Nahm

Are the panic attacks happening when that experience happens...or when you focus on the thought of it?

Right. Forums awesome, but text communication is obviously very limiting. When are you not directly aware? Try ‘turning off the awareness’. See if anything happens. Now, how about feeling. You’re believing thoughts - about there being separation. “Touch” is a thought, which supports the concept you are separate and are touching a “thing”. “Thing” is a thought. To deconstruct the belief there is some “thing”, “in” “you” - find the separation between “them”. It’s not “in” “your” “foot”. Those are thoughts.

@mandyjw (you already know exactly what I’m gonna say lol) What’s the difference between bravery, and silliness?

Notice (if you aren’t already) that “foot”, “touches”, “ground”, etc, are only thoughts. Notice the sensation can not be thought. That is, notice you as awareness, are directly aware of sensation. Look for the separation between the sensation, and the awareness of it. Let me know what separates them, what divides them. The brain & body are an appearance of you - awareness. Continue looking for separation between thought...and sensation, and between sensation...and awareness. Let me know if you can find any separation. Then we’ll talk more. The ‘next part’ won’t make sense yet. But it will. It most definitely will.

@JessiChell Imo, shame is a thought which does not feel good, because it is conceptually predicated on twoness, rather than oneness, or goodness. Sex is pretty wide open of interpretation though. There’s always a kink scenario which can make damn near anything good, however, it can flirt with disaster as shaming is often the primary motive of abuse. People who feel a lack of control, or disempowerment, play that out upon others in an effort to feel empowered and in control. I don’t think that’s the neck of the woods you’re in though. But Idk.

@zeroISinfinity @mandyjw I understand, but if you guys keep saying I’m terrifying, people might get the wrong idea and believe I’m terrifying.

Check and see. Where is the feeling, the sensation? Point to it. Check your direct experience..... Rather than believing thoughts about stuff which is not at all in direct experience.

@Winny Feel the sensation of your feet on the floor. Not think it, feel the sensation. Does that sensation have sharp clear discernible edges, or is it fuzzy, blurry?

@LearningPodo You’re good to go, plenty good enough, pure goodness, really. Thoughts about who you are, are thoughts. Any self image is going to be thoughts. Because you are the awareness of the thoughts, identifying with thoughts will never settle. There simply is no better feeling than the awareness you already are.

@Einsteinonacid You’ve never experienced what another person thinks. It’s private in that regard. You only experience what you think.

@PetarKa This is a fairytale though. That’s the miraculous astounding feeling it’s all made of.

@capriciousduck Godbless. ? The term ‘breath work’ can be dropped all together. Just notice breathing consciously into any difficult emotions dissolves the emotions. No “problem” can withstand the simple, effortless, abundant light of awareness. It was only ever the turning away, the avoiding feeling, which was the resistance.

@Winny Feel the bottoms of your feet. Feel that-there-is-sensation present. Feel the sensation of any parts of the body which are touching anything, such as your legs, butt, back, etc, touching the chair. Notice, there are thoughts arising, “legs”, “chair”, etc. Focus on the sensation. Relax, take a few deep stomach breathes, and just feel the sensation. Then feel for the actual ‘edges’ - of the sensation. Begin to notice this throughout your day.... Notice in terms of seeing, there are apparent ‘edges’. Look at your hand, and notice there are definitive ‘edges’....between where your skin ends and the air begins. Then close your eyes, and check that ‘edge’ in feeling. Do you find ‘edges’, in feeling ?

Check your direct experience. See if you can notice it is the thought which has the content of the “dark place”, and feeling can not ‘go there’, because the thought is about you, and it is not true. Were you not good, you would not experience the ‘not trueness’ feeling, in response of the thought. It’d feel just fine. But the thought about you does not feel good - precisely because you are goodness. You can check the actuality of this anytime you want. Actually, you can’t not experience relativity. There’s no “problem” with porn, sex, masturbation, ejaculation, etc. The “problem”, in terms of what doesn’t feel good, is believing the not good feeling thoughts about yourself, are true. Listen to feeling - those thoughts just aren’t true. To judge yourself, is to pretend there are two of you.

@Winny Pick an object in front of you. Notice a thought arises as a label, a name, for that object. Notice that label is a sound, a word, which you learned. What is the actual separation, between the arising label, the seeing, and the knowing of the seeing? What divides the ‘object’, the seeing, and the knowing? Notice there is awareness of ‘the object’, the seeing, the knowing of, and the awareness of. What separates those?

