LaucherJunge

I suppose with so much feedback from you guys saying that I need to give it up for good, I have to humble my ego and get over it, thank you all for your opinions.

@Emerald She absolutely does, she was abused as a child and the man was showing her porn while doing that. I thought she wouldn't let the unconscious influence her like that, but I think that was exactly the problem, she thought I was on my way to recovery but I told her that I kept watching porn for the past months and I guess that is the moment it snapped in her. For a long time in life she couldn't say no to sex and would just get raped by friends who wanted more, she would just freeze. I worked alot towards healing this with her and I think I did a good job at that and I witnessed this with my own eyes once how she freezed when I wanted sex, that was surely not a manipulation trick or anything. You know, the thing is she never wanted control, it was an issue for her that she had to take charge sometimes when I couldn't because of my inexperience. It is not only her who says that about him, all of her family and I even heard from some common friends of them both how crazy he is. And the things she told me really made me speechless. Him basically turning around crying on the floor like a baby because he didn't get sex, or him treatening to hit himself with a book on the head or even killing himself when she leaves him. We actually talked about having a child alot and I would have been fine with it, although our financial situation wasn't really all that good for this to happen.

@Tetcher I know very well about red pill and blue pill. And it is all ego in my opinion although it has some truths if you wanna be statistical. But I am not looking for a mainstream relationship and that is what red and blue pill are all about mainstream, what usually is the case. And I can assure you we weren't mainstream in anything and we both are the opposite actually. The relationship was all about truth, not about games and I agree she didn't put up to this truth, she wasn't there yet. @tenta We had sex everyday we were together, like usually 5-6 times on a weekend and we also liked simply lying inside of each other for longer periods of time, even sleeping inside each other. @Consept Yes it is exactly the reason it went downhill and I can understand that, I was slacking off, I was kinda resting on the relationship instead of doing my work, instead of quitting porn, working out more, eating more healthy and all of that stuff. You guys underestimate how much I understand her perspective and she does understand mine, we talk really deeply about all that stuff. But anyway, I concluded that the only thing I can do is move on and wait what happens. Just put 100% into my life everything I got and attract what I truly want.

@Leo Gura Yes we were having alot of great sex, especially in the beginning, we were trying to really have conscious sex not the mainstream kind you see around I guess. But our connection suffered and we seemed to be losing connection, which I am guessing was mainly due to my porn addiction. I was blowing her mind on a regular basis really and she said that she never had such a deep heart connection, all seemed okay, when she wrote me this text: "After reading your powerful text, I have really seen who you are and how you love and I think that I can now finally give in to you even more. I am thankful that you made conscious to me how important it is to fully give in, in a relationship and how much trouble I have with this. I want you to know that I want to realize everything that you make me conscious of in our relationship, for me, for you, because I love you, because I never want to lose this wonderful open and honest basis, because it is so precious to me." I hope now you all can see why I am so confused. @Consept Thank you for your advice, everyone has his ego in relationships, it is pretty hard not to have it and I know her already well enough, to know that she is not a manipulator and a very conscious being actually. we actually know each other for 6 Months, we were writing every single day for 2 Months and at that we wrote text which I really needed 1-2 hours for writing, same as her, this wasn't one way communication. Then we got together, in total we spent like 16-18 full days together I think, but of course we were skyping like 2-3 times a week also.. Anyway thank you for opening this perspective for me, maybe there is more to it than I am able to grasp at the moment. It is already over between us for a week, I was texting her alot, being a little desperate to be honest and I am not proud of it, but my ego really had trouble with this, but now I simply wrote to her that I don't want any contact to her anymore, until she really lets go of him fully and that even then I am not sure if I would even really want the contact.

@Average Investor Thank you for the reply, I appreciate your opinion on this matter and I will surely watch those videos. The thing is, she is not really interested in other man in that way, you know. I really know that she is a trustworthy and good partner. In my opinion she just hasn't reached the point where she sees that true love is only within and is peaceful, true love is not "too strong" that is just fantasy and being in love rather than love and I really know that she does unconditionally love me as I do her, that is what makes me really want this to work out. She explained her perspective to me and I really understand it, she said she didn't expect her feelings for him to be that strong, when wanting to meet him and I really want to give it time and let her learn that this is not really love. But on the other hand it is really hard for me to give it that time, because I simply don't know how long it will take for her to learn it and even if I can ever really trust her on this. I know alot of it speaks on just leaving her for good and I know that I actually should, but it is simply my wish to be with her for the rest of my life and it would be really lazy to give up that easily wouldn't it?

That is exactly what I also thought seeing him talking about books, but I already had this impression even before this video, that books are given more value then they actually offer, as if there would be no alternative. I struggle to see why books offer more then videos, they simply don't from my perspective. Watching videos of highly developed people, you not only have the verbal input but also see their expressions of any sorts and can feel their energy, if you are sensitive enough to it you can see who is full of shit simply by feeling their energy, that is actually what I think was the biggest factor in my developement using youtube videos, I could decipher the crap from the gold by those subtle non-verbal clues. So if anything I think books are inferior in comparison to videos. The best example for this is Osho in my opinion, watch his videos just understanding the verbal input and you won't get too far, but listen with your heart connect to all the input of the video and you have much much more.

Struggle is what makes you grow beyond your prior limitations.

@Prabhaker I suppose you are right on that.

