smd

A couple of nights ago before going to sleep, I was alone and it was very quiet. I started to think that perhaps if I died right then & there, it might take a few days before someone would find the body. I wasn't feeling lonely but just felt a stark analysis of my life coming into view. And then it came to me. I started to think about a news report in which a young man went to Yellowstone National Park and went off-path to find a hot spring. He fell into it and dissolved. I put myself in his shoes. Here I am with a full young life in my early 20s. I'm walking towards a hot spring & then I trip & fall in. Nobody can help me & then nearly at once, I'm gone entirely. No body at all. Eaten & digested by Yellowstone. Where am I? It appeared to be a reality-based, head-first dive into the abyss. Internally in my mind, I felt that sort of effect you get after 40 minutes of meditation...difficult to describe...sort of like a subtraction of yourself from the environment I suppose. I repeated the simulation a few more times in my head. Anyhow, I wanted to pass on this thought as typically I've always thought of having a body after being dead, but then you have these extreme cases where you become nothing in water so hot that it's practically liquid plasma. You become nothing in an instant. Or what do you become? Could be a koan in there somewhere..

I don't know if they're lying to the women or lying to themselves.

HAHA. Yeah, but look what the hell just happened! Crazy ass gun nuts are going to force everyone to be "safer". It's pushing the envelope further for the only type of awareness that exists in Western society: being on alert, for that knife or bullet (or fist) in the dark that will maul & destroy you. All the news reports are instructing their viewers about increasing their situational awareness. But I have to say: who the hell has time for that? I can't be on patrol every time I go out to have a good time. News media are being ridiculous.

Considering the last time Leo was late for a video a few weeks ago, I found that someone had jumped from an apartment complex in Vegas and wondered what the hell was going on! Then a few weeks later, we get yet another massacre, except this one being the first on Trump's watch. They said the killer was wealthy & a professional gambler, making money hand over fist, playing $100 hands at Poker. I figure he was a highly functioning sociopath that lived for cheap thrills. I bet he had thought about performing a massacre over the past few decades whilst contemplating suicide, a similar mindset that serial killers have: they want to be caught or dead, they want it to be sensational, & it's all done for thrills. Like serial killers, or sociopaths, they don't have any feelings & because of that, they can't have any compassion for anyone. It's still quite bizarre that someone who had everything they could want would act this way. I wonder if he had killed anyone else before this. And the body count is rising...

Most guys are like this, if a woman is ready to move that quickly into the bed. I figure that's why you date & put sex off for a later time. But then again, I know a guy who remarried with a gal he met on Tinder. They slept together just after the first date. I figure the marriage will fail, not only because most of the stuff I've read about it says such relationships fail, but because I know the guy's relationship history for the past 20 years & it's always the same: get laid fast, get into a relationship, couple years down the road the woman leaves him. Rinses and repeat.

@Nadosa You should go to a doctor and see if they can do an MRI scan on your brain. Maybe there is some trauma or something causing these issues & it's not just psychological? At least rule out physical brain diseases, if you haven't already. It may bring you peace of mind or treatment. I've always felt better when having myself looked at by a doctor.

@sleeperstakes I may have a fix for you. Just start going out at night. Alone. Eat in restaurants alone. Go to bars alone (preferably with a healthy dose of the opposite sex in the same bar). And just eat and/or drink & sit there (or stand). See what happens. Watch. If you do this regularly, staff & regulars & new people that show up will take an interest in you & you can engage in conversation. Not every conversation will be great, but then you can just fail your way through it to get better at it. You'll learn what works for you & what doesn't, such as what topics to mention & what not to. Later, you'll reach out for different materials based on what you want to learn to help you converse: social skills, etiquette, style, reading body language, being humorous, NLP, PUA, the list of things you can learn go on & on as you put different tools to the test.

@kieranperez When these people discover your hostility how do they treat you afterwards? Do they stop talking to & practice avoidance? I mean, you should be seeing people not want to have anything to do with you, as a consequence of your attitude. So you should be asking yourself, "What can I do to keep people from running away after just having a conversation with me?" Otherwise, that is the endpoint: you'll drive everyone away & nobody will have nothing to do with you, unless absolutely necessary. You'll be excluded from any friendly events by others because they will not want to hear it. So you have to check your emotions & not gut react every time something doesn't go your way. The hippies will say to practice mindfulness meditation, so you can pay attention to these feelings. I'm sure it would help. :-)

@The Monk I don't see this as a problem. Have you made a list of what it's doing wrong? Are you getting carpel tunnel or popping blood vessels from the strain? Just keep it clean & tidy so that nobody can smell any strange smell off you & I think you'll be fine. It's like anything else in life, you'll lose interest in it in your own time. There will be phases where you felt you've seen all you need to see & then later on you might have a craving & want to see what's going on lately in the industry A whopping 3-5 minutes of distraction never hurt anybody.

