Nahm

Write down whatever is on your mind. See that it sustains this impatience, this rushed, hurried ness, which results in a boredom, having reduced this experience to a means to an end, over and over. Play it ALL the way out. Think that which hurries you now, all the way out into death. What was the point? What is there actually to worry about? Is there?

In light of what was previously said....you didn’t have to view it this way. Perspective is not rigid, it’s spontaneous, it’s creation, which is only now. That perspective you expressed is almost entirely through a separate self perspective, which then of course, appears to “need to be defended”. This won’t ever feel aligned, because it’s just to off from the truth of who you are. “You” did not see it, that way, sans first a layer of believing you are the separate self. But that idea, being defended, is not actually you. Pride, in this separative manor, is an extremely sneaky suffering. Have you not witnessed this on the forum a thousand times? Perhaps you did, yet still, unsatisfied. Perhaps compassion is being looked for, without, yet is only found, within. If you believe this is true, and refuse to open up to perspectives in accordance with your own feeling....are you surprised no one can ‘get in there’ and do it for you? In recognizing you created that, liberation, the possibility for a different choice, arises.

Does it strike you as completely nuts, when I say that what you actually most want, is to love the cleaning of that kitchen, and the loving of the selflessness and uncondition, the now-ness, of doing so? The nuttier that sounds, the more it is drawing out the thought story, the underlying misunderstanding and misalignment, which is ‘feeding’ or perpetuating the anger, which would be the natural response to his, especially repeated over and over. Understanding of how one is creating emotion is key to this, as is the understanding of how thought, feeling and source ‘align’ (are already aligned / recognizing the discord between them). Without seeing clearly the relationship between thought and creating reality, it all remains circular suffering. One way to say this, in lieu of actually having a discussion together...if you had one day left to live, would you spend it in therapy? If not, what would you do? And more importantly, why. That kitchen would look, a bit, different. Given my assumption she too has some similar misunderstanding of self, her ‘unresolveds’ and yours would just keep each other’s going. A push & pull mess the therapist might be adding to, rather than inspecting and dispelling. Another way to say this, you’re experiencing a thought loop, which is only ‘broken’ or ‘ended’, with feeling, and I’m assuming she is too, and it seems they are intermingled to the point of appearing to not be contingent upon the other, or at the very least, having something to do with eachother, which they don’t. Hard to say. Keep in mind, McDonalds is not in the business of making healthy nutritious food, they’re in the business of making money. I’m also assuming the therapist doesn’t see this in themself, and so doesn’t see it in other people, and so is only working at the thought level, trying to resolve thinking with more thinking, mistaking a thought about the past, for the (feeling wise) past. This can be helpful, but can also be, in a way, keeping someone stuck via their own ignorance (the therapist’s). Thought attracts. Vibration attracts. Birds of a feather flock together. Is it odd to consider that someone commenting on this thread, in a manor of ‘speaking for you’, can not resist doing so, as they are defending their position, vicariously through your situation? This is attraction at work, which is always one’s own. @TheGreekSeeker Not tryin to rip on ya. If the ‘pride & guilt’ misunderstanding initially stings a bit, the healing is found precisely in the understanding of the nature of the sting. To say this lightly as a pointer, thinking & feeling have a ‘disconnect’ with one another, and also a ‘disconnect’ with their source, which is truth, they literally are. Aligned, none of what you’re sharing could possibly continue, as it only ‘transpires’ at the low end of the emotional scale and how it relates directly with the rest of the scale. The suffering would be seen coming a million miles away (in feeling), well before I create it. The therapist is likely attempting to understand (and help you guys understand) experience / circumstances / behavior, with references to experience / circumstances & behavior. It sounds overly reductionist for me to say in one way, but that’s no more than thought loops, which ever so suddenly become a dogma, a ‘group think’, (attraction at play). If the therapist was aware you’re each creating your own reality, feeling would unequivocally come first, as it is that which all else appears from,, with experience of outside circumstances, and behaviors, a distant second. If reality is unfolding via ‘next thought chosen’, and this is not seen, this single factor makes an enormous difference on how this (or anything) will go. Creating now, with the mindset still heavily influenced by ‘past thinking’, is fundamentally ‘asleep’. In seeing