Indeed, possessiveness destroys love, I am not talking about possessiveness. True love is only in the now, it is not in the future, because the future is a fantasy. Same goes for the past, past is a thought. You don't depend on the other in true love, both cups are filled from within and sharing the beauty of overflowing love. If the other leaves, you still have your cup fully filled with self-love. This is not about jealousy, it is about giving a 100% of your being for your partner, only this way true love can work, there is no 99% in true love. Full devotion and compassion for the other, out of freedom, out of self-love.

Many people here seem to think that what you see as freedom is freedom. What you see as freedom is just your distortion of true freedom. Everyone has his own distortion of it. If your freedom is to go have sex with everyone that comes your way while you girlfriend is sitting at home crying, that is surely not freedom for me. If your girlfriend on the other hand has her fun aswell as you have, that's great, I can agree that is freedom. For me true freedom is, true love, when I can fully express all of my being in the relationship, when I don't have to repress anything and so can she, if there is something inside me or her that wants us to have sex with someone else, this primal instinct, mating sex, there is a reason for that, which can be dealt with if you look into your inner being, it would be healed in no time with bonding sex. From my perspective your way of freedom is just being a horny animal, if you want to be an animal, that's fine, but I think you are on the wrong path, this path is for people who want to transcend all of that, but maybe your path is not about that and I respect that.

@JohnIsDoe What you did can not be forgiven in my opinion. Either you are truthfull beforehand and break up with her or put her an ultimatum before you sleep with others, or you simply let it be. Of course there are people who live differently and it is totally fine to live in polygamy, but not if you pretend to your partner that you don't, that is the worst thing one can do in terms of emotional abuse. You should do what is best for her at this point, tell it to her and say to her that you don't deserve to be with her anymore, that she deserves someone who will treat her as she deserves it. It will hurt but she will grow and she will stop living a lie. From there on let happen whatever happens, if she wants to even forgive you, then you can decide if you can learn from your mistakes or not.

I have gotten kind of sloppy with watching the videos and was more focused on myself, on my inner work, those phases are important aswell of course. Now I have started catching up and watching all the videos, mostly because the spiral dynamics videos kind of got me hooked on getting to know more about the lower stages of the spiral, which I didn't think was neccessary for the last months. The Yoga video got me to start with Kriya Yoga and already after 3 days of doing it, I have been feeling those strong energies over and over again and literally feeling vasanas melting away. So I just wanted to say that I am really thankful to you Leo, with all of my heart. You make it so much easier and more accessible for such lazy people as I am, without your videos I would have gotten stuck so many times, but they always offer so much insight to be integrated, that there is always progress to be had. I am really lazy when it comes to reading, I have maybe read like 6 or 7 books in my entire life, that is why such detailed and long videos are incredibly useful for me, I am just more of a video type of guy. We can all be really thankful for having someone like Leo, a really beautiful soul indeed.

In my opinion Charles Manson was a potential Zen-Devil.

By focusing on a certain thing you start changing the vibration of your being, which of course is just made up of consciousness. This change in vibration makes you a match to new experiences within the field of consciousness. Just imagine two magnets that pull onto each other and then imagine two magnets that repel each other, it is basically the same with your vibration some things are drawn to you and you are drawn to them and the other way around. Of course this is the simple way of seeing it, there still can be things that interfere with all of that. For the magnets it would be a wall for example, which they can't possibly pass, for you it might be a certain trauma that is holding you back from going into the direction of the thing you are sharing a similar vibration with. Yet all of those things are just different forms consciousness has become in a game it plays with itself.

Great, I had exactly this thought during a meditation around the time you posted that.

How to master non-attachment? What are your ways to keep it up?

Thank you all for your advice. So the best way seems to be being present, but in another way that I have been before. I have been really present in the past years but I have never seen attachment as something that is holding me back. Now that I really deliberately watch the attachment forming and also seeing the attachment which already formed in the past I feel like I removed a kind of spiritual bottleneck. Suddenly I have memories from years ago coming up noticing the attachment they unconsciously created, I am curious where my path will go now.

I don't think that being present means that there can't be thought, it is surely possible to think consciously. There are even meditations where you are meant to be thinking and just stay present meanwhile. Also from my perspective, it is impossible to quiet my mind completely when it comes to certain persons. Even with that adivce in mind, keeping this up for the rest of my life, there is still active attachments right now which would stay. I think most of this plays out on an unconscious level anyway, you would have to be in a state of permanent no mind not to get attached at all.

Question in Title. Seeing his deep understanding of the topic of our true identity this question comes up for me.

Can anyone help me with this, what are the ways of dealing with it or maybe even changing it completely?

Thank you Charlotte! You really helped me alot with this link.

There is a pretty interesting message starting at 13:39 in the video.

Am I totally insane ? Have I watched too many hollywood movies as a child? I am just crazy for love, I am probably worse than those women waiting all their life for the "white knight". I can't do anything about it I can't care for bitches honestly, even if they are a 10/10 I won't lose my virginity to that, not happening. I am so determined to go trough with this, I don't care if I die a virgin, I will be abstinent for the rest of my life from now on, unless she will suddenly appear someday. I just can't fucking deal with the animal like nature of society, I can't take those bitches seriously. I can't play those games they all want you to play, I can't be one of those hundreds of man she can choose from. One wrong move and I start ignoring them, I don't understand why I expect this perfection, I rationally can't get behind it why I act like that. Why I can't compete like any other man, I am just a crazy dude in a crazy society. This is the only desire I have, I don't care about anything else. I would give my life for 1 day of true love.

I had a really hard time letting go all troughout my life and I finally found the key. What always makes me unable to let go is hope, stop hoping and just go on with life. As long as there is hope you will keep fighting and hurting yourself. Hope is toxic, hope is just fantasy, just live in reality.