Nahm

@Yamazaki Welcome! & ‘congrats’ on the breakthrough!

@Raptorsin7 Plant the holon (dreamboard) in the center of your living space and start getting your wanting onto it, in front of your eyes, manifested in reality from the potentiality of mind. Let go of the notion anyone is at a higher level, the perspective relatively indirectly implies a lower you , and that could not be further from the truth. Meditate every morning. And thanks!

That’s not an accurate perspective imo. Just be willing to cry, and maybe vomit a little. destroying the ego or stripping away That’s a misconception to. Source frees you of things. There’s no ‘you destroying’. Think birth, rather than death. little to no desire for material things This is a misconstrued perspective. Effortlessness is not a lack of anything. It’s great and all, unconditional happiness, destroy fear and other limitations, but I’ve got my life ahead of me and it feels like I’m throwing it all away at a young age. I don’t even hang out with anyone anymore and do things I used to because of how deep I took this. That’s conditioning, perspective, not Truth. Let perspectives, thoughts, that don’t feel good to you - go. They’re not true, and that is why they don’t feel good. Thoughts are appearance of things, relative to the actuality of your awesomeness. Another reason for this thread, my membership trial is ending very soon at the yoga studio, and to continue would be $100/month. To continue or not to? I don’t know. That seem pricey. Is it in Trump Towers? I bet the owner / instructor has a good idea / solution for you, I’d ask. But the main drive for me to continue is that maybe I could meet a girl there? God works in highly mysterious ways. Go, meet a girl there. Essentially, be very careful creating any conditions on realizing your true awesomeness. You’ll only have to surrender them later. No one is stopping you from everything you want, the way you want it. You are a creator. Give no one authority of that realm.

