Amit

@Joseph Maynor thought stories are not real but the thoughts are real. Mind creates thought that can be translated to reality. Till a thought is not out there, its content is unreal. But the sensations in mind and emotions are real while thinking. Now what are you reading are my thoughts which are translated to this screen and this is real. But its content what I am trying to say by these symbols may or may not be real out there.

@Nahm @zenjen @Deep @Martin123 @Joseph Maynor thank you for helping me make it clear that it is often used to represent truth but it has to be directly experienced. The common airy fairy notions of the term confused me at the first place.

@Shin is experience of god similar to that of enlightenment or their is difference. I want to know the difference. You would not believe me, I have experienced truth also, but I lost it. I just wanted to know about god. @Nahm man I have very Intense desire to experience god for myself. What advice would you like to give me. @Truth it's space. Is it god, how?

@Nahm then its just mental masturbation atleast for me, no god for me. God is only for psychedelic ingesting people. @Shin without psychedelics?, its not "just psychedelics" in India, I can get into a jail.

I would love to know how to proceed to get such an direct experience Mr. @shin any way without psychedelics, right now it's impossible to get psychedelics here.

samadhi mean to become that object which you are perceiving, like you are it. Your concept of self has to be first dissolve to samadhi. In that state you and the object are really inseparable. Concentration is only to focus one of your senses to the object, it's a subset of samadhi you can say.

@Monkey-man it depends on what's your objective to come to India. If it's travelling than it's ok. If its spiritual practices, then India doesn't matter, you can do it from anywhere. There are so much good resources available online now a days.

Thinking it, won't resolve it. You have to be present with the feeling of it and when you just be with it, Ask... If you can let it go, if you don't know who you are, try enlightenment practices. You will be free from all the pain.

when I am only ego, I can't be and thats why I can't get out of my ego. To get out of unconsciousness I need consciousness which is not there. when I am, ego has gone... Just me, just reality, infinitely wide, deep and long. Indescribable and describable, beautiful and also ugly, complete acceptance. In between those exteremes I need to try to pull my self towards more awareness. who pulling whom? I am pulling myself. Awareness pulling awareness out of what? only awareness exists, only truth exists, only reality exists, darkness is reality. so what is unconsciousness? which doesn't exist. existence == reality == consciousness == awareness == infinity == nothing == GOD == you == me == "==".

yesterday evening I was walking away from my village toward my fields, one old man which was sitting beside my father at the temple on the way, asked me... Where are you? As I was fully awake and in the moment I said to him, I am here... Where I can be. The old man laughed and I too. It was very good but instantly my mind started chattering that how I am growing, that was my ego... Thoughts ... Inside those thoughts my mind was trying to judge the situation and distracting me from just be. How strange that was... The ego trying to destroy my hard work.

it's better to focus on one book at a time.

just be with it, feel the richness of it in your body and watch the thoughts. The best way is to be mindful, is to be aware of whatever is going on and asking can I let this energy transform toward my goals, my creation or my meditation.

sitting in the room, under the bulb of light in the darkest room of my house, thinking what will be the perfect object out of numerous to journal about. Infinite things in which journaling is one, what could be the best thing to journal about. self esteem issues, judging my ownself how I will be judged by others, but this isn't me, it's my creation. Consciousness is pure which I am, can't be judged. symbols representative of relative meanings, can't absolutely express me, still will have some meaning to someone, maybe just waste of words to others, whatever real me don't care.

I am my worst enemy. Having such a big ego, what a release it is to get free from my own self. I was always thinking that I am something big compared to them, now I realize that I just am. emotions I couldn't differetiate between, trying to find out where I am stuck at. noOne is out there to understand me, I am who is understanding Everything. I was searching on internet how to be creator, never realizing this is what I am. creating the sentences out of meaningless symbols, trying to express myself. am I consciousness or awareness or can I be understood through the language. trying to perfect my day and night, just to find it will be imperfect. don't try, don't try!! don't cry, don't cry!! or maybe, try try try Nd cry cry cry.

every time I set big goals, frustration comes when I am just stuck and feel like to give up. While when I try to set what is doable, I just lose motivation. Where to set the line between these two extremes. Anyone having good mental model on that which works?

so that said, these are my goals for tomorrow. 1.exercise, clean body, eat healthy 2.meditation, concentration, visualization, enlightenment exercises 3. JavaScript: Eloquent js (2chapters with notes) 4. Algorithms: CLRS any 1 chapter 5.examples and algo implementation 6.devise basic idea for project: watch Leo's premortem video 7.read books and meditate again

So Today was great.. I have started my day and followed the routine I have set for my self. I have done exercise, meditation, finished half book of Robert ouspensky. I have studied JavaScript, learned about objects and sloved a problem. I wanted to do more in this area, but couldn't do because of distraction and lack of specific goals. observed myself, confronted my father and some negative emotions has come on the surface, thank god I was mindfull and didn't reacted right away. Just realized how unconscious my father is and just drew a boundary in myself. I was aware of the heartbeat raising and the rushing sensations in the body. now I am feeling more calm, I am also realizing that I shouldn't have reacted to my mother in that moment. But anyway it was very controlled, I can be aware at any time.

