LaucherJunge

What are your best resources on these topics you know of? I feel like the thing that is holding me back the most and offers the greatest potential for growth is my sexuality and at the same time noticed that considering how important sexuality and sexual energy actually is, spirituality tends to really not dive all that much into this topic in general. You mostly just hear about celibacy and that's it. But I feel like it's more than worth to really explore this topic to all of it's depth like I personally did with pretty much any other topic that has to do with spirituality and self-growth. What I am mainly looking for are tantra teachers who really go in depth with this topics preferably on YouTube can't seem to find anything that easily. I'm not that much into books but I guess if there is one that you thing is an absolute must it would be great either. Already read Cupids Poisoned Arrow's about Karezza and it was very much worthwhile.

I tried NoFap the last time seriously about 11 months ago, after I had a bad breakup it was pretty easy because I was in hella pain anyway with or without it and I had my record there of 30 days but honestly the benefits were pretty overshadowed by being love sick for the most part. Anyway after these 30 days I felt like going back to my roots, felt that the change wasn't really me, wasn't really coming from within but from the circumstances of porn being the reason for her breaking up. Now I kinda found my way back but with a completely different approach, I tried to find out as much about sexual energy and energy in general mostly in a tantric sense and just been at it for about a week now just trying to move up my energies into the higher chakras, also trying to have these orgasms without ejaculation although I didn't really get there fully yet kinda had a glimpse of it but I also just managed to improve my physical self love process(masturbation) so to speak, I just fully passionately dive into it move all the lust up and try to focus on my heart even during ejaculation just coming more of a place of love, of the heart space and the orgasms together with the ejaculation have been so amazing that I really feel satiated for a long while after these and have really no desire for porn what so ever. I can even watch the Witcher series for example with tons of nudity without letting the lust overtake me even for a second. I am pretty sure this isn't as fast of a healing of this addiction as full abstinence would be, but trying to be fully abstinent always was the real reason for me to fail at NoFap because I could never see a future for me being abstinent I am just too much of a sexual being, especially being a scorpio ascendant, my lust has always been overtaking any other efforts but now my lust turns into unspeakable loving energy or in the future energy of any kind I wish it to be, so I hope at least. Now I can't say with 100% certainty that the addiction won't return because I am just at a week into this but believe me I have never felt like this ever before, I just know now that I don't need it anymore because I have something that is far better and healthier and has infinite potential for growth right at my lap. Just some possible inspiration for everyone who feels the same way I did back in the day. Just find your process of self love, find the way to really fulfill your needs in this healthy way not focusing solely on the lust but on the love radiating from your heart when you move the energy up into the higher chakras. I even allow myself to fantasize but as I said in a loving not lustful way but even if for a moment I get carried away, that's just part of the process and it's going to get better over time. Now don't get me wrong, if abstinence is the way for you, you should totally go for it because it's very powerful and probably a faster and more direct way but be honest with yourself about this stuff maybe sometimes it's better to go step by step.

@B_Edwards13 Thank you seems good so far.

@Arcangelo It's just seriously arrogant and ignorant to take age or experience as the measure of someones competence in any given topic, don't you see the amount of ego looking from this perspective? Sure the majority of people with a lot of experience in a topic will be more competent but there are always these exceptions especially when you are looking into a forum like this where some very interesting individuals of the humans species are gathering, it's not your average pick up forum by any means. So age makes you better in what way? What about a kid that graduates college at the age of 12? What about that spiritual teacher who got enlightened as a child? What about the guy who suffered all his life due to a specific problem and went through it, healed it and due to that may be an expert in that specific area of life? I had sex and the first relationship for the first time at 23 and yet I know more about love than 99% of the population and I wasn't much further behind even before I had that experience if you don't believe me go on and block me. Some people just know things, some people are observant, some people are very sensitive to their surroundings in all kinds of ways and some people are just shallow and numb.

