Nahm

@allislove

It does take experience and some contemplation, and some feeling & experiencing of those reactions and impulses and ‘sitting with it’ to see that it passes, and is therefore recognized to not actually be a need, and in your communication with her you are not coming from frustration. That would only add to the stress. There is also the “swinging the pendulum too far the other way”, which also takes some experience to feel, grasp, and balance. I think you’re pickin up what I’m layin down. For a couple, a relationship, it’s about that balance as you mentioned. I would certainly encourage expressing how you feel, just letting the reaction pass first. It helps to have a “chill spot”. Somewhere you go, un-disturbed, so you can process the reactions without engaging her and later (after the reaction has passed) regretting it. Even if how you feel is basically “you’re basically just for sex to me, I don’t care to deepen the relationship here”...express that sincerely. If how you feel is that you do desire to deepen the relationship, then expressing that you want more of you guys letting go of what doesn’t resonate (essentially the opposite of what stress is) and more enjoying each other and your time intimately, is what you want. Notice, very importantly, that stress doesn’t feel good to anyone. You & her both want to feel good, and not be stressed. With conversations in this regard, crazy as it might sound today, again, she very well may feel more comfortable in feeling that she isn’t just sex to you, and as such, might just look to sex with you sometimes as an activity in which she can de-stress. You might also keep in mind, and employ or suggest with her, intimacy that isn’t sex. Physical contact is very comforting and healing by nature. Simple stuff like giving each other massages, a back rub, etc. Ask her what she likes, what helps her take her mind of things and let go and relax. For some woman it’s foot rub, for some a back rub, for some hand rubs. Whatever. Might seem ‘odd’ to you, but the point (if it is your intention) is deepening the relationship, knowing what she likes. It goes both ways.

Cause it’s not a thing, and because there is much to express in you. Love is no thing. All “things” are apparent, and of the apparent continuum, in the sense “reality”. All things share that the more you give away, the less of that thing, you have. No thing is the opposite. Give it away! Give it away! Give it away! You only ‘have’, ‘know’, ‘feel’ more. I’m speculating, but perhaps ‘race’ is not meant like a competition, like race cars, but in the sense ‘human’ race, that we are not a human race, but the race of love, that is love. Love is all there is. There can’t be a lack of all there is. Paradoxically perhaps, what the world could use most, is the love that the world is. This is due to the simple fact that infinite can not know finite. In love terms, there is no finite, only the belief that there is, similarly, there is no lack of love, only the belief that there is. There is no “more love”, there is “the fall”, or, “the fallout”. For infinite being, which is unconditional love, to experience, infinite being must be that very experience, and thus infinite being ‘forgets’ it’s own infinitude, of and as love. There isn’t. It’s an appearance of the light & love that (eternally, infinitely) is. While someone is collecting shoelaces, someone else is building nuclear bombs. I take “silliness” to mean nonsense. That which does not resonate with the true nature. The song “Royals” by Lord comes to mind. “We’ll never be royals. It don’t run in our blood. That kind of lux just ain’t for us, we crave a different kind of buzz. Let me ? be your ruler, you can call me queen b, and I’ll rule, I’ll rule, I’ll rule...let me live that fantasy.” Jesus used the word “me” in the same way, pointing to the true “me”, the true nature. To me, this points to the end of the hierarchy of the race, the “royals” and the “peasants”, and us all living the ‘real’ fantasy, a world awakened to the true nature of the world.

@Farnaby Thanks, appreciate that. I’m definitely not suggesting neglecting feeling, nor overriding feeling. I am suggesting the opposite...that you feel the reaction, but that you don’t make it about anyone else... that you don’t react behaviorally (what you say & do). By feeling the reaction and ‘sitting with it’, you realize no one else is involved, and that you’re holding a belief about yourself which isn’t true, and that’s why it feels ‘off’.

I hear ya. Sorry if I was heavy handed so to speak. I suggest you can sexually approach your partner, anytime you want. The thought that you can’t would be frustrating, but not because it’s true, because it isn’t true. You totally can. As I believe you’re saying, or maybe discovering, the frustration is not from approaching your partner for sex, and the frustration is not from her reciprocating or not reciprocating, nor is the frustration from having the sex or not having the sex. The frustration is how you think about yourself, as rejected. She’s not ‘rejecting’ you, she’s sharing that she’s not in the mood because she is stressed. The root, or if you like, source, of everything you feel is Oneness. In spite of all appearances, it is literally not possible for you to actually experience rejection. There is only the potential to believe your own thought that you are rejected - even though feeling is telling you it’s not true - and to react and or behave as if it were true anyways. Again, it sounds like you’re seeing what I’m saying here. Yeah. Keep doing that, excellent. You’ll find that from experiencing the trigger emotionally...but not reacting behaviorally....you’ll experience more clarity (that you’re not being rejected) and you’ll thus be free from ’rejection’ for the duration, for this lifetime. In a bigger picture if you will, just as a reference for you, this is how reiki classes work. Reiki 1 is “heal yourself’. Reiki 2 is “help others heal themself”. Reiki 3 is “teach reiki”. When one skips reiki 1, and reiki 2...and attempts to teach, all kinds of vibrational misunderstanding occurs.

