Nahm

Per direct experience, thoughts only arise now, and can have the content, or implication of, a past. Check and see, attempt to experience a thought, which does not arise, now.

https://www.actualityofbeing.com/maps … see ‘aversion’ at the bottom. https://youtu.be/h3Qjk9LqDvw … listen to the first song there; hear for the first time. Second song’s pretty on point as well. “I wait for you there, like a stone. I wait for you there, alone.” No mind is not conceptual.

Counterintuitive is meta realization. The ‘bigger picture’ at play if you will. Counterintuitive feels so amazing in fact, that it is realized not to ever have been ‘counter’, but simply intuition which was doubted. The ‘unconscious aspect of yourself’, is quite literally, the repetition of that thought (about a yourself), and the ignorance of how it feels / disregard for the true self, the very feeling-guidance, or simply how you feel placed above wha thoughts believe (about yourself, a past, etc). This is like a dam to an endless ever-flowing river of consciousness. Feeling is the healing. Expression is the way. The acknowledge of the feeling and abiding by it, or, listening to it, is already the healing in & of itself. Note the feeling of relief in the dropping of the narrative of the separate self, and the seeking a resolve or logical answer for it. Expression honors and allows the shadow into the light of awareness. “I struggle with low self esteem” is one thought, repeating, a belief. Via proper meditation, this thought activity comes to rest, settling into the peace and love you actually are, that which is awareness, aware of the thought activity about a separate self. One interpretation is “there is something wrong with me”... and the seeking of the solution. Another interpretation is there is nothing wrong with you, nothing you actually need, already no actual problem, only thought attachment to the thought, belief, that there is ‘a problem’, or, ‘something wrong with me’. Going Prior ... to these self referential thoughts = ‘going home’, ‘returning’, ‘remembering’, awakening, happiness.

@John Paul True culmination of a healthy relationship, that of sharing our being, will do more for clarity, expression, and wakefulness, than any practice or substance. Initially, projection is missed, but suffering ensues, and it is later inspected. One innocently, yet most unfortunately, looks everywhere but oneself. The only actuality of distraction is that of a single thought at a time, which is felt to be out of alignment with that which desire is for traction with or of. If wakefulness is that which is desired, projection is the yet seen, and thus still said to be, ‘distraction’. Put another way, X is what I desire to create, be, have, experience... but Y is the distraction from it. In actuality, in truth, Y is that which is leading you directly to X. Imagine said girlfriend saying to you aloud “I am your distraction”. Would it not in honesty, still be up to you as to wether that is the case?

@Strangeloop Those are one in the same. One never faces the mental activity of another’s judgement, only ‘one’s own’ thought activity, about judgment, and the projection onto, others. When attention is gently removed from the abstractions of thought, and returned to feeling breathing from the stomach, the focus shifts from my problems, relationships, one for which it is hard, one who would stay quiet, one who could or couldn’t, should or should, take responsibility... to actuality. Responsibility is response-ability, and in the non-reactionary conscious response of feeling breathing, that “one” is more clearly a thought. There is not a ‘you’ moving through time. Conscious response is always only ever now, or not now. Presence (you) is never not presence. The true One has no ‘other’, such as responsibilities for example. Happening is happening, the overlay of duality, separation, is only the thoughts, or, thought attachment. The relevance of the practice of meditation on the Path.

@Gesundheit2 Ha! I know right?! Suffering’s hilarious! ?

In recognition “I get lost in my mind” is one thought, return attention to feeling breathing from the stomach. In regard to drowsiness, meditate first thing in the morning after a full night’s sleep.

@nuwu Indeed. So simple in fact, I believe consciousness - is already a duality implied.

@Nick_98 In regard to the self referential thoughts, thoughts about the you trying so hard, focusing, etc, meditation is simply the return of attention to feeling breathing from the stomach. It seems there is an attempt to ‘over power’ the mind, rooted in a misunderstanding about enlightenment, and about meditation, and the path. There isn’t any ‘work’ to the path, or to meditation. It’s deep relaxation. With proper meditation these self referential thoughts naturally cease, and come to a rest. The activity of thought, of ‘thinking about yourself’, is no more. Then it is very clear these thoughts were like clouds in the sky, which were obscuring the true nature, or, the ever present empty sky, (analogous for the happiness that is ‘our’ ever-present infinite being). Wakefulness isn’t an achievement, a place gotten to, a thing acquired or obtained. That is ‘monkey mind’, or, attachment to dualistic thought…. thoughts that there is a (1) you, which is going to get (2) enlightenment. Enlightenment is a word which points to what is already the actuality. This overview / map might be insightful as to the role of a proper practice. These tools, specifically expressive writing, might be useful as to the practicality of expressing and releasing the conditioning as it comes up & out via meditation.

