Nahm

@ActualizedDavid I agree. The ego can not give up the notion there are separate entities, because the ego is a notion there are separate entities.

@Fede83 So kind ♥️ Thanks, that’s great to hear & your words are very appreciated. At the same time, just going where love takes me, and it’s the same love & source in us all. I might be, relatively speaking, older and more experienced, but it’d be a mistake for either of us to believe anyone has a more unique access to source. At the risk of sounding incredibly egoic, but with the intent to point to some truth, “this” whatever this is, is where leaving the conditioned thought realm to the feeling realm “is”. I wouldn’t want to leave anyone with the impression there’s a bunch of time, thinking, etc behind the posts. It’s more the result of scrutinizing the thought /feeling/creating. Any “credit” is to The One, which should cancel out the belief in credit, and hopefully notions of ‘levels’, or that anyone is more ‘valuable’ or ‘ worth’. I recall I used to internalize stuff like that, resulting in the very thoughts and feelings scrutinize and surrendered. This “whole thing” runs on questions and answers in a major way, that circle of life is the heart of adventure, the forgetting & remembering. The real bravery, imo, is in the courage to ask the real as in personally important, ‘boldness in spite of forgetting’ - questions. Also, probably the deepest insight I could share...infinity above & beyond any answer I could ever express, is the surrendering of a thought in your meditation. But then, that isn’t an insight I can share.

@Schahin “Separate entities” can be broken down to thought, perception, and sensation. The “ego” hates hearing this. Why?

@mandyjw Much appreciated, and for sure. Feels very everything’s changing, and nothing’s changing.

@7thLetter Noted. Thanks!

@Raptorsin7 Good questions! 1. It’s that you are already creating reality. The dream board is not a separate thing which does anything more than help one realize this is already the actuality. Like a passenger who realizes they have been the conductor all along, by beginning to conduct in alignment with source. 2. “Properly” is up to you, and will relate back to how you feel, what you want, and letting go of thoughts resistant to it. The difference would be the letting go resistant thoughts. “Growth” can be, and also not be, a resistant thought. One must be true to their feeling to know for one’s self. 3. I’d suggest neither the dream board usage nor meditation are habits, in a more literal sense. Habits, imo, are unconscious behaviors. The board helps us become more conscious of how our choices are creating outcomes, reality. I’d say it’s ideal to utilize the board everyday. I wouldn’t put durations etc on it, keep it loose, and fun. That’s the point! Conscious creating! I understand your second question, but confidence isn’t a factor. Again, this is realizing you are already creating your reality. It’s becoming aware of it, not learning a new skill. Relative to using the dream board, meditation is for clearing your mind of resistant thoughts, relaxing more & more deeply, and for connecting with source through intuition, receiving guidance in sensation / feeling. Much like how meditation early in the morning is connective and about feeling, and the connection / feeling is carried through out the day...what is put on the dream board and felt - shows up through out the day, and is recognized in feeling too. As Ester puts it, ‘be in receiving mode’, be open to the coming of what you are wanting. Allow it to come in the divine, synchronistic, and often amazing and mysterious ways source brings it. It’s best not to think about the ‘how’ of what’s coming, as thinking tends to limit receiving. “Expecting things to come a certain way” can limit the noticing of the things coming. To that last question, I’d suggest writing meditation on the dream board, then letting it go, being in receiving mode. Relaxing, lessening up, and having fun with it. Get feeling good doing things you like. Perspective will change, and it will be noticed readily that one has time for both, and that they pair perfectly together.

@Charlotte That’s a great question. I like dream board, or holon, to draw attention to the actuality of being, as the fundamental basis. Of course, it might initially be taken as an implication, to be progressively realized, but I like as transparent as possible. Ideally, it would be called, you, and eventually it will be realized to be so. I believe there is an unwinding that begins even in hearing this, just in considering the notion... that this is actually dream, and that one is the dreamer & the dream, the creator & creation, existence, & that there is no separation. That is how & why it works, though it ‘runs on’ feeling, rather than understanding. Life as the journey, creating a dream board is the all-encompassing metadventure of the biggest picture, inseparable of now, including one’s self & reality, as parts & the whole. In comparison to dipping a toe in the water - this is it, it is underway now, you’re all in already, so to speak. That recognizes the truth, that this has always been underway, one has always been creating, & thoughts to the contrary are thoughts in resistance to what one is wanting. (Nobody chooses to dream a nightmare) The focus on the feeling of wanting & dreaming, drawing out what one uniquely wants. Self discovering via feeling beyond what one thinks one wants, beyond conditioning & self imposed limitations. The feeling is the most important element, as the navigating of thoughts as the dream unfolds is by extension of source (love) & feeling, and the board is not a separate ‘thing’ from this. ‘Dream board’ / holon, is a good stage setting should thoughts of self doubt, or fears arise, in that they are resistant, but not separate either, and are also a part of creation & creating. The same source of the preferences & sensations illuminates the ‘thoughts path’ if you will, through ever-present sensational guidance, intuition, feeling; being, the compass in creating one’s dream. The dream board as quite literally inseparable of creation / creating; bringing one’s ‘matters to understand’ to the board as well. Working out the separate self in thought visually, expressing past experiences to be let go, to release, recognizing thought patterns which don’t feel good, tracking practices, etc. A catch all ‘mission control’ of creation and dreaming it. Rather than a ‘wanting board’ - the holon, or part which is itself the whole of reality. One staking a claim with the dream board, as a relative stake in the ground, in all of infinity. To more & more deeply realize that dreaming life is in accordance with the actuality. One’s vision will arise & come into focus naturally from reconnecting with source, feeling, expressing, purifying, fueled by the organic wanting to create. What do you think? I’d love to hear perspectives & realize bias in it. Don’t hold any punches, if you have any suggestions. Thanks!

