Matt23

Are we able to share the course content with other people we know as a means to help them out? I wouldn't say it's yours or from the course (I could if you felt that was right though). I would/could also tweek it as well so it's not the course content verbatim. I was wanting to help this co-worker of mine refine his values into something tangible and thought it would be nice to use some of the course content and methods from the LP course. Let me know what you think and what is what. I think I remember you saying something about how all this content is "free" for all, so anyone can share it and use it. But I also remember you saying to not share course content. So I'm a little confused and looking for clarification. Cheers.

Cheers

Same: what do you mean?

I dunno about this. It sounds too... religiony. I wouldn't say it's a problem. Usually I just tell people about it if they seem open to the types of things he puts up. Which is very rare. I've probably told people more about Peter Ralston's stuff than Leo's cuz it seems more grounded and less "out there" and culty. But even then, I probably told like 1 person about this type of stuff in the 6 months. I dunno, maybe I just don't have a big urge to share it. It gets enough ads n people aware of it anyway. No need to wave a banner about it.

This statement is above our pay-grade lol. Too high for some/many probs. But I see your point. Also interesting... Rings true as a description for much of my experience fosho. Cheers

I lay like 2-3. I'd say laying 6 eggs a day is too much and could cause rectal issues. Maybe ask a doctor ...

Some options: A) More deeply contemplate your top values and/or try to find something you find meaningful (even if it's a general domain and nothing specific), and just try to find some work in that field. Even if it's just an entry level or low level job that you could do anywhere, doing it in a domain you find meaningful will perhaps at least give you more meaning in your life and work. B) Stick it out, even if you feel shitty about it, and use it to "iron out" your psyche and get used to and overcome resistances and things in yourself about the world. Just see what happens. Maybe set a specific minimum time to spend at the job, and if it still feels shitty by then (maybe like 3-6 months or something), quit and find something else. C) Work part-time and two jobs. Maybe using one as one you're committed to keep as security, and the other as something your willing to quit on and shop around the workforce market with. D) MOVE OUT OF YOUR HOME TOWN . Might be a wise move, if possible.

Makes sense. Imagine not knowing anything about meditation or spirituality, probably having mental health issues, being in an aggressive and threatening/unsafe environment, being forced to be there (not having the mental peace of at least knowing you could just leave if needed), being in a place that's aesthetically displeasing, eating crap food (I assume). ... As opposed to being in silent retreat in the mountains, in your own hut/place, being able to walk around outside in nature whenever you want, feeling in a safe atmosphere without guards or other inmates, not being forced to be there, knowing how to practice meditation and knowing and studying spirituality, eating perhaps better food, and maybe having better mental health.