The resolve of ignorance, of the “I at one end” and the “consciousness at the other end” is Meditation, ‘the middle way’. Thoughts arise, “I can meditate, I can build up consciousness, I can have nondual experiences, but in the end I may not experience nonexistence of, I. At first it seems like a question rooted in nonsense - who or what is this “I” spoken of ? Via meditation, the “I” is actually realized to be one single thought at a time, which veils & hijacks the true nature, or truth… which is of course the meditation ‘itself’, the consciousness ‘itself’, the nondual ‘itself’. What is a self referential thought.

Can someone have a very big sophisticated separate self, and at the same time be free from all self-image issues? Conversely, can the separate self be in a state of total no-self and still have major self-image issues? I always had the inclination to demonize the separate self as something bad and unnecessary, due to cultural upbringing. But now after (another ) full deconstruction, things have taken another course and started going full-circle. Lately, I've been discovering the importance and value of the separate self on an experiential level. And what's most shocking to me is that sometimes the separate self seems that the separate self is one of the best ways to fully heal the self-image from all insecurities, and that seems like a prerequisite, contrary to what I always thought. It's like the separate self at a certain point becomes/starts turning into a powerful master that can take ownership of all of one's problems and then solve them. I'm still not completely sure, nor completely clear about this, at least not in the biggest picture possible, so I'm looking for more perspectives to explore. I feel like there's a certain series of insights surfacing for me here, but I'm not quite sure I get it. I mean if someone has a relatively little separate self and a lot of self-image issues, to me that must indicate a miserable life (my parents as a prime example). On the other hand, if someone has a relatively big separate self and not much self-image issues (Leo, I think), that means they're probably quite happy and successful. Most people, in this case, fall in the grey area in between on different lengths of the spectrum. What do you guys think?

@Gianna Sorry, that was a typo. ‘Through the roof’. As in, increases. It can get rough though too. Doesn’t have to be though. Practices, releases, expression, inspection… = more being. More being = more sensitivity. Some previously unnoticed nonsensical thoughts will feel more pronounced, more out of tune, without the busy-mind around anymore. Like one violin in an overly crowded room, vs in a large empty auditorium. More clarity & sensitivity = more subtly discordant thoughts are felt. Like one out of tune violin playing alongside nineteen in tune. It stands out more, do to the now greater harmony. In one interpretation you are inside your thoughts. In another interpretation you’re aware of thoughts. The scary vs just excitement (Happiness-Being-Awareness) difference lies between those two interpretations. Come back to being yourself even more, by letting subtle layers of thought activity go, via realizing they are occurring, and instead just directly feel… aka, meditatively return attention to breathing and grounding in feeling / the body. The interpretation is what feels off, imo, not the content (excitement, said to be the object). It is as if there are four subjects there thought wise. The one actually saying it… the I that feels an I, the I that gets overwhelmed, and the excitement which is said to be other or not me, asserting upon me. Inspect… where is this excitement? Where is it coming from? What is this I which is said to be affected by it? Where is that I? The more ‘either’ is inspected in direct experience, like pointing to it, the more it is seen it’s only transpiring in the thoughts, and thus the more the activity settles, and the even-more-feeling, being, there is, and the more sensitivity there is. Feel expansively, in the body, and then outwardly. Start with an inch all around. When you really feel it, then another inch, & so on. When the bliss is too much, dial it down.

@anderson Awesome, thanks.

@flume ?? “A bird in the hand is worth two pints of bottle fed low fat oat milk and raw, natural honey sourced locally”.

@Gianna Great that you’re doing the practices. Sounds like you’re reaping great benefits. Are you aware sensitivity goes through the rough as a natural result?

@Wisebaxter What’s “the relative”… relative to?

@kinesin I didn’t mean you’re talking about his “core being”, I mean you’re not actually taking about “his interactions and behaviors”, you’re frame of reference is the content of videos. (I assume. Maybe you’re besties for all I know).

