Matt23

Doing mail delivery, though somewhat physical if on foot, would at least allow you spare time to contemplate, listen to audio books, etc..

Rant: So I'm looking for some feedback about what other people think about this situation and what they think is the best and wisest way to treat the relationship. And also just any thoughts too. I rent a room from a women in her place. We both live together. In terms of Spiral Dynamics, she's like high Orange low Green (a bit toxic and ideological I'd say). In terms of the Cook-Greuter model I'd peg her at Achiever and maybe a bit beyond. Though, she's not what I'd call a top performer or necessarily the healthiest personality. She's nice enough. I often get triggered by the things she says and the radio she listens to and just feel so much that she's also very tied to valuing and being attached to academia, science, and that whole thing. I feel like I often hold back my true beliefs and values and ideas since I feel she'll just disagree and will put it down since she's, in my view, very much in the perhaps toxic green ideology. Anyways, I just often feel so negative with her and don't have many pleasant or enjoyable experiences. She's like nice enough and reasonable enough, and wouldn't I don't think just kick me out. Like she values kindness and stuff. But I just often feel so triggered and angry with her. For example, when I told her the other day "I was listening to this podcast (Ben and Charlie) and they were talking about how there's so much info out on the internet that it's hard to know what's true." This to me is such an obvious and well thought out subject. She said "I disagree." And then went on to say something about "I think you're listening to some bad podcasts and that it's dangerous to question science, like people like Steven Crowder." That's not verbatim and obviously I could be totally misinterpreting what she was saying. But I got angry cuz she just automatically lumped me in with people like Steven Crowder, doesn't have any idea of who I listen to (people like Leo, Daniel Schmachtenberger, Jordan Hall, and other stage yellow peeps). I just hated how she was obviously so attached and indoctrinated into that ideology of "If you criticize science at all you're bad" and like, I dunno, maybe I just felt like she was totally dismissing my P.O.V. Like, she's not all bad and is quite reasonable and accommodating and even feels bad when I tell her about feelings of pain or anger I've experienced in relation to her. It's just these seeming value-system and ideological differences that seem to get in the way. Like we disagree on so much that I just feel I can't say any of my opinions or share with her without her disagreeing and having an argument and me feeling fucking frustrated. I just feel/felt like I have to "submit" to her ideas n such without having a say or being able to get what I believe acknowledged or something. I feel so pained and pissed off and hatred towards he that I even hit myself later the pain and hate was so big. What do you guys think? Obviously I don't enjoy this relationship. I'm obviously feeling pretty shitty. But I wonder, what would you do in this situation or type of relationship? I also fully see how this is probably my own attachments to ideologies n such and being at a different stage of development and value-system. Perhaps lower. I dunno, I wanted to get that out and see what people thought at the risk of looking bad.