1. Creates, rather than needs. 2. Formless in actuality, appearing form. 3. Nonexistence is a thought, rather than an actuality. 4. Same. 5. It is, form is appearance. 6. No reality is no existence.

Blonde girl is to learn duality, “opposites”, you’re holding. She matches vibrationally perfectly. Extract the juice, the lesson, it is about you. The panther would have eaten you. Lol Are you really ready for the dreamy hippie chick? Look into purification of beliefs, rooted in self worth - opens up “receiving mode”. Hard to say which one would have ate you alive faster.

@dimitri The Wholistic Insight: All thought, is “one relativity”, “one duality”, one “category” we can call, “Thinking”, or “The Veil Of Thought”, or, “The Veil Of Duality”. The thought that is this, “The Wholistic Insight”, is, “the last thought”...the one that reveals the nature of all thought... “The Last Stop”. “...and I hope that we can break it down, so it’s not so black & white...cause one day, you’ll find yourself nailing Good to a tree, and then saying..forgive me! Forgive Me!” Break the dualities of thought (meanings contingent on opposites) down, collapse them, rather than thinking one end of the stick is correct / actual, and the other not. Breaking down dualities is most effective, because you’re going to realize there are some things that are taken to be dualities (believed to be dualistic), but when scrutinized, are not. You’ll come to the place, over and over, where you must choose between your direct experience, and a thought about something. Follow the white rabbit of direct experience, as the “answer” is unfathomably hidden in plain sight. Change the perspective / connotation, of “right” & “wrong”. Adopt the mentality, for such an exercise, of genuinely desiring to be, “wrong”. Make “finding what I am wrong about”, uncovering these, the goal. I say this because, “the one who is right” - is not the one who is aware of “the one who is right”, in this way, being right creates a most-close-to-home duality, which enables the perpetuation of belief in all other indirect (just a thought) dualities. Be extra careful not to allow the use of any word to be a “write off”. It is often said, “”it’s magic”, “it’s imagination”, “it’s being”, “it’s me”, etc. Try to take note, that there is a full circle involved. The use of these words at the beginning of the circle is a write off, noted by an inability to readily explain the arrival at such a word usage. Don’t confuse that with an inability to explain what the word points to, and also consider one can go full circle, and yet still end up stuck again at the beginning. So there is a reference, but an inability to explain the arrival. What such a word points to can not be explained. But the arrival to the full circle can always be explained by one who is aware they themself are the “full circle”. That distinction alone can save you decades, when paired with always taking the pointing straight to your direct experience. Notice simple egoic write off’s like “buddy”, “my friend”. Notice when “awakening” or enlightenment” are used as write off’s, like “you’re get it when you awaken”. Notice this is a deflection, in which someone is literally using you, as their own write off. Get past the duality of thought, and you can feel these write offs I’m pointing to, yourself. See through all “your” sneakiness, and you see through All sneakiness. You must collapse the dualities, rather than “just see it when you awaken”, because while that is accurate, because duality hasn’t been collapsed, because that work hasn’t been done, deconditioned, “seen” - it’ll just come right back, and in the meantime, this is the very perpetuation of the delusion. Then you’re right back in the beginning of the circle, yet worse off, cause now there is a thicker stronger defense, of “the one who is awakened”. That then makes one’s own dualities nearly impossible to see, past the deflection & projection. One often then creates “material”, and attaches to it ever-so-sneakily, referring you to “the material”, which of course is an attempt to be “right”, which is how this whole carousel spins in the first place. We want to get off it, not spin it faster. “One Experience Or Many” The one asking is (A), “one experience” is (B), “many” is (C). If it’s one...it can’t be many? Does that make you the one, the many, or a third party? Does that make the one you are asking a fourth party? If it’s many...it can’t be one? What’s your direct experience? Are there deeper dualities at play, in... you (A), and “your”direct experience (B)...and also (via your projection) the one you are asking (C)...? ”Is reality...” Given you are the one asking (A), this is already a duality, an assumption that what is being asked about, “reality”, is (B), and also, the one you are asking, is (C). ”...a multiplayer game or single?” Do the lettering exercise to this. (understanding is not a definition on a page, it’s you, or as a concession, “within you”) If it’s multiplayer...it can’t be single? If it’s single player...It can’t be multi? What’s your direct experience? ”I sit in my room” You are A. If you sit in room ‘B’, is that your room? A possesses B? If you sit in room ‘C’, where is ‘my room’, room ‘B’, in direct experience? Does room B still exist? Does it exist as a thought? Did “room B” ever exist as other than the thought - “room B” (“my room”)? If “I sit in my room”, the triality is...you are A, “ I “ is B, “my room” is C. Scrutinize until you find exactly, precisely, the actual literal separation between A & B. ”I can see only what is inside of it and the nature from the window.” You are A. “ I “ is (B), can