Xpansion

If people are really deeply unconscious and continue on a downward spiral into oblivion abusing alcohol and other substances, wallowing in negativity, bitchy manipulative devisive destructive behaviour and have absolutely no clue or desire to change and grow but prefer to stay stuck then I don't blend with them. I prefer to spend the precious little time I have left with those who I aspire to be like. People who are going to inspire, support and uplift me. Those who can help me evolve not drag me down. Motivational speaker Jim Rohn famously said that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. When it comes to relationships, we are greatly influenced, whether we like it or not, by those closest to us. It affects our way of thinking, our self-esteem, and our decisions. Of course, everyone is their own person, but research has shown that we’re more affected by our environment than we think.

What do you mean by hard core? Sounds interesting but that term scares me off. The buddhist retreats I have been on weren't dogmatic in any way. It's actually a really good thing to have the guidance of very experienced teachers who have been practicing for a long time. It is very important that the students feel supported and can speak with teachers if and when required as well as have organised interviews to make sure they are on track and ok etc. For some people retreats can bring up a lot of really difficult stuff that may have been suppressed for a long time and if nobody is there to support them this could be a potential problem. More rarely some people with not much experience and mental issues can be susceptible to psychotic episodes which is why retreats make you fill out all sorts of forms about experience and mental health etc. A friend of mine had to be dragged kicking and screaming to another room to calm down once on a vipassana retreat. My first retreat I had some very bizarre freakish experiences which were nice but freakish nonetheless and it was really helpful to have the teachers to go and talk to.

It can be difficult because the majority of people seem to be living very unconsciously but it's not impossible. If you're into Buddhism you can go to a sangha in your local area. Google Buddhist sangha in your area and see what comes up. If Buddhism is not your thing another great way to meet people is through the website Meetup.com. This website is all about meeting likeminded people. There are groups for absolutely every interest which you can join and go to events and you can even start your own group for a small monthly fee. Meetup

One time I wrote down every single thing I did over a week. I included every single minute. I was shocked at how much time was wasted on things like social media. I closed down my Facebook account 6 months ago and have never looked back.

All I know is that where I live the politicians are the most heartless, self serving, greedy, fearful, xenophobic, homophobic, sexist, reckless bunch of dinosaurs on planet earth. It's a dire situation to have these types of people in control. It's actually really painful and heart breaking. I stopped looking at news media several months ago because I found it was too depressing. All we can do is vote and take part in activism against their damaging policies. But most of the time it feels like they just do whatever they like despite what the people actually want. Politics almost over the world seem to be stuck in a very dark, very retrogressive, Neo conservative place at the moment.

I'll just address point 1 at this stage. Firstly seven months is a blip. One of the very first things you need to cultivate if you are going to continue is patience. Rome wasn't built in a day. How are you going to make this a lifelong practice if you're complaining as soon as you're out the gate? Or maybe you had no intention of doing this your whole life but is instead just wanted a quick fix like most people? Second, sitting meditation is only the beginning. You don't just sit there on the cushion for an hour and then carry on with your day as usual. Sitting is formal practice but then you need to bring mindful awareness into every aspect of your life as an informal practice. Cleaning your teeth, eating, getting dressed, driving etc etc. Its very hard to maintain awareness in our daily life because we have so many distractions but you keep trying and slowly it builds. You need to abide in awareness all day every day. Ive said before and I'll say again Meditation is not some kind of magical quick fix or shortcut to zen monk heaven. Sometimes it feels crap and pointless and other times it can be very blissful but trying to feel something is not the point. What you need to do is learn to accept what it is. The very fact that you are expecting something from it, wanting it to be something other than what it is shows that it's working because you can learn from it how this craving and aversion in the mind causes you to suffer however subtle that suffering may be. This is an insight into Dukkha (the unsatisfactoriness or suffering inherent in all things). Keep sitting and letting go. Watch how you want it to be a different way, notice that. Ask yourself "who or what is it that wants it to be different?" See how these thoughts effect your mood and emotion. How does that feel in the body? For me the change has been very subtle over 5-6 years of sitting twice daily and doing silent retreats. I too expected a penny to drop and craved some big profound experience and on retreat I had some profound experiences because I was mindful all day everyday with no distractions but in my daily practice it is a much more subtle transformation. Our society conditions us to crave for pleasant or even extreme peak experiences. We want to take a pill or shortcut but there isn't one. Be patient and gentle with yourself. Don't strive too hard. Read some dhamma books and Just be wherever you are on the path.

