Matt23

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zIKQCwDXsA Here's Shinzen Young talking about "Enlightenment, DP/DR & Falling Into the Pit of the Void"

Self-love may not always mean the more feminine notion of it, like forgiving yourself, accepting you're not perfect, eating a piece of chocolate when you feel down, etc (which I think are all powerful things in themselves and deserve practice). It might also mean being disciplined, getting your diet together, admitting when you've done wrong, etc. Also, here's a paper on self-compassion from Texas University that I got from the Flow Genome project (https://www.flowgenomeproject.com/ , which is created by Jamie Wheal and Steven Kotler). ---- I haven't yet read the whole thing, but the basis of it seems to be that self-compassion is a more resilient skill than self-esteem.

If one's trying to be ethical, I think intentionality plays a big role. Also the context (mostly in terms of sleeping with others who aren't your partner) Communication, concern, honesty, integrity. But, if you're not concerned about others and simply about getting laid, then cheating probably won't be a huge issue for you. Maybe a baseline strategy is ---> If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. ---> then maybe contemplate why later to learn some lessons and integrate. Also, my tree planting foreman once told me, in terms of being ethical ----> "Sometimes you gotta be bad to know how to be good."

Yeah... seems like it... I think I'm seeing I'd like more experiences with different sorts of people... Like I've maybe been "cooped up". Like this really turned many of my categories (particularly relating to people) for a loop... "Huh... maybe people aren't this way or that... maybe people are a lot more complex than I first realized." Like it somehow made me see my bigger generalizations and "invited" me to start considering making finer and more individual, and contextual distinctions. Cheers.

@Leo GuraI guess I heard some stuff from TYT and what they portrayed, or how I saw it, was that he was sort of in that kind of crowd... Southern states, municipal government and police trying to get rid of black cops... I think my image of being gay is also causing me confusion. He's gay, so I associate that with being more liberal and open minded. Then that whole "southern/racist/kkk" image is connected with that which turned my head for a loop. For me, it's like finding an elephant eating a zebra alongside a bunch of lions after a kill... does not compute.

Wasn't Buttigieg involved in some pretty unethical, racist, and illegal dealings with getting the police department in his hometown to be all white cops? If so, this kinda baffles me if he's also gay... I'm imagining, if he's racist and involved with those types of people and going to those extremes (I think TYT did a report on the scams/fraud or whatever it was) for racist values, I just don't see how he could be openly gay in that environment and have supporters. I guess I see the gay identity and racist identity as not being compatible... yeah, within his person I could see it, but socially? ... I dunno.

I don't know if this has been posted about yet but I did notice that Leo still seems to use Amazon (from his recent awakening video), even though in a post a few pages back he showed a video about how Amazon mistreats their employees. In the post he also advised people to consider how your own selfishness causes others harm... Seemed pretty hypocritical to me. I'm kinda starting to see more flaws in him lately, like how he talks to others on the forum (to me he seems unnecessarily harsh and combative at times and demeaning). Ex: On 1/29/2020 at 6:33 PM, Mafortu said: I firmly believe they are the only way to achieve truth. I simply find sober stories more fascinating to read about. Leo said: Good luck with your closedmindedness. All your firm beliefs are bullshit. Mafortu said: @Leo Gura I am close-minded for preaching your own words? I am not dissing psychedelics as I have done my fair share of them, including 5-Meo. Sorry, but you have misinterpreted my whole thread here. Dont know why you are being so assuming and combative. Leo said: You displayed a closedminded attitude about how spiritual paths work. And I pointed that out to you. There are far more valid paths to Truth than your beliefs belief. That's all. That whole bit about "good luck" and "bullshit" sounded, to me, to be a fairly aggressive response for what seemed like a pretty innocent statement by Mafortu. Granted, his second statement didn't sound "attacking". I dunno, I'm kind of in a conundrum I guess... I'm not really sure how to proceed. Basically, I've noticed Leo interacting with others in ways which I don't like, yet, I also am attached to and see much value in the forum and videos he puts up. This seems like a big self-esteem issue for me. It's like "Dude! C'mon! Stop talking to people that way. It seems like, by the way you talk to people, you're demeaning and attacking them for completely innocent comments and questions. Like you're putting people down." I feel frustrated and angry by how he talks to people. I guess I'm concerned that, since Leo runs this website, provides tons of info and teachings, and seems to be advanced on the spiritual path, we/I will put up with interactions with Leo that aren't psychologically healthy (reduce self-esteem, "take it", etc.). It might be something, or nothing, to consider.

