Rachityczny

Hey there! I want to read daily - at least half an hour of self-help daily (its not a lot, but consistency is my main goal). The main reasons is to learn to finish books, find interesting ideas and techniques to improve myself and develop a big picture overview of the field of self-development. For a couple of days I`ve tried out taking notes when reading. It turned out my pace slowed down dramatically- i go through 5 pages instead of 20. I feel like I have made almost no progress after starting to take notes, which is dangerous for motivation and long-term results of the habit. Do you take notes when reading? What is your pace (compared to standard reading) when doing so? Do you use any kind of technique or a thought process that makes it faster? Do you think that it is worth to take notes in my situation? Thanks for all your insights! David

@flowboy I feel quite the same- the pressure and self-criticism at its peak when its my main goal. It`s a good thing to try out side goal of cold approach, i can say that i do it to some extent- i hang out with new people more often than before. @Musica Thanks for the advice for the future!

Hey there. I gave myself a week of freedom, during which i basically spent a ton of time on low-consciousness activities such as watching youtube. But i also thought a bit about my plans, vision for life and so on. So i decided to read daily for an hour. I have quite a lot of self-development books that i haven`t read. It is also a habit that contributes greatly to my life purpose work. I`ve been doing it for a week now, without commitment to create a habit like this, but it feels really good and will continue to build this habit. Will try out a few days with making notes, but it makes reading so slow, for now it makes me feel out of flow. Cold approach experiment was short and didn`t go really well, i just couldn`t bear it anymore, but i still learned a lot- for example, next time i will formulate my goal in a different way. Thank you all for your contributions to this topic. You helped me with motivation and taught me quite a lot of things!

@Pallero I wanted to cold approach and want to in the future, it`s a great challenge and a way to develop yourselves. It was forcing so far, bcs i have a lot of limiting beliefs about relationships and cold approach. Apart from that, that was my first attempt to cold approach, it was hard to find challenging but possible to reach goal. @flowboy I understand his point of view. Pallero is just afraid that I`m just pushing too far, in a way that makes break down and for example reach some psychological illness.

You know what? I stop the work on cold approach for now. Don`t get me wrontg- it is valuable- i see it more than before. Anyway, here come reasons mixed with excuses: - I`ve set the goal to do cold approach 2,5 weeks before- haven`t had a week that was successful- it`s a really bad start for any kind of the habit. The effort i did was too small and the goal is too hard for me right now - The measurement of time for cold approach is really arbitrary. Do i count the time for only when I`m talking or looking for someone to talk? Can i count the time if i chicken out? Can I count the time from the moment I left the house with an intent to do the cold approach? - The goal was set when I wasn`t in the best emotional state- sometimes i just have these days during which i feel really unstable, often after binge watching youtube or/and playing games or/and eating junk food in big amounts or/and masturbation. Today is actually one of these days, but at it`s end I feel the beginning of something good. Cold approach is fucking hard. I`m afraid this is too big of a challenge for me right now. Will try to meet with more girls through friends and more popular ways. I just need to get my daily life handled- university, daily tasks, more time spent with my friends. I want to become better at dating, relationships and sexuality so this attempt for sure isn`t my last. Since December I`ve been working on creating positive habits. I managed to stop watching toxic memes, daily monitor the time i spend on games/youtube (I`m addicted to them) and do sports twice a week (swimming and anything I choose, most of the time it`s volleyball). It is a good time in my life, just this cold approach thing didn`t click right from the beginning and one of the reasons I stop to work on this goal is the danger of somewhat damaging the structure of introducing habits I created with these three successful ones (these started quite well right from the get go). Anyway, this is getting really off-topic so just one last thing: a few days (a week maximum) from now I will let you know what I decided to choose a habit to work on- need a time to slow down a bit, strategize, get basic things handled for the decision to be firm and best for my situation. Cheers guys!

I think you need to express your anger in a healthy way- this applies both to justified and unjustified anger. When you fully express your anger, your resentment towards a person for saying or doing something, you allow yourself to feel it and it disappears. I strongly recommend "Radical Honesty" by Brad Blanton, especially the chapter about dealing with anger. That chapter will give you the full perspective on this thing, and give you a specific set of actions to take in order to deal with your problem, including a very important conversation with your friend who does or doesn't make you feel disrespected on purpose. You can say to yourself countless times you are worth a lot, you can work on your self-respect and your petty side will still send you negative thoughts and unhealthy perspective. You either express anger and become free of it, or let it stay in you, making you bad-tempered. Anger is very often petty, selfish and is always being expressed, and indirect expression of it is the true problem.

Well, well well... Yesterday i did only few minutes more than half an hour. I was wandering around places for 1,5 hours. I did approach one girl- a sweet Ukrainian. The conversation was quite bad- i just asked her if she likes the city, where is she from, what`s her name and why did she choose the university here etc. It was hard and awkward for me. After a short while she said she has an important call, and i basically ran away. But i am still positive about it. 34 minutes is nowhere near the goal of 3 hours weekly, so i tried to cold approach today. I went into mall, but i didn`t feel it. Today I`m rather down, quite negative and lazy- I couldn`t stand the monkey mind i have when trying to cold approach- many negative thoughts, feeling rigid and so on. The most irritating thing is the thought/belief/feeling I`m not worth to be with a girl, to approach one. I guess overcoming it requires awareness, acceptance and real life experience that shows the opposite of this negative belief. Yesterday i started to read daily a set of affirmations focused on becoming more confident, better with girls and creating empowering mindset. Hope this will also help. This week i also did quite a lot of theory- 3 hours 40 minutes. It informs practice and promotes good mindset, it doesn`t feel like mental masturbation or running away from action.

