Matt23

It can be as fun or stressful or serious as you want/make it. Detachment. Know that nothing really matters. Yet act as if it does. You don't want to be careless. But also, you don't want to get caught in spirals or anxiety and stress. Find the middle ground and what works for you. Also think sustainably. Can you do business long-term while you're feeling as stressed as you do? Enjoying the process is actually also better for survival in this sense. What's your motivation for starting business? Love, fear (financial?), fun, to be taken seriously, ...? What would enjoying the process of business look and feel like to you?

@Roy ya, agreed. I think the financial worries are more subject. Ovjectively I think I'm ok. I think it's more about just psychological worries surrounding money insecurities I've always sort of had, and this situation just kind of brings those to the surface since $380 isn't a small amount (nor is it a huge amount...for me it kind of feels on the edge...like it's doable but also a bit of a stress/stretch) Thanks for the offer anyways.

So I'd like to hear what your thoughts are on this. Basically, I started renting this new place and after a week or so that I found it too noisy for me. Now I've got a new place to move to, but, the woman wants me to move in on the 1st. This means I wouldn't be giving the guys I live with now a month's notice. So, I thought it would be fair if I paid for the 8 days difference (even though I wouldn't be living here). === What do you think of this? My second thing is that they want me to move out on either the 1st or the 15th of the month since they find it's easier to fill rooms during those dates rather than dates in between (like the 6th or 22nd, etc.). I spoke with the guy about it and said to him that if they didn't find a new person to fill my room by the 8th (which is the date I said I'd pay them too since that's a month from now) I could pay till the 15th as well. One issue here is that they pay extra for any of the empty rooms. Now, I did this probably mostly to just not make a hassle out of things and avoid I don't know what sort of repercussions. It also seemed that they felt a little hard done by having it not on the 15th, so I sort of partly felt like a sense of duty or well-giving to them to do this since they are decent guys. I also did the math and if I pay till the 8th it's like $185. If I pay till the 15th that's like $345 (another $160). But if I only paid till the 8th (which I think is relatively fair considering I think a month's notice is the standard and perhaps even legal), and if I didn't pay till the 15th, they'd each only have to pay $50 each. Now, money isn't exactly falling off trees for me and I feel stressed and strapped for cash. Another part of me though feels ok with just being ok with this and letting it go. My main concern is worrying about money rather than feeling taken advantage of or low self-esteem (which I strangely don't really feel at the moment). What do you guys think? Is this fair? Am I letting them push me around too much? What would you do?

@Logan Was reading Spiral Dynamics worth it in terms of getting more new and deeper understanding of that system? Or is it mostly just a rehashing of things found on the web and Leo's stuff? Cheers

I'm honestly just not wanting a headache at this point.

Personally, whenever I try to just let these interpersonal things go, it never works. The pain and then resentment just stay there and I feel worse. For me, the most effective thing has most often (if not always) been to communicate how you felt when he did "x".. The first time (or few) maybe try to come from a stance of just trying to communicate clearly and effectively without blaming. Almost just like sending him a clear signal and assume he might not even be aware of what's happening. Then, at least you know he knows and can judge him in the future based on his actions towards you, knowing full well how you feel when he does those things. Then you know either "Oh, he stopped. He must respect me." Or "Oh, I've told him how I feel when he does certain things. Yet he continues to do them. He must not give a shit about me." --> this is where escalating things and being more assertive and confrontational come into play.

Yaaaaa.... A course in critical thinking skills seems like the "only" or most effective and practical use of tuition money if you are taking a philosophy course. Even then, you can learn so much online know and reading, and there's probably lots of way cheaper (and maybe higher quality) courses in critical thinking online and elsewhere. You could even just see what books the course prescribes and just buy that without taking a whole course. It could also depend highly no the professor as well. A good professor can make a big difference. But, ultimately, use your intuition and go for what you feel is most meaningful for you to do.

