Nahm

@arlin No worries Jim. ??

Don’t be a Cameron, tryin to record everything.

@arlin Would you rather actually be separate from everything else, or not be separate at all, but under the spell of ignorance (the false understanding / beliefs) that there is separation, and you are separate? One thought that comes to mind is, it is not possible that I am not separate, because that means ‘Jim’ is me, and I would never in a million years do what ‘Jim’ did. But maybe ‘Jim’s’ ignorance is being underestimated.

@arlin Please don’t identify with this comment. I’m referring to the experience of thought & emotion, not talking about you... Would you rather experience separation, or ignorance?

To arrive at even a seemingly simple statement as that requires believing in separation, subject object, choice, meaning, and meaninglessness. Perhaps “depressed” is more of a response to a thought which is in discord, than it is a thing a that could make a you.

@trenton You don’t have potential. That misunderstanding could keep one up at night. The pressure of it, etc. It feels false because it is false. You are more literally what potential is. Thinking it’s something you have, using it to pretend that how you feel isn’t because of how your thinking, is never going to resonate. The other side of that wall is a thought. The actuality is that it is the infinite potentiality that you are which is appearing as a wall, as this whole place. When you claim, by the thinking, “my potential”...it doesn’t resonate with the very heart of you. That potentiality loves the bejesus outta you - while you’re using it as a means of justifying perspectives about the world and yourself, that you don’t even like. Things like pressure, expectations...they’re all false. Stuff you’re making up, minute to minute, which isn’t resonating. Again, this is because that heart of you quite literally is that potentiality, that potential ‘you’ are claiming as “yours”, is you. There is not “you and your potential”, there is infinite potentiality which is you, and is appearing as you & world. When you feel anxiety, take a minute to form the thought or perspective, verbalize it, and write it down. Then write the opposite, much better feeling perspective. Then pick one on purpose...not because of a story about yourself, but because of how it feels right now. Let the feeling be enough. Be the free potentiality that you are. Play with it, want and watch it unfold. Stop claiming it. In doing so, you split a surface from an ocean of consciousness. Make a dreamboard. Write what you’d like potentiality to unfold as, or materialize as. Then let go of so much thinking, and ‘shift awareness’ to seeing, hearing, feeling & breathing, as you watch, by some inexplicable miracle, what you wrote, what you want, appear. You’ll soon be reminiscing and laughing of the day you thought you were the doer, the thinker, the mover, and believed in all that pressure, etc. It is true...”They never add up anyway”. Rides are for fun. Nobody ever really gets anywhere. It never “all adds up”, because it’s potentiality.

I once made up words but had no one to explain this to. Wasn’t concerning really, as days keep happening.

From daily meditation a ‘spaciousness’ is realized which reveals our previous state of consciousness was: -Awarenessthoughts- With daily meditation our state of consciousness becomes more: - Awareness thoughts- From that ‘spaciousness’ ‘inbetween’ (where all the ruminating used to be) comes clarity, insights, epiphanies, equanimity, joy, love, etc. It begins to be realized we defined ourself with thoughts, ‘attaching’ to them, via me, my, mine, I, etc, and we are liberated from the prison of the mind, and any suffering therein. From there the sky’s really the limit on states of consciousness. It can be helpful to consider that though you firmly believe that Everything is 100% of experience...it’s actually 50%. The other 50% is Nothing, which is known through meditation. 50% of experience that you have yet to discover, but which has been present all along, while much thinking activity has occurred about yourself, others, a past and or future.

@Nate0068 Thought attachment. Meditate every morning.

@Loving Radiance If the question is specific to how you are attracting, can you state it as clearly as possible, without attracting for other people?

@Someone here ???

