Xpansion

The strange irony of this phenomenon is that the people who believe they are being stalked are actually stalking others and filming them. It's scary to think that they most likely have guns and may join forces and start shooting innocent people.

At the root of human suffering are 3 destructive impulses known In Buddhism as the 3 poisons - greed, hatred and ignorance. Lobha, dvesha and moha. Selfishness falls under greed. However it is possible to purify oneself of these poisons and cultivate true kindness and compassion instead. It takes awareness and lots of practice.

It's all a bit sad really

Many people who are new to meditation dive in head first with not much knowledge or understanding of what they are doing or why they are doing it. A lot of people have seen images in the media of some calm blissful person sitting cross legged floating in some beautiful environment so they have a particular perspective and may think that it's all about feel good experiences. The truth is that it can and does induce very tranquil and peaceful states but that it's not all feel good at all and for many it's very emotionally painful and difficult as a lot of suppressed 'stuff' begins to emerge. If you don't know what is happening at this time it can lead to an attempt at spiritual bypass. Depression and anxiety can be exacerbated and for susceptible people psychotic episodes can be triggered. The video in the link below explains very well of the dangers and why it's important to have some guidance especially on retreats. In my own experience the first retreat I went on I cried uncontrollably all day everyday for 8 days. I didn't have any idea why but realised later it was a lot of unprocessed grief coming up. It was exhausting and I am glad I had a very good teacher to help me through it. Dangers of meditation - advice for beginners

Wait, you're 30 and you've let your "whole life go by"!! It's funny how we get to 30 and start to get a glimpse of how we aren't going to be young forever and of our impending mortality and then go into a panic. The age 30 is like some kind of big event for 20 somethings especially women but believe me when you get to your late 40s its laughable. Why is it "pathetic" that you don't know what to do with yourself? Who told you that you should know?? Your parents? Your friends? society? Do you really believe that? Or Is this a false belief that you have taken on board? Who are you comparing yourself to and why? Can you see how these beliefs are limiting you? To think of yourself as pathetic is not going to get you far. Imagine this. You go through your whole life striving to find out what it is you want to do. You try many different interesting things and you don't find any particular thing but you meet many interesting people along the way who you form rich relationships with. You manage to do the best job you can bringing up your kids with the resources you have. They don't get to live a privileged life , go to an expensive private school or university but they love you and appreciate everything you did to help them survive. They don't turn out to be entitled twats who have never had to struggle for anything and so they are really well adjusted, resilient, kind and caring people who appreciate what they have and take pleasure in small and simple things. You die surrounded by your loving friends and family. The end. In my opinion that is a successful life and you couldn't ask for much more. Just enjoy the journey, the process and start to be very kind to yourself. Stop bashing yourself up. Appreciate everything you have while it lasts. Your youth, your kids, your friends, your family, your life. Take actions and steps towards things you might like and enjoy but do it with some detachment. Happiness is not at some point in the future when you achieve, accomplish and attain A,B and C. Take a deep breath and know that it is within you here now. Click here for Loving kindness practice

Apparently the best therapy for that is DBT dialectical behaviour therapy.

There are no guarantees but it comes with money back offer if you decide it's not worth it within 50 days and you do all the exercises. Leo makes a point himself that self help books, courses etc only have about a 5% success rate. I think he said 5 %?? It's not a miracle cure but it will stimulate your mind and get you thinking about the possibilities. It's up to you to then do the work. ps age means nothing. It's just a number. I'm almost 20 years older than you and I'm doing it. The important thing is that you begin on your journey. It's not about getting to a place but more that you are in the process and putting everything into living a purposeful life. To die trying is better than to never have even tried at all.

Hi Capethaz, I'm not the OP. Did you mean to ask Don avocado?

This may or may not be helpful - "THE JHĀNAS are eight altered states of consciousness, brought on via concentration, and each yielding a deeper state of concentration than the previous. In teaching the eightfold path, the Buddha defined right concentration to be the jhānas. The jhānas themselves are not awakening, but they are a skillful means for concentrating the mind in a way that leads in that direction, and they are attainable not only by monastics, but also by many serious lay practitioners" Leigh Brasington Its probably important to recognise that an 'amazing' , 'blissful' , 'out of body' etc etc experience is not awakening and so to be careful when trying to convince yourself that it is.

