Butters

Charlie is criminally undersubscribed on YT in my opinion. This video touches on mindset and routines, highly recommend if you're an entrepreneur:

I just found this blog post from Leo from 2017, hope it's okay I quote the whole thing here, it is trippy. Is this a description of insanity? https://www.actualized.org/insights/hitting-rock-bottom Jesus

Being hyper aware of my surroundings and inner world at the same time makes me uncomfortable in public. But being distracted (unaware) always counters the panick attack. Why? So unawareness = comfort? Awareness = discomfort? When not in public, it's in reverse. At home I love the heightened awareness. 😑

The first time he was in the hospital was this summer. He had been drinking and then he blacked out in his home and lay there on the floor for 4 days before the police broke in. Then he was in a coma in the hospital. Then he awoke again and he recovered. After a month or so he was back home and doing well. Unfortunately this time is much different. He was doing quite well until he started drinking again a few weeks ago. He was found by the police in his home confused and taken to the hospital. He is confused, making up facts. He is quite unpleasant, the worst version of himself it seems. The doctors say he's had a delirium and some sort of infection. Not really sure. The first time was much easier to stomach for me because of the timeline. He didn't wanna die, and he fought for his recovery. We all cheered for his recovery and he recovered. it seemed like such a positive story. This time it's like his soul is completely gone, no more spark in his eye, only a shimmer of his absolute worst version. The version I always despised growing up, the version that's an alcoholic. I've done a lot of thinking and I understand that from an absolute perspective none of it is his fault (the drinking, his behavior etc.). But I also understand my own position. As the child of an alcoholic parent you have to take on so much, it's not fair. I find it very difficult to visit this version of my dad at the hospital. The version that is just dark, soulless. He seems completely gone, just stuck in a loop of material thinking, cut off from source. There's no self awareness from his end, nothing really comes in. At first I didn't wanna visit because I was really annoyed that we were all there supporting him last summer and then he drinks himself into the hospital again, which seems like such a lack of respect or acknowledgements to those around him who care for him. But then I actually saw him yesterday and it's just ... nothing. Just an empty shell. Now I don't feel blame or guilt, I just experience ego backlash. Needless to say I've been making enormous leaps forward in my personal development and consciousness lately, and this is how the universe works and tests us.

Really great life advice for young and old

Yes I know these things, I'm 35 and I've lived on my own since I was 18. I really feel I've already gone through most of the process and my emotional attachment now is about 1 percent where it used to be 100. It's more like a post mortum analysis for me at this moment. I know to distance myself from it emotionally.

Ok thank you but in my case I think I am well over my social anxiety, it's just a very mild panic 3/10 times on the subway and that is all 😬 no panic actually talking to people or anywhere else.

Because at home I work on my business all day. The transition period is where I get panick, like straight from home getting onto the subway for example.

Most gurus put their best stuff on YT for free, and their video course isn't that valuable. Most value there comes from the buyer making a financial investment, so they're more committed to follow through with the program. I'd prefer a high-ticket mentorship program or access to some private community.

What if sudden changes in your reality become so radical that it scares you?

@Michael569 I have another question, maybe you could give perspective on. Since I was young my dad would not take care of himself and the house would be a total mess and I'd feel ashamed to the outside world. This hasn't changed. He gets cleaning service for his house but these women stop showing up after 1 or 2 times. Later I learned that he just walks around naked and things like this. He had a female friend visit him in the hospital and he did the same thing just a few days ago. That's why I'm so sick of it cause you can't help him at all, he keeps fucking shit up like this. Do you think that he does this on purpose? Like a big "fuck you" to "the outside world"? Any other person would put on pants first. This sort of behavior makes him play away any empathy people might have for him, or their willingness to take care of him. And then he goes back into the victim role saying he feels so lonely. He probably has some sort of autism too, but that's not an excuse. He almost definitely has neurological damage, but unsure when that even started or what it is exactly. Last week I was able to see this situation from God's perspective and it is very interesting, as God shows unconditional love and understanding for all different ways I see and feel about him and the relationship. But my ego doesn't, and these things will probably continue to bother me. I try to be indifferent, which seems to work best.

Thought experiment: what if a crazy person on the street is in fact one of the few actual miracle workers / magicians? They don't mind being perceived as crazy, since their power is legitimate. Knowing their power is legitimate, and being the only one who can see it, they might as well act crazy, cause why the hell not? Besides, if you can legitimately heal people, you probably won't take credit for it anyway cause a) you'll be perceived as crazy (ironically) and b) who cares?

Hmm, I just can't get around the idea that "I have awoken to my true nature" or "I finally understand" has a narcissistic feel to it. But that's probably because I haven't truly awoken, I get it.

Because of this, no.

I understand this, it was just a thought experiment. Where exactly is the line between realizing you are God and thinking your ego (and only yours) is God? How do you know this isn't crossed? What if you do this work and you actually have superiority complex, and where do you fly off the hinge and how to prevent it? Or can mental illness not be created by doing this work, assuming no pre-existing conditions were present? If that's the case then my spiritual ego can be classified as healthy ego. I'd sure like to keep my healthy ego. Ram Das talked about his brother who was in a mental asylum. He said the difference between him and his brother was that they both thought they were God, only Ram Das realized everybody is God and that's the difference. In another thread you said "Insanity is where it's at".

On the same channel there's one on those colorblind glasses, great watch.

I watched this today 😁 that method honey uses is similar to what used to be called cookie stuffing. Not sure if cookie stuffing is illegal but it's certainly an old black hat method.

ChatGPT:

Love this video and it's also packed with solid business / freelancing and skill learning advice:

What is a more exciting career for you?

Sounds like you're lost in your own bullshit. Now is time to do real work. Find a life purpose, put in the hours. Watch Leo's old videos, they are more practical. Spirituality isn't sitting on the couch doing psychedelics but it's the everyday grind of figuring stuff out, building a life worth living, learning, trying stuff, falling and getting back up. Everybody else is doing something, what makes you so special? This generation is too soft.

Are the sensations I feel during meditation always there and I just don't notice them? Or are they created during meditation? Sensations are mainly energy points in the body and general pleasant feelings from under the skin.

Nobody knows this. I always ask questions in this sub that nobody knows.

@Hojo @Raze these are nice suggestions but not realistic or relevant at this point. He's likely going to be diagnosed with Korsakoff syndrome. This period is interesting to me. After the anger came sadness and acceptance. It's also quite interesting that now family and friends of his hear about his alcoholism for the first time, in a sense that gives validity to my perspective.

This was daily life for me between age 11 and 18. The worst part was that to the outside world, he looked like a victim. His alcoholism enraged me as a teenager so I'd throw stuff and unleash my anger just to get attention. To the outside world this poor single father was the victim of this out of control teenage son. Disgusting. This made me never feel sorry for an adult man in my life, get over yourself. I've given up on this a while ago. But after his last hospital, it appeared that he was really making an effort. Part of me still wants to see that human side of him. But it didn't last very long. Besides, I don't know what's real anymore. Was everything just appearances? Who knows. I've done this on multiple occasions. Go without any contact, and I moved abroad twice, which I later realized was probably related. Good luck with your family member Michael. I think the best position to get to is to not let is effect you any longer. To me it no longer sends me into a tailspin of anger but it still can make me regress into overeating, watching porn etc.