smd

@Mad Max Coach Corey Wayne calls it giving the gift of missing you. It's very common for me to hear from men & women that haven't seen me in awhile telling me that they were thinking about me or wondering where I've been. Translation: they were missing me. That's the gift: your absence puts your presence in their heads. So when I run into someone like that & they bring that up, then I know that I've been in their mind. It really helps you figure out who your friends & potential interests are. I don't think I'd judge someone as codependent unless they were in a years long relationship in which such examples are made manifest over & over. I don't think a tryst qualifies. I mean, you missing someone you never had sex with is, sounds more like neediness. Many men are needy in their youth, it's part of being young & inexperienced. You just grow out of it, like most things in life.

@Akshay Interesting. When I look up narcissist, the symptoms look like they could fit anyone. I actually hate using labels for other people & would rather look at the situation instead of a series of behavioral patterns. I mean just having an interest in somebody, or lack of interest, doesn't make you co-dependent. As for dysfunctional/abusive relationships, I'm not really sure how you can get away from that. Nobody is perfect! Haven't you noticed how there's always at least one parent out of the two that have some sort of dysfunction? For some, it's the Mom, for others, the Dad. If she's not draining your bank account dry then you have one of the good ones.

Also, missing someone that you're no longer seeing is a normal reaction. That isn't co-dependent behavior. If you're not seeing her anymore, she gave you the gift of missing her. That's what happens when people leave your life or you leave theirs. Sorry for the brevity but I'm at work now & can no longer engage on this issue. Good luck!

@Akshay Is that a clinical diagnosis? This talk of labels is going too far. You're saying you're co-dependent & she's a narcissist? I don't follow the logic of that. You say this girl likes you & you don't like her. Physical touch builds attraction, so if you were friends you wouldn't be touching like that. So the opposite is true: If she's telling you that she loves you, and it has pushed you away. You just need to tell her that she's going too fast & you're not ready and you don't have the same feelings. I wouldn't tell her she's a naricissist though. Eventually those feelings are going to wear off on her & you will become an Ex. If she's crazy for you, then you appear to have practice the push-pull technique on her without realizing it. Bringing her close with the physical contact & then pushing her way without being interested. You can drive somebody crazy doing that.

@Akshay You fell in love. You pushed her away and that just makes you want her more. She was rejecting you when she said she didn't want to dump this other guy but you telling her "I love you" is what pushed her away. Why didn't you just leave things as they were instead of trying to escalate? The strong emotions probably drove her right into the arms of the other man. Also, having sex with a woman doesn't really make you friends. Men & women can never be friends. That's like thinking a spider is your friend. The nature of sexuality & male/female relations will bite you in the ass eventually. You need to read or listen to Doc Love or several of the other love doctors out there on how relationships work. For instance, if you decide to chase her because you are needy ("withdrawal symptoms") then she will think even less of you than she already does. All you can do now is walk away & wait to hear from her. Try to find somebody else. Doc Love would call your case a "Cleanup job", because you did everything wrong. You didn't ask her out nor show you were challenge. You just happened to be nearby & boinked. No mystery. No challenge. Neediness & desperation. Throw sex into the mix & it all spells colossal failure. It'll never work at this point. Imagine how awful it would've been if you got her pregnant & had to pay 20 years of child support for a woman that doesn't like you.

@Akshay How are these relationships falling apart? Are they calling you names or just distancing themselves? Usually friendships break apart because there is a loss in common ground. Also, if you spend a lot of time talking about topics like spirituality & awakening & they're not into it, they're probably going to ghost out. It's best not to talk about these things with people that aren't into it. My experience is that others will think I'm crazy. Hell, even just mentioning that I practice meditation, some people will think I'm part of a cult.

@Fuse What drives you, as in, what are you curious about in the world? Doesn't anything interest you? When I was your age, I was fascinated by fantasy, science fiction, horror, women, social status, financial investing, the future, playing a musical instrument, & so on. I wanted to know a great deal about so many things & find out if I could use them & excel at them... Also, all of the same sexual distractions existed in the past too, even without free Internet porn...more like 8-hour long VHS tapes passed around by your friends or relatives, or getting porn DVDs in the adult section of rental stores. We used to watch them in a living room as a group & drink beer & make silly-ass comments about what we were seeing. Aside from saving up & getting Leo's LP course & getting a basic job, you probably just need to force yourself to take action. At this point, any action at all is a step in the right direction. The easiest action of course is going out & trying to get a job at a store or restaurant, just to get yourself moving & doing something. At some point, sooner or later, you'll develop some ideas on what you need or desire, and get out of this rut you're in & your current rut will seem like an ancient memory.

@So Alguem You might want to consider this a one in a lifetime deal. The opportunity may never appear again, so in 20 years you'll be too tired to act on it, or the music will have changed to something unusual. The time is now. I'd love to have had such an opportunity when I was younger. I'm more of a loner, free to do what he wants & nobody pays much attention to me...hahah...It sounds very much like you want to be like me. It's actually very easy to accomplish, compared to your own situation where you have put forth all of this labor & effort. But I can't understand why anyone would choose to be that way... Good luck.