see only “what is inside of it” (C), and “the nature from the window” (D). What is the literal separation between A, B, and C? (This “stuff”, this “answer” will not be found in a room, or these words, but in your thinking. To awaken, for the duration, you’ve got to notice this stuff. So don’t write it off with “didn’t get it right now”. Look at it, read it, contemplate it, for five minutes each day. One day, BOOM, it clicks, and you’re in a sort of state of disbelief, that you somehow never saw it before. There is a “flip”, and you’ll be saying “holy crap it’s so obvious! How’d I miss it!. This is waking up from the matrix of thinking & self seeming to be the self of thought) ”Is it the only experience of Now?” The one asking (A)...Is “it” (B) the only ”experience of Now” (C), the one spoken to, asked, is (D). What is the literal separation between A, B, C, & D - other than the way you think about it? ”Suppose my grandma is 300kn away” The one asking (A)...Suppose “my grandma” (B) is “300kn away” (C) and the implied one (the one who you’re suggesting do the supposing) is (D). You A, and she’s B or C? You A and she’s B/C? You’re A but not D? Where’s that line, that actual separation? Notice how it starts to fall apart upon scrutiny. Notice any feelings that feel “bad”, and cut this shit of duality collapsing, and let that feeling “up”, let it give the message. The feeling is the real, the “goal”, if you will. The collapsing of dualities serves the ultimate answer in feeling. So careful not to ignore or disregard feelings as they arise in the collapsing. Feeling arising is the point. Think of the collapsing as a practice, like self inquiry, the point is the feeling, shattering the dualities - the thinking. Liberation is not a thought. “The other side of that wall”, is a thought. Train the analytical mind A, while simultaneously using It B to detach from the dualities & beliefs (veils)...from...”It” A. (The actuality is not A and B, the actuality, is you, there’s no A & B. That, A & B, is only the implication of the thoughts) The “point” is to be done with the duality of thinking, so you begin to notice the underlying feeling. “Enlightenment is only the beginning”. Studying physics & qm’s is helpful because after awhile it dawns on you that the explanations break down to fields and fields & you is a duality. Abraham Hicks is helpful, because the collapsed perspective is the only one she is expressing from. Thought dualities suppress feeling, the root of feeling is sensation, the actuality of sensation is Love / Infinite Being. A Dream Board is for getting your wanting out onto the board. Your wanting is of feeling, not thinking. So wanting, draws out feeling. Nobody ever says “I wish I could overthink more”, what is actually wanted, is to love more. This “wants onto the board”, this “out of your head, and into the room”, exacerbates thought dualities, which try to maintain the suppression of feeling. There is a breakthrough, of the most intimate personal nature, in which you, feeling, breakthrough the facade, the matrix of, thinking. And just like that, you are Real. You are Existence. (Minus the “are”, as that’s linguistically necessary in this attempt to wake you up). The Last Stop Music can reach into you, into the Self, and grab ahold and wake up the soul, bypassing the separate self of thinking. Feel into the actuality of this as you listen. Notice the intensity of the madness of seriousness right out of the gate, the beginning of the coming whirlwind, the ominous, unrelenting baseline. Notice the madness reaching an almost total absolute - and then the sweet relief of the “breaking” of it, at 6:44. Then notice the intensity carry’s through, but now opened, liberated, with peace now. Then notice, precisely at 7:36, the grand coalesce, the unification. Then at 8:10, just look at his face, read it. Feel that”. Then relish in the resolve you feel in you...you indeed do “get it”. (“Gotten” in feeling, not thinking) War is not necessary for peace, neither in the world nor in our minds. “Fools are we, if hate’s the gate to peace”. We are the creators of evil. We “reign in tears, so righteous, so righteous...go ahead, believe that we are the chosen ones, so righteous, so righteous.” ”Shut up the big lie...the black & white lie”. Good, and Evil. Self, & Other. Duality, in the mind of underestimating, ever-powerful, creators. This is what is transcended., and that real-I-zation, is, The Last Stop. “I hope that we can break it down, so it’s not so black & white” A “fire” which “grew from the east”, but of course, east is simply, ”not west” - meaningless duality. And so we war, to peace, as fools. Righteous, fools. Free yourself of this. Then another. Let go of the separate self, duality, judgement, meditation is the way. And lift your brother, love is the way. Some inspiration, maybe....like, “why do this? Why do “the work”?” Because we are actually - undoing the “work”. Because - Actual Magic. The Real “Fantasy” Is actual reality. When we are kids, we believed in Santa. We’d make a list, we’d send it to him, and like magic - what we wanted would actually show up. But then, we believed we “grew up”, and we put away such silly beliefs. But of course, that was actually proper training, if you will. Make a dream board (the list for Santa - the universe - You). Believe, (in yourself) - and that, will actually show up. Every parent “knows” they’re “Santa”. Not every parent actually realizes they are literally the Santa that is reality, as well, the child who can want, dream, believe, and receive. All possible, because, Love. Because, Infinite Being. You. You’re the real Santa.

