Matt23

It could be anything. Getting an idea to move to a new city. Asking out that person you like. Starting a business. Doing psychedelics for the first time. I imagine that people can have many larger and smaller Hero's Journeys, even at the same time. Basically, it seems to me like it's any decision you do that you feel maybe some fear in doing (or not), but that kind of puts you in a new direction, domain of life, realm, etc.. Like a small one could be buying your first self-help book. This would put you in touch with a whole new domain of life. A bigger one might be getting married.

I would say "does it matter what the cause is?" I said "not" developmental. Meaning, I don't think you have to go through each zone to reach your zone of genius. You can just find it/get into it once you've found it. I'd say there's always going to be a learning curve, even if it's your zone of genius. Zone of genius doesn't mean that you're just going to be a savant at it on the first go. You'll probably suck at it. But I suppose, to my mind, it seems like the zone of genius differs on a subjective, felt-sense way than the zone of excellence. Like, doing your zone of excellence might be nice, but doing your zone of genius might feel more awesome/powerful. Also, take these things with a grain of salt and try not to overthink this. I see that lots in myself and on the forum (I think there's a lot of "thinkers" here). Maybe try to just let yourself do what you really love and find meaningful and just trust that. A quote that I really liked that I read recently was "If you have to pick between what you're skilled at versus what you value, choose what you value." I think this can make a big difference in terms of motivation. Have you read the book? I'd recommend it = The Big Leap That's the way Gay Hendricks talks about it I think. I mean, if we're going strictly "by the book theory", then he lay sit out like it's something that you've developed since childhood. So, to me, that sort of implies that it's not only a practiced thing (though ya, that too). But I wouldn't over analyze this. Ultimately, I think you can boil it down to "What do you like to do so much that you can do it for long periods of time with little effort? What's something that you can just get totally engrossed in?" It could be a sort of activity or even just a general subject, like reading self-help books or something.

I don't think it's laid out in terms of developmental stages you have to go through. Rather, I think they're just modes of being people can inhabit depending on what they're doing. So just go for Zone of Genius and skip the other ones. Are you talking about the differences between the zone of excellence and the zone of genius? If so, from what I remember, the zone of excellence is something you do well and others see that. But perhaps it's just something that you don't necessarily feel like it's your top gift or the "biggest" thing you could be doing. The zone of genius is something where you might even feel some fear in doing. Yet it's also something that excites you and energizes you. For example For me, I could say that me playing basketball was a zone of excellence. Why? Because I excelled at it, played it often, people recognized that I was good at it, but I didn't feel like it was the most meaningful thing I could do or something that sort of scared me. It wasn't something that I felt "Wow, I'm actually doing this! This is great!" It was more like just one of those things that you grow up doing and people see you as "the basketball guy" even if you don't really care for it a whole big deal. On the other hand, I've experienced a rush of excitement (which to me includes fear) when going and starting conversations with people in the community, telling jokes, and just trying to connect with people and bring them together. Sort of like a "social magnet" in a sense. I can kind of sense intuitively what to say and do and there's also a mix of fear in it (I'm not saying this is necessarily my zone of genius either, but just as an example that I think fits the model). Also, I think a big one for the zone of genius is that it's something you can do for long stretches of time without getting bored or tired. = I'd use this as a key to watch out and aim for.

@Leo Gura Any recommendations? Or just red flags and golden flags to watch out for?

You are a human. Human's have emotions. Emotional mastery, to me anyways and from what I know/see, isn't about reducing or getting rid of emotions. Emotional mastery seems more about... Being able to experience the full range of emotions, even more fully (yes, the negative ones too), yet be ok with them. Experiencing positive emotions more regularly. Not being governed or controlled by your emotions (which doesn't mean getting rid of them or ignoring).