@Fede83 In coming to realize the relationship of courage in asking questions, & self discovery, and given where this here life is, your question tapped into right where I’m at, and precisely what I’m doing from here on out. The response is long, comes off as self indulgent, but is written only for you. I really appreciate the question as I learned a lot and gained more clarity in the answer. Thank you very much. First I forgot who I was. That’s basically where all the trouble started. Deluded psychology & depression ensued, therapists & pills didn’t help. Gained 70 or so pounds, ate terribly, lost sex drive. Got a lot more depressed, hopeless. Meditation however, worked. I found some relief and clarity, so I did it everyday, at least once. I didn’t know about the path, awakening, enlightenment, etc. The content, or big picture & details, and spelling-it-out, wasn’t as available as it is now. Also, I started playing guitar around 15. Classical & different genres of pop / rock. In hindsight, this developed relaxation, concentration, focus & feeling. Working hard, efficient, honest & smart felt good, and bettered my quality of life, so I did a lot of that. I excelled and created opportunities of every job. I liked making things more efficient, more fun, & easier for everyone, and I liked putting how everyone feels, first. In hindsight, that was more significant than I noticed. It was from meditation, from slowing the mind down, that I saw through the lens of the importance of attitude. It felt empowering. I started exercising. That felt amazing. Because I felt amazing, I wanted to feel more amazing, so I changed my diet entirely. I realized a level of energy I’d never experienced before. I started singing along with playing guitar, and I absolutely loved it. In hindsight, writing songs developed expression. Singing at venues developed confidence. Because of the meditation, attitude, work ethic, energy, and the having fun, I left a salary job, and opened a business. I had learned a lot, and also, at the same time I had no idea what I was doing really, but I just happily did it anyways. Meditation revealed the secret of now. When I thought of too big of a slice of life, instead of getting overwhelmed, I’d realize it’s just this one moment in front of me, never more. Meditation revealed the nature of overthinking. Because I was not overthinking, and had some intuition going, and everyone else was overthinking, things got easier & effortless. I realized meditation is naturally a leadership quality practice, so I did it more. I worked even harder, trained a team, had maximum fun, and replaced myself. Then I opened another business, and in short, did the same thing. In meditation, I let go of a lot, had little thought chatter, and became open minded. Because I was open minded, I heard and started listing to Abraham Hicks, Wayne Dyer, and similar things on YouTube. That opened the mind up more. I felt good, from meditation, working hard, having fun, and being present now. I started reading about science, psychology, etc, and researching religions and quantum mechanics. I wanted to know about reality. I had no idea at all there was a Truth. One day I sat down to meditate like any morning, and the instant I sat, oneness was viscerally realized. I was a blissed out fool for a week or two. It was wonderful, and also shocking, as ’no one knew this’. I couldn’t fathom how I knew this, and everyone else in the world apparently did not. Everything was the same, and yet everything had changed, and I didn’t understand any of it. I loved it and felt amazing though. Then I found actualizing.org, and found that Leo, and other people that did know this. I started realizing I didn’t know anything, like not a damn thing about anything. After ample arguing and trying to be right, I started getting clued in about ego, conditioning, duality, psychedelics & spirituality. Took tiny doses of shrooms with friends, laugh a ton, and also started seeing this oneness in reality, more so than just feeling / knowing it within. I started taking solo retreats in nature; inspecting my beliefs and identity, playing guitar & singing, meditating, walking, and tripping. Took progressively higher does over the course of about two years. Never had a ‘bad trip’, learned a ton every time. Loa, QM’s, spirituality, and things I more deeply wanted career and life wise became clearer and all started to gel together, and reveal more of reality. By this point I was married and had three kids. This also gelled perfectly with the path, as kids are perfect mirrors. They do what you do. Difficult to stomach, and makes for speedy awareness of minutia in behavior, attitude & the repercussions / creation from/of the smallest actions. There’s no more hiding or getting away with anything. You learn or they eat your life alive. You love patiently & create space for them, or you pay for counseling and meet with parents, teachers, principals & psychologists about it. The deeper importance of intention, and awareness of vibration surfaced in marriage. It was revealed to me that most of what’s happening, happens at the vibrational level, and perception is of the outcome. Much more self awareness arose, in naturally balancing all these facets of learning & life, together. At this point my life was chalked full of everything I love, and it did start to dawn on me the power of consciousness, creating, choosing, and feeling. Still meditating everyday. More solo retreats, more practicing, higher does trips, more realizations, working harder & smarter, putting people first more and more across the board, and then the breakthrough to infinity. Total game changer. Nothing could prepare anyone for infinity. At this point, in hindsight, oneness was actually (experientially, relatively speaking) more of a shocking sudden and permanent no mind / knowing of unity. Infinity is an inexplicable complete and total unbelievable unthinkable incommunicable mindfuck. My brain was literally re-wired, which felt very different but fine, kind of a warm activity / electricity feeling, and as old thoughts and thought patterns arose, they met with the new wiring, and were ‘converted’, or ‘refilled’ by truth. That, and uncontrollable laughter, in a total state of absolute disbelief & mind blow 24/7 lasted a couple months. Then in the middle of one day walking through my house, suffering & misery swirled in my head, like all of the false thoughts I ever had were being pulled by a magnet, in a circular spinning pattern, and like a toilet flushing, swirled into the very center of my brain. I was aware of it and felt it, and it was more disgusting and sickening then anything else, and nothing has every felt quite like that. It swirled done smaller and smaller until it just like ‘popped’ and vanished. I was very aware that I would never be able to see things again, in the manor which had led to depression etc, and I just sat in a chair for a few days as it sank in. Somehow it was crystal clear there would be no experiencing misery again, and that meant I would not be able to feel the vibration of someone else who was. I would only be able to relate by logical deduction, and not actually relating. Take that as you will, it’s nuts but it’s accurate. Still meditating every day. So now there’s no perception of actual separation anymore, no fear, no self doubt, and everything is perfect and makes perfect sense, and every thing is imperfect and make no logical sense, and together that actually makes sense, as there is no separation. Reality, self, revealed as pure magic being. All of that, which started with depression, & sitting down and meditating, had culminated into not being able to ‘physically hold’, or have the capacity for, infinite love. This was actually (joyfully & hilariously) kind of an issue for a couple years. Crying once or twice a day, purification cleaning house, sometimes blissful & beautiful, sometimes gut wrenching / barfing it out style crying, followed by deep & insightful life / self realizations. Sensitivity mentally, emotionally, and physiologically was incredibly heightened. Conscience is more like an exposed nerve of love. Little things I said or did that never would have bothered me at all, would haunt me for days. It took a while to understand and acclimate to this. Meditation changed entirely. There was no letting go of thoughts anymore, but moving awareness through my body, and raising what I can only refer to as new tiers of feeling. “Experience” like it was, was gone. Inconsistent reality is ‘normal’, or rather there never was a normal as reality was always love / self & magical. All kinds of delightful things that aren’t explainable began to transpire, and I was now fully aware that I created myself, and “reality” of myself. Not as this guy obviously, but as who we really are. The nature of being, the absolute & relative, the human condition, etc, all known, which is to say nothing is known. As far as “balance between spiritual and self actualization”, there’s just the ineffable-ness. Neither is describing anything anymore. All songs made anew, and music, playing & singing are only for the experience of it. Intuition is a primary sense, like vision. Took reiki classes, mystical experiences in the “ordinary” state became “normal”. Met some great likeminded people and learned a ton from ‘hands on’ direct experience. Learned more clearly how we do create our own reality, and how beliefs are the most important underlying factor. This made sense of how people can have such different and otherwise unexplainable direct experience with food, diet, medicines, ailments & healing, “luck”, immunizations, etc, etc. Also developed more understanding of how big the full circle is, in terms of ego & oneness, and reachability vs lost in sneakery (denial, deflection, projection, etc) Still meditating everyday. Started seeing “God’s plan”, and understanding how there can be a “plan”, which yet is unconditional spontaneous & without thought, inclusive of all thought. The common connotation of the word plan doesn’t work. Realized collective consciousness by seeing it directly outside of ‘reality’, the “how” this living of lives is orchestrated, and how co-creation ‘works’. Lost thinking / thoughts, to no mind & insights. That ‘led’ to cosmic consciousness, seeing the entirety of the one off dreams, and how thinking & feeling works in terms of creation, in unison with the universe, white & black holes, superposition, entanglement, etc, etc. Realized why almost everyone “tunes out” right here, and stopped mentioning it. Realized a simple dry erase board is a holon and is much more than it appears to the senses, and is not separate form intention, belief, emotion and the actual creation of reality. All of this realization goes hand in hand with new levels of the emotional scale, and of feeling in the body. When I first started, I did not feel inside of my body. I didn’t know that was possible / actual. Now there is a “cellular level” feeling / awareness / consciousness that is like a field of refined bliss. It feels like a relationship feels in a big way and is hard to describe. Realized this, when “amped up”, effects people and circumstances within “my” field of perception beyond communication with words, and that it is “powered by” love and purity of desire, intention, and an overall alignment and fundamental acceptance of / with the actuality of Being. The ‘relationship’, or ‘it is the way it is because that is the only way it can be because infinity is conscious’, or finite is like this, infinity / Being is like this, was realized also and will probably make for a fun book one day. Been “channeling” a book, learning different models of living & reality from different teachers within the ether / self, developing the most ideal effective model of path progression I can, for one to implement. Started having awakening enlightenment conversations with people in person and through skype, centering around creating the life one actually authentically wants, involving the ‘extracting’ and developing of unique source-given gifts and desires, and the true power of love. Of course things with my family, friends etc have never been better. The depth and richness of love is ever present like drowning & floating in bliss, well being & a sort of perpetual never ending awakening. Though at the same time, I am only interested in well being & awakenings. I realize no one is awakening, and everyone is awakening, and just love being a part of it as nothing. By well being I mean physical & mental health, and self love. By awakening I mean inspecting & freeing yourself of limiting beliefs, leaving the matrix of conditioning & overthinking, connecting with source through intuition & true intention, enjoying the deeper richer authentic magical feelings available, having & achieving everything you dream up for this life, and self realizing in a timely & appropriate manor along the way. I see clearly the most fundamental issues at play are the misunderstanding / collective belief that consciousness arises from matter, and the collective lack of distinction between behaviors & actions, and the being each one actually is. Still doing meditation every morning. Attention on breathing, letting every thought pass. Nothing more. When it’s difficult, it’s because the nature of reality is purification. That is, source is unconditional, so any beliefs (conditions) held are naturally going to float right out of the body the more one relaxes, breathes, & let concerns go. Realized the