@crab12 With the assumptions of birth, time, identity, death, physical death, and ‘feels like death’, you’re not really doing the things you think you’re doing already, as you. Consider the perspective...of condensing those into one word: Veil. That makes the total experience, Veil. The other, assumption-less experience, is life, You.

“Not ego death” Consider that maybe the inquiry of death, and utilization of ‘direct experience’ to differentiate, is built on the assumption you were born. Scrutinize that enough, and the realization there’s no death occurs.

I think you’re fine exactly how you are. I challenge you to put your money where your mouth is, and have a Skype conversation with me. I know who we really are, and I know the power of beliefs, and the power of letting them go. I’m happy to talk and help anytime. If you’re that right, and also that desperate, you got nothin to lose. (Except the beliefs)

@Raptorsin7 ??I wanna hear how it goes!! @Fede83 You are the universe indeed! and again, thank you!

Take the current connotation of letting go, and let it go. Suppressing the feeling with a substance, is not letting go, it’s fearing feelings. Feel the feelings, fearlessly. Consider fear is in the closet, and you don’t want to open the door and look, because, fear. The wild thing is, the fear is not opening the door. Because when you do look in the closet, the punchline (relief) is, it’s empty. We are very sneaky beings. “It” isn’t “big”, it’s just a feeling, and a thought which implies “big”. It’s just fear. See it, look at it. Don’t beat up on yourself, that’s just more sneakery, easily notable by the fact that it doesn’t feel good. You would not consciously choose to not feel good. So when you don’t feel good, recognizing that something unconscious is at play, is becoming conscious.

Initially this will sound semantical, but it is not. “I always feel like I’m behind”. Notice the feeling is “not good”, because thought implies “I am behind”. The feeling, is right, correct, accurate, never wrong. It feels bad when you choose that thought, because it isn’t true. Feeling tells you - “That’s not true! You’re perfectly fine right now as you are!”. Then this is expanded to the world, or big picture view. Feeling is saying “it wasn’t true about you, and it isn’t true about you still!”. But in believing the thought, one believes one is “right”, that the thought is the accurate view. It’s not. There is literally no such thing as a true thought, and there is no such thing as a wrong feeling. The underlying belief, is judgement. By comparing yourself to an abstraction - a made up thought about the world - you actually judge yourself, with abstraction, with something you yourself are making up. The way you’re going to feel better, is by listening to the feeling, and letting the thought go. I am not a dr, and am not giving medical advice. My suggestion is, before you go down the labeling road of CPTSD, or the identification road of empath, consider the following... There’s literally nothing at all wrong with you. You are simply ignoring your own feelings, your own guidance. Take that time you are intuitively wanting, listen to the feelings and intuition - and meditate every morning, and again in the afternoon. Imo, you are not “having to move at an over locked pace in order to keep up with society at the expense of your true self” - you are simply not listening to your true self. You’re not giving it the time it’s asking for, to clean out some emotions. “Society” is neither fast nor slow. One is a wall street million words a minute tradesmen, and one is a librarian moving like a snail, spending their days in silence and peace. “Society” is a thought, of yours - not an actuality which you are comparing yourself to. You are “energy sensitive” indeed, it’s a gift. Listen to it. Give it the time you deeply know it is asking for. What is moving at an “over locked pace”, is your mind. It is fueled by suppressing, not listening to, the feelings. You are wise to deduce that “it will be the next thing”. Very true. Take the time for yourself, first, every morning. Put how you feel first, everyday. Everything begins to change. Your unique gifts are not only realized, but are powerful beyond what you have yet imagined or considered.

