Nahm

@Tistepiste Yes. jk.

Perhaps you’ve reached the ceiling of thinking.

One awakens. Funny doesn’t need a who. That’s why it’s so funny. It came to mind after reading your op again, all the things you’ve tried, and your outlook on time, life, and needing isolation or a cleared plate to wake up. Attitude stands between recognizing coming to a logical dualistic conclusion is not realization. Attitude is the difference between I’m screwed, and I’m thrilled.

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes.” - Charles Swindoll

@zeroISinfinity Since you are obviously aware there is no self, you’ll just have to make one outta whatever you do have.

??. Is it nausea triggered by eating certain types of foods, eating at certain times, something else...? I googled it as well, and indeed. My next question was why the chapstick but I think it’s all coming together.

@Loving Radiance Taking away no identity, some, and all.

@Javfly33 No, sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. A perspective you remove the magic of attention from no longer exists... or, you’re creating as you go, listen to feeling and leave anything which doesn’t resonate (non sense) behind. By default the living of life would exponentially raise, like how you feel lighter when you set down a dumbbell. Went to shoe store with a friend who has size 10 feet. He tried on the brand of shoes he was used to, but they only had size 9. They did not fit. He did everything he could to force them to fit. I said ‘hey, that’s not gonna fit man’. He kept trying to force em on anyways, in spite of the pain in the feet. I was like..

@Someone here There is no one aware. There’s no thing seeing. No hole. That is the vantage of the finite mind. That there is awareness seeing through eyes is a finite thought. Transcendent of the finite mind, perception is just, you, not a you seeing. Stilling loving you, even though you exist and I don’t, apparently.

What kind of trip someone must’ve had, to ‘come back’ and name that mushroom penis envy?! Seriously. Trip on an empty stomach, never eat mushrooms, make tea instead. Even better, write ‘psilocybin vapor’ on your dreamboard, and forget the whole topic. Also, 3-4 is the danger zone. Like taking a train that stops at insanity. Take the train to good times, laughter and insights, or to herotown.

Just let it go man. Forget about it. Live a happy life and put all this nonsense behind you.

Think of drinking three beers after a big meal, vs an empty stomach. Geez, she is a rough place. Hopefully she reaches a turning point soon. Sorry to hear that.

Sorry if it was already asked and I missed it...were both trips from the same batch? The potency might be very different, one batch to the next. If it was two different batches, was the batch you felt no effects from the same batch she felt no effects from? Also, to make it more complicated, someone could feel effects from a batch that someone else does not. Side note, also experienced tripping / can’t find my tent. Hilarious. Good times. On your friend’s behalf... That imo tends to explain it. Perhaps the powerful trip she did have brought up some stuff which was not worked through, and that has something to do with going from no meds, to what is imo a lot of meds. That could have been done, and working, in the direction of relief toward more well being. It also could have been done in avoidance of feeling, and suppression. Also, it is not the same for everyone. Someone else could be on the exact same meds and dosages, and have profound experiences on mushrooms. For her, apparently the prescriptions nullified or blocked the effects of the mushrooms. Coming from that reality is literally love, and she is literally love, the list you shared strikes me as on the heavy side of suppression of misunderstanding of feeling & thoughts. In a way, mushrooms are the opposite direction, the complete diving into the actuality of feeling & thoughts, ultimately finding the only ‘substance’ of them, is love. Some carry little, and got straight to heaven’, some carry much beliefs about themself, and go through ‘hell’. It’s possible that all of those meds add up to a suppression which the mushrooms are not putting a dent in. The catch 22, is considering taking a higher dose of mushrooms to ‘push through’ that suppression can be a risky thing to do. Especially if the reason the meds were started in the first place was essentially suppression. What makes it more complicated, is those meds are for psychosis, schizophrenia, pain relief, mania / bipolarity, seizures, and major depressive disorder. Those are ‘things’ sometimes experienced on trips, in the sense of the entire path, or, what all the trips add up to. Again, that depends on what one is holding onto, and thus stands to let go of. Mushrooms are not the gentle slow & steady way to let go. Maybe micro dosing, or .5g, 1g trips over months could be. These ‘stages’ that she is taking meds for are experienced upon transcending the finite mind, and in that respect could be thought of as the ‘outer edges’ of the finite mind, sort of the ‘falling apart’ experientially, but being transcended in the actuality being inevitably realized to be infinity, Love, appearing as the finite mind. So in hindsight, what seemed like a ‘falling apart’, was actually in route to total transcendence. Also, some of the meds are outside of what would typically be prescribed, which is worth understanding why for her I would think. Might just be geographical reasons, or simply what the dr prescribed without a reason, or what was available, or what was covered by her insurance plan. I would read this, and suggest she does too... https://www.synthesisretreat.com/psilocybin-and-ssri-snri-interactions In any case, the biggest picture, and the actuality of her and of her experience, is the love that she truly is. So that brings to mind...aside from all these meds, and taking mushrooms...where’s she at with self-love, appreciation, gratitude, stopping and smelling the roses so to speak, expressing how she is feeling, putting any emotional pain into creating beauty, etc?

The Loophole Shake.