@Bodhitree Indeed. True delight. But this isn’t a thread about what’s flowing within. I’d go so far as to say there is no example of what you consciously express. You is the expression of consciousness. Amounts to just my option of course, but the expression of consciousness we regard as Leo is perfect as is, and more so, is oriented toward helping other expressions realize the same.

@StarStruck You did though.

By you.

How someone else feels is never your responsibility. In trying to make it your responsibility, you adopt the idea that you were ‘rejected’. Your girlfriend has thoughts, emotions, feeling, etc. Instead of making it about you being ‘rejected’, look to be there for her, to understand, to ‘hold space’, to listen so she can express... and don’t solve, judge, rationalize, make it about you, etc. Just listen so she can express. Expression is relief, letting go of what doesn’t resonate by letting it out expressively. Hold her expressing and feeling better, in higher regard than you getting laid. Actually care about her...rather than seeing her as a means to your end. This selfless love and caring feels better than sex. (You get to have your cake and eat it too. This will lead to the greatest, most meaningful, intense, intimate & mind blowing sex you ever had - but you can’t make that the point, a ‘goal’). She told you it’s her stress level...actually listen to her, rather than project your ‘issues’ onto her. You’re not responsible for how she feels, and for you, it feels great to care about her, to love less conditionally, putting your wants or needs aside for a minute. Because you’re missing this and projecting, you’re keeping yourself on a roller coaster of up & downs in terms of rejection & confidence, working on yourself, rejection & confidence, working on yourself, rejection & confidence, working on yourself. “Working on yourself”...seems to basically mean...getting laid. That is not going to be very attractive to your girlfriend. It kind of says “I’m not thinking or caring about how you feel or what you say...you tell me how you feel, and I just don’t believe you...but lets have sex so I don’t feel rejected”. It’ll likely feel more stressful to her, as in, since “you’ve been working on yourself” she’s expected to feel great and thus feel sexual. It’s highly likely what she wants is someone who cares about her as a partner, and listens to her...and it’s very likely she will find that. When she is feeling your sincerity in caring, she is feeling like she has a partner in life, not just in bed. Might sound crazy right now, but this leads to her saying things down the road like “I am so stressed! Let’s have sex.”

@Eren Eeager Feel the relief of realizing what you learned yet?

@The Buddha To me, saying Leo doesn’t have grace, is like witnessing someone in the delightful & downright glorious rapture of joy, empowerment, passion, freedom, love, and living in purpose much bigger and incredibly more inspiring than just thinking on behalf of one’s self....and faulting them for not expressing or portraying enough peace and or contentment. @vladorion Finite mind: This or that. Black or white. Self or self & other. Infinite mind: Not. Two. Love: What’s this self & other stuff? It’s thoughts.

@Someone here I’d add some tweaks. There’s no ‘ego’ which anything could be said to be painful for. The same one feeling the suffering, is the same one creating the suffering. This brings to mind one’s connotation of hedonism. Definition of hedonism 1: the doctrine that pleasure or happiness is the sole or chief good in life 2: a way of life based on or suggesting the principles of hedonism Only one creating suffering and ignoring how & that they are, would project identity, such that someone else who is happy, is a “hedonist”. Hedonism often has the connotation of seeking physical worldly / bodily pleasures. That would be seeking good feeling, as a product of experience, what ever that experience might be...substances, food, money, sex, other bodily / physical stimulation, etc. What I’m suggesting is not the common connotation of hedonism, and not quite exactly the definition either. Feeling is nondual. You can not “take feeling off” like a pair of shoes, because feeling is not some ‘thing’ you have. It is that which is infinite, formless, without beginning or end, which is appearing as ‘you’...by appearing as the sphere of the world, and of the lens by which to experience the world. I’m not saying ‘do what feels good & brings you physical bodily pleasure’. I’m saying you have guidance in regard to thought...and the guidance is feeling. The way one is creating the suffering...is feeling the guidance of feeling...yet being unwilling to let the thought go...the thought which is in discord...with feeling. To say the suffering is “because of ego”, or because of anything else...is to say “the way I feel is because of something other than what I’m thinking right now”. I’m not appealing to wisdom, or something to be learned, or subscribing to any ‘ism’s’. I’m suggesting common sense, which is the love that each of us is...and that we can listen to the common sense.

@Someone here ?? That’s really the true beauty of this feeling-guidance. It Nothing to buy into.

