Amit

Yesterday I was confronted by one of my friend of being a bully, and as she was very close me, it made me remember all the past events when I was bullying people without realising it. I happens to do with people who have been the kindest to me, when I find them being lazy, and for not being up to my standards. It happened after I got the idea of romantic love being mythical and real love to be about growth from the road less traveled. Here is quote from the book.. "Confronting and solving problems is a painful process which most of us attempt to avoid. And the very avoidance results in greater pain and an inability to grow mentally and spiritually" Having a traumatic childhood just like most, the idea of helping in hardcore way couldn't get out of my head. I have had abusive relationships, and tried to make sense of them by this idea. So I started to be hard on people who I find that are not trying hard enough to their full potential, I did everything which was too harsh for them, they've started making distance from me. But I tried justified it to them, and they didn't get it, but it made perfect sense to me, it gave me happiness that it was growing them better, but I was also suffering the huge pain of loss, as some of them blocked me, never talked to me. So finally I search for new people, made friends with them and at a point I hurted them too and lost them. This behavior of insulting people got hardwired to my subconscious and It was going untill yesterday she called me a bully and I started realising that how tough it would be to the person and the hard love can be given only to the point the person in front can take it. I am happy that I experienced this and now I'm wise and try to reach to that balance for the person. But sad to lose and break so many kind hearts.

@egoeimai No, I don't have to reconcile, I live in higher heavens, and can't give a fuck about petty humans just like gutter worms.

@egoeimai it's not just a thought and not a relative comparison but from an awareness pov. Some of us are more aware to the Truth than the rest of us, don't try to argue about it.

@egoeimai ofc, he is a normal person, so it's not applicable for him, you and most other girls fall into the same category. But it is definitely applicable for certain highly realised beings like me, don't reject what you can't yet see.

@Yonkon let her go, best relationship is with oneself, be your own girlfriend... Give yourself the orgasms you want to give her... I can go on and on but you get what I'm saying.

It makes me angry when I see ignorance and blind following masquerades as wisdom, it is worst than keeping the mouth shut, it's the devil's work, devil uses some of the feminine as the medium by tricking it and moves the world towards hell. Feminine is attracted toward devil as it seems to be the only force, devil claims it to be the God, gives concepts and theories and seduces the feminine which in turn seduces the globe. That's why the wisest turn into asceticism because they know that world is satanic. The trick is that God never claims anything only devil, because it has been created by God for keep the world moving in darkness, so that it's harder to achieve him without faith, and you have to give it all away completely. Female is the vehicle of devil, but in that too she is serving God only, to trickery and deception.

I hate ignorance not only for others but for myself, that's why I make offensive remarks if I see it playing out in front of me, and that's what makes me a repulsive force. The world is in dark ages and they better keep away from me for not hurting their bubbly little huge egos. I don't care about you scumbags, play in filth, keep suffering you animals. Shit heads, you think you're smart for avoiding it, no you're an ignorant you'll get keeping fucked up untill you do what I said in the first place. No it hurts it, you're not being respectful, bitches really, you should be ashamed of yourself for being so in the dark that you can't see the light, writing filth doesn't make it.

Not getting time to read books, not even meditation. Time management is in shambles due to social media distraction, and that's for the pleasures of interaction, talking to feminine gives a very different perspective but also lowers the consciousness for me. But avoiding this makes it harder to move on. But I have to brute force to be on plan and try to suffer it through. It's for the love anyway, not for woman, not for the ego, it's for the God. That's what I am striving towards, better if I be fully aware of it all the time to avoid backsliding away from it. Let's not underestimate worth of my time and not be kind to others, not everyone deserves to hear the Truth, it's for my own self and for someone who ask for it. It can't be given for free.

This job stumbled on me and now it seems so fantastic when I look back. Looking forward I don't know what would be it like but I'm not going to get attached like I used to. Girls, haha they're funny, I like them, but just give and receive, nothing more. Not selling my heart for sex. My heart is for my work. That's my love, that's my child, don't need a pussy for that. I don't appreciate the good looks, but I see the beauty of the soul, and woman are manipulative, chasing woman is for looks, for the materialistic pleasures not the soul. Soul just is, it's being.

My friend, while the most idealistic way seems to be the 3rd option, pragmatically you should go for the 1st one. Everything even suffering is permanent, you should not stick to toxic situations. Seems to be you're trying to people please at the cost of your own well being. Realise you can love others only when you can love yourself.

If we're creating value, is it not valid to just print new dollar bills of the same amount.