Here's Part 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dJaUEa02Fo Quote (from the previous episode): "You can't have a functional and real 'We' without functional and real 'I's" Basics: Of the 3 lines of "development/growth" of the human psyche in her model (Showing Up-"Being That" / Growing Up-Wider Embrace-More Coherence-"Being With" / Waking Up-Individuation-"Being As"), this video focuses on the Growing Up line of development. Features of the Growing Up line of development It's developmental, which, as she says, is developmental (i.e. linear) in nature and is thus different than the other lines. She doesn't go into detail about how specifically this differs from the other lines or how, then, the other lines "develop". Though I'm interested to learn about it. It, seemingly, is mostly about growing circles of concern (on a very superficial level). It moves from... GROSS Mine: Tier: Pre-Concrete Identity = Actor: One identifies with one's behaviors. Once one notices how one has a multiplicity of behaviors, one can no longer identify with them since "I" is singular. Thus, transcending and including behaviors gives rise to the next structure (identifying with roles) Driver: Impulses Psychological Structure: Primary Schemas (I know very little about them. But from what I've gathered, they are fundamental, and usually quite primitive and unnuanced concepts which we first use to organize reality: like using one's mother and father as the basis for all masculine and feminine things in the world, including objects. Meaning that these are quite rudimentary and not often adequate to fully make adequate sense of reality). Need: Safety Pronoun: "Mine" Developmental level: Pre-conventional Even animals have this ego-system/structure: my bone, my babies/pups, my toy, my body, my food, etc.. Me Tier: Concrete Identity = Agent: One now identifies with roles (you see kids start playing the role of "mommy" or "daddy" or the postman or teacher, etc.). This is the domain where Internal Family Systems therapy/model falls, which is a critique of it since that means it's actually working with quite a rudimentary and older structure. Also, simply because kids do this doesn't mean adults can't get stuck here as well, as exemplified when people identify with their profession, thus get stuck in it, etc. Like the teacher who "is a teacher", does it for life, and never changes. In one sense this is easy, but in another, it "eats at your soul" and can leave you unfulfilled. Especially if it's work that doesn't give you energy. This is also where you can see families reinforcing this stage by pushing kids to be doctors or something. Driver: Role Psy-Structure: Internal Working Models Need: Belonging Pronoun: "Me" Dev. Level: Early Conventional Bonnitta noted that these stages that fall within the gross category tend to attribute much externally and on physical things: "If only my parents were better", "If only I had more money", "If only my school system was more developed", etc.. With the next level (the Subtle), she notes that a "switch" is made where one starts to now attribute things more on one's own internal causes and effects, and thus concentrates on one's own mindsets, emotions, and the like. Which she considers a significant upgrade. SUBTLE "I" Tier: 1st Formal Identity = Author: One starts being able to notice that one takes on many roles since one is starting to engage others more (sexually) and thus can notice that "I am a lot different and feel different with Sally and friends then I do with my family then I do with John, etc.. So, again, a transcend and include type of thing happens since one can no longer identify with the roles one takes since "I" am singular. This is where my knowledge sort of fades a bit, but the emphasis, as I heard it, was more on putting one's autobiographical story into a coherent narrative. Maybe it's like, instead of identifying with particular roles, as an actor would in a play, one can now identify with the larger story being told and thus transcends any one role and is able to sort of craft one's own story or narrative using multiple roles. Again, I'm not too sure. Driver: Script Psy-Structure: Story Need: Biographical Coherence (I think she mentioned this is where much psychotherapy happens, whereas the previous stage was maybe where many people spend their time in their jobs and work relationships). Pronoun: "I" Dev. Level: Late Conventional "Self" Tier: 2nd Formal Identity = self-Author: I suspect that what I spoke about above about "writing one's own narrative" might apply more to this stage. But, again, I'm really not sure about it. Driver: Self-Actualization Psy-Structure: Systems of Systems Need: Authenticity (Bonnitta talks about people often expressing the desire to "find their authentic self" and discover the capacities of this human form. Which, though it is beautiful, she says is or can be a trap as well since there is no "true self" since the self is a process). Pronoun: "Self" (which she claims means something more than just the "I" to them and is something other previous stages can't really comprehend or understand). Dev. Level: Post-conventional CAUSAL "It" (Spirit/Nature) Tier: 3rd Post-Formal Identity Driver Psy-Structure Need Pronoun: "It" (spirit/nature). She claims many people start expressing things like "the universe/god/nature" is doing things through me, and that this is the first stage where things become about the other (as opposed to all the previous stages which are seen as narcissistic since they are really all about themselves). She says this is where you get the Ghandis, the Martin Luther Kings; people who's simple presence changes things. Dev. Level: Post-Formal This was laid out in a grid she showed. I didn't lay out a further addition to it which is what these levels look like when interacting with others and the environment. Again, this is just me processing the info after a quick scan through the video. Definitely not totally digested or remembered or understood. Cheers The next video she'll do on this will cover things regarding the CORE self I believe. THings like shame, trauma, n stuff and how that fits into the picture.

This fucking blew my mind. I think this woman knows her shit. Going, seemingly, way beyond what Wilber did.

Speaking I suppose. Probably speaking a butt-load, and then also writing and reading, yes, as @Tim R spoke about. It also could be time spent contemplating this stuff, to articulate it, it needs perhaps to be really clarified in one's thinking first perhaps. Maybe not always. But I assume most of the time. Maybe it's also some genetic or "gift'' aspect of him and others that can make them great speakers. Hard to say cheers. Nice post.

@Epikur Cheers. I'll take a gander. I always wonder why some people who seem so advanced in their fields don't get as much attention in the public eye and awareness as it seems they should. Like, knowing about Bonnitta and her work seems like such a niche thing, yet her work and what she offers seems so advanced, more so than any college professor or famous/popular psychologists and developmentalists etc.