I think you're answering your own question since you speak of the things you struggle. Like when you say you get ocd about analyzing each new understanding. So now that you know the thing you don't want to do, all you have to do is... (I'm gunna let you finish the end of this sentence ). For me, I used to try and take meticulous notes of all the books I read. It wasn't sustainable. Even if I reread and took notes etc., I'd still be left not remembering everything. So now, I just highlight and speed-read. If something really sticks out to me or peaks my interest I might contemplate it for a few minutes. So much more enjoyable, the highlighting enables you to quickly look at all the important bits if you want to come later, and you feel much more productive and accomplished since you're reading lots. Also consider that, even if you just speed-read through, your mind might be soaking up that info. At least in a general sense (maybe not the specifics), enabling you to get an overall sense of what the book is trying to communicate. You can then always go back and find specifics later as you need them. Say you read a book on relationships, then forget about it for a few months. Then, maybe a year later, you get into a relationship and want some relationship advice. You then see that book on the bookshelf and remember "Oh! From what I remember, that book had some good advice. I'm gunna go and scan through what I highlighted to see what it said specifically." It's sort of a Use-it-as-you-need-it way of reading. Find the right balance for you between speed reading and slow reading. If you find a book really relevant and interesting, you may naturally just want to read it more slowly, trying to understand all the things said. On the other end of the spectrum, you may start reading a book and, a few chapters in, realize "I don't like this book. It's boring and doesn't interest me.". So you put it down and start a new one. One way I seem to use in choosing a new book (this way sort of developed organically, which is what I recommend to people; feel things out, trial and error, and just do what feels and works best for you) is that I start reading several books at once, and then eventually I'll sort of feel out which one most interests me and is best for me to read. Then I'll stick with that one and finish it. As for note taking, you can always just try what I said earlier in just highlighting the important bits (you can also put different marks next to parts you find most important, semi-important, practical pieces of advice and to-dos, or whatever schema you want). Then when you finish a chapter or even the whole book, scan through it and try to condense it in your notes to its most essential points. Once you've done that you can also further condenses those points into a short paragraph so it's in a more sentence-story format. Finally, consider reading multiple books at a time. Sometimes I've enjoyed having types of books going at once. Like a book that's more technical and difficult to read, another one that's maybe in a more story-form or that's philosophical or spiritual (I usually like to read these ones before bed, and I usually read them a lot slower; reading like a sentence or a paragraph and then putting the book down and contemplating it for a long while). Nighttime vs. daytime reading. But again, do what works for you. Feel it out. Ask yourself "How sustainable is my method of reading right now?", "Do I want to continue doing it this way?", "How can I make this less of a chore and more enjoyable?".

Do you enjoy it and find it interesting? I'd recommend just seeing if you can coach some people over zoom for free first. Tell them you're trying to get experience. I've done this a few times. It's worth a shot to see what style of therapy and work you like best, or if therapy is even right for you in the first place as a profession.

Hey. I recently started visioning about living in a more wealthy home and making more money. Though it felt nice, I do have this idea/belief thingy that's not wanting to trade meaningfulness and happiness for that. It's also perhaps saying it's sort of selfish. Finally, it's saying something like "I'm worried I'll be taking more from the world than what I put into it / I'll be harming the world more / ... " things like that. I haven't ever been very wealthy relatively speaking. I don't have a solid career going and have rented rooms for basically my whole adult life so far. I'm also seeing how a lot of issues come from not having more money. Things like living in a place that suits me better so I can live more in sanity (noise with others is a big one for me). Also, being able to afford time off for mental health and personal growth, and also just being able to afford things for physical health and upkeep. My body ain't getting younger. Anyways, I know intellectually or "obviously" that money in and of itself isn't "bad" per se, and that this is something I have to dig into myself to figure out and resolve. But I was just wondering what people think of this. I'm also sort of suspicious of this one particular vision of making money as it might be coming from insecurity rather than love and meaningfulness. I also am probably leaning more towards just pursuing meaning and what I love and want to contribute as a higher priority rather than making more money. Which might be why when I envision making more money solely for that, I might feel a bit hollow, or cold or something. Though it would be nice. Cheers to any comments ... except the ones I don't like . Jk, thanks for any input.

The Robocop example where they talk about "Fuck you tribe, I don't care if you hate it, it's the truth" example remind you of anyone...? ... Maybe someone with a bald head that talks at us...? Jokes... I felt bad about that cheap shot kinda. But it's also kinda accurate

Thanks a bunch guys. I'll keep these resources in the back pocket. Totally. I was thinking of doing it after I finish school this semester. Are there any strategies you'd recommend in finding places to WWOOF at? Like red flags n' such? Have you had any bad experiences? I'm in BC Canada, so I suspect many stage "Greenies" ( ) will be involved in WWOOFing here.

Hey. Anyone have any good resources, courses, books, people, etc., relating to permaculture, sustainable agriculture, or anything similar?