A want arises from you, and then is written, appearing, unfolding. Establishing what you are wanting brings awareness & clarity to the feeling of alignment or resistance in accordance with the manifestation, of what you are wanting. Allowing, rather than resisting, results in self understanding, and an ever deepening recognition of the power of letting a perspective which isn’t resonating, go. This points to the ineffable magic of focus. You might consider, you can not experience what you give no focus to. The framing, or lens, of ‘self sabotage’ is receiving focus, yet does not resonate. It might be worthwhile to consider how a want arises. By the time one is old enough to make a dreamboard, and write what they are wanting on it, they have experienced enough dream, to have dreamt, created by being, preferences. This is not a small thing, this is creation, and it highlights the role of a human in it. The “I like this & not this” of preferences can be looked at in many ways. One perspective, is that in the developing and realizing of preferences, one has created an identity, or, things known about the I that I am, indirectly from realizing what I like and don’t like. Another perspective, is one has not created an identity, but rather realizes one has been creating experience all along, and preference in life is a continuation of having appeared as this universe, and thus having foregone the knowing of the true infinitude. The first perspective could be said to be a fixed position, to which experience does or does not align. The second could be said to be dynamic, a creator creating without beginning or end. Either perspective will highlight the truth. The second perspective recognizes & incorporates the value of resistance in creation, and fully embraces this aspect & role of theIr infinitude in appearing as it. In this perspective, there is not a self potentially sabotaged, there is an apparent, implied self which now knows with more clarity & understanding, what is wanted.

@Loving Radiance First, a question...do you have an idea yet of what you want beyond school? Also, in terms or priority in your mind, and the feeling of drive, where does complete independence rank?

@StarStruck When there is no more Leo, and clearly never was. Stop trying to ‘get’ what someone else is talking about. Wrong direction. Appreciate the finger, but look to the moon.

@Spaceofawareness “Stop & smell the roses”. Notice the “mundane”. It is fascinating! Be interest! ‘This’ is your creation!

There are as many uniquely relative paths to absolute unconditional love as there are people who left it. For you it seems the place to illuminate, is the apparent matter of trust. I would consider inspecting and dissecting the psychological resistance before contemplating the metaphysical resistance. You might look at when and how you learned trust, how experiences in regard to trust shaped how you view this experience of life. I’d also consider and think about how and why this is necessary, say, from being a baby through childhood. Then consider the role it plays beyond, and how helpful or not, and resonating or not, it truly is as a lens to keep. Excellent post / inquiry btw. Imo we should all be getting to the very bottom of our individuated apparent dichotomies of loving one another.

@John Mitchell Eternity through the lens of the finite mind sees itself, yet labels itself as “time”. If there is no time, truly it must follow, there could be no finite mind, and you are eternal. ‘Now’ can not come and go, eternity can not come & go. But what is infinite & formless can appear to come & go, eternally.

@Tim R Infinite YEP. Wish you were a stock. I’d of bet everything I had on ya just weeks ago. Welcome home love. (...and yet, it’s not true, and there’s no ‘it’.)