Turquoise / nonduality...It’s fully realized (feeling / no mind) sex & orgasm is an appearance / experience created by the limitation of yourself, which you are / you’re being 24/7. At that stage-less ‘stage’ feeling = “orgasmic” 24/7. The bliss that appears as the intuition, or the calling home in thought, is actual you, feeling, which is why “you” can’t think what sex is like, at turquoise. Only direct experience, and at that point not even, will do.

That is not what literally means. Literally, you are unconditional love, which is why some thoughts don’t resonate. Here’s a song a guy wrote about realizing this. Listen closely to the last couple of lines.

@Zec I’d reconsider that. Inner child, inner being, is totally fine. I’d listen to ‘it’.

You can do it on your own and or with a specialist. What is it that you would be doing... The misunderstanding is that how you’re feeling right now is because of a past. Hanging onto ‘that there is a past’ = hanging on to that you are the identity, the separate individual that things ‘happened to’ = believing the thought ‘I am the body’ = keeping the emotion suppressed ‘in the body’. Letting the belief in ‘a past’ go, is letting identifying with a past go, is releasing that energy from the body. It is a rather grave error on the path to hold a thought, a memory, of ‘the past’ (mdma) up and be comparing how you feel now to a thought. Feeling is never actually compared to a thought, that thought is being believed. It doesn’t feel good, so like any thought which doesn’t feel good, don’t believe it - let it go. Daily morning meditation is great for realizing some ‘space’ around thoughts / letting attachment to thoughts go...which again, triggers the release of emotional misunderstanding...and understanding that was obscured is realized. The belief & claiming of “my anxiety” is perpetuating the self negative talk. If you’re focusing on thoughts that don’t feel good to you, you must be goodness. If your being, who you really are, was neutral, you would not experience the relativity of thoughts as ‘positive & negative’. But you do experience thoughts as positive & negative, so start listening to feeling, and being radically more willing to let a thought go. Seems like there’s a whole bunch of thoughts to let go, but there isn’t. There is only one at a time, and letting it go is actually effortless. Any thought to the contrary, won’t feel good, and can appropriately as such, be let go. Letting go is not a psychological practice or tool, it is magic. It is playing with existence and creation as the creator of your reality.

@Max_V Sadness & tragedy are a part of you like a mirage is part of a desert. More inspection is needed to see that they aren’t ‘there’. The wetness of a mirage can not be integrated, only seen through. Joy appears as sadness.

Amen to that. ??

Sorry, never mind. When you actually do, it’s quite funny. Best of luck with your path. Lots of people who have kids awaken btw, and you have more than enough time in a day to take care of everything you need to in life, and to create the life you really want, and to awaken. Consider not believing your thoughts to the contrary.

?

This thread didn’t exist as this thread. Now it does.

Want all of it. Getting it out of the head and onto the dreamboard changes the vantage point, things coagulate, and the authentic desires are more readily seen & felt by resonating from that bird’s eye vantage point. I would say more likely they want to shed self limiting beliefs related to togetherness. But there’s no way to know in regard to another. This brings light to the importance of expression and communication, which no one can make anyone else do.

I’d try to put yourself in their shoes, to understand their behavior & actions. The nature of the blocked emotion might then surface and clear. Maybe the present perspective is from internalizing what transpired, leaving you with an interpretation that it was abandonment, and that it was about you. If you were your mom, or your dad at that time, can you see where you would have done exactly what they did? Not trying to imply it’s an easy breezy walk in the park to shift paradigms, but it wasn’t your fault, at all. Nor were you abandoned based on what you shared. Mom took you with her, leaving dad behind. Neither abandoned you. They were just doing their best with what ignorance or wisdom they had at the time. As a parent, I can assure you there is an unbreakable bond of love there, and both of them suffered much in that event, for any and all beliefs and needs they felt they had to put ahead of tending that bond. I’m sorry that happened, and I hope this is taken well, but let that suffering belong to them, they made what decisions they did, not you. You might realize the liberation you’re looking for in considering you are not presently feeling based on what they did, or what happened, but that you are feeling the relativity of arising perspectives, now, and only now. If that’s triggering I apologize, I do not mean it that way. Aim is to help your insight of this. That makes for a difficult childhood no doubt, but you are wanting to let go, and I’m suggesting the more the actual actuality is realized, that what is, is only what is here and now, is the way. As in, this now is your infinite being. This now appeared as that experience, this same now appearing as this present. This now, is you. Letting go of perspectives ‘it happened to me’, and realizing THIS, this which is appearing as all of this reality, is me, is the way-less way. Again, apologies if I’m ‘comin on too strong here’. I have a sense this is what you’re looking for, this magic, this now, you. Check out The Four Agreements book. I think you’ll love it. It’s nothing. Careful building it up. Only makes it seem bigger, and puts pressure on you that nobody needs. Life gives enough already, so to speak. You are that very ‘someone’. There is no assertion. You were never the person it happened to, always the entire experience. As unconditional love, surely you would not leave yourself hangin to the roll of the dice we’re all born to...but that’s the sacrifice you made. You knew you’d forget who you really are by appearing as all this. But you’re unconditional, so, no problem. Unless of course, you hold onto conditions. Being happy for no reason, is simply just being you. Be happy wether you quit smoking or not. No pressure at all. Love the bejesus outta yourself no matter what. Paradoxically, you won’t care to smoke.