Ajax

It is simply a tool and a very useful one at that. In the words of Maslow, "I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail." But as we both know, the world is so much more than a nail, right?

@Emerald Wilkins How does this work with sexual polarity? Such Yin and Yang are so ingrained within genders in regards to physical attractiveness and sexual desire.. For instance a male may feel revitalized in a female with femininity but repelled by a male exhibiting the same traits as a female. Alternatively a female, according to some sources... such as David Deida, will not be able to maintain lasting sexual polarity with a man that possesses too many feminine characteristics... At this time it appears that there are too many biological sexual impulses... It probably could be over-rided with higher consciousness, however, without a greater awakening, it seems implausible. How would you address this issue?

Interesting that you mentioned this... I often look at ancient dictionaries to get ideas about how people in the past may have thought about various topics. Here is the definition of Feminism from 1912 " a condition of men who become hypersensitive, too imaginative and lacking in traits that are supposed to be masculine." New Webster dictionary 1912. Wouldn't it be interesting if more men were inflicted with such a condition? How would you say one would go about changing the social system? I try to see things at a case by case basis. You shouted at her. You created a confrontation. You kept shouting which made things much worse. No one likes to be yelled it can even be considered abuse if it is used as punishment, which in this case it was. The purpose of of punishment is to get your point across by causing pain. Any point worth communicating can and should be delivered with kindness and compassion. For the most part punishment does not result in understanding it results in more pain. Because of you uncontrolled rage you were causing pain by yelling. She only wanted you to stop the abuse, by your own words. So yeah you fucked up, a woman sometimes does things to piss you off to either tell you that you are doing something wrong and you better find out what that is or to test your emotional stability... either way you failed big time. But it seems you wanted out of this marriage and relieved that she left so I wouldn't dwell on it... Just educate yourself on how to manage the male\female relationships better in the future. It's all good.

@Mal Thanks to you I was able to know about strawmen, it really increased my awareness... That's a damn lie! I can swear to you that this one time... I saw my shadow on... this forum... and I punched it! Sparks flew and I became instantly enlightened....

This is the biggest manipulation I have seen on this site in awhile... all generalities, no specifics. What was the manipulation? To get a response... it even worked on me ***sigh

@Heart of Space What caused you to have these opinions? This isn't an existential question... I am looking to modify my dating model and I am curious about what lead you to these conclusions..

I normally am able to figure out my own problems, but a host of family and personal tragedies has hit me at once.. so my sense of clarity is not what it once was. Ok, so about in Nov of '15 my wife start talking on the phone with a man she met at the gym. She would get up from our bed and talk to him for about 3-4 hours every night. This got on my nerves and I complained about it but it still continued on. Then, on Dec of that year, she started hanging out with him usually into 2-3 in the morning. Finally she told me that she went to far but they were just friends. Well, that started to grind on me too much so I left the week of X-mas. She continued to talk to me on the phone nearly daily and so we discussed me coming back which I did in early January. So then everything was fine until around Easter of this year and she starting the same pattern of talking to the same man all night and seeing him into 3 am. I decided I had enough as I had work and a child that was picking up on my anxiousness and becoming increasingly anxious and unhappy herself. So when she admitted cheating, I gently kissed her on the cheek and told her is was over and left back to my hometown in Texas. Since I make decent passive income and I own a small home here in Tx, I don't really have to worry about working. So everything was great despite the circumstances. I could keep busy doing actualization work, teaching martial arts and cooking. I even found a lady companion I could enjoy spending time with. Then about a couple of weeks ago she starting calling more frequently complaining that I haven't called and thought I didn't want to talk to her. So I started doing so, however this started to make me a little unhappy because she was not as responsive as I would like. Nevertheless, I continued on... She started telling me things like she doesn't want me to that of her as a person who does things like that anymore. She also says that she only wants to devote herself to one person. She also wants friends but can only make male friends... She says that I don't comfort her enough, I am pretty open minded and so I ask her for details and she says that the fact that someone online knows what she means and that "Tim(her paramour)" knows what that means, that I must not care about her because I don't get it. I tell her that I try to be attentive as possible, cook for her, hold her and watch movies with her and try to talk with her... she says that I don't get what I am saying... and I ask for details and she hasn't explained so far. She says that she thinks that I don't care about her. She says if I am unsure about something it makes her unsure about something and she doesn't forgive or forget at it escalates... Anyway, every thing seemed fine until a couple of days ago, when she said she wanted to come down here to see me and to attend my father's funeral. Then she didn't respond to any on my texts or phone calls. And she tells me this morning while trying to books tickets that Tim keeps texting and that she wants to go to lunch with him. I said you should do as you like, but I don't like it. She blows up on me and says that is why she never tells me anything because I am going to say no. I just said, you asked my opinion and I told you want I thought and so she got upset with me. Anyway, this whole situation has gotten me quite miserable. I am normally a very happy and positive person. I wouldn't even bothering trying to reconcile if there wasn't a child involved but I am getting quite tired of the old push-pull... I know she is going to keep asking about those tickets... should I rescind my offer? Or is there something going on here that I am not aware about? What should I do?...

