Matt23

@Logan Was reading Spiral Dynamics worth it in terms of getting more new and deeper understanding of that system? Or is it mostly just a rehashing of things found on the web and Leo's stuff? Cheers

I'm honestly just not wanting a headache at this point.

Personally, whenever I try to just let these interpersonal things go, it never works. The pain and then resentment just stay there and I feel worse. For me, the most effective thing has most often (if not always) been to communicate how you felt when he did "x".. The first time (or few) maybe try to come from a stance of just trying to communicate clearly and effectively without blaming. Almost just like sending him a clear signal and assume he might not even be aware of what's happening. Then, at least you know he knows and can judge him in the future based on his actions towards you, knowing full well how you feel when he does those things. Then you know either "Oh, he stopped. He must respect me." Or "Oh, I've told him how I feel when he does certain things. Yet he continues to do them. He must not give a shit about me." --> this is where escalating things and being more assertive and confrontational come into play.

Yaaaaa.... A course in critical thinking skills seems like the "only" or most effective and practical use of tuition money if you are taking a philosophy course. Even then, you can learn so much online know and reading, and there's probably lots of way cheaper (and maybe higher quality) courses in critical thinking online and elsewhere. You could even just see what books the course prescribes and just buy that without taking a whole course. It could also depend highly no the professor as well. A good professor can make a big difference. But, ultimately, use your intuition and go for what you feel is most meaningful for you to do.

This puts it perfectly. Hard line to tread. -- Especially without knowing the actual legalities, which is probably one of my main lessons here; know the legalities and fine print. So far, I'm just going by my feelings of self-esteem (which seem to be kind of holding up, so I'm sensing I'm not necessarily being too weak... though, I'm sort of like maybe I could be a bit more assertive and strong... hard to tell), and also the sense of guilt and negative feelings, as well as trying to be as honest and authentic as possible when talking with them about these things (especially seeing their reactions to what I say... like for example, I told two of my roommate that I wanted to move by the 8th, and they were like "Hey, I'm sure that'll be fine. No worries", but I kind of sensed he felt a bit let down or something by it but was trying to be understanding -> This is what led me to offer to pay till the 15th --> I looked into the legalities of it later and it seems that they may have actually had the legal upper hand). So ya, it's tough to know when I'm being sneaky and weasly and when I'm just being a pushover. Also, being full of fear makes everything harder to see clearly and to make sound decisions. I think also having lots of shadow stuff, like hidden racism or other stuff, gets in the way of positive and clean communication and probably unconsciously deteriorates the situation, communication, and relationships. Basically... There's two "houses"; one where the landlords live (stage Green value-set mostly it seems). The other where the renters live (one renter seems "Green", the other is probably Blue-Orange, and the other Orange). The only thing the landlords do is collect money. No interactions other than that. If a room is vacant, the roommates have to pay for that amongst themselves. The roommates are responsible for getting another person to fill any empty rooms. This includes putting ads up, interviewing people, and sorting out any other thing like that. I'm suspecting that there could be some Stage Green value-sets here that might be getting in the way of effective governance and systems. Probably originating from the actual landlords. At the moment, I'm feeling like I just let go of a lot of money but that I'm also not feeling too hard done by in terms of self-esteem. Maybe I feel a little bit like it's not that fair since they obviously don't really care if I have to pay an extra $345 or so even if I won't be living here and are only concerned with their own welfare. So in that respect I'm like, fuck, maybe I feel a bit let down and lower self-esteem. But not devastating. I think I'm more just like wanting to get this over with without being too irresponsible and having it be a big thing and causing unnecessary issues. But I'm also not wanting to be a huge dick and have them pissed off at me n stuff and I don't want to be a dick. I guess my main anxiety is financial and about if I'm being responsible enough with that. I might feel worse in terms of self-esteem after though, when I'm out of here since they clearly aren't giving me as much care or help as I am with them since I feel they aren't really showing me an equal amount of "working with me and trying to meet somewhere in the middle to help me". I dunno though. Hard to tell.

They also have my damage deposit of $340.

No written contract.

Ya, watching his stuff I can just kind of sense his immaturity. like, ya he's got the whole harm reduction thing, and I don't doubt he's got some great information and experiences to back that up. But information isn't maturity. I just get the vibe that he's not the most responsible person.

@vindicated erudite Cheers Also, what's this? Do you mean a subject/heading?