elusiveness of anti-gravity at play here, in terms of the relationship between letting thinking go, and thinking about it. Mind blowing synchronicity, awe & wonder are the actuality of self / reality. Realized the critical difference between a ‘caring or not caring’ paradigm, and knowing each person is so powerful, that no one else can do any of this for them, or convince another to change a belief / and therefore their actual reality. Realized this arena / realm is what I’ll be doing “work / income” & “survival-wise” for the rest of this life. Realized the “defilements” and “samsaras” are one’s truest character / deeply intention based, thus difficult to surrender (ego finishing dying so to speak), yet fundamentally are relative the same as food choices are relative to how one feels, one’s vibrational proximity with / as, absolute / source, the full surrender of relativity. A short term - long term thinking, feeling, living, that stretches well beyond life & death, thought, perception & sensation. For example, when sitting and doing nothing feels better than sex, sex is no longer a ‘reach up’ to feel better. Paradoxically, sex then enters a whole new place that I think a whole book could be written about. Probably has already. The more belief / identity one surrenders, the more selfish & selfless collapses in terms of true intention & motives for the character and other charectors, and the more alignment is realized / empowered in creating reality. Sex, just as one example, reaches heights beyond the deepest trips, but then again, sex isn’t actually sex at all. Realized I’ve never actually experienced this concept of “done”, nor will ever. Experience is itself infinite intelligence, which is love unconditional. Infinite can never be “done”, experience can never be “done”, purification can never be “done”. God only only loves and in intrinsically being unconditional, wants everything you want, and never judges the wanting. All you need to do is be well practiced in meditation, so you don’t use thought stories as a means of stressing yourself out, and repressing the feelings, which source is cleaning out for you right now. Still meditating everyday. “Spirituality & self actualization” have coalesced transcending feeling, and transcending transcending. Nothing is not transcendable, and as such creation is unidirectional. I wrote the intention on my dream board to die into a dream of giving everything I have ‘learned and become’ to anyone interested in the path and in Truth. “I” channeled the following, and spoke it to the holon... “Universe, I am most thankful for this opportunity to express my desires. I am sincerely appreciative for the breath which gives me life, and for the thoughts which allow me to understand, to prefer, and to choose. I understand I am a chooser of things, as an extension of All That Is. I feel great joy in serving as a creator & expresser of these unique preferences. I understand my preferences have never been expressed before, and I am excited to create this most rare & exclusive dream together. I acknowledge you are the “how” of all things, the selfless giving miracle of life. I acknowledge the creation of me, for this purpose, to be here where I am now, to be who I am today, now, precisely as you have made me to be. I understand the gift, that no more, and no less, is needed. I acknowledge your mastery of creation, I am humbled by your presence in all things. I acknowledge I am not separate from you, and that my true power as a creator, is in aligning with you, within me, and in knowing you as my sensational guidance, my will, my conscience keep you in my heart & mind. I am thankful for this ever-present guidance, and I will do my absolute best. Truly, above all, my deepest desire is to know you through myself, and for you to express your divinity through me. I welcome & embrace all that you are, as all that I am. I find great relief in the not-knowing-of, in the discovery of, your means and your unconditional way. I have no complaints about the “how” of things coming, and I have no complaints of what comes. I acknowledge the power of my appreciation, and my truest power in trusting & abiding in your guidance. I know the joy within me as you, as our connection; our unification. I know there is no place on my path which you are not bring the earth to my feet. I feel you always, I am never without you, and I recognize that I am fallible by gift of your adornment, and in turn I set down my burdens that you purifiy me again and again. I understand I will learn a great many things about myself as the reality of my wanting unfolds. I understand I am humbled and reborn in the knowing and acceptance of my essential place in your grand design. I understand we are inseparable, in this magical co-creating, in this infinite unending & forever incomplete expansion of absolute love. I acknowledge, in your everlasting & infinitely unlimited nature, in your intrinsic potentiality to create anything - that you have created me in creating a self. I accept my infinite nature in kind, and appreciate that my work is never done. Above all else in my journey, I cherish and remain most mindful & appreciative of this gift, of this moment as it is, now, and of the infinite potential of togetherness. I ask for nothing more, than this small part of the eternal unfolding of love”. This was met by an energy I can’t explain, other than to say energy was always love, The Self. This was the second time I lost my mind for a few days. And there was no suffering this time. Almost immediately, yet again divine synchronicity played to a new tune, a new level, new impossibility. I received a text that day, from the Reiki Master I learned from a year or two ago. She asked if I wanted to meet for lunch and talk. Of course I did. I knew, and felt amazing. We had lunch, then she showed me her newly purchased, newly remodeled facility. I’d guess it’s around six thousand square feet, in the most quant and peaceful downtown area, just outside the most beautiful park on the water. There are now around ten to fifteen people working there with her, doing everything healing, massage, reiki, multiple yoga studios and degrees of classes, physical therapy, meditation coaching, etc, and many other healing modalities and classes. She said the place was reaching the vision she was given of it, a well being megaplex really, and wanted me to work there, as she didn’t have and wanted, someone for enlightenment coaching. So today, depression, meditation, and letting go has led me to a job I dreamed up, of “doing”, “nothing”. Things are transitioning patiently, and I’ll be there full time starting in January, doing skype calls, and in person one on one meetings, as well as evening group q&a’s settings she mentioned.

