aclokay

I feel like I've gotten into a new stage of Spiral dynamics, which I would call Stage Rainbow. I've been in a very low place in my life where I needed help and guidance, and thanks to all the self help content, I'm full of it. Right up to my head, no place of breath. All of the content is built in my head in form of values which are tugging me on opposing sides and leaving me in the same place even after many years of practice. It feels like a self sabotaging stage. For example, I did a lot of meditation, and a retreat and learned to understand that the nature of existence is impermanence. Not just figuratively in my mind, but in the reality of all of the sensations. I could see everything as a wave rising and about to fall. And this sabotages my need for all of the things which motivated me: Happiness, Success, Relationships, Fun, and so on. I understand that the reward of being successful will vanish before I know, so I stop pursing it. Even meditating, I understand the equanimity is also impermanent and I cannot use it for motivation any more. This leaves me in a very awkward phase where I cannot pursue anything fully, and cannot completely let go. It's like, if I let go of everything, let my mind shutup for extended periods of time. The first moment it gets the chance it will say that silence of the mind is temporary. And when I practice anything or works toward a goal, the mind will say the same thing. It's like, if the mind had a trick of distracting me by motivating for success, not the trick is to distract me from EVERYTHING. I can't form any habits. I can't stick to anything. I've tried the most basic things, nothing becomes a habit for more than a few months. Everything is done haphazardly. The first thing that comes to mind is that I need order but no order seems to be maintainable. Has anyone here encountered this situation in their life? How did you handle that?

As far as realizing your true nature, eat 5 grams of mushrooms and you're there. You won't have any doubts. But once the psilocybin leaves your body, you drop off your cloud and land back to reality. It feels like..,having enlightenment would be to clean your chakras so energy would flow, but psychedelics would just build temporary bridges for your energy to bypass the dirt.. In Yoga, there's great emphasis on fasting, and according to it the source of creation doesn't want any food in your stomach or your bowls. I guess this means you're supposed to cleanse your past karma which is in your body, and not the food you eat. Does this mean when you're having glimpse of enlightenment through a substance, you're actually doing work for the substance rather than for your own consciousness? Does the mushroom use you to explore consciousness rather than vice verse? Also, in Sadhguru's book he mentioned that buddha experienced all states of Samadhi, and realized that it's not that. So, perhaps psychedelic are nothing but a Samadhi shortcuts which will leave real trace, just a delusion. (Ignoring all healing, and entertaining stuff) In Vipassana retreat, they tell you the words of Buddha when he was enlightened, about ending the cycle of rebirth and death and all of the habits that he was carrying. How can psychedelics enlighten you or benefit you if they mostly enforce the habit of getting glimpse of awakening? How can the cycle break when the source is cycle forming? I guess all of this could be said about any tool. But I'm still curious about your opinions /contemplate

I think you would learn to meditate most effectively on a retreat. No prior experience required. The environment is geared toward that. Even meditating for an hour would be EASY there compared to at home. /but after the retreat you will develop this equanimity which will assist you when you meditate at home. Even if you prepare yourself with some practice, or psychedelics, it's not going to be as effective as the retreat. Know that it does require commitment. You probably WILL want to drop out on the first day, or first week. But you gotta pull through. Maybe the retreat center would require your parents approval, IDK. I was 22 on my first. Good luck!

I made a similar change. I was also in the computer science industry. I quit everything. flat out. now also going traveling. I still haven't decided what I'm going to do. But know this. It gives a huge sense of freedom, especially if you haven't got tied to the salary and bonuses of the high tech industry. then it's difficult to leave, much more. But rewarding as well. It is a huge step! and i think it will grow your Independence. That's one of my motivations for travel. If you feel that's it right for you then go for it! Leo mentioned something about pre- mordem maybe that'll work for you. I also considered going to New Zealand! Any chance you'll PM about how it works with migrating there ? Visa? Or what? Good luck!

