YaNanNallari

Figured it out now. So I had a role of having to constantly do something brought back up due to having a finals type of exam just now yesterday. Now that I got a breather from studying I tuned into this problem and saw that I don't need to do something all the time. This role had made me see things as funny or sad. Although I was still calm and happy enough with that role it was still worse than nothing.

So I've noticed that for a while now I mostly react to things by seeing them as either sad or silly. Laugh or cry. I overall see my mood usually gravitating towards sadness although it's not how I feel all of the time at all. And I feel very comfortable being sad. It does feel sort of authentic and something I like to be right now. I'm also glad and grateful while being sad and probably many other emotions. Overall I'm aware that I just make that thing sad or funny and they are not that on their own. If I pay attention to anything then it usually is one of these two things and some things I just dismiss and they aren't either. I'm wondering if I'm unnecessarily making them funny or sad. Is my mind just making it to have meaning? Cause my mind likes to create special meaning for things, I think that's quite common. I think it could be a part of it but not always. Should I just be somehow seeing things as they are? Without reacting to them. It just honestly feels weird to react to things like this cause I don't know how others react and I'm just asking if I'm on the right path and what to do from here on out. I do also feel more energetic and happy and without a reason to see things as anything more often nowadays though but this thing is bothering me. I'm also feeling resistance to changing this sad/happy reacting but that's a common thing to feel resistance. I have no clue if this needs to be changed or what to think of it. How does someone love a person who is sad, this time it being myself?

@The Monk Another reason I posted this is to figure out if there was a more "productive" way to look at things or feel etc. I'm happy enough for sure and that isn't an issue right now. I'm happy and calm with being sad. Things just feel too simple or easy. Like, this is it?

You can ask for more practical advice and therapy forms from your psychologist. You can also look up different therapy forms yourself if you're interested, the basics are quite easy to understand. Do both overall. You can always quit therapy once you feel like it's not working at all, but feel free to talk to the therapist about it first. Maybe they can switch it up or address or bring up your problems better.

Giving something doesn't mean you're giving away and losing something. In love you give and receive. Giving can make you feel capable, strong and alive. It can be something you really want to do. Even if you wouldn't really gain anything from it. Maybe consider it towards yourself. Would giving yourself something be losing something? Because it's not that different with other people. Also it can be just a planted idea in your head that giving is something bad and you should hold back. Overall I hope you can see how it is just an idea and an opinion that you wouldn't like to have sex before commitment. I totally understand if you don't feel comfortable with someone right away though, I wouldn't be either, and it's not wrong or right to wait. It's your choice and your consequences. There must be a good connection and trust first. The better loving connection you have with yourself the easier it is to have with others. It's also easier to recognize who are compatible with you once you love yourself. It could be that you're afraid of attachment. That's a real thing to fear. People waste a lot of time very complacent "in love". Thing is that you will never learn to deal with it or get into a relationship if you won't deal with it or face it. Meditating enough can bring you over it by itself but you can also work on it more directly. Love the side of you that wants to be attached. See how it doesn't fulfill you.

To change someone give them very basic and easy to understand advice. You can get far with that if you know what you're talking about. The last thing you want to do is make it seem like an argument when teaching them something. Also you seem to not have learned how stubborn people are yet. Most people can't take any relevant advice and are very neurotic. They don't want to change either. I like to teach things in a very charismatic way if possible to show them it works. This could also help you, because tbh seems like you're quite blunt.

Also this goes the other way around. If you're feeling good a lot of people explain it externally, although the happiness is inside you. They end up playing themselves down.

People give you such weird looks if you think this way I think it's totally fine to remind about it. Saying I don't feel like going somewhere because I don't need something from it is just considered weird by others.

My parents are unaware and stuff but at least not pushing their neurotic ideas onto me that much. They do discourage me to do stuff though and left me without emotional support and sort of neglected which on top of my personality lead into years of depression. Although not having great support they at least let me do what I want mostly. I'm not especially happy with how things have turned out but at least I'm on this path now. I am still definitely grateful for all the good things after seeing my ex's family. They were so toxic. Shouting is a daily thing there and she was emotionally in a freaking tornado around them and able to be calm only around me. What is a toxic family? Well anything that influences you in a bad way, for us regarding self actualization. I don't think there's a need for a more accurate definition, usually it's just a case of how toxic they are.

I bought a blender after Leo's smoothie video and been doing it since. Definitely feel more energetic since I wasn't eating any breakfast before that

If you want to die just get start meditating and get enlightened

Used to be in this stuff to feel legit good for once. Now that I know how to feel pretty good truth is starting to seem way more appealing.

One thing you can try is just feeling the feeling without the thoughts related to it.