Thank you, so much@MartineF you are so right, I was thinking along the same lines and I agree completely with what you were saying. She doesn't provide me with practically any needs... and I do feel better when I am alone and not hoping for a change to come. I am so grateful for your response. It is wonderful to have feedback from this community when one needs it

@reez Thank you so very much for your imput I really need that right now. Yes, I especially like how you wrote that I shouldn't be so easily to forgive and start over like nothing happened... I do have an issue with that, I am a very forgiving person, much too forgiving it would seem. I can't tell you how much your advice means to me. I thank you 1000 times, sir.

@abrakamowse @Natasha @Mal Thank you guys so much for your sympathy. It is very kind of you all. I am touched by your compassion.

...then whatever you sewed is harvested to forward the life process. As you have received... so shall you give.

@ashleigh Practically speaking, I doubt that you can even experience Truth, I certainly haven't. Theoretically, Truth means a total absence of falseness. Since direct experience doesn't reflect a Total absence of falseness, it can not be Truth in the ultimate analysis. However, direct experience can be useful because it reduces falseness and increases understanding. Besides I haven't experienced the earth being flat have you? I may have looked out in the distance and saw that the earth appears flat but I have experienced enough to know that appearances can be deceiving, therefore appearances alone are not sufficient experience. However, this could be summarized in one sentence:

@Saarah In this life you will always have emotions, thoughts and a body. When you identify with those things you become the effect of them... That is where consciousness comes in. The idea is not to suppress thinking but to observe them. You don't really have "control" of them anyway. Thoughts are important to understand and to differentiate and evaluate, emotions are to procure pleasure and avoid pain, the body is meant to cause movement. They all have their place in your existence observation just helps you know what that is.

@Andre cuz one day you won't be able to...

@Mal Thank you very much for your post. I wanted to take a week to think about it. It is fantastic information and I especially appreciate how it helps explain why people react differently. I know an apology isn't necessary but would like to apologize anyway, if I came across antagonistic or combative. My father died that day I was having a little difficulty integrating your understanding in my thought processes so it may have appeared that I was belligerent but the fact is, I simply didn't understand. 1. What is shadow exactly? I am afraid I am unfamiliar with the concept. 2. What do you mean by the end of the antagonistic play of opposites? Does that mean the results produced from playing all of the sides of the field?

@dboyle I had sex with a prostitute at age 14 as it was kind of a tradition in my family... probably our situations don't match because I was just a child and you are of legal drinking age. It kinda screwed me up a little and everyone who I know who did it, didn't like it very much. So I wouldn't really recommend it to anyone. Of course, it is your life so it is not my place to say whether you should or not do so. If you are worried about how you will do.. just learn foreplay techniques such as touching and oral. I can't tell you how many times women have told me how many bad male sexual partners they have had. However if you can get a girl off several times, you will create a better experience for her than most men even if you only did last 30 seconds (although there are literally hundreds of techniques that teach you how to last longer.) In short, focus on her pleasure and you will do just fine...

@Mal Thank you, Mal for that post and it ties in so nicely with the beginning of this thread. It was very helpful, I appreciate your feedback. Jax

@Mal I think you ought to give me the benefit of the doubt. I did state that I wanted to bring this topic back on course. However, if you choose not to believe me I guess we will leave it at that. Take care. Jax

I see that thread has gone off-course, since I contributed to it... I would like to attempt to steer it back. I do always try to see my blind spots, after all that is what moralizing is... blind spots. If there is something that I am continually doing wrong, I would certainly like to know about it. I got into shambles? How? What do you mean? What is the lesson? You say to transcend and include... that is what I wish to do.

@Mal Hmm, I certainly apologize if I offended you. There really is no debate here, I am just curious and ask for details. If you do not wish to engage on further discourse on the matter it is sufficient to simply say so, instead of of judging it as "mind games" and "energy leeching". Of course, I do get your desire to no longer continue this conversation so I will not discuss the matter further, my intention is simply to point out your misperception concerning me and my intention. Take care, Jax

