or someone, mention that you can't really help people who are above you on the spiral. Being someone, I think, who is lower on the spiral myself, lower than most people in my culture (Canada/Orang-Green, I think I'm around Purple/Red/Blue), would you even recommend creating any sort of business (especially life coaching) since most people probably won't find value in it, and wait till one is at or above the Spiral stage of one's culture?

Had any one else experienced sexual energy while doing fairly concentrated mindfulness, self-inquiry, or Kriya? Ever since I started kriya about 4 months ago (I've stopped for a few months) I've had several experiences of sexual energy (like I'm getting fucked...by God?) when I've concentrated on the third eye area (kriya), done reiki and now I just smoked a little weed and did some long mindfulness combined with self-inquiry and it came back. It came when I was focusing on the sensation of my fingers scratching together for a while till it became an object in awareness/Not me/a thing in awareness almost doing itself. Then the sexual energy came and I imagined a big blue penis of energy go up inside me (I'm gay if that makes a difference. Any hetero experiences with different imagery?). This first thought was "It's like God is fucking me." I'm not complaining, just wondering if others get this and any theories or thoughts on it.

@Sizeable Oof In these videos, does he teach practical methods?

I'd be interested to see if there's a way of integrating both feminine and masculine hero's journey theories into one human hero's journey. Perhaps, like spiral dynamics, each person, whether masculine or feminine centered, swings between the two.

@Erixoon50 I eat organic peanut butter (Ingredients: organic roasted peanuts), not the kind with sugar in it. Even if I did eat the kind with sugar in it, I still think it would be better than eating cakes, doughnuts, and stuff like that. I find when I eat wheat and sugar products I feel really sluggish, depressed, and way "off". I think the bananas, dried fruits and dark chocolate (75% + dark) are the worst parts of my diet that I tend to binge on. Rice as well.

I heard from Jamie Wheal (you can look him up on youtube, he's got some excellent Rebel Wisdom interview. Also his website = FlowGenomeProject), that there was a study done at Texas University which claimed that self-compassion is a more resilient skill than self-esteem (since self-esteem usually relies on external accomplishments and validation). I've suffered from binge eating, and I know how shitty I've felt on it. Baked goods, chocolate, and ice cream were my go-tos. I've been super good with it over the past year. One thing i think that's really helped me was Leo's video on diet and the regime he recommends. Particularly "Eating however much you want of the things you're allowed to eat" (no sugar, dairy, wheat, soy, and obviously drugs and alcohol). So, if I feel a hankering for something or a binge coming on, I just binge on peanut butter, bananas, carrots, rice, beans, maybe dried fruit if I'm at the store. I'm not saying that's healthy, but for me it's healthier than the other stuff and I feel way better. Another key for me is to not have junk food in the house. I even rarely have any dried fruit in the house. It also probably helps to not be exposed to places where you can buy junk food in your day-to-day travels. Like if you walk by a convenience store on your way to work, it might help to find an alternate route.

Recently, I watched a Rebel Wisdom episode with Daniel Schmachtenberger which focused on sensemaking, epistemology, and how to separate true, truthful, and representative information, as well as information ecology. Basically, how the hell do we know what's true. I just started reading "Guns, Germs, and Steel" by Jared Diamond. Partway through I thought "How the hell do I know if any of this is true? Especially if it's a book and not a study with all the methods of research outlined. Additionally, I'd have to really fucking think and do my own research on everything he claims in this book before I could have any semblance of truth, and even then I could be wrong." This lead me to this question... "Why am I even reading at all if there's so much up in the air?" Have you come across these issues? How have you dealt or resolved them if you have? How do you find the balance between critical reading and reading fast enough to get through information?

I think I've been trying to create some sort of ego around gathering knowledge and being "the one who knows" (for power, security, prestige, etc.). I think I even do it to try and get some sort of fulfillment. To "fill the void" as it were. Knowledge as something to hold onto. Like, if i can just get enough of the right knowledge, or learn the best ways to sort information, I'll be able to accurately navigate reality using mental maps and know everything about how life works, etc. Maybe I'm starting to see the limits of knowledge. Knowledge as smoke instead of cement. @Jonac I find I can make myself stressed about it forsure, but I also find some satisfaction and enjoyment. I'm starting a new strategy of not going overboard on the note taking and simply working on getting the "just" of books, etc. @Leo Gura Yea, I think the whole notion of holding ideas loosely is something I might've been shying away from due to what I said above.

Thanks! Just last night I was trying some mahamudra I learned briefly and was thinking "I want an actual teacher or professional to learn from".

