Bebop

I'm in the process of doing this, having a really bad trip definitely motivated me to stop being so complacent. Although my results aren't really that great yet there's definitely been a lot of improvements such as starting a new job, initiating conversations with strangers (this was always a huge fear for me), quitting video game addiction I had for nearly 15 years, eating cleaner and working out. My current plan is to move into a city and work on pickup / relationships since intimacy is something that I've always avoided doing, definitely want to overcome that fear.

I've glimpsed the absolute before but there is no way anyone can convince you of it unless you see it for yourself. Remember, existence is paradoxical.

Speak for yourself, you haven't gone far enough down the rabbit hole yet

That's where I disagree, infinite is one's true nature but it requires a dropping away of everything, including ego which is the false sense of self.

Based on your report it sounds very similar to one of my previous trips, it's on my profile if you want to check it out. After that trip I thought I had it all figured out as well but turns out I was wrong after having a very terrifying trip of seeing what the word God points to. Not trying to argue with you but just remain humble, there are still further realizations to be had.

@egoless You've only glimpsed the infinite, if you grasped what it really meant to be infinite you would have experienced existential terror.

Yes 5 meo dmt would definitely show you free will is an illusion. My point was claiming to not be a materialist and still believing in free will is a contradictory statement that you aren't conscious of yet.

As someone who used to hold those beliefs, turns out I was dead wrong. Psychedelics will prove otherwise.

This is an excerpt from the Path is Everywhere by Matt Licata, I hope you find encouragement from these words: "You will learn there is never anything wrong with you, and it's not actually possible to be having the wrong experience, ever. That you were never meant to get there --- the far-off Utopia, the enlightened self, the perfect bodymind --- you were always meant to be here, in all of your messy and glorious imperfection. Here, in this moment as it is, is the Garden of Eden you've always tried to find. And you --- as you are, even with your human flaws and failing, longings, and sorrows --- are the Gift. Your humanness is not less than your divinity; your humanness is the divine expression itself. Your confusion, your pain, your fear, your anger, your sorrow, even your feelings of shame and guilt and unworthiness are all drenched with intelligence, saturated with wisdom, infused with the same power that makes the sun shine and the grass grow in springtime. And however painful, however uncomfortable, however intense the present moment gets, you are always exactly where you need to be."

I went through a similar phase when I was around your age so you aren't alone there and in the end I had to make peace with the fact that there is no point to any of this. It was a bitter pill to swallow and it took me years to develop enough mindfulness and self inquiry to recognize that everything is perfect as it is, it might seem like hell for you right now but I promise that one day you'll look back at this and realize that this was a necessary part of your journey. You say you lack faith in yourself but that is just the false self talking, who you truly are is already perfect, it's up to you to realize that though. Trust in your own divine wisdom and you'll find the answers you are searching for, everything you need is already within you. Also a note on therapy: It literally changed my life. I found my therapist after a trip to the emergency room after having a panic attack and at that point I was ready to end my life. I was confused, lacked self-confidence and didn't see a point to go on anymore. She showed me a way out though, by teaching me how to trust myself. It was emotionally difficult and there were many times I wanted to give up but she showed me what unconditional love is which eventually lead to an awakening experience that shifted my entire perspective on life. Love is always with you, even in your darkest times, I hope that one day you'll see this truth. I also recommend watching this if you haven't seen it yet.

I recently came across a man named Paul Selig who is a clairvoyant and channeler. He has a few books out that he has channeled with his spirit guides and usually I'm very skeptical about these claims but the information that they provide have helped me understand my experiences in a completely new way. The newest book he has released https://www.amazon.com/Book-Truth-Mastery-Trilogy-II/dp/B071JVPSKJ/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8 was quite challenging in some parts and have shattered some of my old paradigms. Around the 7:04:00 mark in the audiobook version they talk about ancient high level civilizations that were destroyed by a cataclysm due to their misuse of power, this almost lines up with Leo's recent blog post with what Randall Carlson and Gramham Hancock talk about. A lot of this book talks about the non dual nature of reality and how to realign yourself with your true self, if you approach this with an open mind there are a lot of great teachings in there. http://www.duncantrussell.com/episodes/2017/8/24/paul-selig This is another great interview, it starts at 46:00

A few days ago I had a pretty profound experience which helped me clear up a lot of misconceptions that I had about reality, while I've had a lot of glimpses of it before I couldn't really understand the experiences. It started off with taking 3 grams of THC in the form of an edible, it took about 45 minutes for it to kick in. At the time I was reading Leo's Insight Blog https://actualized.org/insights/before-you-were-born and all of a sudden I finally made the connection of what Alan Watts meant in this quote "You didn't come into this world you came out of it, like a wave from the ocean". At first I started blinking and each time I opened my eyes it was like seeing the world for the first time again, the concept of being a human being seemed ridiculous. At this point there were crazy symbols behind my eyes when they were closed so I laid down and surrendered to whatever came next, I started to see impossible patterns and shapes and I felt my sense of self disappear as a wave of intense love washed over me. There was a deep knowing that I was everything and nothing at the same time, there was no separation between anything it's all just occurring spontaneously by itself. After the comedown the remembrance mostly faded away but I still retained enough to know that death is just an illusion and that there isn't anything to fear, the only cost is that you have to trade everything for Nothing.

@egoless Meditate on this

@MsNobody Awesome report! So true! I remember a year ago my therapist kept trying to explain this to me and I wasn't getting it. Over and over again she kept telling me I can't grasp this with my mind, and I was getting really frustrated and confused. Eventually after a few unintentional encounters with edibles (the universe works in mysterious and creative ways) I had to surrender and accept that it's logically impossible to ever understand it with the human mind. All I was doing was mental masturbation, although without all of the theory I probably wouldn't have understood the experiences. It pretty much told me it loved me but it also just laughed at me for trying so hard and not trusting in its infinite wisdom I think Rumi says it best "Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find barriers within yourself that you have built against it." I saw that you posted a video of Dennis Mckenna so I assume you are familiar with Terrence Mckenna? He's one of my favorite people to listen to