What if you have a cold? I've found my lungs get wheezy after a cold shower, so I haven't tried it in a long time.

@Ilya If you're referring to Leo's LP course, there is also a book list. Some of those books are pretty tough to read (which will slow you down). And you're not just watching it. There are many activities that you have to engage in as well, especially in the latter half. It can easily take a year if you're a completionist & want to get the maximum benefit. If you were to just watch all the videos, that alone would take you 24 hours straight, but not have much value (I guess you could call that skimming the material...lol).

@So Alguem For me, it looks like you're trying to sabotage your success by quitting just before the real work begins. This will be a huge letdown for your team and perhaps the world, if you have a gift you're not going to share with it.

@AlexB I drove by a few neighborhoods flooded out in my area from Harvey. After seeing the water-logged garbage sitting in all of the lawns, 5 feet high in every lawn (furniture, sheetrock, etc), I would not want to own a home. Insurance, taxes, & all of the rest. These people are likely paying out a small fortune in repairs...many things the insurance companies probably won't pay for. These neighborhoods I drove around in were in a wealthy part of town with huge houses and McMansions. Mostly water-logged thanks to the controlled-release on a nearby dam due to Harvey. Home ownership. Yeah.

@theinevitableandi It's at peak right now. I'd avoid it until it tanks. Otherwise, you put yourself at risk of buying at the highest price point & who wants to do that?

@Fuse I see a lot of folks are offering you the spiritual things but I think you really need to take care of First Things First, and get the basics out of the way. How can you be a productive member of society without any money? Try it like this: 1.) Get a job I met & made friends with a lot of people, of different ages, from minimum wage jobs. It was a very rewarding experience. They're all in the same boat as you so no one there is going to call you a loser. You just go up from there. From the job, you may meet some women interested in you & date them. I did! 2.) Save your cash where possible. Outside of paying for bills, use your savings to invest in yourself: community college, online courses, books, seminars, all of the things Leo talks about (Get Leo's Life Purpose course & learn it & read all the books!). Naturally, you can include a meditation practice, but I see that as putting the cart before the horse. You're not going to get anywhere! You need to be building a foundation & finding what drives you. You've already been loafing around for years, in your own words, doing nothing. Trying to do nothing more constructively, is still nothing. Or are you aspiring to become a monk at 19 years old? My personal opinion is that you need practical self-development for 10 years.

@AilinKyung Was Business Class in the morning and Toastmasters in the evening?? If so, I think it's your energy level. Mornings have high energy & everything is going to be awesome. Afternoons & evenings, the energy drags and now you can't keep up with whatever it was you were doing for the Business class. Also, maybe you were prepared for business class in the morning and ill-prepared for the Toastmasters club? Lastly, the energy in the room might be different. Maybe everyone in the Toastmaster's room was keyed up & tense, so the fear of it, the live presentation of unknown things, rubbed off on you.

@Thisisit I feel for your issues, man & I wish I had more to give. I can only say that just about everyone starts with nothing. If you want to build a social circle you need to be able to go out to restaurants, bars, or other places & just meet & greet people. If someone makes eye contact, give a smile & say hello. If they want to talk, introduce yourself & work on your handshake technique. Learn people's names & what they like to do. When I was going around trying to build a new social circle, I'd go into places early, regularly, & introduce myself to the staff. When they weren't looking I would write their names down, their location, & if possible something about them so that if I saw them again, I could have something to talk about. When you get used to it, you won't have to write it all down (but it helps!). One thing to keep in mind in all of this is that you don't want to talk about depression or negative topics. Keep that to your inner social circle, such as family & friends that knew you from before. You're not hiding it, you're just not talking about it. In fact, in most social circles, it's very rare for someone to come out & talk about some serious problem. They won't bother you with their problems, so you simply do the same. I'm not sure why that is, but it just is. I mentioned it to someone else just recently, but 80% of life is just showing up (Woody Allen). All you have to do is be in the room with the other people, even if you barely get to talk to anyone at all. Eventually, people around you will know who you are & some people will want to know more. You have to be out there in the wild, around other people, a lot. If you stay at home, you don't run into anyone, nobody will know you, & no interesting activities will occur. So you just have to focus on being there & the rest you will learn on-the-fly.

@AlexB So it looks like your Mom's husband isn't your father & you have some resentment. Well they were nearly killed by a dog, I'd say it's time to forgive & forget. If it were my parents, I'd be doting on them hand & foot like a servant, but that's just me.

@WaterfallMachine So you're heading back to rock bottom. How did you get out of it last time? You said you had taken steps to improve yourself and stopped lying. So what made you decide to quit lying last time? What was the first step? Revisit the first step & think about why you quit lying in the first place. Start there & see if you'll be able to pull out of this backslide.