Love

Really made me think. Kinda opened a Pandora's Box of doubt, a little nihilism, and critical thinking for me (in the best way). I think he does a good job at conveying the often overlooked importance of epistemology. Love epistemology

Haha... ugh... life goes on. @Leo Gura If you're so enlightened, how the hell could that antelope eat popcorn without opposable thumbs!? ... Check and Mate

I don't think telling the truth means saying whatever whenever. But I do think it's applicable when others ask question (not that my landlords did in this case) and in communicating and interacting with others. I remember I went to one of Peter Ralston's retreats. He told a story that he was going to lead a retreat in England or something. Once he got to the airport, something happened (I forget), but he had a choice of either lying and getting to England, or telling the truth and not being able to go. He told the truth. When asked why he did it, he said "I don't lie. That's just who I am." Though, interestingly, I remember him also saying, I think before he told this story, that he doesn't have a problem with lying. Haha. Food for thought....

Hey. I'd like to get some other opinions on this. Recently I got into an argument with my landlady about the heat in my room. I'm also going to move out shortly since they wish to move and the argument happened. One thing led to another and I'm wanting to come clean about my use of psilocybin in the house. It could have decently big lawful consequences. But, thinking about it last night I imagined I had told them, and even gone to prison for 8 years (I don't know, and don't think it's this much, if that's the actual amount required by law) and paid a $2000 fine, and I felt happy, peace of mind, calm. I also, at a basketball game i was watching in person and while contemplating this, felt a surge of love in my heart that drove me to some tears. I realized it was since, if I were to tell them, I would be standing for something other/larger than myself. Truth. That it wasn't about me, that the love I felt was about being honest and being authentic. Not about self-survival and trying to hide and be selfish. Walking around after the game, it was night time, I remember feeling really calm and warm inside. Grounded and peaceful. When I go for walks, I think I've often felt more comfortable in the shade and forests. This time was different. I remember walking towards the forest, but then, right before entering, I decided to stay in the lights and openness of the street. I felt more comfortable feeling exposed. Good. Thanks for any comments. I think I've pretty much made my decision, but there's still some doubts about whether, if I told them, I'd be being irresponsible, negligent, or careless. Unwise, to put it another way. As in, maybe there's some times in life where lying is OK. But, I'm not too sold on that idea in this moment.

I was honestly kinda scared to post this and read the comments... Probably because I was scared of being axed from the forum or something... It made me see how dependent I am on the forum, Leo, and the stuff he puts out... I think I did it also mostly from my own place of low self-esteem and not trusting that I'd stand up for myself if push came to shove, since I think I need his teachings/forum --> thus I wouldn't defend my values/self if I felt/saw wrongdoing --> thus lowering further my self-esteem and increasing my dependency... something like that. I think I'm scared to make my own decisions and have little trust in myself. But anyway, I really appreciate all the comments (I haven't read them all). From what I did read, a lot of reasonable, understanding, and compassionate replies. Nothing scathing or anything. Make me kinda trust others more and makes me feel more open to share my truth(s) and authenticity. This situation reminds me of something that happened when I was playing basketball the other day... A guy got a little intense and competitive and snapped at a girl. He said something like "Head fucking up!". I told him to take it easy on the language. Afterwards he came up to me and, it seemed, wanted to smooth it over with me. I've never really been in the position myself, so it was kinda new. I noticed I had a choice; to express compassion towards him and say "it's ok" or judge him/ignore him. I automatically did the latter, but noticed how I felt during when I did it and noticed how he seemed to react to it. It seemed he felt worse about himself. It made me see how showing love and forgiveness is a way more useful strategy than judgment and condemnation. Next time, I would like to show compassion and understanding, yet also point out a potentially better way of doing things.

@Natasha What do you mean how I've already come clean? I've come across some big "I'm bad" beliefs in myself. Do you mean "come clean" as in "I'm not inherently bad, etc."? I told them. She was actually really cool about it. She's from Chile, and apparently they grow mushrooms in their houses all the time. Haha... but thanks for the advice! I'll definitely do some more contemplation about it next time I'm in a similar situation. ... I may have gotten a "pass" here.