Hi, I have a problem that when I get stuck in my school questions I get REALLY frustrated, agitated, then angry then quit. At this point in my life I took on studying for a degree which involves math courses, which I previously quit THREE time. When I signed up for the math courses I knew what I was up against, I knew I would get frustrated and want to keep at every small hurdle on the way. But now, I'm actually at this place and my semester hasn't started yet. I don't completely suck. but I get frustrated and give up very easily. i'm aware of this. But it's still very difficult for me. I'm not sure if I give up because of lack of motivation or because I can't deal with the emotions and try to escape them. How do you deal with frustration? How do you keep going ? Do I need to force myself to keep trying to solve (math) problems even though I'm agitated or should I take a break or take on another subject? I really need help with this! Thank you

I feel the same a lot.. Looking forward to answers on this one

Hi guys, After being in a Vipassana retreat for 10 days, I found the inspiration to do the recommendation of one hourly sitting in the morning and one in the evening. And I found the benefits of it. It was quite good for the first weeks. But soon after, I found myself skipping days and generally slacking from the practice. Cancelling some of my evening meditations for the sake of social activities or physical exercise. And at that time, I spent binge watching a lot of YouTube videos about meditation and other of this sorts. One notable video was of Jiddu Krishnamurti discussing What is meditation. And in that video Jiddu talks about topics which spoke to me. Stuff like: Discovering stuff for myself, seeing the promises a lot of schools of meditation offer, not joining anything and mentioning the greed of meditation for hours. He said that few minutes if enough. And i'd like to discuss with you people. What do you think about these points? Can meditation be something spontaneous and momentary or does is it no different then exercising for a competition with set schedules and goals ?

The point is beyond that. It's about the notion that it's not about the technique. It's mere observation. One does not need a technique to hear the sounds or see the trees. If you get my point.. Maybe techniques can be helpful but are helpful as medicine. Not everyone should take medicine.

My birthday is also at 24/4! Congrats Leo!

So, I've had weird relationships in the past. Never had an official girlfriend. Just dated few girls I met online. I had times where I knew a girl and it bloomed until it didn't bloom and pretty much went down the drain. I'm not sure why. Recently I wanted to have more relationships with girls. I set out a goal for myself to have a girlfriend in 2017. And it's quarter way in and my attempts have failed miserably so far. Which confuses me A LOT. I'm trying to embrace my confusion but when it kicks in it gets everything with it. My motivation for exercise and creativity. I spend a lot of time in my own mind, and thoughts about my need of a relationship are conflicting strongly with my fear of relationships. and I guess, my fear of failure. I'm set in my career. I'm happy having the friends I have, who I often take a moment to appreciate with all my heart. But this thing with women, gets me tangled up. I tried looking at in a different perspective than I usually have. I didn't want to find a girl to satisfy my ego and be done with it as soon as the desire is burned out. But to let my curiosity flow in a direction of another person, which happens to be a women. I want to commit. I want to share my emotions with somebody. I want to be supported and to support the most vulnerable state. I guess there are things I feel I can't share/do with my guy friends. I obsessed about self help for a while. I've read a lot of books. But I didn't find the courage to do anything besides set up an OKCupid profile, and be as honest as I can there. Unlike other profiles where I carefully crafted a profile from my most attractive perspectives. And it doesn't go well. I've chatted with a bunch, i've got the numbers of a bunch and didn't meet anyone so far. Every time I've got to chat with a girl I liked I became really hopeful. I felt warmth in my heart. I felt desire for life and human beings. But quickly the desire was shutdown by my expectation of her. I wait for a message. I wait to be socialized with. I send a message and get my adrenaline pumping when I get an answer back. I take peaks of messages and think hundreds of times of what to respond. Uncertainty rises. I don't know what moves me in the direction of letting my expectation smother me. I can't help but to let my, mostly healthy, self esteem shatter into pieces when someone I like begins to shut me down, or lose interest. I rationalize to myself "People are people and have their own decisions" and I chant "I'm completely independent of the good or bad opinions of others" and I meditate, and I rant, and I look my emotions directly in the eye and I run away from them I sit through them and I look at them be. But it's still painful, so why should it be? I try to focus and the positive things that I have in my life, but it keeps coming back to this. Where is feminine counterpart in my life? Does she even exist? Am I compatible with anyone at all? If I'm aware of my thoughts and emotions, and it seems like I want a relationship, why does it not happen? Why are my efforts so small to this? Another thing I've got to understand recently, is that for relationships with any person, whether it's your mom, colleague girlfriend or a strangers require honesty. And I feel like I can't be honest about this topic. I feel ashamed. I feel like this is the kind of things that scares people off and I shut myself up and feel guilty about. This feels like it's going to be a long and winding and painful road to get over these fears and insecurities and I haven't got the slightest clue. Let it be? Or try to improve? This one also bothers me a lot lately. Makes my association with self-help very negative one. Thanks for reading. Have you got any advice for me?