@ivankiss Being with someone who cheated on you is going to be painful and takes a lot of inner work and if you are willing to put in the work then I don't see anything wrong about it, if on the other hand you think that it's too painful to handle that you would rather take your growth slower or maybe that it isn't serving your growth enough to be worth it well then it's also pretty clear what to do.. For me it would always depend on the level of love for the woman also and of course the circumstances. One of my Exes cheated and I tried to accept that for a short while but I simply couldn't so I moved on and it was a great decision, no matter what decision you make in the end it will be the right one and you'll be happy about it. Then again there is a girl currently, which I truly love, I feel like the only thing that is still in the way of unconditionally loving her is my lust which is a pretty big topic for me and of course very much linked with sexuality, so if she cheated on me that would be actually a pretty intense but good way to work on this issue, but if I could really accept it is something I would have to decide in that moment and couldn't really tell now. At the same time I couldn't imagine her doing it, but that doesn't make it impossible of course especially as time passes things can change.

Do all the steps necessary to become happy without her. If you are not able to do that you are simply not there yet and need more lessons that she can teach you through the suffering she is causing. Eventually you will get there and be happy without her and there is really no other way if you are serious about growth and spiritual work you can not ever rely on someone else to make you happy that is always just a lesson to teach you how to become happy, how to love yourself and then of course you can start having real relationships with unconditional love where both parties are happy on their own.

I see way too much judgement in this conversation. Not to say that this way seems bad, it seems very advanced, but it does seem to be very rejecting towards duality and life in a way, of course for understandable reason but doesn't make it better non the less. Tantra is as much a part of life as anything else is. Black magic is as much a part and as much Love as anything else is. God is not only within, god is without too.

To be honest I have been very lazy when it comes to pursuing women in a really masculine way moving towards them and so on, in the past I would rather run away basically. All the girlfriends I had I've met online and this was really smooth and effortless then, but getting together with a girl through a real life connection seems so hard to me. I just started studying and there is a girl in my group who I hang out with all the time basically but it's like so hard for me to stay me, I really get lost, lose my authenticity basically in the pursuit of her, my emotions are just really overwhelming like they've always been, I feel like I get addicted to the person I pursue and whenever any bit of closeness fades I feel pain and this makes me basically budge to the circumstances and lose myself. It's not even about this girl for me honestly, I can go a little into detail about what's going on with her and me but it's really not that important after all, I just need to start choosing me finally and figure out how to solve this issue for good. It's so hard for me to handle this, it's already enough for me that we get into the room and randomly don't sit beside each other this gets me really uncomfortable and can be painful already, or her being at her phone all the time writing with others or whatever. At the weekend we actually were on discord together and played a game I also asked her if she wants to come to my place with me someday after university she agreed but when I saw her this morning she was just on her phone playing and basically didn't even look at me when we said good morning to each other. She is kinda socially awkward I guess, studying IT with me so that's not a surprise. I'm just trying to stay strong with her and get closer and closer step by step but I feel like in the process I am getting hurt more and more. Gosh it would be all so easy, but it's just my emotions that are so hard to handle for me. Obviously I'm wasting way too much thought over her anyway but again this is predicated by my emotions, they are really controlling me like crazy, when it comes to girls and relationships I have always known that some things I was doing or was about to do are going to drive me away from them but I did them usually anyway because my emotions forced me to, it's just like constant torture for me, the pain won't go away until I act, I just can't sit still sometimes, can't have the patience.

I personally backed away from such an opportunity, although for me it was for circumstantial reasons, she already had a baby with her husband and I got along pretty well with her husband as well. I was alone with her one night and we had some very intimate moments and crazy sexual tension in the air, like uncountable times just a brink away from kissing, but we always turned away and we definitely would have had sex that night too to be honest but someone rang the bell just before it was starting to get going and honestly I am glad that it went this way. I totally love her as a friend, actually she is my best friend and I think her husband is very good for her, she even got pregnant again recently. For me there were just lessons to be learned from all this, that's what attraction is always about, you can learn these lessons without actually getting into a relationship with someone or having an affair. What crystallized for me is that no matter how big the attraction is, in the end you'll feel better about it when you just leave it be in most cases, but as always there are exceptions for sure!

