Nahm

The ego is not an entity, it is every obstacle you place in front of yourself.

@ivankiss Much love brother, carry on.

Trauma, experience; event unfolds, that I am; not stories I’ve told. I must be that - this surely is this, I weave that hat; ‘right’ of the bliss. Never once more, never such pain, unbreakable vow; again and again. World full of fools, heads in the clouds, lucky, unscathed; fortunate clowns. Yet that feeling - it won’t seem to let go, this here will numb it, this much I know! That feeling is gone; safe - it is best, fall into line; sleep like the rest. Why do you hurt me, why persist? Notions of grandeur, of slitting of wrists. I can not take it, that feeling is wrong! Drowning as birds, choking on song. I’ll build my castle, no entry you’ll see, send every monster, witch, demon, & being. None shall enter, none penetrate, and I will be happy; and I will be great. Built ever sturdy, concrete and bricks, high above mountains, my heaven exists. King of my kingdom, I need not a one, nothing can touch me; thus - I have won. Yet, ever so sweetly, a breeze between trees, whispers profusely, my love and my dreams. Wind of a stranger, yet one that is known, my castle it crumbles, like sand it is blown. Again is this feeling, I can not escape! It’s power my healing; it’s strength is my gate. Within every meaning; it’s kindness my fate, ever revealing; this love was my hate.

@ivankiss By. The. Balls. ?? You’re believing ego is something other than your believing there is an ego. Where is your nuance, where is your understanding? Who takes ownership of this ‘ego is an enemy’ script? Do you believe someone else is saying this, or do you see that you are? That statement is relieving, or provocative - up to you...and “you”. I would say good luck guiding the ego back to light, but that’s the thing, “it” - It is You! Nonetheless, sometimes the only teacher is the hot stove. Sendin some love and wake-the-fuck-up-ness your way my man. Side-note...God’s not disapproving or approving. Unconditional, such is True Love. “The first time you feel it, it might make you mad. Next time you feel it, it might make you sad. But you’ll be glad when you’ve found, that’s the power that makes the world go round.” H Lewis. ”Orange is young and full of daring, but very unsteady for the first go-round....and all these emotions of mine are keepin me from give my life - to a rainbow like you. But I - I’m bold as Love...just ask the axis.” J Hendrix “The suffering of which one gives creative credit, is the very blockage of creativity.” - Anyone but Nahm

@SidBySide Seen yet?

@ivankiss For sure. Just careful how deep you choose to go into that, in your knowing suffering = ego. Sometimes we go so deep, we think it’s someone else’s fault, and start talking about trust, etc. Can always let go, in love.

@ActualizedDavid ?? This is probably what you mean, but, the hurt is in what isn’t being let go of. Which is why the meditation (nothing) is so “effective”. Also, you’re doing great man. I challenge you to love yourself unconditionally, and to recognize your beauty and happiness in all things.

@ivankiss I just asked my wife, as I am also an artist. “How do you feel about me creating confusion, hurt & sadness in our relationship for a bit?” She said, “go on a solo retreat. Your ego’s got you by the balls”. She’s so direct sometimes. EDIT: She literally just added “If you need me to be happy and in love, we’re both fucked”. I’s like “Don’t turquoise me bitch.” She said “When you stop pretending you’re blue.” ? The audacity!

@ivankiss I didn’t realize you were purposely creating confusion, hurt & sadness as a reoccurring theme in your relationships. Sorry. Just seems foreign to me I guess. Carry on brother and .....Godspeed...? I guess? ??

What are you talking about when you say “the negative sides of spirituality” ? (if you’re willing to answer, try to without pointing to someone else, or merely what someone else says, but what is your answer, from your direct experience ? How have you yourself experienced spirituality to be negative?) “Do I focus on “it” too much?” - What is it ? What is it you are focusing on? More importantly, how does it feel - and why do you feel that way? What is “those things” ? Is it possible that “it” and “those things” are - delusion / projection / self doubt / fear - rather than some components of spirituality, rather than any actual negative thing?

You can’t get it wrong. There’s no judge.