this, suddenly then, ‘where this thought is going’, seems very obvious, and very malleable, in the seeing of the thoughts’ relationship with feeling. Keep in mind, I only have what you’re saying to work with here, your recap of things. I hope the comments are of use, but it’s like commenting on someone’s life story only having a newspaper clipping to work with, while knowing the clipping doesn’t have any influence at all (yet acknowledging it sure seems like it does...because of the lack of proper inspection of one’s self.) “She can't speak English, I would have to translate it for her.” Use google translator or any similar tool. You greatly underestimate the important of her healing and understanding, not coming from you in any way. No offense, this is just very important to start seeing. “I see that these two are connected because the root of this anger is fear and it was instilled in the past. I/the wounded child was abandoned emotionally and this part of me lives in fear and protects itself by swallowing all of the inner space when threatened. When it does, there is no detachment from feelings or thoughts like it is right now.” “This part is tricky for me. The "wounded child" story comes from our couple's therapist and it definitely relates to the past. However, for me, experientially, it is directed from the present moment towards the future, as in: "I can't keep living like this", "it's too much!" or "if we keep going in this direction, we're gonna crash", etc. The root is not fear. The root is love. The ignorance that the root is love, is creating of “fear”. If the therapist is unaware of this, they’re literally enabling via the creating of more ignorance, more fear. If I believe the root is fear, everything I could say afterwards, about it, is from the place of my own delusion - ‘my own fear’ / ignorance. It’s very understandable how this could be bringing the majority of the confusion. Notice how different it reads, when we put the one part before the other. Using the past & future, which are not actual, other than as actual content of thoughts, arising now, keeps a whole lot of thought stories about separate selves at play, and actually prevents, suppresses, the release & healing. It keeps the focus on addressing a story that is literally being made up, right now, about a “past”. A story of fear, ignorance and suffering, via a “divided self”. You might say, the beginning of the recognition of the thought story I’ve been telling about myself, is the beginning of actual healing from within, of, who I actually am. Where does the therapist think this healing comes from? The therapist? Eachother? I can only assume given their training that their overall intention is your expression, release & lasting clarity, but it’s such a convoluted ass backwards way of trying to arrive at actuality. I wonder if in the conversations, what is plain is what is talked about. By that, I mean that the feeling resonance of an arising thought now, is here and now in plain experience to be looked at and discussed, that they feeling or rather the misunderstanding of feeling, can be understood. If a thought about the past, is taken, in terms of how the thought feels, to be actually the past, then one is trying to “feel in the past”, which will obviously never add up, because feeling is only ever, now. This approach stands to take you so “out of the now”, that even doing dishes is experienced as a micro nightmare. The better feeling, the feeling that is healing, the understanding or higher intelligence...arise literally within feeling. But, this means no more thought story about me, no matter what Any “authority”, and or, ....in spite of the sneakiness others may be asleep within. I’m not saying one shouldn’t talk about and understand one’s past, but that the ultimate answer to feeling better, is directly addressing feeling, how it works, with thoughts, and who you really are. A note which might be helpful for you... If anyone else is reading this, and feels ”triggered”, rather than assuming it’s because ”Nahm” is a __________, simply have a look at the feeling itself. Express it, feel it, understand it’s message. I’t message is The Message, not “me”.

@tsuki Sorry to hear that man. I had some thoughts on a couple other things in your response, but if and when the time is right HMU. Love & healing to you brother, I hope there’s clarity and relief for both of you asap.

Swallow what?

This is kind of a hunch, but I suspect, that you have an underlying belief, or really, an expectation, that first someone else must think like you do....then they can communicate with you. This is often referred to (if you want to google and read about it)....as “needing to be understood”. That is the single biggest relationship killer there is, because of it’s underlying falsity. And speaking only on your behalf, it’s so taxing. It’s like carrying 100 lbs of armor with you, everywhere you go. Mentally, this is exhausting, because rather than just experiencing the one thought at a time simplicity of living, a whole construct “must” be employed, just for anyone to talk with you. It’s heavy suffering, indicative of a history of suppressing, rather than releasing.