He left an inspiring legacy ---> Respect Alive in our minds ---> Gratitude And in our hearts ---> Love

I felt lots of grief when this happened and cried. Basketball has been a huge part of my life. Watching him and others play basketball on youtube and tv has been a huge therapy for me and, I'm sure, millions of others. Seeing the excellence, skill, competitiveness, and passion with which he played the game was therapy. Was Beauty. He had such an impact on many people's lives. His competitiveness was off the charts. His work ethic (from what I hear). His skill. He inspired many a person to shout-out "Kobe!" while throwing pieces of trash in garbage cans around the world . His image and legacy lives on in our minds. Love

In one of Peter Ralston's videos, he discussed how when people lie or be inauthentic, they do it for something, usually, insignificant or petty. Tonight that really helped me summon the courage to confront a person and express my self-esteem and how I felt and what I needed. Basically, to stand up for myself and get what I needed. I managed to express a deep anger that I have been very afraid to show. Remarkably, the anger wasn't what I noticed or felt most, it was a huge surge of vulnerability I've not felt often at all. Anger = Fragility/Vulnerability. I think what had always kept me from standing up for myself was the fear of conflict and of showing my hurt, injustice, etc.. That, if others saw I wasn't pleased with them, they'd see me as bad and perhaps leave me or not let me in on things and not be good to me/take care of me/be good to me. That they'd do something bad to me/attack me or something. I just said "Fuck it this time". Also, I recently watched a video of Brad Pitt saying, in his new movie, he focused on just being raw and honest. And that being more honest is easier when you're older since you just "want to get on with it." I also noticed there were times in the argument (my first real argument ever) where it seemed that I was really calm, and that this calmness was usually when I brought mindfulness to the vulnerable feeling and sort of got "one up" on it, or tried to remain as impartial and fair as possible. Not feeding the vulnerable feeling.

Thanks for the advice.

*if you don't want to read the entire thing, scroll to the highlighted sections. They should give an adequate summary. I moved to a bigger city this year for school. I come from a context with predominantly white people, though in grade 11 I moved to a bigger city as well, but I was still around mostly white people (though I did have a black friend). The bigger city I live in has a large mix of different cultures and people. This is the first time I've really noticed racist tendencies and behaviors in me (or they seem to be) I notice I treat, behave, feel, and think towards others not of my race differently, though, I try to be nice, courteous, fair, and tolerant. Mostly through suppression. But these behaviors I notice, are subtly there, as well as shadowy-type stuff I notice in interacting with others from other races. Basically, I notice I'm way more at ease and loving around caucasian people from my own country, and more tense and inauthentic around people of other nationalities, ethnicities, and races. For example, I notice when I'm hanging around people of other races/ethnicities, I have a tension in me which is a familiar tension I've felt when I'm trying to hide something. I notice that, if I allowed myself to be completely authentic, I'd somewhat ignore the other person and treat them in an ignorant and almost diminishing way. Like I'd ignore them and not feel totally present or "with" them. I also notice I feel more anger, frustration, and negative feelings towards people of others races/ethnicities when they do something I dislike. I think I've also noticed that if caucasian Canadian people do similar things, I'm more forgiving and unaffected. I guess I just feel fake, thus tension, around other people of other races/ethnicities/nationalities. I've never noticed this before. I've been around other cultures, ethnicities, and nationalities before, but have never really noticed this. Perhaps I simply wasn't as conscious as I am now. I also realized I was trying to not be racist/prejudice since I didn't want to be seen that way since others may not "be on my side" and give me things I want (hire me, be friends with me, and, I think mostly, a positive social image). I still value fairness though, and wish that everyone be treated fairly... It seems anyways. As far as I've noticed, these racists beliefs/tendencies don't have as much of an impact on fairness for me. I might still feel more negativity in relation to others of different race/cultures, but injustice to me is still something I don't see as "right". But, then again, I might be overlooking something here. I'm also 27. I'm wondering if people have heard of others overcoming racist tendencies/beliefs/identities later in life? In terms of self-survival, I don't want to be a "bad guy". I also wish to not live in fear of having these types of beliefs/identities discovered by others, and would thus like to overcome them. I notice they also cause tension, resistance, and therefore suffering in my life. Do you know any effective ways at overcoming these beliefs? I heard befriending people of other cultures and nationalities may help. Do you think trying to overcome this via selfish reasons (e.g., overcoming personal racism to avoid being judged or not getting things I want, like a job or friends) is worthwhile or even possible? Maybe it's a start. Or maybe it will cause a reactive effect, causing me to become more engrained in these beliefs due to backlash. I also assume that, if I were to befriend people of other cultures, I should probably pick stage orange and above. But, it's funny, I did meet this girl from Iran and we hung out once. I actually enjoyed being with her (it wasn't perfect, but I felt ok about it). But, when texting I often felt agitated. She was like 9 years younger than me. I ended it though. ... I think I'd most like to hear of anyone's personal stories which relate to this. Maybe you've had these types of beliefs and then overcame them somehow. If so, what helped? How did it happen for you? Cheers