Given there’s been a couple of awakenings already, it sounds like the mind stands to be more expanded to ‘house’ the awakening, so it doesn’t fizzle away again. Wrapping your head around what quantum mechanics says / points to comes to mind, as well as transcending paradox. Something that might air well with that, which is very simple and possibly even fun...use a pen & pad of paper, and write “what is the reality”...and write everything that comes to mind, and as you go, ‘undercut’, or ‘get under’ every thing you come up with. Example... Reality is “matter”...what is matter? “Atoms”...what are atoms? Etc There actually isn’t one. It only seems so in believing the thoughts, the narrative about there being one. Forgive the linguistics, but live in perception and feeling. Through out your day consciously breathe from the stomach and feel the breath & body, from the feel of the breath through the entire body and ‘outward’ into the air / room, and gently hold visual attention directly ‘in front of you’. When attention goes to thoughts, return to perception & feeling ( / breathing). Also, to get some ‘slap in the face Wake Up!’ In there....take a few minutes each day to contemplate your final bow in this place. Contemplate everything you wanted to do but didn’t, everything you wanted to experience but didn’t, everyone you wanted to love, but didn’t...and now it’s too late. Also, try the ‘ghost it’ approach. Spend a half hour walkin around pretending, convincing yourself to the fullest degree you can - that it’s literally actually the truth - that you’re already dead.

@meow_meow Great work. It’s not a ‘dead end’, it’s just the ‘ceiling’ of thought / thinking (duality). Thinking won’t do for self inquiry, cause you’re not a thought. Notice most concepts, like “up” and “down” only appear to have meaning relative to the opposite concept. But some concepts, like existence, do not have an opposite.

This is the dream. ?

@capriciousduck You’re amazing dude. Simply amazing. That’s enough suffering for ten lives, and it sure sounds like you’ve got a ‘good head on yourshoulders’ in spite of it all, and are increasingly not only doing well for yourself & future, but slowly & surely self realizing. You and your story are very beautiful and moving to me, and I appreciate that you shared so much and thought to @ me. Sure sounds like you’re doing ‘the right thing’ to me. Speaking more specifically where you’re at on your path...there is a delightful discovery that there truly is no ‘right & wrong’, and no actual ‘getting it wrong’. There is just billions of humans, each one with an opinion on whatever subject is at hand. By ‘doing the right thing’, imo, I mean well being. To expand on that in case it’s helpful...taking care of yourself, via eating clean, keeping fit, daily morning meditation, being mindful of what you put in front of you, and letting go of any thoughts that don’t feel good to you, simply because they don’t feel good. If you haven’t tried it yet, maybe some breath work and or simple yoga (breathing into deep stretches would be a simple easy start) to release any constrictive energy that may be in the body. As far as your brother and dad’s opinions, they have their own lives they can implement their preferences into. If I found my kids listening to J Krish, I’d be quite pleased, and maybe even think I must of got something right. If you liked Think & Grow Rich, you’d probably really enjoy Ask & It Is Given. It contains a lot of insight and inspiration In regards to creating the life you want, and the more of all that stuff, the better this experience is imo. From this post and the one you linked, the main thing that comes to mind, is the whole “sitting with it” thing. As far as I can deduce, every person is tasked, or faced with this, but almost nobody actually fulfills that task and ‘faces it’. When those rough emotions arise, do your very best to relax and stay focused on breathing from your stomach. The body will empty it out. Lot of tears, and a lot of release. The ‘trick’ of success here, is knowing well ahead of time, that the mind will throw out all kinds of thoughts & narratives about the past, future, yourself, and others - in an attempt to ‘keep it all in’. Relaxing, and breathing through it can be rough - but seeing that it does pass, and eventually seeing that they become smaller and smaller until it not a big deal at all - the confidence, the knowing of yourself which comes from ‘sitting through it’, and knowing it does indeed come & go and has no real power over you, is priceless. Literally invaluable, like rebirths. Again, you’re not alone in that. I’m not suggesting it because of your unique past, but because you’re obviously serious about your development, and that is imo the single most fundamental thing to be aware of. I’ve talked to a lot of people, with far less difficulties they’re overcoming, who by not getting that one part of the path down remain stuck and ‘spinning the wheels’ of thinking & semiconsciously suppressing. The key note is, there is nothing to fear, it is always, always, always - Love behind it All. Infinite love, all for you. When you can, as you can, as you’re comfortable, let it wash through you. You will be so glad every time. ?

@electroBeam Exactly. It’s ‘old’ thought & beliefs, about me & the world, ‘resurfacing’, and getting recontextualized in more falsity.

Don’t wanna go down that road man, it’s rough and unnecessary. Whatever perceived shortcomings you have going on in life are the experience of the relativity between what you want to be creating and what you actually are doing with your days. Any ‘shifting’ or ‘projecting’ that feeling / situation onto God / God’s face is arguably the worst trap one could create on the path. Mending relationships as you mentioned likely relieved some karma and cleared some conscience. Continue in that direction, bringing that honesty, humility and willingness to yourself & your life in regard to what you really want to create, do and experience. If it gets overwhelming, remember, it’s just for the experience of right now. If you put any future moment ahead of, or as a higher priority than enjoying the actuality of now, you’ll feel it. Let it teach you relaxation from suffering, joy from delusion, presence from conceptualization. If you do so, all of the days of this life will be like those “next days” you mentioned, and then some, infinitely.

@NorthNow What are some things you like, that you want to experience in this life?

What if you meditated daily and no longer believed the appearing thoughts? Would you still believe this?

@John Doe The first question would be what is it which you are really wanting, honestly, at this point in your life. Maybe it’s spiritual, maybe not, idk. What’s the priority for you? Why do you want it?