I just recently had the realization that it's okay to be narcissist, that some people just are this way and rejecting and demonizing it is definitely not the correct way of going about it, even though I had some bad experiences with this in the past which lead me to really reject any of such attributes in myself even to the degree that I rejected my own self-love to some degree and I actually never in my life felt as whole as now, where I am working on accepting theses darker parts of myself. Now I've just finished watching the series "Killing Eve" and I noticed and had to admit that I am madly attracted to the psychopathic character Villanelle, when I didn't have this veil of rejection against this darkness anymore. After admitting this to myself I had to remember a women from like 4 years ago who I was texting with, she definitely was at the very least an extreme narcissist and possibly even a psychopath and to be honest never in my life did I feel as attracted to someone as to her even though we were just texting, I was so addicted that I would lay in my bad all day with such emotional tension in my body that I was literally shaking and just waiting for her replies, I didn't really figure at that time what this was all about but now it became kinda obvious to me that I am obsessed with these kinds of women and I am not really judging myself for this or anything, but in the end I am all about moving forward and doing the work necessary to do so and become the best version of myself. I guess this attraction stems from the fact that I have these really dark aspects inside of me always rejecting them, for these of you who are into astrology, I have AC scorpio with pluto in scorpio and also mars in leo as for the dark aspects. I am kinda conflicted as to what's next and also not sure yet how I unlock these aspects and if I really want to, but I kinda have to in order to progress. I don't really want to be a bad person at all and that's why I have been rejecting it all of my life, I tried my best to keep it shut but the floodgates are starting to give in and the darkness is at the doorstep knocking. I am scared of my own darkness. What do you think about this?

@milii I can totally feel you with this, was in a similar situation 9 months ago, for me it took over half a year to really get over it and honestly I am just beginning to get back to my heights from before that relationship, maybe I will be there in a few months, I know how shitty it is to be in the place that you are and it's probably not too comforting if someone tells you just let the time heal the wounds, because you are in pain right now, but that's sadly how this works, the best thing you can do is speeding up the process by grieving properly, doing inner work and maybe trying to get back some positivity into your life in healthy doses. The good news is we live in a cyclical universe which means that you are going to reach new even greater heights then you had before and yes they might get taken away again, only so that you get the motivation needed to go even beyond that.

@Serotoninluv Of course you are right empaths also tend to be attracted to narcissists, but what really makes me think that this is about my own repressed aspects is that I just independently had this insight recently that it's okay to be narcissistic when I was in a particularly bad and painful situation, I just went from whimpering to crying out of joy in that instant, it was a huge relief and just about 1 week after this realization I notice this attraction towards them. But at the same time I already very well know my empathetic side and this aspects also mirrors very well astrologically in my moon in pisces, this part was just always very dominant and suppressed the darker parts of me. So I think that you can actually be on both sides of the spectrum at the same time. And I also do like the thought of fully giving away my control and let someone else have full power over me and still being able to trust that they have my best interest at heart and this thought is especially attractive when it's someone narcissistic. @Emerald Thank you for this brilliant reply, that's basically exactly what I was looking to know. It makes so much sense now especially considering my text above, the attraction comes from multiple angles really, my empathetic side sees that root aspect below the darkness and wants to fix them, I see into their core for who they really are and basically get my satisfaction from the tiny bits of goodness that come out from time to time that feel like healing, like a release, which is another thing that thrills me when a women is crying after a strong emotional release. And then of course there is the mirrored suppressed aspects of myself I see inside them on the surface, these aspects want out and that's why this behaviour is so attractive to me, the universe basically telling me "you should be like them to make progress". And there is this thrill to entrust someone with my life and give my whole power to someone who is narcissistic because I believe in them and it feels exactly like the satisfaction from such an emotional release I see a tiny bit of their goodness presented towards me and it's so healing. amazing insights for me right here, thank you both a lot!