This is a good article to read especially for newcomers to meditation and spiritual practice SPIRITUAL BYPASS

Electro beam this video talks about what can happen with meditation on retreat etc which is why its important to have experienced people involved to advise and guide Dangers of meditation Advice for beginners

The first experience you described is Spot on. One of the very first things I learnt when I begun practicing insight meditation 5 - 6 years ago is not to place any importance on feel good experiences that happen. I too have had some absorption jhana experiences but then life just went on as usual and I had to let them go because they just become another thing to crave after which then hinders practice. Because these experiences can be so intensely blissful you can become stuck which will stunt progress. Same goes for drugs of any kind.

I think it's just a belief that you need more money to contribute in a more meaningful way. I don't think money has anything to do with meaning. Plenty of ways to contribute without it. Im pretty sure that if every person in western culture donated a percentage of their wage each week we could make a massive dent in poverty levels. With the average western wage one person could most likely feed and shelter multiple families in developing countries. Those are some ways one person doesn't need a lot to contribute meaningfully but instead can pool resources with others.

I don't want a burning desire for money. I don't really think that is a great thing to aspire to. Money is money. It buys stuff and can allow you to live a life of comfortable and pleasant distraction but it doesn't buy happiness or love. Life is too short to chase after it. Research has shown that after you have enough to pay for your basic needs that any thing exta makes absolutely zero difference to your baseline happiness.

So many people on this website seem to be very misguided or misinformed about meditation. The posts seem almost desperate. They want effects, experiences, to get something , anything. It's like they think meditation is some cool novelty fad thing that you do for a little while and then suddenly you get to some eternal place of bliss and happiness with no more problems. They tell how they sit for a week or a few months but they aren't getting what they want. I'm not sure what Leo has taught them in the videos because I don't watch his meditation videos but maybe he needs to set them straight. I have been trying to advise them but I can't keep up with it so I'm not going to read the posts anymore. No sooner have I answered one post to one of these people and another one appears. I think this is what happens when mindfulness/meditation becomes a trendy new object of desire in western culture but the very important foundations such as the 4 noble truths, the 5 hindrances, the 8foldpath, the 5 precepts and the brahma viharas that are meant to be taught with it in Buddhism are left out. When meditation is divorced from its origins in this way it is nothing more than a fad. People just want to launch into a technique and want an instant fix like its a drug or magical commercial product. Fix my life, take away my problems, satisfy me, make me happy, me me me etc Then when they realise it isn't what they thought it was or expected they are confused and dissapointed. This is why so many people do not keep up the practice. All I can suggest for all of you is to be patient, get some proper guidance from a good teacher and read some good dhamma books. Meditation will slowly transform your perspective but accept that you cannot just step to the peak of the mountain in one moment. Meditation can help you to see how craving and aversion will cause you to suffer. The wanting this and that from it is a perfect example of how craving and desire will hinder you. Five hindrances

1. I didn't make it sound anything. The people who sell it already do a good job of that. I lifted the the term zen monk heaven from their website. 2. I don't really care what other people do. If it works for you then that's great and best of luck. 3. My personal opinion is that spiritual enlightenment is not something you buy on the Internet.

Don't buy into the fearful story going on in your head about it all. Be mindful of the thoughts. It's just more concepts. You dont need to figure it all out or make sense of it but this is what your mind will try to do. It's just more distraction. Thinking of people as machines is not very wise. We are psycho/biological organisms capable of great love and compassion. Buddha never said there is no self. He said there is nothing you can point to that is a permanent solid self. It's all just a continuous process which creates the illusion of an entity or thingness. Your experience here in this life is still very real and visceral. Some people fall into the trap of thinking that meditation is about becoming a detached, depersonalised blank with no thoughts and no emotions and that nothing is real. Almost like sociopaths. Mindfulness and meditation is meant to enrich your life. Help you feel things more deeply and to begin to recognise how much you cause yourself suffering. From this place you can feel more compassionate towards others who are also causing themselves suffering. Just allow yourself to feel what you feel. Be gentle and kind with yourself and others and don't rush. Don't try to force things. Ps - break up your posts with paragraphs so it's easier for people to read