Congrats on the awakening, that’s awesome! Life is awesome too, the less conditions the better it is, and the better it flows. This is that! The “bullshit” is actually pure awesomeness too, except we believe it’s bullshit. If you were able to somehow ‘fast forwarded’ through all the “bullshit”, there’d be no experience remaining. We have to hold the condition, the belief, that it is other than the awesome spiritual experience truth stuff, to create / experience, resistance. A dream board can help reveal how pieces are already fitted together, it’s all already perfectly underway. It helps to visually see the bigger picture, which helps us to mentally, readily, ‘zoom out’ and relax and be inspired by the bigger picture of our wanting. We never leave the magic, only in thought it seems so. We tend to hold meaning here and not there...this is meaningful, that is not, so it seems like there is a problem. The problem is our resistance, our imposing of meaning, and meaningless. Without resistance, circumstances change in accordance with precisely what you are wanting. The duality is school (“meaningless”) and starting a business (“meaningful”). No one can really tell you what you should do, and I’m not trying to. I’m suggesting you’ll need that “logical and stage orange bullshit” to start and operate a successful business. From the zoomed out, nondual perspective if you will, I’m betting you know this, and it’s more about integration and meditation. A simple, too simple maybe, “resolution”. When you are teaching SD’s & enlightenment, there will inevitably be more you are wanting, if the ultimate joy is not found in here & now, if the conditions are not surrendered. Teaching SD’s & enlightenment, is no more valuable or meaningful than watching ants build an anthill. Wanting / creating & attachment are tricky nuanced things. “The future is no place, to place your better days” - D Matthews. ”Anything you are wanting, is for the feeling of having it.” - E Hicks TL:DR: Do both. No one is stopping you, and you have enough energy, focus, and clarity - without the resistance.

@Yamazaki Welcome! & ‘congrats’ on the breakthrough!

@Raptorsin7 Plant the holon (dreamboard) in the center of your living space and start getting your wanting onto it, in front of your eyes, manifested in reality from the potentiality of mind. Let go of the notion anyone is at a higher level, the perspective relatively indirectly implies a lower you , and that could not be further from the truth. Meditate every morning. And thanks!

That’s not an accurate perspective imo. Just be willing to cry, and maybe vomit a little. destroying the ego or stripping away That’s a misconception to. Source frees you of things. There’s no ‘you destroying’. Think birth, rather than death. little to no desire for material things This is a misconstrued perspective. Effortlessness is not a lack of anything. It’s great and all, unconditional happiness, destroy fear and other limitations, but I’ve got my life ahead of me and it feels like I’m throwing it all away at a young age. I don’t even hang out with anyone anymore and do things I used to because of how deep I took this. That’s conditioning, perspective, not Truth. Let perspectives, thoughts, that don’t feel good to you - go. They’re not true, and that is why they don’t feel good. Thoughts are appearance of things, relative to the actuality of your awesomeness. Another reason for this thread, my membership trial is ending very soon at the yoga studio, and to continue would be $100/month. To continue or not to? I don’t know. That seem pricey. Is it in Trump Towers? I bet the owner / instructor has a good idea / solution for you, I’d ask. But the main drive for me to continue is that maybe I could meet a girl there? God works in highly mysterious ways. Go, meet a girl there. Essentially, be very careful creating any conditions on realizing your true awesomeness. You’ll only have to surrender them later. No one is stopping you from everything you want, the way you want it. You are a creator. Give no one authority of that realm.