@Anakin You'll destroy the child by having him raised by a Single Mom. If I were you, I'd find a way to make this work. She has to be the priority in your life. It's actually kind of interesting because most women usually focus on the child & stop paying attention to their husband after giving birth. This includes having less or no sex. So it's very interesting that she's paying attention to the Cult of Leo. 8-} My Mom said the same thing about me watching the videos but there were no ultimatums. haha. If you weren't already at the breaking point of your marriage, I would've suggested that you ask her to pick some of the videos in Leo's list that she might want to listen to or even pick out some female self-help coaches for her to watch on YouTube to get a female perspective & see if she likes it. Right now however, you should try to save your marriage. Otherwise your son might be growing up with some half brothers & sisters when your wife remarries. You should really be caring about this & taking it very seriously in the present moment. This divorce isn't something that is going to happen down the road in a few years. A black swan is rushing before you. Right now. The ultimatum is on the table.

You have some colorful friends....lol. I don't know such people but if I did, I wouldn't consider them friends. Especially this part about wondering where the boundary for rape is. But who wouldn't lie to have sex?? I don't think I could condemn somebody for that. What kind of lie did they use? I'm intrigued now. I don't know any PUAs, I just watch the videos or read the material online. I only do solo work & I'm quite happy running around by myself & checking out the field. Some really weird shit happens when I'm out alone. Not always, but it's very entertaining when it happens.

Well in my 20s, I do recall being stuck in the winner take all, must-have-sex at any cost trappings. My body demanded it of me & there wasn't much I could do about it. Now, I could've been one of the unfortunate who never get laid but...where there's a will, there's a way & I got my many notches on the bedpost. In fact, this was way before there was any game or relationship books & the Internet still in the infantile stages. My view of self-development at the time was "these people that read these books are fucking nuts & I'm capable of figuring out any issue by myself." Although I came very close to buying a copy of The Way of The Superior Man, at the large Barnes & Noble at the time, but didn't...lol. 20 years too bad unfortunately. I think many of the folks that have fallen into MGTOW and so on, were probably burned pretty bad. They tried the nice guy routine, or got hung up & later pissed when they figured out what happened. It's a phase that I think all men go through early in life, but I don't know of anyone that thinks that way forever.

Jesus. 3 years??? That's called STALKING. You need to find someplace far away from this woman & try going out with other women and hanging out with your guy friends until you get back to normalcy. And if you don't have any guy friends, go get some! Check out the Netflix series: Stalkers That Kill. They run through several scenarios of these guys that get fixated on a woman they barely know. Their only out is to kill the woman & turn themselves in afterwards. After they have killed the woman to which they were ensorcelled, the trance is removed & most of them have NO IDEA how they ever got that fixated to begin with! If you watch the videos, I guarantee you'll see yourself in it. When I was young, I had done this once in my late teens in high school & another time near the end of college. I didn't want to kill of course, but I just got seriously fixated on a single woman & it would last a terribly long time. As a general rule of thumb, you should not ever think about a woman for 3 years, unless you have lived together and/or got married for several years. If you get a woman stuck inside your head before that time, congratulations: you emotionally invested too soon & fucked yourself! I'm sorry to say. Learn the warning signs. Anyhow I'm sure you're in good hands with Emerald...so I'll digress at this point. 8-}

Ok. I read this on behalf of Mad Max. From a societal perspective...sure. These are chains & all that jazz. People use those words such as mysogynistic, red pill, & some other negative connotations (which is why username was told to fuck off, I can see now). However, you know what I see? TOOLS!!! All of these things brought up by the PUAs, the Red Pills, & so on. There are tools here that can be harnessed to some extent, to manipulate people. Some people might not condone these methods (I can see username spent some time trashing it), but I see no shame at all in using any of it to take advantage of my fellow man or give me an edge in competition. For instance, I've learned so much from game & it even pointed me to other things such as NLP and studying body language, along with several good books. Further, I have felt no shame or guilt in learning these things or using them to read others with non-verbal communication. Pretty much anyone can use it. To label it a bad thing is to deny yourself its use. I believe I heard Leo say once that success is defined as trying to manipulate reality to achieve your goals/desires, whereas the truth is just studying how things are (without really changing anything & looking internally). As far as I'm concerned, I can do both of these things simultaneously in accordance with the paradoxical nature of self-development. Maybe there are some frustrated & angry people in the red pill groups, but I'm not one of them & I still listen to it & use it where I can. I try to think of these concepts from an individual & situational perspective...seeing them from macrocosmic scale hasn't give me much juice to make lemonade with. 8-}

I haven't understood that attitude either. I guess he'll come around after the pressure releases. Need to go back & read what the provocation was all about.

@Emerald True enough. I've seen some very hideous looking parents with a really hot daughter before & it leaves you scratching your head on how that happened. hahah. Although it's not my thing to do. 8-}

@mattstivender Why don't you just take a 1 or 2 week vacation in LA & look around to see if it's for you?