I had a stressful day and maybe I shouldn't have jumped in this dog-fight. Might have bitten off more than I could chew. Regardless, I just came back from a long walk and have a much clearer head. I don't really believe that, virtually everyone has moral issues and if you are judging with any degree of prejudice, you are having blind moral issues. As of the context of what you were saying... I wasn't disputing that I was looking at your debate with Charlie and trying to "untie the knot". 1. Your parents, girlfriend/boyfriend, friends, teachers, siblings, ect... mind-fuck and undermine you... what makes Charlie different... he represents black marks on a screen... Just about everyone you talk to often claims to be a "guru" at one thing or another... why does this bother you? 2. It is the perfect platform even if it was "Blue" mentality like you said, it is still an opportunity to co-exist and share perspectives... There is some truth behind tradition and dogmatism and the wise will prospect for it.. The test of strength is being able to balance conflicting realities. The whole reason I got into this discussion was because I thought that you missed the point that he was trying to make. This quote, strengthens that viewpoint. His point was simple enough as I understand it... It is not violating the "moralizing" principle to openly acknowledge the horrors or the crimes committed. That is it in one sentence... So is everything I say... I understand moralizing it is just another way of saying "facing without reacting" or "not resisting". These are old but invaluable enlightenment concepts. I saw your reality I just jumped in the middle or your "fight" with Charlie as for what is going under my nose... well like I said I am more than happy to receive your viewpoint on what is going on... I like to know what is going on under my nose, that is where I eat!

@Mal You are right, I don't know exactly what you are trying to do... I don't want to prevent you from it and you are right I don't fully see your reality. That is why I was debating responding right now because I wanted to take the time to understand it. Would you clarify it to me in more detail for me? Spoonfeed and baby it for me as I do want to see your perspective, step-by-step.

I do see what you are saying and I do agree with you. It is a danger to start moralizing the "moralizing"... And yes, you are right that is what he seems to have been doing. I am sure he feels compassion for the woman/child who was hurt... and yes he should have been more mindful of making it clear that he does not approve of such actions and that they are harmful and barbaric to society. And yes, it was not the time or place to discuss the issue of neutrality with her so in that way he contributed to the outburst... however, I see what he was trying to do and it wasn't necessarily wrong what he did because he was practicing a very powerful self development concept, however at the same time you are right because she did have every right to get upset. I think what most of us students are trying to do is to handle the problem of criminality. This issue affects everyone, hell my human identity kicks in around strange children because I am afraid of being labeled a pedophile just because I am a man. Because of criminality people have difficulty trusting and even loving their neighbor. That is why us students want to solve the problem... and to many of the students, think that de-moralizing is one of the first steps. As, they try to understand the criminal mentality they understand that the criminality is in great part due to the victim mentality... therefore punishment does not seem to be a viable option because it makes them feel further victimized and possible more dangerous... but the problem we still don't quite know how to solve the issue so we moralize it by avoiding moralizing. @Mal You are right on many points but you are also moralizing... moralizing is being prejudicial. Being prejudicial means "anything adverse to something without sufficient knowledge." As an observer I can tell you are not fully understanding his viewpoint so you do not have sufficient knowledge.

Realize that this issue affects everyone not just those uninitiated to personal development. I would like to invite you to review the following thread, and a certain member who decided to"attack" "me". You see, even if you say a moral neutral statement, people will get upset that you did not condemn it and even assume that you are the "enemy" or support it... it's dualistic thinking which inhibits even the sages. So really you should be ready to expect such a response from any controversial topic that you discuss. It is what SHOULD happen lol!

@ChimpBrain Let's say for clarity's sake, that ethics means "applying the best possible solution given the circumstance." With this concept in mind, what will make us be unethical or have a lower level of ethics? Well, it is having a lower level of consciousness due to prejudice. If our thought processes are biased due to value judgements or emotions, we will not process the situation fully and therefore not make the "best possible solution". We perceive the situation through the lens of morality or social conditioning and so we do not see the situation as IS. Therefore, the potential to make poor decisions is high. Let's look at the issue of criminality... When we moralize a criminals actions, we start to punish them in order to hurt them for hurting others. However, if you loved your child and he did wrong... wouldn't you do everything humanly possible to help him in whatever way you could? When you punish someone... unless they have a high level of consciousness... you are creating a victim. By definition a victim is someone who does not take responsibility for their actions... So now you have a criminal who was probably already a "victim" who now is further victimized by society and is now judged and labeled/identified as a "bad guy" which further ostracizes him from society.... And then people wonder why he doesn't have compassion? However with "Transcendent morality" you love the criminal as much as you would your own kid. Therefore, you discipline him with love you may be harsh but you love him at the same time, accepting him and not judging him showing him how to take care of himself and how to care about others. Teaching him to actualized, how to survive without taking advantage of others. The rape scenario mentioned in this thread is an irrelevant point. A compassionate person is a responsible person, they would not idly stand by and allow others to be injured. That has nothing to do with Transcendent morality. If you saw your own kid beating up your other kid, obviously you would stop them and then try to prevent it from happening again...