Your meditation experience is not anything abnormal. You sound like you have some expectations that it should be a certain way or that it should "work". This is normal to feel this way. Everything changes including your meditation experience. Sometimes it feels pointless and shitty and it may feel like that for a while then you'll have a breakthrough and then you reach another plateau. Just accept it how it is. Notice how you are placing expectations and wanting something from it. Craving for it to be how it used to be. Not wanting it to be how it is. This is how we cause ourselves suffering. Accept it fully how it is. If it feels boring and not making you feel happy that's ok. Be gentle. If you don't feel like doing it for an hour then do it for 20 minutes. Don't strive too hard. If you don't do it for a week that's ok too. Find the middle way like the Buddha. Just keep letting go and accepting where you are at. It's not a race. There is nothing to accomplish. Just be, when you feel like it. And read some good dhamma books. There's a really good book I think will help you called 'why can't I meditate' by Nigel Wellings. It will show you how many people have these misinformed expectations about meditation that hinder your progress. I'm like it sometimes too. Contact me if you need some more help. ?

My partner and I are doing it but without the book. It's been a very difficult journey and very painful but also enlightening. I might look into the book to get some more help. We are both very determined to continue being friends and do everything with respect, grace and love.

Wait, you say the only way to be friends is to be the exact copy of the other person and that you want to start over and rebuild your identity but then you ask how you can be the cool person that everyone likes. So you don't really want to change anything, you want to continue people pleasing and being concerned with what others think. The solution to your problem is very simple - be yourself. If you are authentic and sincere people will be naturally drawn to you. Thats all you need to do. There will always be people who like you and people who don't. Hang out with the ones who do. If you don't know how to be yourself or are afraid to then you need to investigate why and try to overcome this fear.

Have a read about the brahma viharas and start practicing them. Replace envy with sympathetic joy. Replace regret and self loathing with loving kindness. It takes diligence and effort but it will help you to overcome the afflictions that are causing you suffering. Brahma Viharas

I'm not sure about anyone else but I'm always a bit baffled when I read of people who have begun meditating and are amazed to discover they are "not their thoughts" This doesn't seem profound or insightful to me because I never even thought that in the first place. I don't understand how it's possible to think you are your thoughts. A thought is just a thought. How can you think you are one?

Yes I do understand how easy it is for people to not understand what they are but I guess not as far as being thought. My understanding of self is aligned with what Buddha taught on Annatta and the 5 skandhas or aggregates. It has been a subtle and slow change of perspective over the last 5 years for me. When I first started to take my practice more seriously I couldn't grasp it at all but it makes perfect sense to me now. Having said that I have never seen thought as who I am. Perhaps I once identified with the mind more but I always saw thought as something happening in the mind and not mind itself. Now I identify with neither.

Um yeah I am. I already told you that before. You asked me "Do you realize yet that whatever you think you are, that's a thought" and I told you yes I do.

I dont get your point. I already know this.