@kieranperez "Life purpose is to be a coach for elite/professional + sub-elite runners" Do you have any coach's names or organizations for this type of job? Have you tried writing, emailing, or calling these people to ask what it would take to break into the field? At least then you would have an idea of what you need to do. Based on your description, you're in the lower part of Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs. You need to get the safety part under control. If you only have $2.27 at age 22, then you need to be figuring out ways to save more and/or earn more cash so you can do more than just subsist. Maybe it's time to live someplace cheaper? You need to be frugal with your money. Leo has a video on setting up a budget & that has a downloadable spreadsheet. That can give you an idea of how much money you are spending on a monthly basis for the year & you can use that to adjust your budget and/or trying to find a better job. Maybe you need to go to college & learn a trade so you can get better pay in the interim. I went to Community College in my late teens/early twenties & just about everyone there were older people with families & jobs. They were all studying to either change jobs or do better for themselves. They too, probably felt like they had missed the boat or were wasting their lives. Being in college was their way of taking action to address the issue at hand. You have to setup the infrastructure to make all of these other things happen in your life. Getting out of high school & being able to run isn't going to land you a coaching job. I imagine most coaches probably have college degrees as well (perhaps easy ones). I'm pretty sure some of these things were covered in Leo's Life Purpose course. At any rate, you need to lean towards practicality because being piss-poor isn't going to get you anywhere.

@Emerald A friend zone is just inexperience on the guy's part. It's pretty easy to figure out when you're there. They (or he) became emotionally invested before a relationship actually occurred. The default mode, of which you speak, I see that more as like looking into a fish tank. The women's (or anybody's) heads just swim around in public with that neutral fish-eye look as they pass by. Like you're the invisible man. You don't exist at all. The fish eye look is exactly the same, that dull, flat-line response, when you are having a general conversation with them. Almost like talking to a robot. If you got them to laugh once or twice, but then next time, they give you the fish-eye, you know without a doubt, they are not interested. There is no friend zone here! The ones who sparkle in their eyes & become flirty for awhile, but then go back to the fish-eye in the months ahead, that tells me they were interested to a point, but I didn't have the magic key to unlock that interest further. So they went back to default mode. It's done. If you emotionally invested then you friend-zoned yourself. Otherwise, there's nothing to sweat over. And I disagree with you: I would not sleep with a 3. And I wouldn't have a 3 as a friend, unless she is always around 5s, 6,s or higher.

Don't you ever get sore or concerned with getting a urinary tract infection? That should be your stop-gap measure.

@aniss Well if you still like them, why are you trying to cut them out? What did they do that was so wrong? I have one friend that's a user. I pretty much stopped talking to him with that same intent as you. However, every now & then I might hear from him, maybe once or twice a year & I'll just pickup the phone & talk a little to see what's up. Effectively, he's not in my life. He just doesn't know it. Talking to someone who calls you very little doesn't really count as them being in your life. It'll never happen that I'll bother hanging out with this person again. I had another friend of mine that cut me off 5 years ago over politics. He was on an old childhood best friend. Well, when I talked to him 5 years ago, in his conversations, he kept telling me, little by little, how he had cut off his foster parents, his sister, and several friends & other people we knew. He fucking cut everybody out. He wouldn't stop talking about his goddamn politics & I told him off in an email & after that one time, he cut me off! I sent him an email, a long voice mail. I apologized profusely to try & salvage the relationship. Nothing doing. I waited a year to hear back & after a year passed, I blocked his phone & emails so I'd never hear from him again. I figured he wouldn't get back in touch with me because he became an expert at cutting people out of his life. I've never been able to do that & I'd be weary around people that can...because they'll cut YOU out too, if they feel even a tiny-bit pissed!!! It's childish behavior. People fight & argue sometimes. If it's something serious like sexual abuse & such, well nobody is going to reach out to them or miss them. So to hate someone so much that I can cut them off forever, it would have to be something extremely god-awful. By and large, I've found that I can't really do it, not strongly. And I've had it done to me by a few people & they provide no recourse to make amends. To hell with them.

@Hardkill Get a tent and some camping gear. Start going out & sleeping in the backyard with your camping gear for practice because you're now taking an interest in camping. Next, every few weekends, go camping so you can get out on your own for a little bit. Enjoy the outdoors & give yourself some personal space. I wouldn't change anything else other than that right now...

@Laputan Machine You have ex-gfs. Isn't that validation right there? Obviously, somebody finds you attractive. Just not the whole world. Which is just like the rest of us.

@electroBeam As Doc Love would say: You get one shot with a girl per lifetime. If you end the budding relationship you have with Caprice (let's call her that), then you'll never get a second shot with her. If you go out to do pickup with other women, you might find that none of the new ones will match what you had & you'll be suffering long regrets about what might've been. I think getting into a long-term relationship has more value than quickie romps with strange women. In fact, I can tell you that just sleeping around with a lot of women turns into mechanics...just like video games are some other hobby. It's better to leave it as a mystery than discover the mechanical nature of humping & pumping. You should stick with your girl & see where it leads. If it doesn't work out, you can use your relationship experience with pickup. Should make it easier I would think.

@BobbyLowell Talk is cheap. You need to follow-up your words with action. It's action that people will read in the caring part. Anyone can say it & most won't believe because our news & society show us the lack of caring by just about everyone. You shouldn't have to tell anyone. Let them see it.