So I have finally managed to stop porn for a longer period of time. After 25 days of abstinence I masturbated the first time though, without porn of course. I am at about 30 days now and have masturbated a few more times till now. I am kinda split between letting myself masturbate from time to time, because after all I don't want to completely repress my sexuality I want to be sexually healthy and being abstinent for years and years feels for me like simply ignoring a part of yourself, not integrating an essential part of yourself. What do you think? What would you recommend?

So I took it upon myself to find out and the answer I got was simply cleansing tears. I would recommend.

What do you think, which approach is the right one? When you have a song which really triggers good old memories and it destroys you inside hearing it after a long time, because you lost someone who it was connected with. My approach would be to simply listen through it and work on the emotional turbulences it causes inside of you, but I am not sure because on the other hand, couldn't become an obstacle to letting go if you delve into this? Or have you ever truly let go if there is such emotions still hidden deep inside of you?

For anyone who still cares, I kinda had another insight about all of this. Now I understand that Women are simply not loving you for your logic, how much you convince them, how good you are to them. They really love from their heart and the chemistry you make them feel. I see now that the porn really was an even greater obstacle than I thought, it really took alot of exactly this masculinity that I needed to keep attracting her, also a big aspect of masculinity is this self directed energy which is typical for narcissists, which of course attracts women, especially empathic ones, also they are masters in causing exactly those chemical reactions in women, which they need to fall in love. Anyway, now I am on 23 days of nofap and it was really easy honestly, with all the heartbreak I wasn't really focused on it at all and that's why it was so easy and I will continue going forward with this. So I guess, the red pill comments, had some truth to them after all, even though I think you really can stay a very decent human being and be kinda still nice to women, just in a very special way, I guess there is still lots of time to figure this out..

Hey guys. I am in an awkward spot in my life at the moment, I am 23 years old and just 4 months ago got together with my girlfriend who is 30. We are both on the spiritual path and the relationship although it was a long distance relationship with us seeing once a month for like 4 days and skyping alot, it was really harmonious and we never really had much trouble with each other, we were about to move together in a few months.. Her problem with me was that I had still some addictions to things like porn, unhealthy food and I guess I got a little lazy about many other small things, simply not working on myself fast enough, I kinda needed a kick in the ass, but it happened really in a sad way, also another problem is my lack of experience in life and my strong attachment to my partner, which I now figured out, as you will read below. She was going to meet her ex boyfriend who is also 23 to let him go for good, because she still felt something was left between them that had to go, the problem is he is a narcissistic schizo and he mistreated her for some time, she was telling me alot about it, how bad it was with him, how much he manipulated her and so on. The thing is the next day after the meeting I hear from her saying "it was too strong" he kissed me and from there on it was over.. After just 3 days with him she again saw how crazy he still is and wrote me but now she is trying it again.. I can't bare seeing her making the same mistake over and over. The thing is I had a really really strong fear of loss which kinda led to self sacrifice and now yesterday I just found out about this and started healing it, it was the most beautiful moments of my life with alot of tears. Now I have been abstinent for 2 weeks and I am confident that I will move trough with this and also changed the other habits, I am giving 100% now for myself, out of love for myself. She still thinks that I am doing it out of this self sacrifice for her.. I really love her unconditionally and she said she does aswell, but she says she doesen't see the man in me that she want's on her side, because of all those problems she had with me, but I am really working on it out of my free will and I will keep working on it with all I got, with or without her. What is your advice, do you think I can still get her back? I mean I really doubt that she is gonna stick around with him for all that long, when she already was fed up with him after 3 days.. I really don't know how to handle this situation.

@Nahm I think it is mostly the attention which causes my high, since the high even happens an "object" of my desire simply texts me even if it's lets say not a positive answer from them I get the high initially. Thank you Nahm, that was insanely helpful, I am gonna get going with this list.