Thanks for all the support yall. Really appreciate it all. Even the stuff I dislike and am mad at, like the posts above. Some things I do dislike, and I wasn't asking for advice. I'm fine with how I feel. I felt it and worked through it and am allowed to be angry if it feels good. Nothing wrong with that. But, it's all good and peaceful. Doesn't bring me down as of yet. Peacefulness is nice. Cheers!! Love it all (or at least trying to lol).

AM FUCKING PISSEEEDDDDD!!! SOSSOOOO FFFFFUUUUUCCCCKKIIIIINGGGGG MUCH ! ATT FFFFUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKIIIIINNNNGGGGGG CCCCUUUULLLLLLTTTTTUUUURRRRREEEEEEEE FFFFFOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKNOWLIDING HOMOSEXUALITYYY !!!!! FFFUUUUCCCKCKCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FFFFFFUUUUUCCCCKKKKIIIINGGGGG PPPPIIISSEEEEDDD!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH! @Leo Gura Please don't cancel this. Allow it to be. Allow yourself to be allowing this. I suppose. lol. Just let it be please. People need, I want for people to know this stuff, this hidden homosexuality stuff and belonging etc., pains still happen and exist in the selves and people all over the world. (I write this after what is writting below/above) Please listen to the part lower down with your name attached. It just feels like it should be acknolwedged. This homosexuality thing, and other things. Please, mention it if a video. Perhaps do a video or video series (bit much?) for it/on it. Homosexuality, sex, dating, love, alternative forms of loving each other sexually and about all the taboos n stuff as well. Not only homosexaulity and other things. Ya... Please mention it in a video/do a video on it/put some docs on the blog about it/ please mention it. Love it. Be with it. UGH. LEo, I dion't people need tooooo fffuuuucking seee this. People need to see it still fucking happens. I know it's poor grammar or w/e with your guidelines. But people need to know it still fucking happens, is frowned upon, and doesn't get acknolwedged at all, or near enough. It's a huge fucking issue! OK?! It just needs to be accepted and loved and Be-ed with. It needs to be said. I don't want to be thown from this forum. But I need, it needs to be said. It needs to be acknolwedged. It still fucking sucks out here. It still fucking sucks. Sexuality as a whole. But fucking homosexuality, gayness, being gay, loving another man as a man, a woman as a woman, a w/e as a w/e, whoever, whenever, IT'S OK It needs to be stated. Homosexuality is still fucking frowned upon, toabboed, seen as bad or not right or something. I just need people, want people to know. It's not ok. It still happens. It took me from 1992 till now to fully apprecaite and more deeply really acknowledge my own sexuality, and let alone homosexuality, to be seen, felt, acknowledge. Feeling discluded, unincluded, from most if not all (most) culture. It felt awful. It felt like it, I, was wrong. Like it was bad and not positive. It is positive. It needs to be fucking said. It fucking hurts. I love life. But/// AND it hurts. I feel pain from it. Please, do not expel me from the forum. It feel bad about being homosexual and am just been doing some MDMA by being with myself and please... it just feels like it wants, needs perhaps, yes, needs, to be said. It's all around us. Subtly, introvertedly, and even explicitly, living in this culture. It feels awful. It hurts. To not have all those parts of yourself, deeply held and BEING parts tat feel so positive, good, acknolweleded yet disowned adn left alone. Not to be triffled with. It feels awful. FEarful, lots of pain from it. Pain comes from pain of other, separation, being out of alignmnetn with. It just feel s bad. Please, it's not like I disclaim things I don't wish people to know. It feels bad. Horrible. Please. Be with it. @Leo Gura, would you please do this thing for me of mentioning it in a video, or please do a full video on homosexuality and culture and desire of the like. Involving sexuality at least. Because people don't need to feel bad about sexuality, their sexuality. They need to know, need perhaps might not be correct, about life, love, and intimacy and their own needs, desires, and that it's all good. Good (with a capital fucking G). It's OK! It's ok. Ok?! Please, yes this is inspired my MDMA. But feel it out. It might seem off kilter. But please, please do it. Mention it. Enjoy it even. Be with it. Put something on your blog about taboos in cultures regarding sexuality inspired stuff. About people living hidden lives under guises they feel not accepted with. About homosexuality. The desires to be with other men as a man, women as a women. Videos about you being sexually aroused by men even. If that feels right or fits with what you feel is best. Please though. It would mean much to many people. To be acknowledging this part of things, people, living lives fully excluded and feeling excluded because they feel different. Ok. Am rambling now. Believe me though, it feel bad about being homosexual sometimes. For me I guess. It's been a big thing. Struggle. Believe me when it says people accept things from their culture, and tabooify other things and aspects of themselves. It demolishes the soul, the ego, the self, and the FUCKING SELF (with a Capital fucking S). It demolishes love, egotism in the healthy sense of being one with all and loving others and being alive and feeling accepted and belonginng and jsut having those base needs of belongingness in oneself. FUCk... There was this couple who fully accepted love, into their lives growing up. I feel very fortunate to have been in their home and seeing how open and loving and kind their were, accepting, of others' sexuality and just ya. As kids we were able to explore our sexuality and have sex in a kind and gentle and exploratory way and be fine with it. They weren't present (the parents of the friend I speak of) obviously. But we had sleep overs and experimented with our sexualities, and it even happened the sister I believe had sex with another friend. But it was all very nice and sweet and just fun. Exploratory. It happened, and then things drifted apart. As we, I grew up, it happened it seemed like things just slowly fell apart for me at least. They, the family and couple I speak of (I was friends with their son), seemed so just accepting and loving and kind and gentle. They seemed to be ok with things and loving towards things kids did. Like, "it's ok to be enjoying sexual or that stuff" was the vibe I felt. It just felt very safe, innocent, warm, and accpeting. Not that any explicit conversations or things happened with the paretns. It just felt that way. Belongingk. I dunno. Ok. done ramble now. Belong. Believe. It's believing it's ok. belong believe it's ok belong believe. Sorry for the ramble. It comes and feels so strong. Believe me. it's ok. Love. Lol . I hope this finds someone who loves themselves and others and is able to be with, one with, themselves. THeir whole and true selves. Love yourself. Love others. BE one with ALL. Love. lol... this sounds maybe nice. Love so how are things going to cahnge? Be different? Belonging. Belong. Long. Longing. Longing to BE One WITH ONE With love. Peace. cuming. Love. peace. Painn... pain. pain love love @Leo Gura or Mods, Please don't delete this post. Please let it be. If you want me to be more aligned with what you do, let me know. I know, it's a lot, a lot of ramblings and just spontaneous writing, emotional writing. But please, if it upsets you please allow me to acknowledge that and then let it be. Maybe we can work out something where this post gets edited or something. But please, just let it be for now. If you want to change it, I mean, it's ok. But it would mean much if you let it set and rest here for maybe a month or two before deleting it or something. IT NEEDS TO BE SAID> STATED< ACKNOWLEDGED. by me perhaps mostly, but man. Fuck. Hard to swallow maybe. Belonging feels distant. Believe me when I say, it says, it's belonging that really feels off and can/gets disconnected from with all this homosexual taboos n such. Please let it stay. Be with it. I know this might be much. But please. Allow it and myself to be on this forum. I don't want to be kicked off for this.