Thanks Beautiful "When a man asks you to go one mile with him, go with him two." ...the tears are real

@OmniYoga I think I did it through persistence, mindfulness, and concentrating on bodily sensations. Also, self-inquiry helped I think (sometimes combining mindfulness with self-inquiry). It's like observing bodily sensations till you start seeing them as you'd see other objects in the world (trees, rocks, bushes, pens, etc.). Personally, I've found that sometimes it works better if I try to feel my entire body at once. Other times, while doing self-inquiry, I'll see that I really feel that a certain bodily sensation is me (like my heart, forehead, or facial feelings), so I'll concentrate on it to investigate it. Eventually I'll see that it's not me. Sometimes concentrating on sensations on my back or back of my head helps since I don't have the possibility of visually seeing it, so I know any images I see of it are thoughts (i.e., not it). Thus, the sensation, I find, is easier to see by itself without being attached to any physical thing or belief in a physical thing associated/attached to that sensation... Other factors may play into it as well (mental health, diet, genetics, environment, etc.), I dunno. But Leo just kinda sent me for a loop in what he said before about "imagining you weren't born while staring at a room." I had this idea that enlightenment was just seeing you're not anything (sensations, feelings, sights, sounds, etc.)... but now I'm thinking that's not entirely true... Cuz I've never had an enlightenment experience, even if I've noticed I'm not my bodily sensations. Now he's talking about using the imagination! Haha. I no understand But, I'm going to try on work on it from this new angle now. ...the frustrations are real Haha

Some simple meditative breathing or holotropic breathwork (Leo's video = Shamanic breathwork) might help. What's your favorite thing to do? Maybe simply enjoying something would help for now. Is there anything in your life, perhaps from childhood, that gave you comfort and which you can go back to? An activity, movie, food, it doesn't matter. Maybe you enjoy a spot in nature or with beautiful views and landscapes? Or creating art, playing music, or sports?

Is "detaching" from the body through conscious awareness of it a valid enlightenment technique? I've been having, I think, some success with this type of more body-scan-free-flowing-observing self-inquiry. I've been getting moments of realizing I'm not my bodily sensations, which I've been quite attached to as me in the past. But nothing has really happened other than me watching my bodily sensation as not me. It's like "Ok, the feeling of my head isn't me...now what?" I've also had some instances, subtle instances, of looking at my body parts and getting the sense they aren't me and are just like other objects. I'm wondering, is there another technique/place too look other than the body/bodily sensations? Thoughts perhaps? Would it be helpful to perhaps work on a more belief/thought based approach (i.e., examining thoughts/beliefs and seeing through them)?

I'm not trying to say this is what you're feeling, thinking, or experiencing, but it might help. I think he's been doing consciousness/enlightenment work for most of his life and has a ton of mastery with it.

Alternatively, you could listen to your body and mind more to judge when you should stop reading and take a break and when you should continue reading again. For me, I can, I don't know how frequently, judge when I "should" be doing/not doing something. A feeling of "Yeah...I'm overdoing it/being lazy/etc." will come over me or I'll feel/intuit what I "should" be doing but am procrastinating. Another way is to do 20 minutes reading, 5 minutes off. The source I heard it from said that most/many people's concentration time limit is around 20 minutes. He suggested watching yourself and seeing when you naturally start to become distracted (in class, reading, doing homework, etc.). For me it's often been around the 20 minute mark. Might be worth a shot.