Okay. This week I did 3 hours of theory for pickup (most today, it`s 1 AM at my timezone lol). Tommorow is the last day before the meeting with my accountability partner, so the last moment to reach the wekly goal. I will cold approach, daygame as before. Will try to check out a few places. Expect a report at Wednesday. Once more, thanks for your support and advice. You basically validate my effort I`m grateful for it- you motivate me to take action. All the best for you!

@Marinus Thanks for the encouragement!

@LoNatural Local pickup community would be awesome! But I still believe SMV isn't worth that much - it helps at the beginning, but its value diminishes quickly. Two days ago I did go to another mall to cold approach. It was still really bad. I approached just one girl, and was so fixated on her that I didn't see her boyfriend that was walking a little further than her. I asked "Hey, where are you going?" She hid behind her man and, I repeated the same question to both of them, he said "nowhere" and I left. I was still happy. It was one of the first steps, which is important. I spent an hour in this mall, which adds with previous attempt to 1h 20min. It is 1h 40min short of the goal. At least I did a lot of theory- 4,5 hours. I see small differences in my behavior and thoughts- a little more into being good with girls.

Okay. I am drunk right now. Will report you tomorrow

@mandyjw Your words are quite compelling. But I don't want to get laid with needy girls, I want the best, confident girls.But I have a few more questions and objections. 1)I want to fully embrace stage orange. That for me means getting to know girls in orange style. I need to embrace each stage fully, and that needs time and commitment. I feel that care about people is my personal value, it just doesn't feel right to hurt them. It's true that I'm a nice guy, but that's not girls attracted to- still I can keep my respect towards others. 2)I'm not really sure if these values you label green aren't really blue. I have some green values, but they don't dominate. 3)How will I attract a really attractive green woman if I go into green with my experience with girls? She must have abundance of great relationships and men to choose, I will be propably the last one she will want. And neediness totally kills attraction. Actually, there is a girl I know which is mostly green, she is extremely attractive to me, but she is bisexual and polyamoric- I wouldn't want her to be with other guys and girls when my relationship with her is the first I'm really committed. And I don't think she would want me anyway Ye, the belief that I'm not worth love is one I want to change the most. 4) RSD provides me a set of steps, tangible action steps that I can execute in order to move in a direction. And that's extremely valuable for a person that has been rejecting to really work on relationships for a long time. If cons of doing the course will be more than pros, I won't do it anymore. Now it's good kick in the ass- habits and routines are king in terms of growth. 5)I just feel I need to do something. Right. Fucking. Now. It really feels like do or die situation. I feel like I can't wait anymore - it will be harder every day. Neediness kills me, I masturbate much too often, this and no success with women kills my self-esteem, which influences every area of my life. It really feels like a giant hole in myself and I need to do something asap. And transition into green is totally unknown in terms of time it will take. Apart from that, if my sexuality is blue (which I strongly believe), I must must must go through orange.

@mandyjw My lower self and main goal right now is to get laid. I`m horny teen who wants to see a pussy (lol). I want to be confident to approach pornstar-level beatiful girl and fuck her so good that she begs me for more. I want to get rid of this really big neediness that i feel right now, and pressure that is given by me and society ("He is 19 yo virgin, what a loser"). I want to be confident with girls, with being sexual. Right now my sexuality is Blue (bcs of family i grew up in), making it Orange is a big step in the right direction (ofc i mean Spiral Dynamics; getting laid and whole pickup community`s values are mostly Orange). If i find nice, intelligent and valuable girl during my cold approaches i will most likely make her my girlfriend. My higher self and long-term goal is basically to get into Green relationship and social dynamics. My dream girl more or less is according to "Way of The Superior Man", therefore I want a free and feminine woman with which i can have meaningful conversations, big goals about ourselves and the relationship, which will understand me. She will be attractive and very feminine. I just think that if I can`t approach any girl, i need to start the work from that. And I will repeat - I`m needy, which super unattractive, and imo the best way to get rid of neediness is to cold approach, date and fuck a lot of girls.

I just thought i will do a quick update on my progress. Here is the link to the worksheet i did (sharing this way bcs it`s quite long): https://www.evernote.com/l/AjP1lEtXw71BvIuslJ4cUYB88MgpHI1y4Qs/ The thought i had right now: I can become incredible with girls - i just need to set tangible goals and keep the ball rolling ??????

@SFRL I looked into first search result: https://revolutionarylifestyledesign.com/calculate-maximize-sexual-market-value/. I think the concept is quite bullshit. I think game is important, but not that much in the long run. Relationship skills seem don`t quite hit the mark to me. Looks and status? That`s totally secondary. I think this SMV accounts for no more than 30% of how good you are with women. I work and will work on my leadership, sense of humor, social skills, having goals, self-esteem and being a man strong both physically and emotionally. @Dumb Enlightened That`s great advice- this technique doesn`t give you time to get approach anxiety, which is really good.