Whatev3r

@Bebop Always further. @Bob84 It can't be anything other than ego. Emptiness doesn't care about anything. @Joel3102 That feeling comes from the ego. Reality is eternal, you as body mind aren't. Just be the awareness where the fear arises. Then fear becomes quite enjoyable, just a neutral feeling.

@WelcometoReality I've had many smaller awakenings before and every time ego claimed ownage of them and felt superior to "unconscious" people. This time i guess the awakening was so full that those kind of thoughs were seen trough easily.

@WelcometoReality I watched that video the night after my awakening. It's good advice. Immediately after the experience thought came that "I've done it now. I'm one of the rare people who are enlightened! Everybody needs to know about this!"

@cetus56 We had crazy snowstorm last night, there's like 40 cm of snow. It was fun to try to find my car this morning

@WelcometoReality yeah i feel this urge to know and go tell people about this, but i know it's useless and it's only the ego trying to feel special. @cetus56 Will try that, I wish it was summer here, although winter is beautiful too, but it's freezing outside

@Bebop I understand now why people escaped to some cave after their awakening

Hi, I had this "experience of no self" a week ago. I realized that there's absolutely no-one here, no controller, no centre. Just this empty knowing of experience. There was this instant knowing that I can never die, because i was never born, that i'm (god,universe,emptiness) playing this game of being this little person. After some time fear started to arise, this great terror. I couldn't really sleep for two days because of it. I think it was because everything was uncraspable for the ego, it felt like falling of a cliff and trying to grasp air at the same time. I thought of things i had to do that week and how long is this going to last? Shortly after that "my world" returned and fear stopped. I guess the old ego got some foothold. Now i'm still detached from thought. It's hard to explain, they are still there, but there's no "I" feeling in them. I was just wondering like what next? Detaching completely from feelings and emotions? I feel like this is just the start of the path.

The beta blocker helps alot. Hard to be afraid of getting a panic attack in public if the drug prevents it. It stops the cycle of: getting little anxious, noticing heart racing, >getting more anxious, noticing shakiness, >getting more anxious... until full panic. I had an experince of "no-self" few days ago. It wasn't anything that ego thought it would be . I just laughed. It's just too funny how simple it is and that it was always here. Now it feels like ego is doing everything to stop this. Getting depressed and saying that it wasn't what i wanted. But it has no effect anymore, because it really can't be unseen.

@Svartsaft Just stop being a bitch? wow, never thought of that... ":D"

I haven't smoked weed in over a year now. It wasn't really that hard to stop after having that panic attack. I mean i had terrible depersonalization because of that. I didn't recognise myself in the mirror, familiar places seemed alien to me, thats btw how i found non duality and enlightenment googling the symptomps. It gradually went away in 2-3 months, meditating helped alot. well id like to just be able to do normal stuff without being anxious. It's hard to get enjoyment from normal activities when your not feeling so good.

@Telepresent Hi man, first of all i did very deep research for that particular ssri and desided not to take it and Propranolol that im taking now isn't anti depressant, it's a beta blocker that stops the symptoms of anxiety (high blood pressure, shakiness etc.). I can talk to strangers and challenge myself everyday to say hi to people i pass by, strike up some little conversation with the cashier etc, like today i talked with strangers in store about trump getting elected and shit. Like i was very social trough out my teens, had many friends and couple long relationships, but i was always still anxious and wasn't truly myself. When i was like 17 i started to smoke alot of weed, almost every day, and was very careless. At some point it stopped being fun and i got like 100 times more anxious when i smoked, but all my friends were stoners at that point so i kept smoking and one day had a really fucking awful panic attack at some party. Got depersonalization because of it and stopped going out and slowly lost my "friends", except one. i dont know why im telling all this, but it feels like a have change my whole identity, ego stucture or something to heal this.

Yeah in retrospect it's always so silly how i think when im anxious in social situations. That thinking pattern is like a reflex to me. Forcing and acting confident helps if you're "a little shy" but not with social anxiety disorder. I guess i need to really make this my fulltime task to overcome. Like a year ago i though that this enlightenment thing might make me fearless and i had the generic seeker mindset that "everything will fall in the right place when i get "there"". Meditation and self inquiry has helped alot tho and im not really judgemental towards myself, because i know that this body and mind are not in my control really. I might try Dr. richards social anxiety online program. If someone has tried it, can you tell if it has helped you.

Okay so i didn't take ssri, got a prescription for Propranolol to reduce anxiety symptoms. Also bought supplements that should help. I tend to get very depressed every winter, so that might be the lack of vitamin D, cause there's so little sunlight here. I also hit a dead end with my self inquiry and realized that ego cant do anything to get enlightened. At that moment i also realized how big spiritual ego i had developed. So that made the ego go bit crazy and increased the anxiety and depression. don't really know what to do now. i guess just keep meditating.

It's just that i'm in a point where it's hard to go to a grocery store even. I quit my job two months ago, because it was too much. I didn't have energy to do anything else then go to work. I'm at school atm, but i only have few classes a week. I moved on my own 6 months ago, thinking i could be more focused on self actualizing, but i've just become kinda hermit. Now that it's winter and i live in the northern europe, i always make an excuse to not go out because it's too dark/cold/rainy.. i only have one friend that i see here and there and i just fear i might lose that too. So yeah.. i don't know. I got a prescription for ssri, so i might try that.

Hi guys, i've been having social anxiety for a very long time, it started when i was around 12-13 and im now 20. I've been starting to get really hopeless, because it feels like nothing works. It's so deep in my psyche. Like in my country we have this mandatory military...um..service? that lasted for almost a year. There i had to be around people 24/7 and tried my hardest to learn to be relaxed with people, but it didn't help much. I'm pretty much as anxious now than before going there and that really fuels my hopelessness, if so hardcore exposure didn't help. Will anything ? I've also meditated heavily for 9 months and started to do self inquiry 5 months ago. Strong determination sitting has really made me see all the traumatic events in my childhood that started this snowball effect of social anxiety. I've started to think about psychedelics and other drugs that could help, but i'm scared that im too unstable to handle psychedelics. I just thought to ask you if you have some suggestions? what helped you? also sorry for my bad english