If anyone has any good resources or people they'd recommend for sexual healing and therapy, etc.., let me know! Am looking to be exploring this more. Cheers

I may now be considering actually being a sex therapist or healer or helper of sorts. Both in healing/helping people with their own sexuality/desires, as well as using it as a vehicle for healing any/all/most emotional and interpersonal issues. Something of the sort. Like I just totally realized and felt how sex is so pained and traumatized and shunned in our culture (maybe cultures in general). And I feel it can be accepted more for fuller more deep and loving love. Like, also I so saw how powerfully it can be used to be accessing and accepting emotions and pains that would ordinarily be to scary or painful to feel and express. Even with others. And how sex can be used as a safe-space and vehicle to sort of role-play or/and work through traumas and issues with others and oneself. Like I saw how it seems to be more like not in the ordinary realm of things. So that, when the clothes are off, teh feeling-situation changes into something maybe more towards the "playful" and "make-believe" side and imaginative side of life where maybe this would allow people to feel more comfortable and safe expressing things and being in difficult situations. Maybe cuz it makes everything more light. Since maybe it's, objectively, sort of a funny thing, being with another person naked, "wrestling", having sex, etc., and maybe it sort of inherently is disarming and shows people it's ok to be what they are (physical nakedness = leading to emotional/soul/spirit/psychological nakedeness and feeling). It just seems there much potential here. I dunno. I'm sure it's been and is being tried n true over the world. But I'd like to explore that. Even things like Tantra n stuff I feel could be so powerful. I feel many, including me, had and have lots of insecurities and shameful feelings about our sexual desires and sexual side that we dismiss and don't accept. Which feels painful.