@Someone here ? Yes. A thousand times, yes. Death = love = what feeling literally is. Thought: “I’ll ‘die’ in the future”. Feeling Guidance: “Huh? The fuck you talkin bout be me like that for?”. “There’s no future...you’re not separate & ‘in time’”, “This is experience, right here, right now, pure magic, this now is the whole point! Have fun no matter what, let those thoughts go, and we’re One! Total awesomeness!” Thought: “You’re anxiety!”, “You’re guilt!”, “You make me panic”, “You be quite and get back in your hole!”. Thought: “Ok, sorry, where was I again? Oh yea, so I have anxiety and.....”

Meditation is the opposite of motivation in a way. Seeking motivation to meditate is like eating to be hungry. It’s like picking something up (to feel better), while feeling better equals letting that something go (the thoughts which don’t feel good). Motivation is the very thought activity. Inspiration is the very feeling. Motivation is thought activity oriented toward doing...to avoid a potential future situation. To avoid feeling a certain way in the future. This ‘not good feeling’ is not however, in a future. That way of thinking is creating the undesirable feeling, now. What’s being missed...is that focusing on these thoughts now...or ‘in the now’, ‘in the present’...does not feel good. Every cell in your body is responding to those thoughts... ..."what if something bad happened to me".. "what happenes when I die". The assumption is “these thoughts are right though.” “I’m right”. “What I’m thinking is just true”. Feeling is ‘saying’...”no... this is not the case. These thoughts are not true, and as truth, feeling can not join you in these thoughts”. “Clear & honest” = I feel this way because of what I’m thinking. Not because of anyone, or anything, else.

“Observe” in this case is feeling. You’re feeling those thoughts are off. Rather that inspecting why those thoughts don’t resonate, you’re looking to suppress with tips and medication. Suppressing emotion is like packing water back into a hose. The hose has a source and that water will continue to arise from the hose. When what was packed down into the hose inevitably comes back up, you’re calling that experience panic attacks. With respect btw, this is a pretty tender place of a ‘turn around’ so to speak. When you decide to stop caring about being right, or knowing anything...or how you’re thought of or seen...and decide to start caring about how you feel.

In the vein of your request, a perspective other than the one you’re already experiencing... Instead of assuming your state of consciousness drops (and therefore productivity and purpose for the whole day takes a dive)... ...understand how you’re doing this, with what you’re thinking... and understand how you can also raise your emotional vibration in the opposite direction, such that you can feel amazing and be productive everyday, since you’re creating the experience, by what you’re thinking. Bit like the Wizard of Oz...folks looking for a brain, a heart, and courage...finding out there’s no Wizard...and addressing how they’re thinking about themself...and why it felt off...and choosing otherwise...and thus realizing the brains, heart and courage was intrinsic, within, all along.

Sounds like you’re being more sensitive to the ‘off ness’ of how those thoughts feel. That’s ideal. Inspecting why the thoughts feel off is the way imo. I’d look at how you create panic attacks, rather than continue to, and then medicate or ease them.

@Pendulum You’re thinking thoughts about yourself which don’t feel good, and calling that fear, and believing you’re right about your assessment. Now you’re stuck in that righteousness. While the relief is admitting to yourself you’re jealous, not afraid. Jealousy is a gift. Some people feel it, understand it, move on easily. Some stay in fear and make up stories around it.

(That seems to be the heart of your issue.) Is that the same as saying when you’re feelin great you’re kickin ass, when you’re not feeling so on top of the world you aren’t gettin much done?

@Tim R ?? What way? I typically work seven days a week. Awesome, thanks for sharing.

@Vision Check and see.

We’d first have to question what understanding is...to then know what we mean by understanding focus. The ‘problem’ here is understanding is a mirage, as is all. So as a pointing, focus is the result of infinite consciousness concentrating itself vibrationally to appear as the spheres. Then there is experience, which is infinite being being the sphere of the lens, ‘through which’ there is the experience of the world, or creation, which infinite being is also being. There is no center of infinite being, or at all. Appearing as the spheres however, there is experience, and as such the experience is as if at the center. This is why the universe is expanding from every single pov simultaneously. I think VSauce has a video on YouTube about this. No matter what the appearance is, infinite being will always seem to be at the “center”, though there is never an actual center. Pure magic our our infinite self appearing as the two spheres. Through the lens of the finite mind it seems as if infinite being is inside the world experiencing it. Very convincing indeed. Keep in mind focus is a word, a pointer. How can you ask “how is there anything”? A pointing to that very “how” is the word focus. Those conditions in mind are thoughts. You focus on the condition or not. Try thinking focus. You can also notice, similar to the only seeming and yet inescapable ‘center’, you indeed are focused on that example. Can’t “get out from behind” focus. Appearance, fundamentally of absolute light & unconditional love. Again, ineffable, but pointing with words. Compare the lack of possible direct experience of conditioning focus....with focusing upon a condition. A camera could per se, wipe a spec of the lens, but the spec can not wipe the focus off the camera. Maybe that helps, not sure. Another approach might be to consider the variety of conditioned coming & going in direct experience, but never “two focuses”.