@kinesinFolks aren’t experiencing Leo though (in this regard), only the videos / content / delivery, and interpretation / understanding of.

@kinesin I can certainly appreciate that, but really to what end. There’s nothing to defend, I’m just sharing what transpired at my end because I saw your comment.

@kinesin Yes it does. You are not seeing the message I received. You are doing the same thing again in posting that, and saying and or insinuating that it is. You can refute this, that’s up to you. I’m just sharing what transpired. I’m not saying that is the message I received and hindsight is 20/20. I am saying that is not the message I received, and people often say one thing, not giving any context of what they’re experiencing, and then after the fact express intensely, with you now ‘in the story’, as the focal point. That has a potential ring of talking poorly about him, but that is not what I’m saying or the sentiment. Keep in mind, I am the other end of a pm, not a family member, not someone who ever even saw or talked with him. And again, I offered to talk face to face with everyone involved. Still do. If you can put yourself in the shoes for a second, what evidence could there really be? When I saw it, I pm’d Leo telling him exactly what transpired. That pm didn’t make the headlines. It’s not nearly as intriguing, the truth rarely is in matters like this. I can not reverse an edit to print or screenshot a message any more than you could. I did also email a user here as well, as I was talking it through trying to wrap my head around where his head might have been. Ultimately I can not know. Also, keep in mind, there was a public post / thread, which seemed quite literal as well. I didn’t see that thread until long after receiving the message. Also, I don’t think it’s as black & white as to say I couldn’t have or shouldn’t have noticed some warning sign(s). Honestly I also feel like I could, or more so, should have. That’s on me and I’m still eatin it. Yet, the addition of approx 80% of the text to the message leaves me generally wishing I had the unedited version to compare, to see with some black & white exactly what I might have missed. And yet, among all of this, there aren’t even any separate selves, and expecting all-grey to be any black & white just in my opinion, brings us all back to self-realization and it’s potential for this place at large. Also, what I say is never ‘on you’ because you participate in this forum, anymore than what Leo says is ‘on me’. Also, I’m being a bit ‘personal’ toward you, more so in the prior comment, and I apologize for that.

I don’t think you are spreading misinformation knowingly, on purpose. But that statement has no truth whatsoever. I received & replied to like three jumbled sentences, and his message was edited & greatly expanded with much detail, after I replied. That edit was seen some ten days later. I get how it looks, totally. But that’s true nonetheless. Consider, right now today, anyone could log into a user’s account, your account, Leo’s account, my account, and post private messages which were edited. Not you, not a user, someone who is not even a user on this forum. And consider, that is permissible. There is literally nothing you could do about it no matter how false it was or what impression it gave. Also consider, I offered several times to meet with his sister and or wife and received no reply. I offered to meet with him without any charge more than once prior to the event, in response to topics like loa, dreamboard. In one way I kinda do not desire to bring this up, as it feels a lot like it looks like speaking ill of the dead, but the editing of the message, if he did it, could be indicative of a happy joyful facade covering much pain. As a dad, maturity & willingness to express and ask for help come to mind. I don’t mean to imply a correlation of ‘childishness’ whatsoever, but it’s very common for kids and adults to express after the fact, and to spin it on mom and dad, or another, in a very similar hindsight manor. You’ve likely experienced this yourself to some degree in your life. “You'd be better off rethinking it yourself, because that's the most accurate and useful interpretation of truth there is” Listen to & employ your own solid advice. “Getting there’, the truth of the situation, would require your Monday morning quarterbacking transmute into actually ‘getting out there’ and helping people. Actually. Like face to face, like ‘real’ folks in the ‘real’ world do. If & when, you’d learn how lifetimes of resentment get aimed at and dumped right on you, (transference) which is in large part why people don’t bother, and just talk talk talk. (Just because one can’t possibly be too clear, that is not a ‘Leo comment’, but a humanity comment). You might also (and might very well not) consider compassion. Imagine people desperately looking for answers, which you are well experienced & equipped to help them realize, but they talk about you, and do not even respond to offers to talk with you, at any time zone, at any time, of your free time, which you like everyone else have virtually none of.

