Dan94

So as the title suggests I'm struggling with some very limiting views in regards to my career, learning and skill building in general. I really, really hope some of you can offer me some perspective and piece of advice. I have been meditating and doing consciousness work now for approximately 3 years and the more I've done the more obvious my unconscious tendency to ignore or completely leave out material I can't understand or make sense of has become. That discovery has been huge because I see how much it affects all areas in my life and have done ever since I can remember. I get hit with tons of anxiety and uneasiness as Leo describes in his videos and "letting go and accepting" is way way easier said than done. To give you an idea of my thinking pattern: New information --> Confusion (I don't know what x means) --> I should be able to do this now --> Self doubt (Can I even learn this/ Do I have the necessary tools/information available?) --> Anxiety, stress --> Procrastination --> Depression This is massive to me, I hope some of you can be of help! Thank you. With kindness, Daniel

@Commodent Thanks!

Next week I will attend a Peter Ralston contemplative intensive. It's my first of its kind and I am stoked. Do you guys have any general tips on preparation and has any one done an intensive with Peter? Would love to hear what you got from it. Daniel

Yes, I know it's completely different but probably a very good warm up as you call it. I do meditate every day and have done so for nearly 3 years with 2 vipassana courses and one solo darkness retreat under my belt. I think that's crucial. How was your first 5-MEO experience may I ask?

2019 is my psychedelic year. I have bought a scale that weighs in milligram (0.001) but reading up on dosages again, I realized that LSD is dosed in micrograms (0.000001). I just wondered how you measure and dose such a small amount of substance? What scales do you use? Happy new year! D

@outlandish I'm way too alert for that - I have such a respect for psychedelics. I've done psilocybin, MDMA, LSD and DMT thus far - and DMT is no fucking joke. That's why I want to be gradually increasing my experience with LSD. People claiming 5-MEO being a hundred time stronger than N,N-DMT.. I can say for sure I'm not ready for 5-MEO yet - at all. Hopefully within a year or two - and yet preparing for something that can't be prepared for is not the easiest thing... Do you have advice for when you should go for breakthrough dosages and very potent substances like 5-MEO? How did you approach that?

@outlandish Cheers, yes I was actually thinking about the weight of the blotter and mixed it up with the actual weight of the LSD in the blotter. Hence the confusion my bad. I just wanted to find the most precise way for dosing. Thanks so much, I'll be doing some trip reports in 2019 for sure.

@Aaron p Right. I used the onion route as well! I went with a vendor with thousands of plausible reviews. I don't plan to do lsd more often than once a month (maximum) though. Thank you. @outlandish And just one more thought : Let's say 4 blotters weigh 1milligram. Which equals 250ug pr. blotter... Then you have 4 dosages of LSD but you only need one for now (assuming you went for 250ug trips). How do you store the 3 "left-over" dosages?

@outlandish Cheers! Another one: When you test your batch with your reagent tests - do you test every single blotter or just one of the blotter from the entire batch? Thanks, I do have a lot of respect when it comes to psychedelics.

@PukkaDanks Damn, I thought it was more controlled than that. Thanks!

Is that a genuine answer?

And when you do stumble upon massive resistance, cultivate that self-love: Have a great monday y'all.

Hahaha, what a coincidence. Just payed the deposit for his Insight and Enlightenment workshop this spring. Have read book of not knowing and to be honest, I much rather do a workshop with him before he stop teaches.

I have a very, very strong sense of incongruency, apathy and meaninglessness. It has lasted about four months. Basically I feel like nothing can make sense, if there is no-one experiencing anything. I mean.. Why the heck do self-help if you help no-one anyways. If I'm absolutely nothingness and the void who is then feeling these emotions? How can "you" be passionate, feel love and pursuit anything whatsoever, if "you" don't exist in the first place?! It is slowly driving me nuts. I would really appreciate your clever answers. Daniel

Thank you for the empathy and concern. I have thought about it. I DO think it has a very negative connotation since I don't get why anything are meaningful if there's no one to experience them. But yes, I DO NOT have a direct experience of becoming enlightened, so it still must be a belief since I don't have an actual experience of what I'm talking about. Thank you @DrewNows Cheers, thank you. Yes, it's not funny. I'm doing a 7 day long darkness retreat the day after tomorrow. Hopefully pumped with non-duality hahaha. How did you proceed when you were in this phase, if you could elaborate a bit? @WelcometoReality And that's the catch. It's a belief system for sure. I will do more of what I've been doing thus far and do more retreats. Thank you.