Are you seeing that one thought arises at a time. Period. No exception, ever, for any person, ever ? Or does it seem to you that statement is not true? Just let her read what I wrote. Let her react to it, rather than assuming you know how she’ll see it. She might see that this means when you get angry at her, and later feel bad for it, rather than feeling better by apologizing, you are sort of by default positioned to inspect how & why you got angry, and how & why you ‘took it out on her’. What becomes very clear, very quickly, is that it had nothing to do with her. The statement “Anger is also God / Self” is a powerful one imo. This is because it points directly to the fact that love & anger are directly related, not separate as might be assumed. Through the lens of “then how are they the same”...one must look at themself...how they “link together” if you will, is that the entirety is only going on in your thought & feeling relationship. It takes everyone else out of the picture, past, and present (wife)...this leaves you inspecting your thoughts & feeling, to begin seeing the anger arises in your perspective, your interpretation. Continued, the root when seen, is judgement of self and or other. This judgement of self & other might be, and likely is, related to the past. But in “anger is God too”, the past is viewed only from the present. This perspective takes away the facet or “reliving of the past”, and addresses the NOW of it. This however, goes back to the first question, if you are able to see that we experience only one thought at a time. If you can see that, then you can begin to see that the feeling, has only to do with the one thought right now. That the one arising thought feels the way it does, because of the perspective about the past, not because of the past. (Getting down to this actuality is very easy when talking, and very difficult in this typing / delayed form of communication btw.) In that vein, if a thought about the past comes up, notice it is not the past, it is a thought about the past. What I see going on here, is rather than acknowledging the simple fact that we experience one thought at a time, and how that one thought feels....thoughts are being believed, such as the story of the inner wounded child. I totally get that perspective, and I appreciate it. But, that inner child is being used as a scapegoat to some extent. Put boldly for the sake of communication through text... you said “it takes the wheel and throws a tantrum”....which is a very different perspective that “I keep throwing tantrums”. In that confusion, then, as you have already fragmented yourself, you then judge yourself, via judging “what the inner child did”. Then, you’re trying to understand you wife’s needs, but you’re doing so holding that “third party”, the “wounded inner child” in place. So, what’s going on, to realize the clarity....only has to do with you...awareness. One arising thought at a time. And one arising feeling at a time. When you add your wife, now there’s confusion. When you add the third party, the “inner child” (in the way you have communicated this here)...then you add another layer of confusion. If you remove the wife, and the inner child from the scenario.....all that remains is you, thinking a thought which doesn’t feel good. Without the wife and inner child reference, all that would remain would be you examining why your thought didn’t feel good, and choosing a better feeling thought. Through choosing the better feeling thought, you feel better. The understanding and clarity, as you pointed out, arise via the feeling itself.

@Endangered-EGO You could fill up a dream board with everything you love, and just, do that stuff. You’ll know then, precisely what resistances you’re holding, and you can address them, while living the life you actually want to live. You might even discover more of who you are, which can be quite empowering.

@Mindfang413 Strikes me as jumbled perspectives. Try writing on paper, the questions in two columns, one as if I am asking these questions about consciousness, and, second as if consciousness was asking these questions about itself. Write down the answers that come up, and also pause to see if any more arise too.

Sounds sarcastic at first I’m assuming, but “it’s” not a circle. Shape & degrees are a thought. It’s infinity we’re pointing at. There’s no “done”. Enlightenment is knowing one is infinity. It feels “done” at that point. Relatively speaking, I totally ‘fell for it’. “Full circle” is just a pointer for perspectives, that there is more. Infinity, more.

@Endangered-EGO Sit in it a bit longer. Thoughts go, yes. Feeling arises too. Sit in it a bit longer. If difficult, then write about those feelings which arose. Being “says” nothing in silence, what could be added to perfection? What needs be said? Nothing at all. What wants to be created? Some would say, that is the very voice of silence, arising in you, creation, creator, creating.