I addressed this issue with her. Haha phew... fears overcome. Lots to unpack. Biggest lesson I'm "circling" around right now is how, in disagreements and polarized situations between people(s), attachment and love to one's P.O.V. leads one to perhaps be over-defensive about that P.O.V. and thus when critiques are brought against that P.O.V. they're interpreted as far worse and less reasonable (i.e., they are quickly and perhaps almost automatically straw-manned) then they actually are (i.e., leading to misunderstanding the other side). Thus a fight ensues since the other side now feels totally misunderstood and hurt and angry since the other has demonized their self-image and side and placed a negative self-image upon them (through the means of the straw-manning). Thus a fight ensues. But, through our conversation, we got to a place which felt way less triggered. This seemed to come about from clearing up what we meant by things. Like, for example, I think my biggest issue was her saying that I was "saying science is wrong". Which was a total mischaracterization of my point. My point was that humans use science, science is a man-made thing, thus science is fallible and also isn't an absolute truth. This clarification seemed to really make me feel better. She also said she acknowledges how she did that. I'm not sure how much I felt better from her saying that in particular. But ya. Right now, a few minutes after the disagreement, I feel a bit like staying with her as I feel there's still "air to clear" between us and I don't want to just abandon her and make her feel unsafe from me just leaving after that fight. Like, I acknowledge we may disagree, but like we can still get along and respect each other and be there. Or something. Like it's about balancing the people-feelings with the truth-logic-sayings. I dunno. This last part is a bit more vague to me and am working through clarifying it as I write. Like I also sense there's still something not quite right about this and what was said (or left unsaid). Like, I dunno... hmmm... I dunno, maybe it does have something to do with the fact that she's my landlord. I dunno. Maybe there is something to that. I feel like she doesn't acknowledge that she's not right and that I'm right and that ,,,, haha ,... i dunno. maybe that's it. I dunno. .... hmm like i just feel like she's not being honest with me or me with her and that that is keeping us from connecting and getting back to a place of cnonection and safety in the relationship between each other. Like there's something in the way. Currently, I'm feeling a bit of fear-tension as I feel like we have a slightly antagonistic relationship now (us-vs.-them vibes) and like ya, we're not sharing or there for each other and that something's in the way. I'm unsure how to proceed. Whether I should just focus on letting it go and being with her amicably, or continuing the conversation to clear it up. Even if that means just getting to a place where we feel "good" and safe with each other and not like we're "separated" by some us-them dynamics. I dunno. Like, something in me is feeling like overcoming the us-them dynamics, on my part, would be perhaps impossible without being understood properly and not having us be at odds with each others' way of seeing each other's P.O.V.. Which would include me seeing her too. So I dunno. I digress. Anyways, would love to hear your thoughts on the last bit. Or any bit. Cheers

In this video, it sounds like he's talking about exactly the issue you raise. If I understand you correctly. His solution at a fundamental layer = self-love rather than self-chastisement. Even if you don't do what you know you should be doing.

Cheers

Wanted to connect with people on their experiences and thoughts about the huge heat wave hitting B.C., Canada. Like, I've never felt heat like this before. This is nuts. What are your experiences? How is your community and surrounding ecosystems being affected?

Don't pay that much for it. https://www.bookdepository.com/search?searchTerm=towards+a+psychology+of+being&search=Find+book https://www.kobo.com/ca/en/search?query=Toward a Psychology of Being (Abraham H. Maslow)&ac=1&acp=towards a psychology &ac.title=Toward a Psychology of Being&ac.author=Abraham H. Maslow&sort=PublicationDateDesc If you search for things like "used books online" or "cheap books online" or "discount books online", there's a variety of companies that sell books online other than amazon.

Maybe try the Brahma Viharas; similar to metta meditation. Basically: Pick one of the 4 brahma viharas to focus on (it's recommended to do them in the order provided). Loving-Friendliness Compassion Joyous appreciation Equanimity Then contemplate the dangers of it's opposite Loving-friendliness = hate Compassion = cruelty Joyous appreciation = jealousy and envy equanimity = grasping, greed, not letting go, and hate Then recite each phrase in order to try to create the related feeling. Start with directing it towards yourself first (except equanimity; start with a close loved one for this one), then once you've mastered yourself, move to a close loved one, then a neutral person, then to an enemy, then to everyone in existence, etc.. Loving-friendliness "May ___ be happy. May ___ be peaceful. May __ be safe. May __ live with ease." Compassion May ___ be free of suffering. May their suffering finally cease Joyous appreciation. "May the happiness and good fortune of ___ always increase. Equanimity "___ is/are the true heirs of their karma. ___'s happiness depends upon their actions and not upon my wishes for them." Once you feel something, stop repeating the phrase and, instead, focus on the feeling and try to cultivate it, enlarge it, and spread it through your body. I got these instructions from Daniel Ingram's free online book here: https://www.mctb.org/mctb2/table-of-contents/part-vi-my-spiritual-quest/68-magick-and-the-brahma-viharas/the-brahma-viharas/. He goes into more depth about them and certain trap as well in relation to them. Maybe also thinking of times when you've felt love and trying to reconnect with that memory and feeling. Then just focusing on that feeling and trying to strengthen or enlarge it.