Meditation is about being, not getting or doing. Sitting or formal practice is not something you just do and then expect miraculous changes to your life. That is called spiritual bypassing. Formal practice is just the base. You sit, you observe, you get to know your mind and you cultivate loving kindness towards yourself. You see how everything that arises is impermanent, suffering and not self. Even the most pleasant things are suffering because they end. Because you get to know yourself in this way you will then begin to see others with more compassion. You then need to begin to live the practice ie you need to bring mindfulness and compassion into every thing you do whenever you can. Your life must become a meditation. What you see when you sit is not always blissful or enjoyable. It's more often than not painful and requires great patience and courage. Once you are still and the purification process begins you are going to face your demons. A lot of shit will surface and your mind will run rampant. These thoughts you are having about it "not working" are exactly what happens. It's your mind or ego demanding something, demanding results, achievement, accomplishment etc. This is craving. Watch these thoughts and see how they are not self, not permanent and cause you suffering. Stop looking for an effect or experience. Let go of all expectations and just sit.

Everything Leo Gura and any other life coach or guru for that matter says can be taken with a large grain of salt or not. It's all basically just his own thoughts, beliefs and opinions that he has formed from his own experiences then recorded in such a way that it sounds very compelling as though it's some kind of ultimate truth but it's not. You don't need to take it on board. Learn to form your own opinions and trust in your own intuition that way you won't be as susceptible to taking on someone else's views. Take what resonates with you and leave the rest.

Hmm it's tricky. Do you know anyone you can stay with? A friend? If not can you rent a room in a share house? How toxic is it exactly? Hopefully there is no abuse of any kind happening. If there is you could seek refuge somewhere. I'm not sure how to advise you on this to be honest. If it's really unbearable then you need to find an alternative accomodation. Hope you get it sorted.

Hi Electrobeam, I think you must mean the 5 precepts not principles of life. Abstaining from harming living beings, stealing, sexual misconduct, lying and intoxication. These things are in place for an important reason. Personally speaking I would not want to be on a retreat and have someone in the next room having sex, drinking or smoking or someone stealing things but other than that I think that cherry picking Buddhist practice is not very wise. It's like saying well I'll have the hamburger but can I have it without the bun please. It falls apart. These precepts are a means to an end, they are observed for a specific objective. On the personal level, the observance of precepts serves as the preliminary groundwork for the cultivation of higher virtues or mental development. Sila is the most important step on the spiritual path. Without morality, right concentration cannot be attained, and without right concentration, wisdom cannot be fully perfected. Thus, morality not only enhances people's ethical values and fulfills their noble status as human beings, but it is crucial to their efforts toward the highest goal of Nibbana. On the social level, sila contributes to harmonious and peaceful coexistence among community members and consequently helps to promote social growth and development. In a society where morality prevails and members are conscious of their roles, there will be general security, mutual trust, and close cooperation, these in turn leading to greater progress and prosperity. Without morality there will be corruption and disturbance, and all members of society are adversely affected. Most of the problems that society experiences today are connected, directly or indirectly, with a lack of good morality. Questions of morality always concern the issues of right and wrong, good and evil. For a moral life to be meaningful these issues must not remain mere theoretical principles, but translated into practice. Good must be performed, evil must be given up. It is not enough to know what is good or evil, we also need to take proper action with respect to them. We need concrete guidelines to follow, and these are provided by the Buddhist moral precepts. Even the oft-quoted Buddhist ideals of abstention from evil, implementation of what is good, and perfect mental purification can be initially actualized through a consistent practice of moral precepts. The precepts help us to live those ideals; they teach us to do the right things and to avoid the wrong. Buddhist moral precepts provide a wholesome foundation for personal and social growth. They are practical principles for a good life and the cultivation of virtues. If we understand the objectives of sila and realize its benefits, we will see moral precepts as an integral part of life rather than as a burden that we are compelled to shoulder. Buddhist moral precepts are not commandments imposed by force; they are a course of training willingly undertaken in order to achieve a desired objective. We do not practice to please a supreme being, but for our own good and the good of society. As individuals, we need to train in morality to lead a good and noble life. On the social level, we need to help maintain peace and harmony in society and facilitate the progress of the common good. The practice of moral precepts is essential in this regard. I hope this helps you to understand why the 5 precepts are taught and I wish you well on your endeavours to organise your retreat.