@electroBeam I think you’ve been kickin ass in life, doing all the shit we all gotta do if you will, doing the grind, for a long time. One perspective as a way to approach and communicate this... the ‘normal’ life cycle is born, learn, develop, work / contribute to society / ‘build a life’...then eventually retire....and that would typically be where / when an unwinding of the psyche occurs. We could think of the would ‘retirement’ as if it pointed to each of us ‘retiring’ the ego, or that self we developed which did all the work through out life. But we, as in me, you, and pretty much everyone involved with the forum, practices, trips, etc - are ‘speeding up’ that ‘retirement of the self’ portion of the overall journey. So, it would be perfectly natural than when we ‘speed up’ the path in this sense...the ‘stuff that we purge out’ would come up with more intensity. Specifically, concerns would arise that could be fundamentally - “If there’s no me ain’t none of this shit gonna get done!!!”. This would invoke a phase experienced as if we’re being torn in half. All matters of ‘the path’ are deconstructive. What’s being deconstructed is the finite mind. The fascinating nature of this process is that there is no finite mind. “It” is the illusion of itself, or the illusion is that there is an “it” which is being deconstructed. Infinity, in the sense “it” “leads to” the appearance which ‘leads to’ the assumption there is a finite mind, is divine perfection, and could not possibly be more smoothly ‘constructed’ (because it literally isn’t, as it is an appearance). So think of this perhaps like water & ice. It is no trouble at all for water to freeze and be ice cubes. There is no actual effort involved. Effort, is a belief the water has, only when the water believes in ice. There is no ice, there is only water being, via appearing as, ice, and more perhaps more relevantly, ice cubes. Our story “begins” (no beginning really, but from eternalness to appearance) as Nothingness...but is not thought about until water appears as the ice cubes of “thinking”. Front the perspective of the ice cube (a perspective which is itself an appearance), there seems to be “something forgotten”, which stands to be “remembered”. The complete melting of the ice = the realization there was, is, and will only ever be, water. As a cube melts, or, as the finite mind is deconstructed, those perfectly smooth phases of appearing as encountered - but backwards. Forward, no problem whatsoever, silky smooth. Backwards though, it’s a ride through a mindfuck jungle of epic proportions. One could argue this is because the ‘design’ is that of forward ness, and it is going against ever possible grain to go backwards. I have come to realize (and this is of course just something it seems like someone is saying) that this is not the case. Rather than this being attributed to a ‘design’ or intention, or any ‘thing’ which can be thought, it is due to what could be said to be the most profound realization - that infinite can not know finite. That phrase can be taken many ways. The implication I’m trying to convey is that the statement reveals there is no finite. Simply put, if you read that statement, and see a distinction, it reveals to you that you are the holder of the distinction. There is quite literally no one here which is saying it. “It”, is literally, you. If that reveals it’s intended message, it is quite comforting in the ‘nothing matters’ great feeling sense. So in regard to the experience you are having, I would say it is the letting go, or the allowing of, the deconstruction of the finite mind. As “it” untangles “itself”, which is to say see’s through it’s own fabricating & perpetuating that “it” has any existence whatsoever...the smooth ‘forward’ constructive of the experience of self & world are experienced backwards. Going backwards, one experiences all of the misnomer labels of psychology and physiology. So yes indeed, it is experienced as the mind falling apart. But ‘falling apart’, really points to seeing through it - ultimately it is seen that there was nothing there which was deconstructed or ever ‘fell apart’. Like every single word us humans say, it complete and utter bullshit. Story, if you will. ‘You’ are clearly deep underway in this deconstruction, encounter ‘phases’ of construction, backwards. And yes, simple put, it is fucked up. It is logic, rational thought, reason, morality, purpose, etc - experienced backwards. It’s not going to make sense - unless of course, it is very much recognized that this is what’s transpiring. The ‘framing’ makes all the difference in perspective, which makes all the difference in terms of ‘making sense’ of what the hell is going on. There is peace and comfort is seeing & understanding this process as accurately as possible. Understanding which later, ‘itself’, goes too, as it is ‘seen’ that it was only of the apparent finite mind. Which is to say, you are neck deep in mindfuck town, on the daily. I have been there and can relate. Operating businesses, and the relationships involved, as well as a marriage and the roles of son, father, brother, friend, etc, etc, through this deconstruction process is a major undertaking. It is audacious. The adventure (forwardness) of living is quite enough. Some sicko’s like us want more though, we want the truth. I refer to that added ‘uncovering of the finite mind’ & therefore ‘reality’ as the metadventure. You, like I, are undertaking both of these simultaneously. Clarity, relaxation & understanding virtually dictate how this goes, and how it is experienced. I’ve said a lot here and honestly am I able to decipher if it is informative or nonsensical rambling. In that vein I’ll conclude with this...there is that old quote attributed to The Buddha... ”There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth: not going all the way, and not starting.” No one ‘goes all the way’. I mean to communicate this in the most absolute literal sense. There is not one single person on this earth who has ‘gone all the way’. ‘Going all the way’ ‘results’ in the realization that you wrote that quote, you literally create it by appearing as it, right this very moment. The quote is not attributed to Siddhartha, it is attributed to The Enlightened One, and there are not two. That quote could never be ‘pinned down’ in any literal sense as to wether or not Siddhartha actually said it, because the whole point of the quote is that “he” never existed. The Buddha is existence, and you sir, are The Enlightened One. Not ‘you’ the ‘person’ or ‘finite mind’of course, but you which has been appearing all along as the person & world, and all the activities within it. The most relevant of these activities, given ‘where you’re at’ in the backwards metadventure of mindfuckery, is the encountering of the misalignment between feeling and thought. So though it maybe or may not be initially satisfying to read, the ‘resolve’ is that there is already not a problem, it just feels like there is. The ‘problem’ is that there is no longer anything ‘thing’ which can be pointed to as the catalyst for why you feel this way that you do lately. In an apparent attempt to perpetuate the illusion of it’s own existence, the finite mind will through everything and a hundred kitchen sinks up as the “reason”, or “catalyst”, for why you feel