Maybe dosage, smaller dosages, are more important for beginners rather than specific substances. Here's a great channel on psychedelics. He really breaks things down in a very data-friendly, harm-reduction friendly, and less abstract way. If that floats your boat. I think his perspectives provide a great grounding to explore psychedelics. channel = PsychedSubstance If you can't play the video below, go to YouTube and type "PsychedSubstance beginner". The video name is "Top 5 Starter Psychedelics".

Cheers. @MuadDib Have you looked into syntropic agroforestry at all, or done any of your own experiments with permaculture?

Hey. So, like many, I've been attracted to SHunyamurti's teachings and style for a while now. Something just clicks with me and his style. Though, the question of "is he running a cult?" has cropped up from time to time, but I haven't paid too much attention to it. Recently, I found this forum where they discuss cults, and in it they discussed Shunyamurti's community. A few people even said they stayed at his retreat for a bit and had some pretty unfavorable and cult-like observations to give about him and how he runs his center. I'd probably give him a hard pass at the moment and just take his teachings with a grain of salt. Sure, maybe they're true and I don't doubt he's not super knowledgeable, and I can even go so far as to say he's progressed in spiritual insight. But that still doesn't mean he's not a sort of sociopath/psychopath or has ill-intentions (even if unconscious). So just be mindful of that. Leo says he's stage Turquoise, but I dunno. I'm beginning to doubt Leo's opinions on pegging people (particularly gurus, etc.) and spiral dynamics a bit. I think spiral dynamics is decent, but I dunno if I trust Leo's pegging of people. Suspicious anyways. I'll link the forum here. https://forum.culteducation.com/read.php?12,148939,page=2. The reviews I've seen are on pages 3, 4, 5, 6. There could be more further on. Also, feel free to post your opinions or what/how you've seen/interpreted him. etc. I'd be particularly interested in hearing people's reviews if they've gone to his retreat center or had personal experience with him or people who've gone there. Cheers.

Does anyone know of anyone who does family/relationship coaching? Or any resources you'd recommend (YT channels, books, etc..) I'm having some reoccurring issues with family and want some professional perspectives on it. Cheers.

I have a feeling that there's a technical meaning to the phrase "cycles of birth and death" that the Buddha originally meant compared to perhaps a more religious and culturally created version of what it means. Where the cultural meaning means something like one's full life and subsequent lives after death and being free from being born. Compared to perhaps a technical meaning used originally by the Buddha to describe some sort of development in perception or consciousness that ends perceiving a separate ego, since perhaps we create this ego moment by moment conceptually, thus we are going through "cycles of birth and death" every moment. I've not studied this much at all, so I'm not sure of the technicalities, but my intuition is telling me there's some truth or overarching point that valid here.

I really enjoyed it. From the various books I've read on trauma, I think it was one of the most comprehensive and interesting books. Covers a lot of ground with various techniques and theories compiled into it.

Obviously highly subjective question. But for me, from the little I've read, I'm getting a lot right now from Psycho-Cybernetics. I also really vibed with Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning".