Do something that comes from the right place

She might want you to take the lead yes but she should aim to have a balance herself as well. She might have low self-esteem and generally isn't very confident about her decisions. Overthinking it and such without having a sense of direction. Perhaps there's something else she's confused about in her life and it's showing itself through this. Anyway how I like to think about it is that one can never be certain of what will be the best choice, but it's good to choose the best shot you have. When you are doing the thing you see optimal you don't need to be afraid or have regrets. When it comes to deciding little things I think they tend to fall in place once you have the big picture set. Also if she has people pleasing tendencies one way to think about it is will she help people more trying to please them instead of being herself. Anyways if you talk to her about these quite sensitive topics I'd recommend being quite emphathetic instead of too rational.

@Revolutionary Think I didn't read all the comments but overall it seems like you're taking this thing too seriously. I mean if you think it's gross you can just see it's an idea right. Reality doesn't care about it, it's going to be the way it is. Your mind is giving you the idea that it's gross and you're buying it. Not to say that's right or wrong. It seems like you're just having this topic in your mind as your current distraction. To help you get over it I'd overall say that you don't need to know. This works for other stuff too. Asexuality is very understandable, although I'd assume it to be similar to being introverted or not wanting to spend time with others. What I mean is that then you just don't see a point or the point doesn't seem worth it for you to do it. However considering yourself asexual or anything might end up being a limiting belief. I wouldn't like to identify as anything. Of course you always limit yourself from something when you set a purpose etc, but I don't think identifying as asexual does anything for you.

You can have multiple purposes

Sometimes to make life seem more interesting because my ego can't handle something I like to move my energy to my hand and feel my fingertips and imagine I'm holding a fireball. It's fun after meditation. Overall I'm using my senses to not focus on my thoughts.

We like to think us and them. One theory is that it's to create a feeling of belonging and love with the people around us. It's not very strong, but better than nothing when people don't know what else to do and aren't aware of the whole thing.

Why do you look for girls so much? What's the point? I'd think you'd have to have really good luck to find someone great even cold approaching. Most people are too unconscious to have a great relationship with.

One common theory is that it can bring up a lot of stressful, angry or whatever kind of thoughts and emotions. This makes you spend more energy and you need more sleep.

For what I know this is why you don't have strong feelings for the other person. Try to not see the other person in any way. Same thing with yourself. You don't have to be a certain way set by others. It's really fun to own your personality. Also you can be attracted to people without it being just about your primal instincts coming into play. You can also learn to appreciate things around you. A tree might have beautiful leaves, pretty much anything can be beautiful. Once you don't need anything from your environment and when you aren't that serious you can see this. This kind of admiring of other people and surroundings can make people seem something to like. Your relationships don't have to be a certain way. If you feel like you lose freedom then make your relationships more open. You don't need to idolize her. Being vulnerable isn't a necessarily a bad thing. It's not worth it to stay protecting yourself from everything. Relationships are as you've noticed often about just "falling in love" with the other person and it being a monkey show in the end. You don't have to take your relationships so seriously and you can just see them as something fun and positive if that keeps you more motivated etc. After all it's more about facing yourself in life. Once you learn to accept yourself I'd assume you will learn to easily recognize people who genuinely love themselves and others. This will help you find relationships that are actually worth your time. As you've noticed you have self-esteem issues and stuff like that. I'd recommend Leo's video about accepting and loving yourself. It has helped me the relationship with myself and others.

You're being very logical about this. You like her? Think it's a good idea to get to know her? Talk to her. You can just delay the decision and that could be the right thing if you really don't know but you can also see what your intuition is saying and just go with that. Just don't procrastinate on other stuff thinking about this. Also you don't need to really care what they or she thinks of you. You said you wouldn't be too comfortable if she declines, but if you ask her out from an authentic place there's nothing you need to be ashamed of however it goes. Even though it would be nicer some way it doesn't really matter how it turns out. Regarding relationships and stuff I wouldn't analyze and justify things so much, but perhaps it needs to be done at some point to learn until it comes naturally.

One way to think about this is that thinking and fantasizing about her is your favorite pastime. It's just another thing to think about. If you get bored of it and see that oh, it's not good for you to stay thinking about it, it will be easier to let go. If I were in your position I'd just assume it to be my main distraction at the moment. Pushing the thoughts away won't work on the long run. I'd meditate and see that they're just ideas you don't have to follow.

My advice would be to work on yourself and let your perspective of others change through that over time. It's hard to fake not taking them for granted. If you now take people for granted then just make sure you're fine with other people seeing you that way so that there's no unfair double standard. You see them this way for a reason and it has it pros and cons. You can think about those and you can think about what other ways you could see them. Maybe you can or can't figure it out, don't worry too much about justifying it. Make sure to meditate because I feel like if you're seeing others like that you're probably very much in your head. That's not always a bad thing but just saying.