I think the first thing you need to understand is that love is not something that you get. It's not something out there that you can attain. It is within you to give to yourself and others. There is an infinite source within you that is overflowing but you have all this fear, sadness, loneliness and various other afflictive emotions that are kind of blocking you from realising it. That gnawing feeling is trying to tell you something. What is it? Maybe to get out of your head and stop ignoring your heart. Begin to peel back the layers. Feel what needs to be felt so that you can reconnect with your heart. A relationship will never bring you the lasting happiness you are craving and if you go into one before you deal with these issues it won't last anyway. Trust me on this because I am currently separating after 17 years from my partner because of very similar issues. Start to become aware of your proliferating thoughts, the fearful stories you are running in your head on auto. Use mindfulness to bring them to your awareness. Do a heart practice to cultivate loving kindness toward yourself and others. We are all already whole but because of the ignorance of our caregivers and society who do not understand the true nature of reality, we too have been conditioned in this same way. It's not that anyone is to blame. We are all just doing the best we can with whatever knowledge we have. The use of the word ignorant is not meant as derogatory in the western way but just signifying their lack of awareness. It's good that you are beginning to see that something is not right. This is helping you to begin to awaken. That's why you're here on this website asking for help. So be gentle with yourself like you would a child and start to cultivate mindfulness and loving kindness within your life. If you do this you will be naturally more attractive to others anyway and when you do meet someone your relationship will be healthier. When I went on retreat last time I felt so many intense emotions over the course of each day. I cried a fucking river ? One day the teacher gave this talk about heart practice. He was talking about how important it is as part of practice. We did a metta (loving kindness) meditation together. I just sat there and all i could feel was this intense frustration and irritation. I mentioned it to him in front of the group and other people said the same thing. I could have just blamed him and thought to myself that it was because he was annoying or something. But when you're on retreat you are just right there with everything you feel and think and there is noone to blame. You have to take 100% responsibility for your own stuff. So I was doing some dishes and I started sobbing uncontrollably. Then I went for a walk and cried so much. I was grieving. It was like years and years of pain and sadness I had been carrying around with me and didn't even realise. When I finally stopped crying I felt a great sense of joy and then I felt this beautiful stillness that was there all along. I remember it so vividly. The sun was setting and I noticed all the colours and I just rested in that serenity. I felt so light and I felt as though I was being held and hugged. It was a deep sense of knowing, that everything was ok. It was a very important insight for me to see how I had been blocking myself off in this way. That retreat changed me profoundly. I still have a lot of pain that needs to be processed but I am on the path now.

My experience with forgiveness is that its something that has to happen as part of a process. I can't force myself to forgive. It has to come as a step after I have processed some other stuff, maybe sadness and anger etc. I also think that many times it is something you may need to continually do again and again. For example with my parents I may forgive them but then more and more layers of anger and sadness may come up and I have to keep letting it go and forgiving. Its a work in progress.

You could try not saying "I have ......." but instead say "there is ........" Don't identify with it but see it as something arising and passing like a thought or emotion. Get to know it. How does it feel in the body? Tension in the shoulders perhaps, fluttering heart, sweaty palms? Notice the story racing through your mind about it and the effect it has on the symptoms. Don't fight it or try to resist it. Let it be present. Is it trying to tell you something? After you practice for a while you will be able to recognise it and be comfortable with it being there but it won't control your actions. You can make friends with it. Have a read of this - R.A.I.N.

Just be there for her. Listen to her. Dont try to fix her. Help her to help herself. Mostly people just want somebody to connect with and mirror their emotions. If you are a generous person and in the position to help her financially then you could also do that but of course this is entirely up to you and you have no obligation to do so. The best thing you can do is just be her friend and support her emotionally.