This puts it perfectly. Hard line to tread. -- Especially without knowing the actual legalities, which is probably one of my main lessons here; know the legalities and fine print. So far, I'm just going by my feelings of self-esteem (which seem to be kind of holding up, so I'm sensing I'm not necessarily being too weak... though, I'm sort of like maybe I could be a bit more assertive and strong... hard to tell), and also the sense of guilt and negative feelings, as well as trying to be as honest and authentic as possible when talking with them about these things (especially seeing their reactions to what I say... like for example, I told two of my roommate that I wanted to move by the 8th, and they were like "Hey, I'm sure that'll be fine. No worries", but I kind of sensed he felt a bit let down or something by it but was trying to be understanding -> This is what led me to offer to pay till the 15th --> I looked into the legalities of it later and it seems that they may have actually had the legal upper hand). So ya, it's tough to know when I'm being sneaky and weasly and when I'm just being a pushover. Also, being full of fear makes everything harder to see clearly and to make sound decisions. I think also having lots of shadow stuff, like hidden racism or other stuff, gets in the way of positive and clean communication and probably unconsciously deteriorates the situation, communication, and relationships. Basically... There's two "houses"; one where the landlords live (stage Green value-set mostly it seems). The other where the renters live (one renter seems "Green", the other is probably Blue-Orange, and the other Orange). The only thing the landlords do is collect money. No interactions other than that. If a room is vacant, the roommates have to pay for that amongst themselves. The roommates are responsible for getting another person to fill any empty rooms. This includes putting ads up, interviewing people, and sorting out any other thing like that. I'm suspecting that there could be some Stage Green value-sets here that might be getting in the way of effective governance and systems. Probably originating from the actual landlords. At the moment, I'm feeling like I just let go of a lot of money but that I'm also not feeling too hard done by in terms of self-esteem. Maybe I feel a little bit like it's not that fair since they obviously don't really care if I have to pay an extra $345 or so even if I won't be living here and are only concerned with their own welfare. So in that respect I'm like, fuck, maybe I feel a bit let down and lower self-esteem. But not devastating. I think I'm more just like wanting to get this over with without being too irresponsible and having it be a big thing and causing unnecessary issues. But I'm also not wanting to be a huge dick and have them pissed off at me n stuff and I don't want to be a dick. I guess my main anxiety is financial and about if I'm being responsible enough with that. I might feel worse in terms of self-esteem after though, when I'm out of here since they clearly aren't giving me as much care or help as I am with them since I feel they aren't really showing me an equal amount of "working with me and trying to meet somewhere in the middle to help me". I dunno though. Hard to tell.

They also have my damage deposit of $340.

No written contract.

Ya, watching his stuff I can just kind of sense his immaturity. like, ya he's got the whole harm reduction thing, and I don't doubt he's got some great information and experiences to back that up. But information isn't maturity. I just get the vibe that he's not the most responsible person.

@vindicated erudite Cheers Also, what's this? Do you mean a subject/heading?

Iron John = another book about men and masculinity. I haven't started it yet, but from a quick glance, it seems to have some interesting points.

Have you answered your question here? I suspect that if you actually did want to let those thoughts go you would. Since you can. Even if you didn't have the desire to drop them, you can still consciously or willfully do it. How? But just letting them go. The same way you drop a tennis ball from your hand; you just let go. Simple. Easy. No fancy techniques. It seems like you already know what your "issue" is ... How do you stop eating the ice cream you crave? You don't eat it, you don't let the feelings of craving guide your behavior. How do you stop watching YouTube videos that you really like? You don't watch them, despite the urge to watch. How do you stop clinging onto thoughts and propagating them? You don't cling to them. You don't continue to create and "feed" them. Or I suppose a more "soft" route would be to just allow yourself to think whatever thoughts come, even indulge in thinking, yet do so mindfully; watching every thought, and better yet, every feeling-impulse driving you to think. And even better yet, bringing your awareness to the feeling (probably negative or painful in nature) that's compelling you to think addictively. But also don't punish yourself too hard. Balance the hard and the soft. Sometimes it might be good to just have a journal nearby to write the thoughts down that you enjoy thinking (or just think without writing). Then, when you've had enough (perhaps set a time limit on how long you're going to allow yourself to think during your meditation, or number of times you'll allow yourself to think) just go back to meditating. You can also use your thoughts as an object of meditation. This could be like using your weakness as a strength; use the thing you're addicted to as your object of meditation.