@Fede83 In coming to realize the relationship of courage in asking questions, & self discovery, and given where this here life is, your question tapped into right where I’m at, and precisely what I’m doing from here on out. The response is long, comes off as self indulgent, but is written only for you. I really appreciate the question as I learned a lot and gained more clarity in the answer. Thank you very much. First I forgot who I was. That’s basically where all the trouble started. Deluded psychology & depression ensued, therapists & pills didn’t help. Gained 70 or so pounds, ate terribly, lost sex drive. Got a lot more depressed, hopeless. Meditation however, worked. I found some relief and clarity, so I did it everyday, at least once. I didn’t know about the path, awakening, enlightenment, etc. The content, or big picture & details, and spelling-it-out, wasn’t as available as it is now. Also, I started playing guitar around 15. Classical & different genres of pop / rock. In hindsight, this developed relaxation, concentration, focus & feeling. Working hard, efficient, honest & smart felt good, and bettered my quality of life, so I did a lot of that. I excelled and created opportunities of every job. I liked making things more efficient, more fun, & easier for everyone, and I liked putting how everyone feels, first. In hindsight, that was more significant than I noticed. It was from meditation, from slowing the mind down, that I saw through the lens of the importance of attitude. It felt empowering. I started exercising. That felt amazing. Because I felt amazing, I wanted to feel more amazing, so I changed my diet entirely. I realized a level of energy I’d never experienced before. I started singing along with playing guitar, and I absolutely loved it. In hindsight, writing songs developed expression. Singing at venues developed confidence. Because of the meditation, attitude, work ethic, energy, and the having fun, I left a salary job, and opened a business. I had learned a lot, and also, at the same time I had no idea what I was doing really, but I just happily did it anyways. Meditation revealed the secret of now. When I thought of too big of a slice of life, instead of getting overwhelmed, I’d realize it’s just this one moment in front of me, never more. Meditation revealed the nature of overthinking. Because I was not overthinking, and had some intuition going, and everyone else was overthinking, things got easier & effortless. I realized meditation is naturally a leadership quality practice, so I did it more. I worked even harder, trained a team, had maximum fun, and replaced myself. Then I opened another business, and in short, did the same thing. In meditation, I let go of a lot, had little thought chatter, and became open minded. Because I was open minded, I heard and started listing to Abraham Hicks, Wayne Dyer, and similar things on YouTube. That opened the mind up more. I felt good, from meditation, working hard, having fun, and being present now. I started reading about science, psychology, etc, and researching religions and quantum mechanics. I wanted to know about reality. I had no idea at all there was a Truth. One day I sat down to meditate like any morning, and the instant I sat, oneness was viscerally realized. I was a blissed out fool for a week or two. It was wonderful, and also shocking, as ’no one knew this’. I couldn’t fathom how I knew this, and everyone else in the world apparently did not. Everything was the same, and yet everything had changed, and I didn’t understand any of it. I loved it and felt amazing though. Then I found actualizing.org, and found that Leo, and other people that did know this. I started realizing I didn’t know anything, like not a damn thing about anything. After ample arguing and trying to be right, I started getting clued in about ego, conditioning, duality, psychedelics & spirituality. Took tiny doses of shrooms with friends, laugh a ton, and also started seeing this oneness in reality, more so than just feeling / knowing it within. I started taking solo retreats in nature; inspecting my beliefs and identity, playing guitar & singing, meditating, walking, and tripping. Took progressively higher does over the course of about two years. Never had a ‘bad trip’, learned a ton every time. Loa, QM’s, spirituality, and things I more deeply wanted career and life wise became clearer and all started to gel together, and reveal more of reality. By this point I was married and had three kids. This also gelled perfectly with the path, as kids are perfect mirrors. They do what you do. Difficult to stomach, and makes for speedy awareness of minutia in behavior, attitude & the repercussions / creation from/of the smallest actions. There’s no more hiding or getting away with anything. You learn or they eat your life alive. You love patiently & create space for them, or you pay for counseling and meet with parents, teachers, principals & psychologists about it. The deeper importance of intention, and awareness of vibration surfaced in marriage. It was revealed to me that most of what’s happening, happens at the vibrational level, and perception is of the outcome. Much more self awareness arose, in naturally balancing all these facets of learning & life, together. At this point my life was chalked full of everything I love, and it did start to dawn on me the power of consciousness, creating, choosing, and feeling. Still meditating everyday. More solo retreats, more practicing, higher does trips, more realizations, working harder & smarter, putting people first more and more across the board, and then the breakthrough to infinity. Total game changer. Nothing could prepare anyone for infinity. At this point, in hindsight, oneness was actually (experientially, relatively speaking) more of a shocking sudden and permanent no mind / knowing of unity. Infinity is an inexplicable complete and total unbelievable unthinkable incommunicable mindfuck. My brain was literally re-wired, which felt very different but fine, kind of a warm activity / electricity feeling, and as old thoughts and thought patterns arose, they met with the new wiring, and were ‘converted’, or ‘refilled’ by truth. That, and uncontrollable laughter, in a total state of absolute disbelief & mind blow 24/7 lasted a couple months. Then in the middle of one day walking through my house, suffering & misery swirled in my head, like all of the false thoughts I ever had were being pulled by a magnet, in a circular spinning pattern, and like a toilet flushing, swirled into the very center of my brain. I was aware of it and felt it, and it was more disgusting and sickening then anything else, and nothing has every felt quite like that. It swirled done smaller and smaller until it just like ‘popped’ and vanished. I was very aware that I would never be able to see things again, in the manor which had led to depression etc, and I just sat in a chair for a few days as it sank in. Somehow it was crystal clear there would be no experiencing misery again, and that