Yes. I desire others to ackcnolwddge the pain, their pain, they restricted me and put upon me, inside me, and developed within myself to others. From others. Perhaps. From them. Maybe this sounds entitled. But it's as I feel, it feels. It feels like it, I desire to be with another man. To be allowing w/e to come up and be with it. Allow it. Allowing. Nice word. Such a nice, beautiful, tender, juicy, word. Kind. Loving. Just a nice word. Allowing. and Being. Way positive vibes. Words. Being. Allowing. Chilling. Resting. Being. I feel now a bit bad or hurt at what I wrote since I feel it may feel hurtful to others, or others, rather, would feel hurt by/with it in connection to it. This message above of hate or pain n frustration. I dislike people feeling bad or negative and hurtful. I hope it doesn't do so.

I wonder why I want others to acknowledge this. Maybe it's somethin within me, within myself, to be ok with and heal and acknolwedge without needing others. Perhaps it's not neccessary for others to be made to be aligened with it. Maybe it's all about me, really. Maybe it's my stuff. But I/it also feels others played a part too in putting it on me (the mask of my sexualtiy I suppose. I dunno). Rambles again I suppose. Just trying to process this as it comes. As it happens, is happening. Being one with it, the feelings, being one with the feelings of suppression and resistance and being feeling betryaed perhaps. But not terrible feelings as I actually feel quite nice at the moment. But just allowing w/e arise to be with., let go, and beyond.

Haha, yes, Thank you thankyou for both comments. It feels nice. More conversing and stuff will arise hopefully. Seems/feels like more to come forshore. (in a sober state... I see you watching mods lol). But knowing it's in me, or assuming it's in me to resolve this issue and love myself as Leo says but which seems also a bit nice to be inwardly focused/loving rather than externally. Locus of Control (more like Locus of Love Peace

Ya. I live in Vancouver BC, Canada, so I grew up with it obviously. But I grew up in a smaller town on Van. Isl, so it was more of that traditional, masculine, sort of "hick" town feel, so I probably would have been less (thoguh still perhaps) affected if I grew up in a larger city. Anyways. Love it.

Muchos Gracias amigo! Luv you

I would love to converse about this.

@ValiantSalvatore Cheers (heart-symbol). It really means a lot. Cheers. And ya, even beyond just homosexuality. I think sexuality in general is something disowned in many of us and we just, in this culture anyways, have a very healthy or accepting attitudes and relationships in and with it. This actually accidentally got sent. I wasn't prepared, quite at the moment, to send it and thought maybe it's not the best way to be with it. But it just got sent after hitting the bar. So, am kinda glad, since I believe the message is best seen. I dunno. Maybe we can work it out somehow.

So.... Just a few experiences I wanted to speak about to, I dunno, show the possibilities or open people's minds. I dunno. They just seemed cool and "out there" and maybe just for entertainment purposes. A few weeks ago I did some mushroom chocolate and got this big urge to go outside to the park after looking out my window and seeing the shrubs outside. It was as if they were beckoning me to come out, in a heartfelt way. My heart felt it. I then went to the park, saw a tree, and started hugging it and basically grinding on it. In my mental space I envisioned and felt a female, or many female, presences having sex with me (even though I am gay, I still felt aroused). ... The other experience was today when, totally sober, craving a cold shower, having one, and then as the cold water hit my skin, it felt sooooo good. Like I was getting fucked by reality, by the harshness and perhaps pain of it. It was definitely extatic. I've never enjoyed cold water like this before. I just wanted to have reality fuck me. To be exposed to it and feel it, rather than be in comfort. I wanted to get dirty. To feel. Even if those feelings were what I previously felt as painful. It was highly sexually charged. I've had this feeling of getting fucked by reality before during meditations and Kriya yoga. But never with cold showers.

Ya, I suppoze it's possible. It's interesting since I find, in these moments, I often get more "aroused" when just staying in the subtle realm and "staying with" the awareness or practice or sensations etc. Rather than start physically touching myself, deliberately creating sexual thoughts, etc., which tend to bring me away from the bliss or arousal you speak of. Not always perhaps. But it seems similar to what you describe.