@Raptorsin7 I can’t really do anything, but I know someone can do this for themself. I know The Truth is never the problem, and that every one is Good.

@Fede83 I see now, thanks. A bit like there are two worlds, the spiritual happy one, and the actual real one where ya gotta earn money, survive, balance healthy relationships, etc...? That’s one of the biggest pictures, the ‘merging’ of these two worlds. If you’re interested, I can share my story of how that happened / how I did that. It’s a long story though, so heads up and that’s why I’m askin.

@Conscious life The sword is a reference to Jesus, and is not an actual sword, but the power of the gospel. Truth cuts through all. First know and understand the gospel, then illuminate courageously with it.

@Fede83 What is the ‘unbalance’ you’re experiencing?

The ego is not an entity, it is every obstacle you place in front of yourself.

@ivankiss Much love brother, carry on.

Trauma, experience; event unfolds, that I am; not stories I’ve told. I must be that - this surely is this, I weave that hat; ‘right’ of the bliss. Never once more, never such pain, unbreakable vow; again and again. World full of fools, heads in the clouds, lucky, unscathed; fortunate clowns. Yet that feeling - it won’t seem to let go, this here will numb it, this much I know! That feeling is gone; safe - it is best, fall into line; sleep like the rest. Why do you hurt me, why persist? Notions of grandeur, of slitting of wrists. I can not take it, that feeling is wrong! Drowning as birds, choking on song. I’ll build my castle, no entry you’ll see, send every monster, witch, demon, & being. None shall enter, none penetrate, and I will be happy; and I will be great. Built ever sturdy, concrete and bricks, high above mountains, my heaven exists. King of my kingdom, I need not a one, nothing can touch me; thus - I have won. Yet, ever so sweetly, a breeze between trees, whispers profusely, my love and my dreams. Wind of a stranger, yet one that is known, my castle it crumbles, like sand it is blown. Again is this feeling, I can not escape! It’s power my healing; it’s strength is my gate. Within every meaning; it’s kindness my fate, ever revealing; this love was my hate.

@ivankiss By. The. Balls. ?? You’re believing ego is something other than your believing there is an ego. Where is your nuance, where is your understanding? Who takes ownership of this ‘ego is an enemy’ script? Do you believe someone else is saying this, or do you see that you are? That statement is relieving, or provocative - up to you...and “you”. I would say good luck guiding the ego back to light, but that’s the thing, “it” - It is You! Nonetheless, sometimes the only teacher is the hot stove. Sendin some love and wake-the-fuck-up-ness your way my man. Side-note...God’s not disapproving or approving. Unconditional, such is True Love. “The first time you feel it, it might make you mad. Next time you feel it, it might make you sad. But you’ll be glad when you’ve found, that’s the power that makes the world go round.” H Lewis. ”Orange is young and full of daring, but very unsteady for the first go-round....and all these emotions of mine are keepin me from give my life - to a rainbow like you. But I - I’m bold as Love...just ask the axis.” J Hendrix “The suffering of which one gives creative credit, is the very blockage of creativity.” - Anyone but Nahm

@SidBySide Seen yet?

@ivankiss For sure. Just careful how deep you choose to go into that, in your knowing suffering = ego. Sometimes we go so deep, we think it’s someone else’s fault, and start talking about trust, etc. Can always let go, in love.

@ActualizedDavid ?? This is probably what you mean, but, the hurt is in what isn’t being let go of. Which is why the meditation (nothing) is so “effective”. Also, you’re doing great man. I challenge you to love yourself unconditionally, and to recognize your beauty and happiness in all things.

@ivankiss I just asked my wife, as I am also an artist. “How do you feel about me creating confusion, hurt & sadness in our relationship for a bit?” She said, “go on a solo retreat. Your ego’s got you by the balls”. She’s so direct sometimes. EDIT: She literally just added “If you need me to be happy and in love, we’re both fucked”. I’s like “Don’t turquoise me bitch.” She said “When you stop pretending you’re blue.” ? The audacity!

@ivankiss I didn’t realize you were purposely creating confusion, hurt & sadness as a reoccurring theme in your relationships. Sorry. Just seems foreign to me I guess. Carry on brother and .....Godspeed...? I guess? ??

What are you talking about when you say “the negative sides of spirituality” ? (if you’re willing to answer, try to without pointing to someone else, or merely what someone else says, but what is your answer, from your direct experience ? How have you yourself experienced spirituality to be negative?) “Do I focus on “it” too much?” - What is it ? What is it you are focusing on? More importantly, how does it feel - and why do you feel that way? What is “those things” ? Is it possible that “it” and “those things” are - delusion / projection / self doubt / fear - rather than some components of spirituality, rather than any actual negative thing?

You can’t get it wrong. There’s no judge.

“Do not assume that I have come to bring peace to the earth;I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.” Jesus

If that is the case, then is it not also true... You don’t have a mind you could lose, you are mind. You can’t get a heart attack and die, you are death. A meteorite could not kill you any second, you are the meteorite & time. ALl kind of smaller shit happens all the time without you control, and you are all of these. "There is no will but God's." - A course in miracles

@dimitri Indeed. Also, somewhere before 100 infinity has no parts.

@dimitri Well of course. That was part 1 / 100.