meant I would not be able to feel the vibration of someone else who was. I would only be able to relate by logical deduction, and not actually relating. Take that as you will, it’s nuts but it’s accurate. Still meditating every day. So now there’s no perception of actual separation anymore, no fear, no self doubt, and everything is perfect and makes perfect sense, and every thing is imperfect and make no logical sense, and together that actually makes sense, as there is no separation. Reality, self, revealed as pure magic being. All of that, which started with depression, & sitting down and meditating, had culminated into not being able to ‘physically hold’, or have the capacity for, infinite love. This was actually (joyfully & hilariously) kind of an issue for a couple years. Crying once or twice a day, purification cleaning house, sometimes blissful & beautiful, sometimes gut wrenching / barfing it out style crying, followed by deep & insightful life / self realizations. Sensitivity mentally, emotionally, and physiologically was incredibly heightened. Conscience is more like an exposed nerve of love. Little things I said or did that never would have bothered me at all, would haunt me for days. It took a while to understand and acclimate to this. Meditation changed entirely. There was no letting go of thoughts anymore, but moving awareness through my body, and raising what I can only refer to as new tiers of feeling. “Experience” like it was, was gone. Inconsistent reality is ‘normal’, or rather there never was a normal as reality was always love / self & magical. All kinds of delightful things that aren’t explainable began to transpire, and I was now fully aware that I created myself, and “reality” of myself. Not as this guy obviously, but as who we really are. The nature of being, the absolute & relative, the human condition, etc, all known, which is to say nothing is known. As far as “balance between spiritual and self actualization”, there’s just the ineffable-ness. Neither is describing anything anymore. All songs made anew, and music, playing & singing are only for the experience of it. Intuition is a primary sense, like vision. Took reiki classes, mystical experiences in the “ordinary” state became “normal”. Met some great likeminded people and learned a ton from ‘hands on’ direct experience. Learned more clearly how we do create our own reality, and how beliefs are the most important underlying factor. This made sense of how people can have such different and otherwise unexplainable direct experience with food, diet, medicines, ailments & healing, “luck”, immunizations, etc, etc. Also developed more understanding of how big the full circle is, in terms of ego & oneness, and reachability vs lost in sneakery (denial, deflection, projection, etc) Still meditating everyday. Started seeing “God’s plan”, and understanding how there can be a “plan”, which yet is unconditional spontaneous & without thought, inclusive of all thought. The common connotation of the word plan doesn’t work. Realized collective consciousness by seeing it directly outside of ‘reality’, the “how” this living of lives is orchestrated, and how co-creation ‘works’. Lost thinking / thoughts, to no mind & insights. That ‘led’ to cosmic consciousness, seeing the entirety of the one off dreams, and how thinking & feeling works in terms of creation, in unison with the universe, white & black holes, superposition, entanglement, etc, etc. Realized why almost everyone “tunes out” right here, and stopped mentioning it. Realized a simple dry erase board is a holon and is much more than it appears to the senses, and is not separate form intention, belief, emotion and the actual creation of reality. All of this realization goes hand in hand with new levels of the emotional scale, and of feeling in the body. When I first started, I did not feel inside of my body. I didn’t know that was possible / actual. Now there is a “cellular level” feeling / awareness / consciousness that is like a field of refined bliss. It feels like a relationship feels in a big way and is hard to describe. Realized this, when “amped up”, effects people and circumstances within “my” field of perception beyond communication with words, and that it is “powered by” love and purity of desire, intention, and an overall alignment and fundamental acceptance of / with the actuality of Being. The ‘relationship’, or ‘it is the way it is because that is the only way it can be because infinity is conscious’, or finite is like this, infinity / Being is like this, was realized also and will probably make for a fun book one day. Been “channeling” a book, learning different models of living & reality from different teachers within the ether / self, developing the most ideal effective model of path progression I can, for one to implement. Started having awakening enlightenment conversations with people in person and through skype, centering around creating the life one actually authentically wants, involving the ‘extracting’ and developing of unique source-given gifts and desires, and the true power of love. Of course things with my family, friends etc have never been better. The depth and richness of love is ever present like drowning & floating in bliss, well being & a sort of perpetual never ending awakening. Though at the same time, I am only interested in well being & awakenings. I realize no one is awakening, and everyone is awakening, and just love being a part of it as nothing. By well being I mean physical & mental health, and self love. By awakening I mean inspecting & freeing yourself of limiting beliefs, leaving the matrix of conditioning & overthinking, connecting with source through intuition & true intention, enjoying the deeper richer authentic magical feelings available, having & achieving everything you dream up for this life, and self realizing in a timely & appropriate manor along the way. I see clearly the most fundamental issues at play are the misunderstanding / collective belief that consciousness arises from matter, and the collective lack of distinction between behaviors & actions, and the being each one actually is. Still doing meditation every morning. Attention on breathing, letting every thought pass. Nothing more. When it’s difficult, it’s because the nature of reality is purification. That is, source is unconditional, so any beliefs (conditions) held are naturally going to float right out of the body the more one relaxes, breathes, & let concerns go. Realized the elusiveness of anti-gravity at play here, in terms of the relationship between letting thinking go, and thinking about it. Mind blowing synchronicity, awe & wonder are the actuality of self / reality. Realized the critical difference between a ‘caring or not caring’ paradigm, and knowing each person is so powerful, that no one else can do any of this for them, or convince another to change a belief / and therefore their actual reality. Realized this arena / realm is what I’ll be doing “work / income” & “survival-wise” for the rest of this