@CuteCornDog Oh yeah! I used to bitch at my parents for not being wealthy when I was in my teens & even my early 20s! However, it's because of how they were that I've surpassed everyone in the family monetarily-speaking. My late Uncle once called me "The Bank"...lol. I really learned a lot from having lived an impoverished childhood....but it also has its own set of issues, once I realize that everything I did, was done out of fear. Fear of being like my parents, co-workers, or all of those other people out there scraping to get by. "I'll show them how it's done." although it wasn't breakneck speed or anything....being fearful keeps you from taking many risks. I could've been richer when I look at my past fear-based decisions.

@The Monk It's an interesting video, but what in hell type of anger is it that you can control? If I get angry, I won't see it until I'm already in the thick of it. At that point, I'm only back-peddling to get myself out of it. Oftentimes, if I find someone trying to annoy me, my first question before I get angry is "What do they want?" and then "Where are they coming from?" If I can answer those two questions, I'll avoid a shit-fit. However, some things are just born out of frustration, like being stuck for days in flooded areas during Hurricane Harvey & having to wonder if we'll run out of food. It's easy to get mad and start yelling at the four walls for better days!

@Miguel Oliveira Are you the only one going to graduate? When I joined the workforce after college, I found myself working with other people in the same age demographic. The people I still know & work with over nearly 20 years are the same age as me. We didn't go to public school or college, we just showed up at the job & we were all the same age. Just look for a new company, or a startup, & try to work there & you'll usually find younger people your age working there. As you move around from job to job, you'll see some places have older people than others, but generally I've found most teams are all the same or similar age. And Woody Allen said: "80% of life is just showing up." All you need to do is get out of your dorm or wherever you live and hang out in your area. Get to know the people around you. Learn their names and interests. Write it down if you have to so when you see them again, you can call them by their name & ask how their shit is coming along. It's a great conversation starter to get ppl talking about themselves. Become a regular at nearby bars & restaurants _until_ everybody knows your name when you walk through the door...even if you rarely say a word to anyone, you showed up. Congratulations! Showing up is 80% of the effort, the other 20% you can work to improve.

@Wicked Are you getting endorphin rushes from your workouts? Are you doing a vegetarian diet? Going veggie is an automatic mood elevator after a couple weeks. If you get your endorphin kicks from working out & that "empty" all-day rush from a veggie diet, I'm not sure what else you would need to be happy. Everything else is just icing on the cake.

Your Inner Critic is calling you all of these names & is going to drive down your self-esteem, or rather reinforce low self-esteem if you already have that. Forgive yourself and pat yourself on the back. Then try again without judging or self-condemnation. Do you have your infrastructure in place to do your life purpose? I believe Leo made a video about that which is a good start. One of the things I've found about Life Purpose is that sometimes it's difficult to get the creative spark reignited. Sometimes you'll be on fire & make some pretty good gains in your LP, but then it'll plateau & you might pull back from it or get distracted. I think it's analogous to making gains at the gym...you hit plateaus, it gets boring, and you keep trying or maybe do something else for awhile & come back to it. I assume you have Leo's LP course. I do. You should look into it if you haven't already.

@mathieu Somebody hates you? Man... I don't know anyone that hates me. As for Leo's death threats, well he's on YouTube & there are all kinds of crazy out there now. The extreme right is running the country & the Bible thumpers are taking control. However, to suggest that they're the same people making death threats seems like a conflict of their religious beliefs. I think the people are just delusional nutters. If you look at the people who assassinated or made assassination attempts against the presidential office, I believe most of them were delusional & had become fixated on the idea, much like those that do serial spree killing or even stalkers that kill. They get fixated on one thing & the only it resolves is if they terminate the other person. On the Stalkers that Kill show on Netflix, some people, after they killed their unrequited lover, snapped out of it & turned themselves in afterward. All in all, it makes it difficult to be a public figure, because some nut may get his gears triggered, then fixate & obsess. For instance, I've noticed that the Migtards (MGTOW) folks like to paint a target on this one lady living out of her van on YouTube. She's not doing anything but showing people how to live out of it. But, because she is pretty, she has raised the ire of the migtards. It's just weird watching the hate speech & wondering why they even bother. I've noticed over the past year the migs have tone & bitterness has gotten much harsher than it was...becoming the veritable He-man Woman Hater's Club that I always suspected it was.

If there is something I'm trying to learn or the book's content is covering concepts I'm not familiar with, it's going to require multiple reads and/or reading slowly. There's just no way around that. If you're just trying to get a summary of the content from a library book, the graduate school recommendation (for courses studying an entire field, like Systems Thinking) is to read first/last chapters, then pick any chapters that peak your interests & then you have to put the point of the whole book together in your head. I've always felt short-changed from having to do that, but if your studying an entire field for one semester, you don't have any choice. If you're studying something that you plan on working on for 10 years, then it's probably best to start slow & then change the pace when you're able. Lastly, I only use speed reading techniques if I find myself reading the same sentence again & again. I'll put my finger on the line & start following it to push myself forward & then try reading two points of the line & so on until I'm moving again.