I can agree that being in person would change one's perspective, and without it there wouldn't be a "complete" picture. But also consider that stuff that's on the internet, like news, articles, and forums, can also shed light on things that you wouldn't see, or would be hard to see, if you were there physically. The first thing that comes to mind is the opinions, beliefs, and attitudes of the people. Forums provide increased social safety to express one's views and opinions which, if you were talking to them in person, might otherwise go unsaid. I suppose the physical domain creates a different set of conditions which will effect how people think, feel, express, behave, and interact than conditions online. I can see this making for a different, yet potentially equally valid and truthful, view of the people or community in question. It's almost like using Ken Wilber's AQAL model on a "single" subject. Like put a group of people under the "physical-domain" microscope and then observe those same people/situations under the "online-domain" microscope and you might get quite different pictures. Sort of like the fable of the blind men and the elephant. Each blind man "sees" an incomplete slice of the whole. It seems to me like it would be wise to not jump to the conclusion that one perspective (i.e., physically being somewhere vs. interacting online) is better or more truthful than the other, as you may glean slightly different data points from each one. Of course I'm not saying all the time they are always perfectly valid and truthful; you might come across a forum full of lies, or you might be conducting interviews with prison inmates who lie and only tell the truth via the internet to protect themselves. Taking these different lenses towards determining what the truth of a situation or group is seems, for me anyways, raise the issues of 1) what then is the "actual" thing itself if there is even one? and 2) that which you're looking at (e.g., a community) may be constantly changing depending on which lense you view, so saying it's one thing and not another might be inaccurate and a more accurate way to look at it might be an ever-changing "entity" or thing (including not only the change that could happen when viewing it from one particular lens, but also the change that would occur when viewing it from different lenses. And to make matters even more complex, the change that could occur from cross-referencing and combining the info from the different lenses as they continuously change through time !!!! hahahaha... I guess reality to me just seems like an infinitely complex-ever-changing thing that putting it into a "it's this and not that" context feels not quite the best way to view things... or maybe, i dunno. just seems like not the most accurate way.

"What did you say?" ... "Just kidding!"

Maybe you just need to have more experiences in life. As opposed to trying to think your way there. Not saying not to contemplate and feel it. One thing I've tried is a technique where I'd ask "What is the most meaningful thing to me/or impact I could have?". Then, instead of trying to think my way there, I focused no the feeling of meaningfulness that I felt. Then I'd try to bring that feeling up into my head and from that feeling I'd see images of things that are meaningful to me.

Tea Personal Growth Wisdom Creativity Inspiration Heart-feeling For me, listening to him when in despair and feeling defeated, he's like a warm uplifting blanket.

Ya, well, when the average temperature for this time of year around here is between 19-22, that ain't good. Jesus. I'm up in Campbell River. I think it's like 38 Celsius, but I think the humidity makes it seem way hotter (or colder if it's cold).

Have you tried Internal Family System's therapy? It's worked some wonders for me. Especially in rapidly releasing stuck negative emotions. It's basically communicating with, understanding, and healing subpersonalities within you.

I second this.

Ayahuasca. Iboga. Mushrooms. ... Experiment. See what happens. Try doing some ceremonies. Be safe.

Could this itself, this fear to make sure you choose the right path, be a trap? Can you get in touch with any feelings that are associated with this desire? Feel into them. You can even tell them soothing things like "I'm here for you." And "If there's anything you want from me or to tell me, I'm hear to listen." Etc.. sometimes just understanding them is the cure and initiates releases rather than 'fixing' or solving. What would happen if you did go down the "wrong" path? And if that result happened, so what? You can keep asking questions like "so what?" And "then what would happen?" Until you reach something more fundamental. Also, if you notice that you fear making wrong decisions in daily life, small things objectively speaking, try just doing those and see wgat happens. You might realize that making the "wrong decisions" isn't so bad, that you learn from them, and that you have the ability to bounce back. Perhaps also contemplating your possible worldview that says there is a wrong path. What does the "wrong path" look and feel lime to you? Is it accurate? Is it likely to happen to you? Is it true? Has it ever happened to you? Can you see any previous life situations that may have contributed to fearing a "wrong path"? Etc.. I intuit there's some more baseline belief that's causing fear that then makes you overthink. Investigate. Be curious. Enjoy exploring yourself

Don't go by "normal". Go by what you feel is good, healthy, and desired by you. You may have very different needs and capacities then others, but that doesn't mean you should just do as others do. Do you. Communicate. Work with him to find a healtht balance that works for both of you... if that's what you want.