till now I have read books such as "A new earth" and "big leap", I found both of these to be very valuable while eckhart tolle has beautifully wrote about power of now and how world can just be. I finished the book just after my first awareness experience and felt the meaning of consciousness to its core. This book really helped me. big leap also focuses on the same view of the time and how zone of genius can be thought through some questions. Still I am not very specific about my zone of genius, yet I feel like I am heading towards it and will soon have a life purpose after some experience. Consciousness is the most important thing, NOW I feel about it and I have started the book "man's possible evolution" which is really a rich book with heavy content but still now I am getting something from the book. When I first started it, I couldn't relate to it too much.

so first of all I want to create a routine so that I can remove inefficiencies throughout my day. This is just the basic skeleton of the day, which I am gonna follow from now on. This is the most important thing I can do. 1.brushing, toilet, exercise and bathing ...... takes around 1hour after waking up at 5 AM. 2. Couple of pages of any good book, review the goals for the day(10mins) with breakfast 3.study for life purpose-- block 1 of 1hr to 2hr. 4. Calm down, meditate, visualize the big picture, write down the surfacing thoughts in journal (1 hr) 5.training (2 hr block, no distraction) 6.lunch and rest (45 mins) 7.concentration practice 10mins + resuming a personal growth book while contemplating and writing notes in the dairy (1hr) 8. Revision and editing of old notes, asking questions, contemplation (1hr) 9. Study and training: (2hr) 10.rest 11.study and training(2 hr) 12.space change, walking and connecting the dots 13. 3hr practice 14.2 hr project 15.journaling and goal setting for next day and editing long term goals whenever needed go take rest!

now given my history, my present demands a lot of work toward growing myself. To become the hero in my movie, I am now fully prepared to do what it gonna take. Now my top problems are to imagine and visualize what my life is gonna be like. I have learnt a lot through personal development and I am so grateful to leo for changing my life toward better. I love learning personal development. I have been through very rough days during my childhood and personal growth has always been my first priority even when I didn't even know what does this mean. I felt like growing myself to the best when I was so unconscious. Now, when I am conscious, the goal is still the same to grow myself. But I lack experience so I cant still decide very firmly what I will love to do. I have chosen to learn some skills and getting some work to do and let me buy some time to find my quest. Maybe this is my quest to programme softwares or maybe there is something waiting for me to be explored.

this is my brief history: I was born in a traditional Hindu family. We have a small temple in our home where we lit the deepak daily in the evening and pray to god. So my first experience of spirituality started from there when I used to recite the different prayers my mother used to sing before me. I really loved the prayer time. I used to search various kinds of old dusty books in my home, and try to find something interesting to read. I loved reading stories. When I grew older I tried to focus more on what school were trying to teach. Stories were only in language books, Hindi and English. Science math and social science were entirely fact based. When I reached in higher classes I chose math and science as my optional. I particulary liked thinking in terms of physics rather than dry math. I loved the physics and thought this is the best one can understand about the world. I got into college doing engineering, later I did my masters in environmental engineering, which completed this year in June. In this period of 5years in the college, I experimented and risked my life. I become a weed addict for last three years, thus did nothing productive. But still I completed my degree successfully and another thing I have done is to watch many of the leos videos. I got rid of my addiction 3 months before and in this period I have taught myself preliminary web development skills. Now I aspire to be a web developer, so that I can buy myself some time searching for my life purpose later next year. Because my family put a lot of pressure on me for now and this is becoming a major block for creativity still I am pushing forward myself harder and harder now.

I have been watching Leo's videos but now I have started watching them again. At the first time, I recieved through an mind identified with content of thinking and I was projecting myself on Leo and that's why I was not that able to understand things while I sensed the truth in them. Now when my quality of awareness is more I can really see through what he is saying and I can relate with him at more deeper level. but still I am quite unconscious in the sense of self awareness and which I am trying to grow toward the conciousness about my body so that I can be so aware that I can articulate the emotions in my body. I can relate to my body in a better way but I am yet to grow toward depth.

at present, I am trying to focus my mind to training between a lot of distraction. The good part is though that my mind is not the part of the problem but the people of my family cause a lot of disturbance. I am going to change the place to a better and calm place where I can single mindedly train toward my life purpose. Another problem I am facing is of money, for which I will find temporary sources so that I can feel independence to work whatever I want without caring about anybody. I had a lot of gross addictions which are no longer there. But still I got a lot of subtle addictions, I sometimes judge and criticize others.. Which I will try to stop by carefully applying awareness to my thinking. mindfulness meditation is still to practiced and made to a routine. an another facet is that most of the time I feel connected to my inner self but when I go to the outer world and try to be conscious in front of unconscious people, sometime I feel that the pain in them or their emotions transfer to me.

I got the experience of my true nature which cant be explained by word. I am applying presence to reality, while there is no thoughts present. But I don't understand how thoughts differ from other senses. As Leo told in one video that thoughts are sensations in your mind. Are thoughts also reality? Feeling utterly ? confused!!

@TimStr oh I contemplated about it and found that what you are saying is right. contour is that generic feel in the mind area when thinking almost about anything. Thanks for clarifying ?