Fuck yeah! I'll just print it, get some lube and I'm set. I do connect to. Very well with some people sometimes. After a while I'm confused if I want to carry on or give in to laziness. I think I discovered something much more interesting than I expected from this! I don't know how to be silent comfortably. Or at least completely comfortable. Even with my best friends I feel discomfort when it's been silent for a long time. It confuses me and I don't know what to do so I go home or ramble about some shit. Honestly, I read a lot recently. I just can't get step 2 Thank you all!

I didn't try to be concise. I rambled "like a woman" to convey my struggle and confusion with it. So the first two tips basically say not to reveal my insecurities because they're uninteresting? I thought about it. But doesn't it take a hit on the your integrity? and then on your self esteem? Sometimes my insecurities are such a big part of my day that not sharing them would mean silence..and it's not a great way to socialize and interact. And about the third, yeah of course. That's where my confusion comes. If I cared enough, I would go and talk to girls in person. But for some reason it's not happening. I don't know if it's because of fear of failure or lack of interest at all. Thanks thought, much appreciated.

If it's harmful to you, it might be good to wonder why. But you don't have to. Just skip em if it doesn't help you I think all self help has dangers to it. And it's a business at the end of the day. So, take EVERY piece of advice you get as if it worked for the person giving, and might not work for you and even be harmful. Same goes with enlightenment. Nobody has authority over you. My guess is Leo's work process isn't about research with many subjects and control groups and stuff. But more like, you research stuff and tell your friends about it. Except that he gives a lot of details and examples and his personal view on the topic his explaining. I personally like the existential mind fucks.

I think the purpose to drop the roles is to remind yourself that the roles are just that, roles. So if you're carried away with purpose. You can drop it. And see that it was a role that you've been playing. Then, once you've seen that, you can go back to your role. This is one of those advice where you could overestimate it because it caught you off guard. Don't go and drop roles that are critical for achieving your life purpose. At least not permanently. Try to see where and when it fits in your life. It probably answers all three questions

I can relate to "... long days being really exhaustive..". When you feel that it's getting exhaustive, I'm guessing it's because you prefer to do other things. Even if those things are staring at the wall, scrolling through the interwebs or whatever. I say then, just do them. You don't have an obligation to be friendly every time somebody want to talk to you. You can hint at them that you're doing other things. Or, my favorite, tell them the truth. "Hey, I'm tired of talking, nothing personal, we can chat tomorrow or something, I need some time to myself". They shouldn't take it personally. If they do, well then It's their problem" Maybe to repeat Leo's Mantra of "I'm completely independent of the good or bad opinions of others" it helped me a lot !

Try to not abstract life but look at it in detail. If you abstract everything. Yes. Everything is the same and obvious. Conversation is a protocol. Words are constructing a sentence. Tones are conveying meaning and emotion. Try to understand why the person is saying what they're saying. Maybe they're repeating things just so they could connect with you and have nothing else to say. if it's still boring, well, I guess you're naturally not interested in that person.Look for another one. When things become repetitive in a relationship, I usually try to push it to different direction. Ask new things. Share those new insights I have and see if people give me insights about my insights. And sometimes I lose interest, and simply let go and focus on other things. Best of luck!

"Wow everybody here is so awesome" - This thought always comes to mind when I'm going out to parties / events. And the thought just haunts me. I just start comparing myself to every single person I see. For every single gesture, every single word, or other forms of self expression, I just start comparing myself and eventually arriving at the conclusion that wow, everybody here is so awesome. Now the thing is, I'm aware of those judgments and comparisons I make. In general I have a healthy self esteem. But it feels like whenever there's a social situation. My mind goes insane! It's like full judgement and comparison mode! I judge my friends for not dancing, I judge myself for dancing to much, you get the picture. At the end of those events, I'm tired of looking at people because my mind is automatically judging. I tried the judgement exercise one time. Should I do it again? How do you guys think I should respond to those thoughts and judgement? It makes my social life very difficult ... Also off topic question: How do you personally interact with people when there are many of them and you don't know any ?

A bunch of bytes stored in a server in Leo's basement I guess Jokes aside, an answer doesn't come easily. Thoughts come up, various explanations come up. Such as "I'm a bunch of neurons that are convincing each other that these neurons are separate from the world" followed by a thought of "That was just a thought, I can't really know those neurons" followed by "What can I know ? " and this escalates to philosophy..at least in my case. I was clinging to rational thought about my existence before Leo opened me up with showing me that these are still beliefs, and the coin just flipped. The feelings of beliefs I held true is another way of saying I believe it's true. Then, I just, I can't describe it really. That thought, that the thought, was a thought was mind mindbogglingly confusing to me. Yet it felt comforting. I felt like I was trapped in my mind beforehand. Most profound experiences were when I was high on weed. So to answer your question with true honesty: I don't know, but I'm looking, without knowing if there's anything to find.

