Hugo Oliveira

Sometimes it seems like something within you will sabotage your attempts to be superficial. Teaching you to act greater and seek what is really valuable. Therefore, I would also consider another lesson that is only pursuing women that YOU REALLY want to be with. Don't take for granted that you are already doing it. Before asking yourself "does she likes me?", ask yourself "do I like her?".

Have you considered applying to classes, retreats, sports, and things like that? Do you have the energy, time, and money to invest in these kinds of activities? For me, it would be the way. I lived for almost a year in a tiny touristic village here in Brazil. I learned to surf and met lots of people there.

Answering your question, I think this is a thing you can't control and you should accept and honor the way in which friends present themselves in your life. From another perspective, I think we all can present "neediness" if we are missing connections. If you want to strengthen yourself and your life by having significant allies, I recommend expanding your socialization and finding out these people. Do it if you resonate and if you have the energy available to put this work into practice.

Good topic! I've been contemplating it a lot recently. I think I'm deeply missing strong connections for years. I have many people who like me, that can offer companionship, fun and support but these people for some reason dont' fulfill my need for deep connection. Even my girlfriend with whom I have a lot of intimacy and love. I don't feel 100% at home in her presence. Yesterday a very close friend from childhood visited me. He is a super dumb person most of the time and we don't share the same values. But man, his presence was such medicine! We went through similar struggles in life and I feel like he totally understands and accepts me. Recently, I was developing this kind of deeper relationship with other people. But I got a bit frustrated with them disappearing for a while and coming back later as if nothing happened. I decided to set some boundaries. Like you said, "I don't like getting close to people and then leaving".

@Jodistrict Do you recommend Bufo as something more appropriate to clear trauma without having too much mindfuckery?

@Space Not sure if you watched, but in the video, he makes this clear distinction between "consciousness expansion" and psychedelic "medicine/therapy". He says that his focus is on the first, purposefully. I think both worlds intersect, but it is still good to have specific content for each one of these facets.

@Raze Thanks for mentioning!

I want o find an MDMA therapist as he did!

TNL offers good content, I made a live workshop with them. It can be good for people who are still going out of the "manipulative bubble". You can study their content, but take care and keep questioning. I don't think authenticity is an easy subject. But it is up to you how deep you want to go into this rabbit hole. The best content I found was: -Zam Perion (his book) -David Tian - Brian (Fearless man) You can listen to those guys. But again: don't get lost in theory! Go with what better resonates with you and keep growing.

Relax. Shit happens. Soon it all will vanish from your mind and you'll release the shame feelings. I don't recommend you become obsessed about getting the confidence to manage this kind of situation. You can just let them go. Instead, become more and more mindful that what you are doing is nothing bad or wrong. So for example, if you approach a 13-year-old girl by mistake or even a girl with her boyfriend. Just recognize that it can happen to anyone and you have no intentions to cause problems in anybody's life. Then, move on with no regret.

You are a man, she is a woman. I know it is easier said than done, but you already have an answer about the "missing" subject: it is HER. Culture and circumstances can make it feel wrong or unsuitable. But the truth is that you want to meet her. You can hide or deny it. But this is what you truly want. Check within yourself and be honest (I may be wrong). Maybe you want to know about her life, what such a graceful woman is enchanted by, the kind of books she reads, what she does for a living, and what these things reveal to you about her. Maybe discover what you guys have in common beyond the dogs. I'm not suggesting you a list of subjects for the conversation, even less making her a "job interview" (be careful). I'm suggesting you connect with your true intentions and make the conversations happen from there. I know it may feel terrifying as dead. But you have to make a choice. To give it a chance. If you keep talking about the dogs you'll feel frustrated again. Maybe never see her again. I'm not even suggesting asking her number or inviting her to a coffee someday (why not?). But allow your curiosity and desire to flow and call the shots. If you get vulnerable, allow it. If you get your feelings hurt, it will not kill you. Bite the bullet, be honest. You like her as a woman. Nothing wrong with it. I wish you the best!