this way. So the resolve (forward / thought based), is now actually replaced by the the non-resolve (backwardsness). Or most simply put - Letting Go. There has not been a ‘self’ doing anything, all has always only been an appearance, as I believe you’re pretty aware & becoming increasingly aware of. It is that notion of ‘increasingly aware’ which now must be, Let Go. There never was a ‘you’ ‘with’ ‘awareness’ ‘increasing’. That notion can be put down, or, Let Go. One way to approach this, that I in the personal ‘what works best’ way prefer, is to take complete and a rather ownership of it. Linguistically, this sounds like “ok...fuck it...the jig is up...I’m doing it”, “how I feel is only because of how I’m looking at this, whatever ‘this’ in this moment seems to be”. This uncovers our write offs, the labels and symbols of the mind we use to apply the sheen of a story to the actuality. This includes labels like fear, and insanity. More practically speaking, we could say there are humans who let go rather naturally, and there are humans which do not let go naturally, and must learn to. Those who don’t let go quite so naturally have the added challenge of the effect this has psychosomatically, or, the backwards experience of what appears physiologically. The simplest way I can say this, is attention is being given to thought / thinking...about...this experience. Attention could (and I really want to say should) be given to the body, relaxation vs tension, and specifically to witnessing the relationship between a thought or perspective, and the reaction of the body of tension vs relaxation. Even more practically (and obnoxiously to ‘get through’)...I would literally slap yourself across the face a few times. Literally. Also have someone else do this. Seriously, yet to slap the seriousness right out of you. Then, I would make a list of everything you can think of which contributes to relaxation no longer being a thought, or having anything to do with thought - and fully realizing relaxation is feeling, and or is more ‘actual’ relative to thinking about relaxation. I would do all those things you can come up with. For starters, go get a massage. Maybe order a neck massager device thingy. Do deep breath stretches early in the morning, hold extended stretches while breathing into them, feeling the literal deeper & deeper release of the muscles. Stretch like that multiple times a day. As cliche as it seems to have become - the key is within you - so the key, is what you like. Do stuff you like, that feels good to you. There is a source of all feeling good, ‘you’ are going to that source. That source is aware the backwards travel to ‘it’ is challenging & difficult. By recognizing ‘it’ is always coming to ‘you’, we can recognize the ‘how’ of this, is via feeling...specifically, feeling good. There is no point beyond this experience right now, because there is no thing beyond this experience right now. If you are not enjoying the experience of right now, for ‘it’s’ own sake, regardless of whatever appears to be ‘going on’, it will not feel quite right. You could say it will feel partial or hollow, rather than whole, or full. There are limited culprits as to what seems to be preventing this enjoying this right now unconditionally. They are thoughts / perspectives about self, past, future, and or other. That’s it. It is simple, but thoughts which arise which reveal emotional misunderstanding yet fully untangled & aligned, seem to complicate. There is an apparent added layer, in that it is tempting to then say that the thoughts / perspectives are the catalyst. Experientially, they are. But in actuality they are not. Truly, the source of all that is, is within ‘you’. But that is the very nature, of the backwardness of the path. They (thoughts & perspectives) don’t actually ‘cause’ anything, but this, from certain perspectives, can be taken as offensIve When I firmly believe that this is the case nonetheless. But that, is one such example of the involvement of thought of self, other, past, and or future. Also...if ‘spirituality’ is defined, ultimately, as The Absolute Truth, then all else is relative to it. So I believe your sleep is related to all of this. I would loosen up the black & whiteness of sleep, with the acknowledgement that it can’t truly be said to be needed. As a different contextualization, look at it like rest & relaxation is needed. I would definitely keep a bedside dream journal. Dreams are messages from that which you are headed to, so to speak. “It” is communicative, yet not in the linguistic sense we often figure it would be. When we think ‘objectively’, we tend to equate that to scientific thinking, or logic, or rationality. However, it is not, at all. For objectivity to be anything other than unconditional love, is a misnomer. So whatever the ‘problem’ is, whatever is thought to be the ‘catalyst’ - love that. Don’t force yourself, reveal yourself, in loving that. A specific example easily comes to mind for me...kids are playing, loudly, downright crazy style...there could be a tendency for me to adopt the perspective “I’m trying to write here for fuck sakes, go somewhere else”. But, the trut is, I totally love it. I love their playing, and the craziness. I will miss it when it is no longer appearing. I love it indeed very much. There is the implication that there is a small ‘emotional processing’ which transpired in that example. A ‘getting from’ the intuitive perspective of “get TF out of here kids”...to “I actually love it”, but there is not. This you could say is post-backwards-path-completion. I hope you get what I’m saying there, in the keep Letting Go - it is most worthwhile, sense. Relate that to the keeping of a dream journal. When you wake up in the morning, with the remnant of a dream still lingering - write it down, and literally just drop it. The emotions related to the interpretation of the dream will subside as you go on about your day. Then, later in the evening when they day is done’ so to speak, go back in a good mood, with the perspective of ‘now I’ll go read that juicy nugget unconditonal love sent’, and read what you wrote down as if it were God ‘itself’ saying - “here is precisely what you do not need to be carrying, what you do not need to worry about”. Now there is no not make this about ‘the path’, awakening, enlightenment, etc. If you notice you did / are, then you have or are conceptualizing it. That is the one thing we don’t want to transpire. Feeling can not be thought, in spite of pretty much everyone pretending it can. Make this tangible, about things in your life that feel good to you, and that are relieving & relaxing. Anything from choosing a perspective which resonates, to checking yourself into a spa / retreat center. Maybe this is possible for you where you’re at in life now, maybe not quite possible now, but I hope & think you get the bigger point I’m trying to make. If all of this was to be washed away in the activities of days, and a single key point were to be derived and remembered, it would be that the breath is in a sense the compass. Thinking / thought is ‘outward’, Source is inward. Breathing truly is the ‘breathe of life’, and is one of the last illusions to go. Breathing = feeling, so we always, always, always ‘return to the breath’ for ‘connection’ or experiential ‘grounding’.