Iron John = another book about men and masculinity. I haven't started it yet, but from a quick glance, it seems to have some interesting points.

Have you answered your question here? I suspect that if you actually did want to let those thoughts go you would. Since you can. Even if you didn't have the desire to drop them, you can still consciously or willfully do it. How? But just letting them go. The same way you drop a tennis ball from your hand; you just let go. Simple. Easy. No fancy techniques. It seems like you already know what your "issue" is ... How do you stop eating the ice cream you crave? You don't eat it, you don't let the feelings of craving guide your behavior. How do you stop watching YouTube videos that you really like? You don't watch them, despite the urge to watch. How do you stop clinging onto thoughts and propagating them? You don't cling to them. You don't continue to create and "feed" them. Or I suppose a more "soft" route would be to just allow yourself to think whatever thoughts come, even indulge in thinking, yet do so mindfully; watching every thought, and better yet, every feeling-impulse driving you to think. And even better yet, bringing your awareness to the feeling (probably negative or painful in nature) that's compelling you to think addictively. But also don't punish yourself too hard. Balance the hard and the soft. Sometimes it might be good to just have a journal nearby to write the thoughts down that you enjoy thinking (or just think without writing). Then, when you've had enough (perhaps set a time limit on how long you're going to allow yourself to think during your meditation, or number of times you'll allow yourself to think) just go back to meditating. You can also use your thoughts as an object of meditation. This could be like using your weakness as a strength; use the thing you're addicted to as your object of meditation.

I was mostly saying how much work they do for me and others in terms of marketing and providing a platform. I wasn't saying it was the best way to do things. It does provide a great digital market place and does do a lot for marketing. All i had to do was take a few phots and write a short blurb. I didnt have to create a website, get people looking at the site, etc..

Sounds like a tough situation. Wish you well.

Ya. That's kinda the issue I think I've been feeling but haven't realized till recently. Like, this feeling of having all these ideas, but then kind of being like "ooookk.... now what? There's no where for it to be sold/seen". Kinda feels like a deflated bubble. Motivation and drive kind of decline there. Like just producing something tangible I get mindbloacked somehow. Maybe cuz I don't know what people want. Unlike recently I made my first sale for myself. Sure, it was selling an old skateboard on craigslist. But it still made me feel and see what it's like actually selling things and making money for myself. It made it real. That's the thing with platforms like craigslist, ebay, facebook marketplace; they provide great and easy to use marketing platforms where you can just put stuff up and they do all the advertising for you. Whereas most of the time I feel like I've got this product/service in my hands but feel I have absolutely no place in how to sell it or make use of it. I guess this is like the whole deal with marketing. Which, honestly, I'm seeing as almost more than half the battle in business and trying to sell stuff. It almost seems like I could create a relatively sub-par product, but if I have good marketing, interpersonal, and salesmanship skills, I could sell more than a guy who's got a fantastic product but has no marketing or sales skills. I get what you're saying. But also, there seems to be a middle ground in terms of the general--specific axis. Like you're website has a decent amount of variety, both in the content and the mediums you use (blog, videos, courses, book lists, etc.). I can imagine having several mediums through which I help people in a more specific way. Like maybe the specific thing will be helping people heal through nature. Then, I can produce videos, blog, guided outdoor trips, coaching, etc.. Maybe not too many things, but at least a few options. Is this what you mean?

I was literally just thinking along similar lines. It's like, I feel if I don't just start something, a business, now, it won't ever happen since I'll be continuously stuck in this pattern of being a student forever without ever actually utilizing and marketing what I've learned.

"You think you're enlightened? Go back and live with your parents." -- Ram Dass I suspect meditation can help in uncovering why you feel unauthentic and weird. Silence and space are great ways to uncover truths. Ya, theory isn't practice or embodiment. That's that tricky thing with "high consciousness" theory; it can make people think they are there when in fact they still have tons of growth and maturing to do. Yet, to me, this sounds actually positive in a sense. Realizing you don't know shit is probably a big part of growing up and escaping your old paradigms. If life was teaching you a lesson right now, what would it be?

Do you have any ideas? Brainstorm some and see what comes up.