@Blackhawk Well, no. That would not feel good imo. There would be much pain. But ‘going to’ such poor feeling abstractions of the mind like that is not pain, it’s suffering. Had someone mentioned me in a thread about how they’re getting their arms and legs chopped off, my response probably would have been different. There is an ocean of feeling which lies ever so subtly in understanding the distinction between pain vs suffering, actuality / presence vs abstraction, reactivity vs response-ability, lifting yourself vs putting yourself down (all discord vs alignment of the mind w feeling). More simply put, it feels amazing not to talk shit about yourself and focus on abstract nonsense. If you are looking to feel, think connection, unity, oneness. This is found everywhere; your interests, focuses, relationships, hopes, dreams, etc. At present, everyone you encounter (here) is met first with your message of “evidence or shut the fuck up”. Good place to start if interested in connectivity.

@Blackhawk Yes you are. That’s why the mind’s resistance is felt.

@Mjolnir A session together would be most ideal. I can’t put into words here what happens ‘there’. Shaktipat is actually a very ‘real thing’, and combined with some pretty simple, basic, easy direct experience explorations it’s game / life changing in under two hours. How are the basics… sleep, diet, exercise, daily meditation? How are the excursions… a few days alone in nature, retreats, psyche trips, etc? What about more ‘direct’ connection activities like reiki or yoga classes, getting a massage, etc? Simple fun things like that can be big feeling game changers very ‘outta nowhere’ like. Also, as examples that might bring ideas to mind... in the state I live there is a psychic that is so powerful she’d flip anyone’s life inside out, I”m talkin a room full of ‘deceased’ relatives... and wholistic dr that can read a bodymind and tell someone ever nuance out of alignment, right down to specific organs, just by looking at their tongue. Sounds like nonsense but it’s not. These people are ‘out there’ and they change slices in minutes. (As a specific example) A friend of mine saw that psychic and let go of a thousand pound weight he didn’t even know he was carrying related his deceased brother, a death which occurred decades ago. What avenues or vehicles if any so far do you employ / enjoy in regard to expression? Personal examples; playing with my kids, singing-songwriting, poetry, cornball Youtube videos, writing books, spending time in nature / alone. Just added a Ten Ox-Herding Pictures interpretation yesterday. Like most of the website, it’s feeling & purification oriented. If you have a chance to read it, let me know if it helps connect any of the dots and or brings up any specific questions. The meditations are also all feeling & presence oriented. There’s quite a few at this point to read through, but they’re all very short, and usually one or two just ‘click’, we might say in regard to one’s history / experiences with love. Could be forgiveness for one, acceptance for another, lovingkindness for another, meditative eating or walking for another, etc. And most significantly in regard to feeling, though this might not have clicked quite yet, do you have a dreamboard? When you mentioned being ‘walled off’ in some aspects… connection / connectivity comes to mind. I can think of no better ‘emptying of both barrels’ on the connectivity front than a dreamboard, aligning thought with feeling and seeing what’s on your board actually come into your life, and also taking Leo’s LP course to draw out passion(s) & create purpose. The books A Course In Miracles, Ask & It Is Given, and The Alchemist come to mind. Also, have you watched my first video? Does it bring anything to mind? Bring up any ‘blockages’, or resistance feeling triggers, like rebuttals, past events, etc? That might help ‘crack some eggs’ / uncover introspection avenues & opportunities so to speak. Also this video on self referential thoughts… imo it gets straight to the thinnest, most subtle of veils which stands to release / tap into feeling a lot. It’s hard for me to say or know, but I suspect watching this once or twice each day would lead to a significant ‘a ha’, maybe a series of them. Made it as short & as clear as possible with that in mind. Another consideration... spiral dynamics. Recognizing the ‘next’ stage can be triggering in the best possible way, related very much to feeling more than I think people typically notice. As a personal example (and a note on how all these things come together) I once took a mushroom trip / solo retreat in which ‘green’ just exploded in me. Immediately signed up for and did a 300 mile bike ride in three days, raising a few thousand dollars for a girl to go to Disneyland through The Make A Wish Foundation. There is a corridor at the very end of the trek with candles & the pictures of hundreds of kids who have passed on, who had their dream fulfilled through the foundation. I’ve taken 40 of 5meo, and 8 g’s of shrooms - and I’ve never “experienced an awakening” anything even remotely close to that corridor. Fuckin cryin right now just from the memory / notion lol! That’s a lot / a comprehensive probe, hopefully not overwhelming. Hopefully sparks an insight or two as to considerations for changes going forward. ?

@Zaphod If interested…https://www.actualityofbeing.com/the-immutable-laws.