"Enlightenment is not something to be achieved, it is just to be lived. When I say that I achieved enlightenment, I simply mean that I decided to live it......Consciousness coming back to the original source is what I call enlightenment. This blissfulness happens here and now." Osho My suggestion is stop looking for shortcuts and quick fixes. You're wasting your time and energy focusing on some abstract future idea which you see as better than where you are. Be here now. It's all there is. Nirvana is not in the future. Not a place you are going to get to or something to achieve. Start asking yourself why you think that so called "enlightenment" is better than where you are now. Our consumer society have conditioned you to believe that there is a quick solution for everything. There isn't. They do this because it makes money. There is no quick way to get abs, shiny hair, white teeth, skinny. No pill that will make you permanently happy. No enlightenment to achieve, attain or accomplish. Just be present and you will see that you are already that which you seek. For further information on this subject - What is enlightenment Points to consider - ...within Buddhism a teacher who assertively advertises himself as enlightened -- especially "fully enlightened" -- is to be regarded with great suspicion.... ...try not to be impressed by self-proclaimed enlightened masters who perform miracles as proof. Even assuming the guy can walk on water and conjure rabbits out of hats, a great many Buddhist scriptures warn that practicing to develop magic powers is not the same thing as enlightenment. There are many stories in many sutras about monks who practiced to develop supernatural powers who then came to a bad end... ...Claims that an allegedly enlightened being has undergone some sort of bodily transformation ought to be regarded with several large grains of salt. Several years ago an American teacher in a Tibetan lineage tested positive for the AIDS virus but remained sexually active, thinking that his enlightened body would transform the virus into something harmless. Well, he died of AIDS, but not before infecting other people. Apparently he never explored the question who is the being that is enlightened deeply enough.... ...The Diamond Sutra in particular is full of admonishments about claims of and attachments to individual enlightenment, attributes or merits... ...Enlightenment is the essential nature of all beings; "individual enlightenment" is an oxymoron.... ...An enlightened being may be free of sickness, old age and death, but the physical body even of the Buddha succumbed to these things... ...Spiritual seekers often think of enlightenment as something we might obtain that will make our present self into something better...

This is not "avoiding the system". He is still living in it but he is just living a simpler lifestyle on a very meagre income. There is no avoiding it unless you leave the planet. Even if you manage to make enough money to buy some land and live in the wilderness you are still going to have to pay taxes etc. Not sure about the USA but where I live you cannot live completely disconnected from the grid. You still have to pay a connection fee even if you use no electricity. You also have to pay council rates and water fees and voting is compulsory. While you need money then you are still part of "the system"

e No I keep reading people saying that they literally realised that they aren't their thoughts. Maybe they are just explaining it poorly.

Q1 I don't know the answer to that and never will while I'm living in this mind/body organism but according to the Buddhists the sense of I or self is an illusion created by the 5 skandhas. Beyond that all there is is emptiness. I prefer to keep an open mind about it. I think it's a mistake to think you know all the answers. Q2 yes I do

So you experience it 24/7 ? Or just during meditation? If it's happening 24/7 you need to see a doctor. If it's just during meditation then it most definitely stops and starts. Watch when it starts and when it stops or changes. Just watch it very closely. Watch how your mind is around it. Is there aversion? Is there craving for something else? You may find that if you really closely explore the pressure, accept it and notice how the resistance to it makes it seem worse then it will change or stop. It's like when you have a pain in the legs. The more we resist it and want it to end the stronger it gets but when we place just bare attention on the actual sensation then we see that it is the mind that creates the problem. In my own experience what I have noticed with pain is that it can seem very intense and unbearable then my awareness goes elsewhere and the pain is non existent. It's like a tree falling in the forest. With nobody there to hear it fall there is no sound. Be very gentle with yourself. Don't force yourself to tolerate it but just gently watch it. If it becomes too much then stop meditating and rest or try some walking then and continue. Maybe you're striving too hard. Also Fanta I want to address your other issues about suicide and depression etc. Often when people start meditation they begin to see life in a new way and at first this can be really nice and uplifting and bring hope. You might experience a new found sense of freedom and experience and some really blissful mind states. After a while though you sort of acclimatise to the changes. What at first seemed so amazing and dramatic no longer seems that way. What becomes apparent is that you are still the same person with the same issues, conditioning, patterns, habits etc but now you have been given a chance to really see things as they are, to see the true nature of reality. What I mean by this is that before maybe you were kind of living on autopilot. Identified with your thoughts and feelings so you could not see any other way to be. When you begin to meditate you then have a slight shift in your perspective and you begin to see all the ways that you have been causing yourself to suffer for so long. There is no blame in this and you must treat yourself very gently like you would a small animal or child. You now have an opportunity to begin the purification process. The mind can become very stirred up as all the old stuff begins to surface. It can be very painful and challenging and you may need to find support. Many people give up because they have been misinformed and led to believe that meditation will fix everything, take away their problems and or depression and it will all be a blissful journey to a quick enlightenment and so they become disillusioned. However, disillusionment is a great thing. It means you are no longer under the illusion. You can now see reality more clearly. It's true that meditation is very healing and deeply transformative but it doesn't happen overnight. It can get worse before it gets better. It has taken many years for the habits to form and so it takes sometime to undo them. It takes courage, rigorous honesty, persistence and determination. This is why it's called the road less travelled because many people don't continue once the work really begins. You will feel like giving up and feel it is all pointless but keep going. It is really important to do some metta practice ie a heart based practice. Cultivate loving kindness toward yourself and others. Many western meditators are too in their heads. I hope you find a teacher and community to support you as you grow. If you are having mental issues it may be wise to seek a good therapist and also look for a Sangha in your local area. I wish you all the best on your journey. ?