Imagine the possibility of getting to an internal space where perceiving your dad in front, then your brother, and then you, is no longer interpreted as you "following". Imagine you being so secure in yourself that you cpukd be chained to your dad by your ankle amd you'd still feel empowered. K, that last example was dramatic, but I think it points to something real and is even a worthwhile goal to strive towards. Perhaps better yet, imagine you no longer consciously even think of yourself as leader or follower and just are totally authentic and confident spontaneously and automatically. You have no doubts about your value or worth or self-love such that even if your dad literally said to you "you are a follower and will never be a leader like me and your brother, you wouldn't care an inch. Basically, for external things to affect you, they have to have someplace to "land" internally. Meaning, if you feel crappy when you walk with your family and aren't in the front of the line (notice how "front of the line'' doesn't necessitate being a leader. That's your interpretation), then that means there's something within you that's creating that meaning and perspectice and feeling.

Just do what you most enjoy and are passionate about.

Hey. Does anyone have any good companies or ways that are quick and easy ways for people to donate and pay you electronically? I'm organizing a meetup and I want people to be able to donate electronically. I'm also looking for efficient ways to poll people. Do you know of any good websites that do this? Or even any strategies, like going to universities etc.. Cheers

cheers

It could be anything. Getting an idea to move to a new city. Asking out that person you like. Starting a business. Doing psychedelics for the first time. I imagine that people can have many larger and smaller Hero's Journeys, even at the same time. Basically, it seems to me like it's any decision you do that you feel maybe some fear in doing (or not), but that kind of puts you in a new direction, domain of life, realm, etc.. Like a small one could be buying your first self-help book. This would put you in touch with a whole new domain of life. A bigger one might be getting married.

I would say "does it matter what the cause is?" I said "not" developmental. Meaning, I don't think you have to go through each zone to reach your zone of genius. You can just find it/get into it once you've found it. I'd say there's always going to be a learning curve, even if it's your zone of genius. Zone of genius doesn't mean that you're just going to be a savant at it on the first go. You'll probably suck at it. But I suppose, to my mind, it seems like the zone of genius differs on a subjective, felt-sense way than the zone of excellence. Like, doing your zone of excellence might be nice, but doing your zone of genius might feel more awesome/powerful. Also, take these things with a grain of salt and try not to overthink this. I see that lots in myself and on the forum (I think there's a lot of "thinkers" here). Maybe try to just let yourself do what you really love and find meaningful and just trust that. A quote that I really liked that I read recently was "If you have to pick between what you're skilled at versus what you value, choose what you value." I think this can make a big difference in terms of motivation. Have you read the book? I'd recommend it = The Big Leap That's the way Gay Hendricks talks about it I think. I mean, if we're going strictly "by the book theory", then he lay sit out like it's something that you've developed since childhood. So, to me, that sort of implies that it's not only a practiced thing (though ya, that too). But I wouldn't over analyze this. Ultimately, I think you can boil it down to "What do you like to do so much that you can do it for long periods of time with little effort? What's something that you can just get totally engrossed in?" It could be a sort of activity or even just a general subject, like reading self-help books or something.

I don't think it's laid out in terms of developmental stages you have to go through. Rather, I think they're just modes of being people can inhabit depending on what they're doing. So just go for Zone of Genius and skip the other ones. Are you talking about the differences between the zone of excellence and the zone of genius? If so, from what I remember, the zone of excellence is something you do well and others see that. But perhaps it's just something that you don't necessarily feel like it's your top gift or the "biggest" thing you could be doing. The zone of genius is something where you might even feel some fear in doing. Yet it's also something that excites you and energizes you. For example For me, I could say that me playing basketball was a zone of excellence. Why? Because I excelled at it, played it often, people recognized that I was good at it, but I didn't feel like it was the most meaningful thing I could do or something that sort of scared me. It wasn't something that I felt "Wow, I'm actually doing this! This is great!" It was more like just one of those things that you grow up doing and people see you as "the basketball guy" even if you don't really care for it a whole big deal. On the other hand, I've experienced a rush of excitement (which to me includes fear) when going and starting conversations with people in the community, telling jokes, and just trying to connect with people and bring them together. Sort of like a "social magnet" in a sense. I can kind of sense intuitively what to say and do and there's also a mix of fear in it (I'm not saying this is necessarily my zone of genius either, but just as an example that I think fits the model). Also, I think a big one for the zone of genius is that it's something you can do for long stretches of time without getting bored or tired. = I'd use this as a key to watch out and aim for.