During my 1h meditation last night a very, very warm sensation appeared in my solar plexus. First kind of pulled me back and then forward. Ecstatic. It happened again later when I did my holo breath. Have you had similar experiences and do you have suggestions to what's happening? Love, Daniel

Hey dude Having just started cold approaching a few weeks back I can definitely say it's worth it. I'm not counting numbers, dates etc. thus far, however if you are straight-up and honest in your approaches you'll definitely make someone's day. For all the rejections I've had this far, every approach has ended with a very flattered girl and your sense of masculinity and self respect goes through the roof. That in it self is a nice motivation in the beginning. I may suck but at least I'm being true to my sexuality. Good luck. By the way, get a wing. So helpful.

Right now I meditate an hour a day. I do daily kriya, self-enquiry and HB once a week as well. For the past three months (especially) I have literally been feeling like a permanent 6th day on a vipassana course. Whenever I meditate and work on my LP, wake up, take a nap etc. I literally shake in frustration, confusion, despair, anxiety. My mind is all over the place and now I have been really mindful of how much I feel the urge to stop everything and distract my self - all the time. I have become conscious of how perfectionistic I am and that I need to work on some beliefs as well. I'm completely drained without having done anything really. Everything I do is soaped in massive resistance. Can you relate and how did you persevere? This feels like forever now. Daniel

Basically I had a very, very hard timing focusing and staying concentrated. Started at day 6 afternoon and went on until the course had finished. Had an interview with the assistant teacher who told me that was a good sign. Sankharas manifested in restlessness and monkey mind. That definitely helped me reframe the experience.

Hi This May I completed my second vipassana course which was quite a frustrating experience. Yet two weeks after I have booked a 30 day Adveita Vedanta course on the other site of the globe. How was your first longer retreat and can you offer some pieces of advice you'd give yourself before undertaking this journey? Cheers, Daniel

Okay, so this may sound pathetic, especially after I've watched all leo's content both on YT and on the blog as well as bother to buy the book and read the first 75 pages: I cannot get the logic of the suggested daily routines (in the book) and I don't know how I make my own 45-60 minutes routine based on the suggestions with level 1, 2 and 3.... I'm just fairly careful to do it properly and get a good start - definitely since I watched the don't half-ass yoga video. Thank you

A brief intro: 23 years old. I have been following Leo for 18 months, which means I've been meditating for 18 months. As for now I do a lot of sittings of strong determination lasting between 90-120 minutes. I have completed one vipassana course and I'm currently working through his Life purpose course. Not until recently I've bothered checking out his videos on enlightenment. But ever since I read Peter Ralston's book "The book of not knowing" (And afterwards watched all Leos content) I have been convinced of the massive, massive importance of this pursuit. I realized that I share the same "Dramas of self-images" Leo talks about in a video of his - and how this has been a theme throughout all of my adolescence and still is to this day. It really makes a lot of sense to me that the only thing that will bring true fulfillment is the death of the ego. I have also found that peace of mind and Truth is in my top 3 values from Leo's Life purpose course. However.. I wonder how I should balance the pursuit of enlightenment, meditation and my life purpose; I want to pursue enlightenment first and then focus on my life purpose. To be honest, as of now, I completely don't care about my life purpose if I can truly attain peace of mind and fulfillment through enlightenment. I have always, always thought that the obtaining of my life purpose would truly fulfill me but as Leo stresses, it never will - and I have quite strong faith in that claim. Can you wise guys give me some tips on how I could spent my time in a strategic manner to combine these two pursuits? I know that a guy like Leo does tons of inquiry and enlightenment work besides Actualized.org - I just wonder how he strategizes and prioritizes his time. Let me know if this is way too vague for you. I'm confused these days. Daniel

@dorg Cheers, that's what I'm finding in my own experience too. I'm just so used to clinging to knowing, I have been completely oblivion to this neurosis. Thanks

I'm pretty thrilled about the episode of confusion and how to handle it. I have managed to become utterly accepting towards confusion, to the point it almost feels like I'm half-assing my practise - My question: Can confusion become a trap of becoming less judgmental/reflective about your progress with practises/work or is it ultimately the key to flow states? I'm just curious since I have managed to shift my view towards practising/working so dramatically within such a short period of time that it feels completely off. Thanks.

Rephrased: I have a hard time grasping the ease and flow-like states I attain when letting go of the need to know. Can this be mistaken for complacency? Thank you