@Inliytened1 Infinity.

@ElvisN If there was some miscommunication, to be clear, learning is great. Read books. Read that book. Not a word in them is true about you. Kind of a, Both. I love you Elvis! Of course, I’m picturing Elvis Presley, but I love you too. If that’s you’re real name, freakin sweet.

3.14 (etc)%.

@Endangered-EGO Have a peak at the sneakiness of thought. Own it, so to speak. How much of that is going on, now? What does the silence tell you about this?

@PenguinPablo Yay. For. You. Attachment to attachment is a slippery slope, and I think you glimpsed that now. Feel the feeling, notice tendency to ‘go into a thought story’ in avoidance of the feeling. Let the feeling run through you, and purify.

@Aaron p Nice. What ever happened to...fun.

Btw, it will certainly be addressed in what I recommended, both in the direct experience of choosing what you yourself want, and reading the recommended book. In noticing the resistant thoughts, and inspecting them, writing about feelings, using the emotional scale...the understanding you are wanting directly arises.

@Martin123 See your spin there? I don’t “feel accused”, I refer to what you’ve written here on this thread. You don’t see the very “elitism” present in your words? Your “ruling stands”, that I should message you for clarity..?

@Martin123 You’re implication is that I am irresponsible, that “I” am dragging you into an argument - which you are actually instigating yourself, in your rather than commenting, commenting on how my comment should be, in accordance with “your ruling still standing”. You are not “wishing me all the best”, you’re making many accusations against me.

That’s just your idea of it, personified onto me, judgement. What I suggest, is precisely, and only, what I suggested. There’s no such “promise”. You’re projecting this onto what was said again. That’s your idea of this, not what I said. That “devalues”, is your perspective. That I’m deceiving anyone, is your perspective too. That’s also coming from you but you’re not realizing it. I’ve neither mentioned nor encouraged anything like that at all. You don’t have to judge people like this. You yourself can transcend it, by inspecting it. That is the self. The distinction you’re making, are yours. You truly don’t see your story at play here? Your story about me? You’re adding so much to what I said, and missing you’re doing what I explained right now.

@ElvisN No worries. It’s just a thread, and suggestions. There are no “sides”.

Try listening to that...but not making it about me. Much clarity arises.

Well it’s analogy for what is true, yeah. When you rephrase in alignment with your own feelings... ”That eases my fears but is it true” simply becomes, “that feels Good”. Truth, is the best feeling “thing” possible. So great feeling, it is unimaginable. Simply listen to your feelings, “follow” that “path”. That’s the beauty of it. It’s up to you. Notice, you are aware of thought, and you are aware of feeling. Clearly, you are already awareness, which is aware of these...transcendent of these, yet, inclusive of these. You can ‘hang on to a thought’, and you can choose a better feeling thought. You’re a creator. You’re creating your experience.

Then stop choosing to think about it. Do something that you enjoy instead. That is very much more “the path”. Yep. Do the practices, and do stuff you actually enjoy. Make a dream board filled with it. Let go of any thought which doesn’t eel good to you, no matter what it’s about. Allow the healing. It will rise, like a cork underwater which one lets go of. Just relax and allow. That’s great advice. Recognize, letting it go, means it has been let go. No “need” for satisfaction of a “problem” which doesn’t exist in your mind because you, let it go. Practices, writing about feeling now, these are ways of letting go too. It’s all about allowing the healing. Then, the rumination is a thing of the past, and everything on your dream board is your future. When a resistant thought arises, it is so much more noticeable, and the art of letting go is priceless. You can’t hold a problem and solution at the same time. Consciousness is creation, and as such, it “just doesn’t work that way”, no matter how much we fight it. That’s the rumination. A habit of ol. Practices, writing about feelings in the present, understanding emotions, dream board & creating your life. Only follow this “advice” btw, if it resonates, if what you want, feels good to you. “How do I reconcile endless suffering” = “How do I experience a different movie...while I keep watching this one”