“Do not assume that I have come to bring peace to the earth;I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.” Jesus

If that is the case, then is it not also true... You don’t have a mind you could lose, you are mind. You can’t get a heart attack and die, you are death. A meteorite could not kill you any second, you are the meteorite & time. ALl kind of smaller shit happens all the time without you control, and you are all of these. "There is no will but God's." - A course in miracles

@dimitri Indeed. Also, somewhere before 100 infinity has no parts.

@dimitri Well of course. That was part 1 / 100.

Nothing can withstand an hour of meditation every morning. Your deconstruction work, collapsing dualities, taking a look within, dream boarding life, etc, is well under way. I’d make it a point to say, believe, and know, that I am awesome, that everything good in me is God, self loving and worthy of giving & receiving love. I’d watch Leo’s video on not giving a fuck what people think, and I’d have some kind of burial / burning ceremony. Maybe write down all concerns about what people think of you, wish them well, vow to do your absolute best never to judge yourself or anyone else, burn it, and bury it. (Literally) Checkpoints of meditation would be actual awareness, and no mind. I’d be checking for refining technique along the way. Carry it into the day, longer and longer. Develop the ability to entirely drop the mind / thinking anytime, into no mind state. Conscious stomach breathing 24/7. I’d take a 1g dose of shrooms and contemplate this isness, that is right here right now, but effortlessly, not pushy-thinking / ‘figuring out’. Allow / receive the realizations. Ask God to wash over you with divine love and understanding, out loud, sternly but not demandingly. Set the intention with every cell in your body. Feel the realness of the desire for realization, not Just the thought about it. Be open for anything, calm, collected, upbeat, humble & interested. I’d listen to a lot of Abraham Hicks, every morning, right after meditation, any video of hers, everyday, and anytime you’re driving / waiting. Order a micro bluetooth ear bud. Imo, her videos are the cleanest, purest psychology you will find. I would then add, but only if you’re naturally genuinely interested, some quantum mechanics videos on YouTube. I’d start by searching relativity vs special relativity, then the double slit, entanglement, black holes & superposition. As you watch them, always, constantly pause it and look in front of you and contemplate - this video is talking about this isness right here right now. Then I’d take a 2 g dose of mushrooms and contemplate what is in front of me, what is this isness? Then I’d watch every video by John Hagelin / most are him speaking at SAND. Then I’d take another 2g trip. Then I’d watch Leo’s videos, absolute infinity, the point of life, stages of life, then self deception (sorry), fear, duality, reality, truth. Then I’d take another 2g trip, (not having skipped any days of meditation for a few months now) and then watch ego backlash, oneness, and the ten ox pics. Then I’d go see some presenters like Ester Hicks, Eckart, and Rupert in person, and I’d ask questions, and ‘get in the hot seat’. Then I’d take 4g’s, and again two month’s later. Then I’d watch and contemplate, based on filling in gaps, based on questions I still have about self & reality. Then I’d take a 5g trip, only when comfortable with the idea of doing so. I’d take all the trips alone, in nature. But not in any overly minimalist survival (tent & campfire) setting. And not where I live (too familiar). Small shroom dose is 1g. Larger is 2g. Never, ever ever ever take 3g’s. A high dose is 4g’s (You’ll lose identity). A hero’s dose is 5gs (you’ll lose reality). Trips should be at least two months apart. (You won’t actually lose anything). All of this is obviously biased, but that’s what I’d do.

@Swagala Linguistically there is “people being awake / asleep, conscious / unconscious” but you have to read between the lines that it is consciousness. If the path is shining in terms of being / experience, but not so much creating your dream life, give that your attention. Things which might seem in the way dissolve upon inspection.

@Schahin That was pretty much the whole story. Then I just went and did what I wanted to do.

I saw a movie the other day where a guy did the same. Cured himself of depression. It was awesome. Then I turned of the tv.

Take a few meditation coaching sessions. Don’t mess around with it anymore on your own.

Normal, beautiful, and a good sign. Tune into it, rather than tuning it out.

Nihilism is not awakening. Jim Newman is not describing nihilism, that is your misinterpretation, by deflection & projection. He thought his method out pretty well. Same thing you just did to @zeroISinfinity.