How to cure it, what do you think? And it is not really that I don't have any self-love at all, I feel like I am on a decent level, but it is just mentally that I absolutely think Love is my only life goal, my only life purpose, it is everything for me..

@Nahm Well as I said, sometimes it just feels like this is my only drive to live, this love addiction, there is nothing to live for without love. I also keep attaching from person to person and obsessing with them, even if I don't really know them, because it never was about the person it was just about my high. I also struggled in my recent relationship to really stay independent from that person, like there was no other focus in my life. And obviously after the break up I would compulsively try everything to get her back and simply can not let go, even though this experience has grown me immensely and I really found the way to my heart and self love even further, I simply can't seem to let go of this love fantasy that this was the perfect love and there will never be such a great love again.. I feel like this addiction was kinda well hidden or even partly resolved until recently I started being abstinent from orgasm and I think now this love addiction seems to be taking the place of my old addictions and is getting worse. I am so deeply attached to looking for this perfect love that I really feel like I don't want to live anymore, if it seems to not be going my way at all, because nothing else is worth living.

@Consept You are a little overboard with this interpretation, in my opinion most of the advice in here was pretty helpful and the ego part I was talking about was referring to a few comments. The reality of the situation is that you don't really have the insight into our connection. As I said I am not in those dreams anymore I was in a few days ago. I am in the heart now and I know that she was in her heart all along, because that is what women are good at, of course there are exceptions. Anyway I am really happy now with the situation as it is and don't feel like a need a relationship at the moment, first I kinda need to cool down from all this.

@bejapuskas It was clinginess when I still wanted something that she didn't. But she said multiple times that she loves me and want out heart connection, of course based on a friendship, which is what I also feel like the right thing at the moment, friendship to start reconnecting our hearts, I really don't need to be physically with her, to love her and to enjoy our relationship of whichever nature, if our hearts are both ready we will get together if not they won't but we will still be loving friends and I am completely fine with this. @Toby of course it does, this is exactly what your heart is here for to truly know what your soul desires and what it doesen't desire and if there is a one sided thing involved all I can say is, there is no better lesson in life than such relationships.

@bejapuskas I mean especially the red pill and blue pill stuff, realize that you have the power to create your world, if you want to live in the mainstream worlds of blue or red pill, you will sure never fulfill your hearts true desire. I feel like some people here are not at all connected to their heart, to their desires, their passion. That way you will never experience genuine love, which in my opinion is the most beautiful thing life has to offer, your heart is capable of this love for anyone even yourself at all times, but of course you need to really get in touch with it.

I thank you all for your help, even though some of it is coming from alot of ego. But I now remember again what really the issue was in this whole situation, for some reason I closed my heart after my second meeting with her. Before meeting her it was really active and I was passionate about everything and that is the reason she fell in love with me, because I wrote so passionately with my whole heart. She must have felt that my heart closed but she still stayed with me in the relationship for 2,5 more months.. Now that I reopened it I really just want to connect with her again in the heart space and I really don't care if she just wants to be friends, I am back to my authentic core and with my passionate heart opened self, I know that I can attract love easily and so even my desperation for her is completely gone now. We will be friends again we will connect again and we will see if I wanna attract someone else or maybe get back with her, because I know that with my opened heart she will not be able to resist me for long, I finally understood this. I wish you a good day.

@alankrillin Well, karezza is still a good way in my opinion, you just need to be far enough for it to really get deep. And I surely am not at that level yet, I underestimated what it really takes. Yeah, you are right I guess that was the biggest mistake of my life to not give this addiction the attention that it needed. But the circumstances taught me and now force me to really take this seriously. I was simply very lonely and even though I was working on my self love and got to a really decent point in my opinion, that's why I attracted the relationship, I kind of took the relationship for granted after a while and so I did take for granted not feeling lonely anymore. But I see now that you have to give all the things you need to yourself really, then the magic will happen and I am giving 100% for this to happen.