I highly recommend this book. Read all of those self-image, visualization books on Leo's book list. I got a lot of motivation from reading Psycho-Cybernetics and just working on that basic self-image and visualization thing. Things like just walking around and creating feelings I want to have in life; like just creating the feeling of already being successful, or of having a deep and comfortable connection with friends/community, etc.. You know Martin Ball? That enlightened 5meo guy? I did a counselling session with him once and this was his advice for me; It went something like... "Nothingness and enlightenment will always be there. Go find your Matt-ness, your you-ness. What do you like to do? What do you enjoy? Things like 5meo-DMT are great for guys like Mike Tyson who already had a massive ego. For them, breaking down the ego was what was needed. Now Mike Tyson is all lovey-dovey with his birds and stuff. He needed that. It sounds like to me you need to strengthen your ego, not destroy it." Seemed relevant to your cause. But then again, spirituality might actually be in line with your life purpose and actually building your ego in a sense. I can imagine things like doing 10-day meditation retreats being great for ego building and self-confidence since they are such difficult things to do. Almost like going through boot camp or something. Building discipline and ego-strength seems to be requirements to building a spiritual life in a sense. At least in the beginning. Ultimately, feel it out. Use your gut. Do what you most want to do in each moment.

Why do you want to be more gay?

Have you thought of things that combine art and athletics? Like dance, martial arts, performing, circus stuff, gymnastics, etc.

Holy eff... this projection issue is like my demon. Am I in the wrong or are they? Should I confront or should I let go? Is it something or nothing? Is it me or them? Who fucking knows? It's kinda hard. I get a sense that no matter what, you'll never be 100% sure without inhabiting the other person's pov. Even then, they could be completely unconscious as to what a part of themselves is doing. Tricky shit. @Leo Gura I'd really appreciate if you did a video on Projection, how to navigate it, how to discern if one's picking up on something true of false, and what to do about it. I think it would be helpful to lots of people and would be a great foundational and practical self-help subject.

Another perspective to consider (I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but it goes with the ethical part of things-- this is something I picked up from Daniel Ingram for advice on what to do on retreats at places that teach specific styles): = Respect and do what they teach and abide by the guidelines set in place at the location where you're doing your retreat. I'm not sure how I feel about it. On one hand, I feel that and would be probably more prone to doing it as he advises. Just maybe something of a respect thing and if something happens, they'll have a better understanding of what's going on and you won't feel you have to hide things from them. On the other hand, it could help you during the retreat. I'd probably just stick to doing it sober and as they instruct. But feel it out for yourself. Only you can decide what feels most right and good to you.

Sounds like you have some positive, successful, and constructive stuff going on despite the issues; a business, a house, a car, etc.. Have you tried going to the doctor to get blood work done and just a check-up?

@Nahm does some good work.

Do you think having too many possibilities is making you stagnate?

Spending more time at the same place. Like a rec center, grocery store, gym, pool, taking classes, etc.. Initially you might interact with others with just a "hi". But over time you might get more comfortable with others you see frequently and thus open more conversation and then perhaps do things and meet up outside of that place. Social cohesion = frequency of interections + depth of interaction. ... you can at least start with the frequency bit.

Hmm, I remember hearing or reading something about how higher stages, like Green, still have worries and things. And I imagine even tier-2 folks still have imperfections, worries, and the like. Though, the quality and character of those worries is probably different. Like, a stage Red person might be worried about not being seen as tough, whereas a stage Green person might be more worried about saying something to offend someone else. A stage Yellow person might be more worried about, I dunno... not being intellectually honest, or being inauthentic, or something... Dunno. Are you meaning "insecurities" as a general term that encompasses any sort of fear, hurt, pain, unconfidence, anger, addiction, or the like? Or do you mean strictly as having a negative self-image? Though, these two things are probably intimately related and self-causing. I imagine that yes, even people higher on the spiral do experience all the negativities or insecurities other people do, though probably at extremely lower levels and to lesser amounts. And I could even imagine different people at higher stages having different degrees of negative feelings and thoughts between them. Like take two stage Yellow people; one could experience more self-doubt or insecurity then the other. I'm not sure though obviously. Purely speculatory. I'm basing my guesses of a hunch that many people, myself included, who are introduced to the SD model interpret people at higher stages, like Green, Yellow, and Turquoise, as these god-like "perfect" people without any fears, worries, or insecurities. I'm not sure, but I'm willing to bet that that's an inaccurate picture. They probably have all the same issues as other people do, just they may deal with them in more healthy ways. But, hey, they could be also just really super positive and secure more than the average person as well. Which is also probably the case to an extent. Short answer: no idea lol

Does anyone know of any more courses that help one with finding their life purpose? Books and teachers would be great too, but I'm more interested in courses. Especially if you've done it yourself. Not required though. Cheers

What do you fear or not want to happen if you drift apart from your wife? What's motivating you to stay with your wife and not want to leave? More fear than love, or vice versa?

Thanks As soon as I read the words "true nature" in the first line, I felt this deep feeling in my heart area and sank into that for a bit.