@B222 It’s thought attachment. Just return attention to breathing from the stomach.

I tend to agree with @Martin123 here. I think you are relying on connotations more so than definitions, and that is internally confusing, and in part why you’re struggling to ‘get it back’. That there is a desire to ‘get it back’ denotes that it felt better, or was a better time for you, than now. That what is desired to be ‘gotten back’ is depersonalization, denotes that there might be some beliefs about the person you are, which do not feel good to you, which you want to be without by not being the person. Whatever those beliefs might be, they are not true. I am defining ‘not true’ only in accordance with the fact that they don’t resonate with you, that they don’t feel good to you. In a way there are only two paths; the beliefs remain uninspected and you continue seeking a better state. Or, the beliefs are inspected, realized to be untrue about you, and then there is no need or desire to be in another state. You are Goodness. How much can you hear, receive, allow, and or really embrace & accept that truth? If you’re interested, in answering and discussing or even just to think it over for yourself... see if you can notice a category and or people that comes up as to how it is that you are not Goodness. That points to where you started creating beliefs about yourself. In understanding the relationships, there is understanding why they did what they did, and why you interpreted it as you did. In understanding we are freed of misunderstanding. When understanding meets resentment, there can be forgiveness and love. Goodness, the uncovered you - if you will.

This is it Frenk.

To know God = to know fear.

“Standalone things” is the belief. A standalone thing - ‘stands apart from me’, or, ‘is not me’. Indirectly, by default, that is simultaneously the expression of the belief that I am also a ‘stand alone thing’. I must be, because I am not that ‘stand alone thing’. In this manor, I have objectified myself as a thing among things. But if I am a thing, what is knowing of this thing I am? When all beliefs have been adequately inspected & thus seen through & ‘released’, there is only one possibility as to what remains.

The distinction between reality and dream collapses, and the collapse is then contextualized. But it doesn’t have to be.