life. Realized the “defilements” and “samsaras” are one’s truest character / deeply intention based, thus difficult to surrender (ego finishing dying so to speak), yet fundamentally are relative the same as food choices are relative to how one feels, one’s vibrational proximity with / as, absolute / source, the full surrender of relativity. A short term - long term thinking, feeling, living, that stretches well beyond life & death, thought, perception & sensation. For example, when sitting and doing nothing feels better than sex, sex is no longer a ‘reach up’ to feel better. Paradoxically, sex then enters a whole new place that I think a whole book could be written about. Probably has already. The more belief / identity one surrenders, the more selfish & selfless collapses in terms of true intention & motives for the character and other charectors, and the more alignment is realized / empowered in creating reality. Sex, just as one example, reaches heights beyond the deepest trips, but then again, sex isn’t actually sex at all. Realized I’ve never actually experienced this concept of “done”, nor will ever. Experience is itself infinite intelligence, which is love unconditional. Infinite can never be “done”, experience can never be “done”, purification can never be “done”. God only only loves and in intrinsically being unconditional, wants everything you want, and never judges the wanting. All you need to do is be well practiced in meditation, so you don’t use thought stories as a means of stressing yourself out, and repressing the feelings, which source is cleaning out for you right now. Still meditating everyday. “Spirituality & self actualization” have coalesced transcending feeling, and transcending transcending. Nothing is not transcendable, and as such creation is unidirectional. I wrote the intention on my dream board to die into a dream of giving everything I have ‘learned and become’ to anyone interested in the path and in Truth. “I” channeled the following, and spoke it to the holon... “Universe, I am most thankful for this opportunity to express my desires. I am sincerely appreciative for the breath which gives me life, and for the thoughts which allow me to understand, to prefer, and to choose. I understand I am a chooser of things, as an extension of All That Is. I feel great joy in serving as a creator & expresser of these unique preferences. I understand my preferences have never been expressed before, and I am excited to create this most rare & exclusive dream together. I acknowledge you are the “how” of all things, the selfless giving miracle of life. I acknowledge the creation of me, for this purpose, to be here where I am now, to be who I am today, now, precisely as you have made me to be. I understand the gift, that no more, and no less, is needed. I acknowledge your mastery of creation, I am humbled by your presence in all things. I acknowledge I am not separate from you, and that my true power as a creator, is in aligning with you, within me, and in knowing you as my sensational guidance, my will, my conscience keep you in my heart & mind. I am thankful for this ever-present guidance, and I will do my absolute best. Truly, above all, my deepest desire is to know you through myself, and for you to express your divinity through me. I welcome & embrace all that you are, as all that I am. I find great relief in the not-knowing-of, in the discovery of, your means and your unconditional way. I have no complaints about the “how” of things coming, and I have no complaints of what comes. I acknowledge the power of my appreciation, and my truest power in trusting & abiding in your guidance. I know the joy within me as you, as our connection; our unification. I know there is no place on my path which you are not bring the earth to my feet. I feel you always, I am never without you, and I recognize that I am fallible by gift of your adornment, and in turn I set down my burdens that you purifiy me again and again. I understand I will learn a great many things about myself as the reality of my wanting unfolds. I understand I am humbled and reborn in the knowing and acceptance of my essential place in your grand design. I understand we are inseparable, in this magical co-creating, in this infinite unending & forever incomplete expansion of absolute love. I acknowledge, in your everlasting & infinitely unlimited nature, in your intrinsic potentiality to create anything - that you have created me in creating a self. I accept my infinite nature in kind, and appreciate that my work is never done. Above all else in my journey, I cherish and remain most mindful & appreciative of this gift, of this moment as it is, now, and of the infinite potential of togetherness. I ask for nothing more, than this small part of the eternal unfolding of love”. This was met by an energy I can’t explain, other than to say energy was always love, The Self. This was the second time I lost my mind for a few days. And there was no suffering this time. Almost immediately, yet again divine synchronicity played to a new tune, a new level, new impossibility. I received a text that day, from the Reiki Master I learned from a year or two ago. She asked if I wanted to meet for lunch and talk. Of course I did. I knew, and felt amazing. We had lunch, then she showed me her newly purchased, newly remodeled facility. I’d guess it’s around six thousand square feet, in the most quant and peaceful downtown area, just outside the most beautiful park on the water. There are now around ten to fifteen people working there with her, doing everything healing, massage, reiki, multiple yoga studios and degrees of classes, physical therapy, meditation coaching, etc, and many other healing modalities and classes. She said the place was reaching the vision she was given of it, a well being megaplex really, and wanted me to work there, as she didn’t have and wanted, someone for enlightenment coaching. So today, depression, meditation, and letting go has led me to a job I dreamed up, of “doing”, “nothing”. Things are transitioning patiently, and I’ll be there full time starting in January, doing skype calls, and in person one on one meetings, as well as evening group q&a’s settings she mentioned.

@Raptorsin7 I can’t really do anything, but I know someone can do this for themself. I know The Truth is never the problem, and that every one is Good.

@Fede83 I see now, thanks. A bit like there are two worlds, the spiritual happy one, and the actual real one where ya gotta earn money, survive, balance healthy relationships, etc...? That’s one of the biggest pictures, the ‘merging’ of these two worlds. If you’re interested, I can share my story of how that happened / how I did that. It’s a long story though, so heads up and that’s why I’m askin.

@Conscious life The sword is a reference to Jesus, and is not an actual sword, but the power of the gospel. Truth cuts through all. First know and understand the gospel, then illuminate courageously with it.

@Fede83 What is the ‘unbalance’ you’re experiencing?