About Ego vs Personality, I've found this nice article on quora. https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-difference-between-ego-and-personality some good distinctions I've found are "ego is a very busy mental structure; personality is a stable configuration of behavior patterns." "Personality means the virtues which build an individual's character. Ego is the way a person wants to feel important. Most of the time ego dampens our personality." and the best one "None. Personality is what your ego uses to interact with others. Individuality is the song the universe sings through you. Authenticity comes from expressing your individuality while all your weaknesses, fears, and limitations live within your personality."

Personality comes from the ego self, the false self. It's just an illusion. Better be in the real self, identify as consciousness we are, don't try to isolate yourself into these mbti boxes..

Ego backlash still happening. I'm way too focused on my ego self, constantly trying to feed it dopamine by not exerting self-control by the excessive use of social media. I have this itch that I know way too much, and people will benefit from what I say, but I see it keeps taking more and more of doing things for them. And still they don't want you, the ego is rubbing against mine and I can't take it more. Better if I let go of it and single mindedly focus on softwares. It's very satisfying feeling yet to learn new things and coming up with an algo. It definitely makes me creative. Helping people is not what I should strive to do, it should just be as a rant if I'll post something. So until unless I'm very angry and have a definite message, not going to put anything out there. It's important to make that decision, or it keeps bugging you. Its definitely better to read books and write blogs. After I finish BST problems today, I'll try to set up a blog page.

can you give me an example name of such a group?

No, that's why I used 'average'. I understand healthy green value being better at logic/maths might choose to do so for the overall good. But I don't know if they'll be able to pull it off with a social media which requires much policing and be fair in the process. @Consilience I don't know, the greens I have met were weed smokers and didn't like the idea of being workaholic. But I agree they can be hardworkers for the community.

That's for their attraction to feminine, they are trying to be seen as such.. But people go there from an orange perspective, but yeah many might be evolved but the people who do the hard work, are pretty orange. I don't see an average green will like to sit in front of computer to code, just because he is more of a people person.

I like greens, they are lovely people but most of them are not interested to compete and slackers. Something like fb demands passion for work, sorry to say but green simply can't hold the ground.

Facebook has billions of users, Policing it is much much harder than this forum?. Also, greens are pathetic work-averse, they'll never be able to create platform of such a wider reach.

Thanks, it seems to be more clear now.. I was watching the latest video of Joseph maynor, and he pointed out a subtle difference between nonduality and spinocha. I think the human levels are based on the plurality of consciousness, while I was looking at from a single viewpoint. And yeah I can cease to have a perspective and can switch modes if I don't desire it, very true.

There are two different paradigms to understand how desires manifest for a being. One is the Maslow's hierarchy of needs, which is similar to spiral dynamics and ken Wilber's integral model in the sense that it says humans have basic needs and desires, had to fulfill those before transcending to next level of not requiring the lower needs any more. 2nd is the perspective that everything is just an construction of the mind and so you can get free from the needs, after you awaken to this and you can construct only higher consciousness desires and this manifest only that. I understand that both of these paradigms are true and goes together, as realization comes with the hard way for some people and for some it's easy. Seems like when we are talking about these models, it's about consciousness and not the conventional body mind. Different kinds of meditations, contemplations has been described as the pathway towards the realization of higher realms. My question is more about how can we know if we are consciousness itself, if it's transcending to the higher realm, is encountering a lower consciousness perspective or thing can invoke our lower self. Is it possible and practical to be in higher state, whatever state the people interacting with you are in. Also throw some light on the which model is higher fidelity and practical in this process.

@ElenaO I'm going through somewhat similar phase. But one thing which helped me was to expressing myself spontaneously whatever the thoughts coming up. So I start writing in my notbook, record audio or shoot myself instantly, whenever I am overthinking. It gives clarity into big picture, and perception seems to change almost instantly. You don't have to post it anywhere, but a very good way to understand one's own subconscious.

@Nahm it's not, I am not trying to deny desires to myself and it's only better if desire shifts my perception to higher consciousness. Also I said absolutely as love is, so it was to sprinkle it with humour.

I love you absolutely

Given my personality, it's better for me to talk to myself than with others, it would be sure way to get most out of myself. Sex is a duality, so let it go, I am fulfilled about it anyway, but will welcome it if come walking to me, that was always my whole strategy, not what is taught in theory... Who needs sex when you've got God, and you can always have with yourself, solo is definitely better than doing it with a shitty person. The people you come to contact with affect you in a deeper way and sex will waste a lot of you, so it's ok to watch porn, if I'm not doing it the whole time. Feminine resides in me, so I don't need another, but it will be fun to experience a different one. Survival and reproduction are such a powerful force, I couldn't have realised it earlier when I was stuck inside my head. Now when I have truth, I can see it very clearly. I need to do more observation with this new paradigm and make it permanent one, and also looking forward to change my false beliefs.