7 reasons

If you observe it really closely when it happens you may notice that it changes, that it's not always there and that it's not self but just another sensation that arises and passes like everything else. See if you can notice when it changes or stops.

Um we ARE animals. This is the problem with humans we have forgotten that very basic truth and lost our connection to Mother Earth. The human animal may be advanced in some ways but in others I believe the other animals are way smarter for example the human animals wreck the earth while the others live in harmony with it. I often fantasise about humans being wiped out and leaving the other animals to live in peace

I liked it when I first discovered it about a week ago but the more I watch it the more it actually bores me and sends me to sleep so it's quite good if you have insomnia. It's really lacking a self acceptance and kindness element and seems to be more about trying to realise how pathetic you are then kicking your own butt and trying to be something other than what you actually are. I think it really appeals more to Americans because they're massive over achievers.

Stop telling yourself you need more. Stop focusing on outcomes and enjoy the process. The horizon is continuously moving so stop trying to get somewhere because you never can. Happiness is not in the imagined future, it's here now and always has been. Give up personal development self help bollocks and Read "The subtle art of not giving a fuck" by Mark Manson Learn how to enjoy being nobody going nowhere doing nothing

Hi Ivansmarks, I'm really sorry to hear that you are suffering so much. Life is very difficult for a lot of people. It's also confusing trying to figure out how to be happy and feel connected. I empathise with you. Families in particular can be a really difficult area to navigate especially when they are all very toxic and deeply unconscious. We can end up feeling a lot of conflicting emotions around this. We can love them because they are our family and then hate them and feel a lot of guilt. The first thing to do is to try and start to accept yourself exactly where you are. That means that if you feel lonely and sad and a strong craving to be somewhere else and your life be something else then recognise that you feel this and accept it with kindness and gentleness. Notice all the negative thoughts that arise about your situation and other people and try to see how these thoughts effect your moods and emotions. Take small steps towards things that will bring joy into your life. If you like drawing, walking, swimming, meeting people etc. then do those things. I'm not sure where you are but theres a great website called Meetup.com and people create social groups based on interests. You can find a group or create one yourself based on whatever interests you. Connecting with others is really important when it comes to happiness. Also maybe see if you can find some volunteer work for a few hours a week or fortnight. It will help you to focus on something outside yourself, a greater cause. And you will meet people this way. Lastly try not to blame yourself or your family or anyone else for your situation because it just keeps you stuck but instead accept that everything is dependant on previous conditions leading up to that point. You can then start to create the conditions necessary for a better situation. Always be kind to yourself. The personal development world can be a bit full on with everyone striving so hard to be something other than what they are. It can exacerbate intense feelings of dissatisfaction and inadequacy. Take it all with a grain of salt and use only that which resonates and works for you. I hope it all works out for you and I wish you peace and happiness.