One of the biggest BS I found out and people keep perpetuating is that women don't give a fuck about physical beauty. There is this false notion that man is only about confidence and bla bla bla. FAKE!! I observe lots of women being attracted to physical beauty and muscular bodies. This is not absolute, and maybe not the most important thing about masculine attractiveness, but it is real and part of the game. Let's be honest.

I Agree. I'm not judging, but it seems to me like an adolescent drama. I went through many like this. The point is that we sometimes make it so real and so important that we really feel entitled to be a hero and solve the shit for ourselves and others. But it can be a huge trap. What I would intuitively suggest (because I can't give advice), is to give it space and be patient. Be and act as an example by being loving and setting the necessary boundaries. Be happy and live your life. As we used to say in the army: words convince but example drags. Many times drama feels super sexy and we want to have a whole to affirm ourselves. But the most sophisticated and efficient posture may be just allowing things to evolve and resolve by themselves. Acting with no attachment and only when really necessary. It may be like a sacrifice at first, but later will be proud for being mature/wise and just letting go.

I hear a lot about the success of clinical research. But rarely reports about the permanent healing effect of MDMA for ordinary users who suffered from depression or trauma. Has anyone here tried it on its own with healing purposes? How was it? I'm also looking for information that can make me closer to underground MDMA healing centers.

@aurum Appreciate your perspective on that. As I became more open-minded and multiperspective about this subject of dating, I recently saw myself falling into rigid mindset traps again. I was becoming obsessed with the need for a better or perfect vibe/feelings before approaching women again. It was having a toxic effect on me and your comment kind of woke me a bit to that. Thanks!

It is fucking real! If you are able to separate romance from neediness and codependence it will be a level up. True romance was lost in our culture for being confused with superficialities, attachment, and neediness. From my perspective, romance is a superpower. Don't suppress it. But if your feelings for this specific person are going in a bad direction, don't get lost. Be able to let go, don't be scared, and move forward. In the future, you'll be able to have the same feelings for someone else. Reflect upon the idea that the ability to love someone is far more powerful than any pickup line or manipulative behavior. Be honest about the love and responsible about the neediness.

Hey guys! I suspected many times that my conscious/unconscious thinking about approaching was very messy, so I decided to contemplate that and find some clarity. I created two lists: one with healthy mindsets and another with toxic ones that I want to let go of. And decided to share it with you. Feel free to copy mine or elaborate your own list. List 1 (my top positive reasons to approach) 1. To honor and celebrate beauty: the beauty of woman, romance, and adventure. These are all beautiful things that I think are worthy. I want and decided to value. 2. Sexual pleasure: being very honest and shameless about it here. 3. Fun, friendship, and connection: I have a lot to give and experience beyond just sex. Women too. 4. Abundance: if you are able to do basic "game", while you do it, you can always have potential connections and relationships. 5. Learning and self-knowledge: "game" can be a tool to evolve and get a better understanding of women, life, and yourself. 6. Refusing mediocrity: not settling for a life of neediness and loneliness. 7. Rebelling against "social norms" and mainstream mentality: which makes us distant and unimportant for each other, leading many people to loneliness, and sickness. 8. Rebelling against mainstream behavior and mentality about attraction: relying on myself and my values, cutting out the BS about status, social media, appearances, and futilities as means to connect. List 2 (my top toxic reasons to approach) 1. Believing in obligation: I don't have any obligation or debit with anyone nor any idea. I'm free to do and think whatever I want. 2. Wanting to compensate: I don't need to prove anything to anybody nor to myself. I'm free to be whatever I am. 3. Needless: I don't want to approach women to alleviate my neediness or lust. These are feelings that can occur but will pass. 4. Seeking a sense of worthiness: my happiness and sense of worthiness don't need to be based on how much sex or relationships I have. This is a choice, I choose to take it and put in other things. 5. Wanting to use or take advantage of women: that's a trap. I want to respect others' feelings as I respect my own. I got what I give. That's it! I felt happy for elaborating these lists for myself as a guidance system and I would be happy also if any of you guys find any value in it.