Thought: "I love my dog." Content: My dog, the feelings I have towards it, perhaps thoughts of things we do together, perhaps its name, it's color, what our relationship is like, etc., etc., etc.. Actuality: When the thought "I love my dog" is recognized, when I see it or experience it, I experience or see the sounds "I love my dog" and perhaps thought-images of my dog or even thought-images of letters that spell "I love my dog", etc. So, "I love my dog" means something to me. This is the content. "I love my dog" is also an experience, from which I derive meaning (i.e., content). This experience, the raw experience of the thought "I love my dog", and nothing more, no meaning whatsoever, is the actuality. Another example (sometimes I don't like giving more examples because I think they may confuse people more... so read with care! ) You see a rock. But, for you, this rock was given to you by your grandmother, so it has a certain meaning to it. But, when someone else sees the rock, it may have some other meaning for them. Like maybe they went to a psychic and the psychic told them they'd see a grey rock today. Weird! In both these cases, the people are adding or deriving meaning they connect with the rock. This is content. But, if you only see the rock, and have no thoughts about it and make no additional stories or associations with the rock (I think this would be very difficult to do since you'd probably have to stop all your thinking), then the rock is the actuality. The actuality is your direct experience of the rock, not the thoughts or associations or stories you have in regard to it. I see this as being similar to thought. Thoughts in actuality are like seeing the rock without the additional associations. A thought's content is all the meaning behind it.

Great video. Could probably watch it 10 times and get new things each time.

I thought I may have caught a glimpse of how nothing is perceiving all form… It may have also been a thought… I was doing the look back at yourself technique, but just the part where I observe the visual plain as a whole tapestry (versus looking at individual aspects of perception, I'm "zooming out" to see it all in one) I kind of became aware and/or thought that what was perceiving the visual plain wasn't coming from somewhere "back there" from my eyeballs (i.e., directionality from "my head" to "out there"), but that there might not have been a perceiver as such, or that awareness, or what was knowing what I was seeing, was non-localized. The best analogy I can think of is the common "Things are appearing within consciousness"... Almost like there was no seeing things (seeing meaning there's a directionality, a seer and a seen), just being aware of things. Like awareness was, and things were being made aware of, but that awareness wasn't coming from the person behind my eyes (directionality). But the "me" makes it seem there's a directioanlity to perception, when, seemingly, there's just awareness of stuff… no localized awareness… "floating" The only thing is it didn't seem like a non-dual experience since I wasn't "blown away" It also seemed like thought was somehow involved, so I don't know if it was really Truth. From what I've read this seems like the right direction, but perhaps just the faintest of tastes. This (this mode of perception) seemed to last for only an instant. I felt a bit of excitement, but it quickly faded and I wasn't that effected by it. IT mostly felt like a cool experience. Any thoughts, tips, or ideas welcomed. P.S. I think afterwards, while walking upstairs, I kinda felt like I wasn't my body, like I was watching it or something. But it felt faint and I wasn't too shocked about it... I guess one thing I question is whether I'm just thinking or conceptualizing these perception or if they're actually real observations of reality...

@Nahm I don't think I understand, but i'll keep trying to observe and see what comes. I was going to ask if you could elaborate, but I thought again since more elaboration might just confuse me or I might get more attached to the concepts instead of seeing what's there. Cheers

does he explicitly use spiral dynamics?

I think the most benefit I got, as far as I can tell so far, is the strengths finder. I really connected with the strengths I found in there. They really hit home fore me and described what I feel is very authentic for me. Though, I definitely worked it out a lot. I've probably spent a good few years on it. Even recently, after completing the course probably a year ago, I just re-contemplated my strengths and discovered another one which I think is more authentic for me. It really helps me see what I like and don't like, where I shine and how I can provide for the world. It shows me where I should be thinking, playing, and working. It's like a pinpoint about where and what I should be doing. Very illuminating.

@Commodent I see the wisdom in this. Thanks

I've recently been thinking I've been having lots of insights, pieces of knowledge, and areas to explore come across my experience. Yet, also that they come and go so quickly. It feels like there's a waterfall of gold showering around me but I have no pots to catch the gold with. What does your integration process look like? What does integration mean to you? Do you know of any resources or people that have helped you improving your integration? Why? What are they? For me it feels like I need to slow down and not rush, like I'm avoiding doing the effortful work of integrating by glossing over insights, not journalling about them, contemplating them, thinking about how i can change my behaviors, etc. Also, due to the vast array of places worth integrating, I feel like there's too much to do at once. Like if I fully integrated one part I'd miss out on a lot of others. It seems like a quality vs. quantity thing. Do you have this issue? How do you prioritize which topics or domains you'll focus on integrating? What's your integration strategy?

My grandma recently told me her doctor (or someone...?) told her that too much avocado's can affect kidneys as well.

@remember Thanks a bunch, I'll check them out. It sounds like "Women Who Run With Wolves" is a good start. I'd like to go deeper in the psyche, shadow, and perhaps archetypes etc. The perhaps more shamanistic types of exploration of the psyche (going "deeper") rather than the spiritual/non-dual side (going "higher"). Seems like I've got a lot of baggage holding me back from those "higher" non-dual insights etc.