Sounds amazing! I'm looking forward to taking shrooms myself for the firs time. Did you ever smoke a lot of weed on that period of meditations? I quit smoking weed and started meditating instead, later I got back to smoking a great amount and man those experiences felt enlightening! Also I want to ask whether you felt like you lost sense of control to the point of being physically in danger and not being able to respond?

Hi I'm like you doing 30 minutes a day usually. Personally, I think the barrier is physical. My body / back gets more tired for sitting more time. Longer meditation session just feel like a different arbitrary number has passed on the clock. I would suggest, just giving it a try. I mean, everybody will get different things. I say the only way to know is to try. Also, what results are you expecting ?

I felt the same way. But you have to understand the path of self-actualization isn't as popular of a path as go to party get drunk, or art, or other popular activities. And you are the one filtering out people who take interest in different things. So you are the one who can choose to not filter them out and just give it a go. Maybe they'll find it interesting. Maybe you'll find their interests interesting too. Don't be fooled by first impressions!

Thanks! I didn't think about meditating before stuff. I usually meditate right before bed. But I'll definitely try it! "What am I" sounds interesting. What is this "What am I" path your speaking about? Enlightenment ?

You are awesome guys! But it's irrelevant to the topic

Thanks! I've had the enlightening experience from weed too. And yeah, I agree with that as long as I don't lose balance, it will help me more than harm. I've had my different shares of weed experiences. I noticed it dulls my mind only when I'm over doing it. Otherwise it brings creativity and pleasure. I've changed my lifestyle to the productive side. I guess health is the only concern. But, a lot of things harm our health. Avoiding those will make my life feel like a sort of _bubble boy_ that doesn't live the house. That's interesting! I didn't think of it in that way! It changes my view on the whole situation. I want to smoke weed, as the experience is mostly a pleasure. But I don't want to be dependent on it. I don't want to life feel dull without it. Or feel like life is deficient without that joint at the end of the day, or the week. Thanks! truly enlightening!!

Hi guys. First post here I'll start with the back story: Two months ago, I used to drink and smoke to the point where it was overdone. I couldn't bear those days I didn't get the chance to smoke or those weekends that I didn't drink. It felt like it was a part of me. So I was watching a lot of the videos regarding self esteem and so on, "Stop caring what other people think" "Self Image" and these genres of videos. It was a pleasure to watch. I don't know why I avoided self help. I guess my low self esteem wouldn't allow me to. And it was very helpful to me. It brought me back to my feet of the deep sorrow depression I was going through subconsciously. Thanks for that Leo! And I was curious to what other topics Leo was discussing, I just didn't click those which didn't seem to my taste. Meditation,Enlightenment sounded like bullshit to me. So I didn't click it. But then one video caught my eye; "Overcoming Addiction - The Root Cause Of Every Addiction". Being a cigarette smoker, and weed smoker I pondered for few seconds staring at the thumbnail. Then, I decided, I'll watch it. and it hit every point, and got me to quit smoking tobacco, weed, drinking alcohol and start doing meditation instead. I didn't have the desire to smoke or drink. It felt great being sober after almost a year of smoking at least one joint every day, to smoking none. no cigarettes no alcohol. After a month of so of being completely "monk"ed out of everything. I've got some desires to drink a beer, or smoke some weed. But I let them go every time. Until finally I decided, Heh what the heck, I'll smoke once. It didn't feel bad for me to break out of that "NEVER SMOKE NEVER DRINK" law I've set to myself. Because I didn't plan to overdo anything as I did beforehand. Now for my main question: Should I smoke / drink once in a while? Should I have those should / shouldn't arguments in my head about smoking? I don't want to smoke tobacco anymore. I never enjoyed that. But the weed. It had psychedelic effects on my mind. It felt like it sets me free from myself. Especially if I smoked rarely. I don't know if I should quit forever/ smoke once a week/ two weeks/ month.. How do I go about with it ? And now I'm afraid that I'm backsliding, even though it doesn't feel like it. That fear lingers in the back of my mind. Thanks in advance for any advice!