It is called prospection and it is a great way to make shit happen. But it requires some context and understanding. It worked for me as a designer. I sent 30 emails and got a job. But trusting only in numbers is a weak strategy. In my case, for example, I needed to find the people with better potential to connect with, I found specific employees inside companies who could like my work and contacted them directly through their best email. I showed them good things I created, I built rapport in my message, and so on. It is simple, but not easy. Think about yourself if you would offer a job to some random stranger who appeared in your email box with a CTRL C CTRL V desperate message. Think deeply and elaborate on that. Feel free to DM.

Just to reinforce, I don't think you are expecting nothing from another word. Your criteria is maturing and for sure there'll be people who matches.

@Preety_India Not sure what your doubt is. It seems like you already know what you want. Just to illustrate better, it may be an opened relationship with a reasonably mature guy, who knows how to love you and how to f*CK as well. Having intimacy and agreeing with the intention of being each other priority (romantically). I think more and more people are becoming opened to that, and it is from my perspective, the finest relationship modality. Avoid dividing human beings into extreme categories like "alpha or beta". Open to the nuances and pick the guy who fits in what you desire from now on.

Read "The Psychedelic Experience: A Manual Based on The Tibetan Book of the Dead" By Timothy Leary It may possibly give you valuable intellectual resources about the process.

If you are in your early 20's, understand one thing: You are NOT supposed to have everything figured out. Shit will happen, you have to be able to forgive yourself, be patient, and be resilient. Be humble to learn from your mistakes and time will vanish everything forever. When you look back you'll see how stupid and childlike was the whole situation and all the participants. Slowly bring your attention to what feels good and fuck being perfect. Connect with goodness. The authority these people apparently have is not real. In practice, these events you described seem to be a result of your obsession. Learn that obsession can f*cking harm you.

I know it is a common question and a very individual decision. But I wanted to ask if you guys have some insight to share about it. I'm doing Vedanta guided meditation and I feel like I clearly understand the suggestion of liberating the glue of the mind's attachments and doubts in order to connect with awareness and wake up to something higher. But I'm very challenged for possible material accomplishments. Mainly in sexual attraction, I have the need to progress and empower myself towards it. Many times these pursuits seem like a trap. I'm contemplating on that but I still have doubts about doing more consistent work toward my human needs. Did any of you guys felt divided in your journey? Can you really "burn through karma" as Leo suggests without getting stuck in the process? Thanks!

You have to change this belief, start by stopping affirming that you are paranoid. That's not true. You can say for example that you HAD some paranoid thoughts. With the verb tense in the past. That can be useful in your recovery and more aligned with the truth. Unless you are having thoughts at this exact moment. There are two possible dimensions in which fear can manifest. In your feelings, and in your thinking. To heal your feelings, find a way to silence your mind (meditation) and turn your attention to the feeling of fear, anguish, or whatever feeling that may be present in your body. It can be clear or can be subtle, doesn't matter, do not rationalize about it. Just stay there with compassionate awareness, allowing and observing it for a period that is comfortable for you. You'll start to feel lighter after a while. To heal your thoughts, since you are already able to question the truth of these thoughts, you can, being kind to yourself, start reducing the impact it has on your actions. Recognizing that you can live and do whatever you want to do despite the threats. Take baby steps if necessary and take notes about your progress. That will make you improve on a regular basis. Find values like love, freedom, courage, or whatever you want to honor to support you in this process. I mean, it can be easier if you move on motivated for a higher purpose, compared to just wanting to "fix yourself". Make it all clear by writing. Be patient and consistent. Be loving and head up! You'll be fine and become a more powerful and resilient person after growing from it. Wish you the best!

I'll tell you an important thing: do you know what can be worse than being hated by someone? It is to be loved without knowing how to love back and how to love yourself. If you are suffering from the "NO", wait for the "YES" and you will see how terrible it can be. I'd like also to wake you up to the notion that this conversation is not a joke, this is no BS, and you can't keep playing the game of reinforcing negativity as if there would be no consequences. Nobody here can provide you with the exact formula to solve your problems. This whole community is about you finding it by yourself. I wish you comprehend and embrace it. Your capability, choice, and responsibility. About your complaint here, wouldn't suggest you approach 100 girls. But taking care of your heart and yourself. Pain is part of life, for everyone. Could you come to terms with that? Maybe just for a while, if the circumstances are unbearable, could you take a break? Look in other directions and with patience, collect the information you need.