I was mostly saying how much work they do for me and others in terms of marketing and providing a platform. I wasn't saying it was the best way to do things. It does provide a great digital market place and does do a lot for marketing. All i had to do was take a few phots and write a short blurb. I didnt have to create a website, get people looking at the site, etc..

Sounds like a tough situation. Wish you well.

Ya. That's kinda the issue I think I've been feeling but haven't realized till recently. Like, this feeling of having all these ideas, but then kind of being like "ooookk.... now what? There's no where for it to be sold/seen". Kinda feels like a deflated bubble. Motivation and drive kind of decline there. Like just producing something tangible I get mindbloacked somehow. Maybe cuz I don't know what people want. Unlike recently I made my first sale for myself. Sure, it was selling an old skateboard on craigslist. But it still made me feel and see what it's like actually selling things and making money for myself. It made it real. That's the thing with platforms like craigslist, ebay, facebook marketplace; they provide great and easy to use marketing platforms where you can just put stuff up and they do all the advertising for you. Whereas most of the time I feel like I've got this product/service in my hands but feel I have absolutely no place in how to sell it or make use of it. I guess this is like the whole deal with marketing. Which, honestly, I'm seeing as almost more than half the battle in business and trying to sell stuff. It almost seems like I could create a relatively sub-par product, but if I have good marketing, interpersonal, and salesmanship skills, I could sell more than a guy who's got a fantastic product but has no marketing or sales skills. I get what you're saying. But also, there seems to be a middle ground in terms of the general--specific axis. Like you're website has a decent amount of variety, both in the content and the mediums you use (blog, videos, courses, book lists, etc.). I can imagine having several mediums through which I help people in a more specific way. Like maybe the specific thing will be helping people heal through nature. Then, I can produce videos, blog, guided outdoor trips, coaching, etc.. Maybe not too many things, but at least a few options. Is this what you mean?

I was literally just thinking along similar lines. It's like, I feel if I don't just start something, a business, now, it won't ever happen since I'll be continuously stuck in this pattern of being a student forever without ever actually utilizing and marketing what I've learned.

"You think you're enlightened? Go back and live with your parents." -- Ram Dass I suspect meditation can help in uncovering why you feel unauthentic and weird. Silence and space are great ways to uncover truths. Ya, theory isn't practice or embodiment. That's that tricky thing with "high consciousness" theory; it can make people think they are there when in fact they still have tons of growth and maturing to do. Yet, to me, this sounds actually positive in a sense. Realizing you don't know shit is probably a big part of growing up and escaping your old paradigms. If life was teaching you a lesson right now, what would it be?

Do you have any ideas? Brainstorm some and see what comes up.

Imagine the possibility of getting to an internal space where perceiving your dad in front, then your brother, and then you, is no longer interpreted as you "following". Imagine you being so secure in yourself that you cpukd be chained to your dad by your ankle amd you'd still feel empowered. K, that last example was dramatic, but I think it points to something real and is even a worthwhile goal to strive towards. Perhaps better yet, imagine you no longer consciously even think of yourself as leader or follower and just are totally authentic and confident spontaneously and automatically. You have no doubts about your value or worth or self-love such that even if your dad literally said to you "you are a follower and will never be a leader like me and your brother, you wouldn't care an inch. Basically, for external things to affect you, they have to have someplace to "land" internally. Meaning, if you feel crappy when you walk with your family and aren't in the front of the line (notice how "front of the line'' doesn't necessitate being a leader. That's your interpretation), then that means there's something within you that's creating that meaning and perspectice and feeling.

Just do what you most enjoy and are passionate about.

Hey. Does anyone have any good companies or ways that are quick and easy ways for people to donate and pay you electronically? I'm organizing a meetup and I want people to be able to donate electronically. I'm also looking for efficient ways to poll people. Do you know of any good websites that do this? Or even any strategies, like going to universities etc.. Cheers

cheers