Gabriel Antonio

@Dragallur upvote I loved this topic... I myself was guilting of drinking some soy milk while reading the post about mindful eating haha. Wow, congrats for taking action! This video is pretty cool. The guy rushes through the thing, but the final example that is sorta like yours:

That's horrible. Why you do think capitalism works? Incentives...

Very good question! i’d say probably it is a better idea to not meditate. Why? Because if you do, you might start seeing meditation as a grim duty, a chore, an activity you do cause you force tourself to do it. I used to stop myself from doing shit, like you are doing, and I would neuroically sit upright, put the timer on, and start torturing myself (it was really a torture). You see, many people (including Leo) advocate this rigid approach to meditation, but the game completely changes when you are under depressive phases. Repressing the depression will actually make it stronger in the future. Maybe you have noticed that. You stop yourself from watching porn, then... 2 days later, you are watching the worst type of porn (which you don’t even like that hardcore...) but, well, that’s how the mind works, mi amigo! My counterintuitive advice would be to allow yourself to make mistakes, to be a bad self-development student. Eat as much as you can allow yourself, watch as many porn as you want, sleep as much as you want... Remember: awareness alone os curative. Awareness = Observation So if you can simply watch yourself doing the negative shit, this will be enough for the behavior to autocorrect sooner r later. Leo has a whole episode on this. One of his best ones: Awareness Alone is Curative. I also recommend How To Stop Backsliding. Always remember that brute force will only get you as far as you have gone. If you are anything like me, you have overused will-power to the point that it goes full-circle, and you become highly demotivated and without “horniness” for Life. In the African religions, there are entities that are depicted with the penis erect. So basically we need to light up your inner fire, that thing that turns you on. And this has a name, my friend: life-fucking-purpose. Hope to hear it back from you! All advice telling to you to “just fucking do iti” is a complete garbage, BTW. You should probably seek real friends that are also on this path. Unfortunately this is kinda hard to find, especially in the standard of Actualized.org (which is really high in comparison to mainstream self-help people). But you can find one. The Buddha used to call that a sangha. So, three things: 1- Allow yourself to feel depressed (so do not force “healthy” behaviors) 2- Fully engage in the bad habit, and observe yourself doing the bad behavior. 3- Find a sangha. Again, I hope to hear t back from you! Greetings from Brazil ?

Cynicism is an attitude or state of mind characterized by a general distrust of others' motives. A cynic may have a general lack of faith or hope in the human species or people motivated by ambition, desire, greed, gratification, materialism, goals, and opinions that a cynic perceives as vain, unobtainable, or ultimately meaningless and therefore deserving of ridicule or admonishment. A common misapplication of this attitude involves its attribution to individuals who emote well-thought-out expressions of skepticism. Such miscategorization may occur as the result of either inexperience or a belief system in which the innate goodness of man is considered an important tenet or even an irrefutable fact. Thus, contemporary usage incorporates both a form of jaded prudence and (when misapplied) realistic criticism or skepticism. The term originally derives from the ancient Greek philosophers, the Cynics, who rejected all conventions, whether of religion, manners, housing, dress, or decency, instead advocating the pursuit of virtuein accordance with a simple and idealistic way of life. powerful, shit!

I Wish… I wish my future self could step back into time and tell me that… It is okay if you isolate yourself… myself… All my exaggerations and all my addictions… I wish I could accept all of that shit… accept that I am vulnerable and that I can have a break down at any moment… But I resist… and from resisting, I make the monster more scary that it is… This rush for awakening, for perfecting myself… maybe I should simply accept that I am not immune to feeling awkward feelings, confusion, etc. All this sense of meaninglessness that permeates my mind makes me feel like life is just a matter of surviving each day without breaking down. Yes, I wish I could be feeling “higher consciousness” (whatever that means), but right now, I do not. Just a shitty post…

“The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.” - Mark Manson (Author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck)

Simple Yet Effective Insight So check this out: Nature never stops, right? So basically you gotta do the same, but please hold zero tension in your body. Sometimes I am doing something, and I completely let my lower-self dominate me. It is like I am a little slave of a little spoiled child, which is myself. But… I am slowly beginning to understand that our society has got it completely backwards how to live life well. It ain’t about perfection. It is about being natural. For example, the people with the best voices have a NATURAL voice. On the other hand, people who force their voice too much is unpleasant to hear. Why? Because they are making too damn much effort. The thing is: I am fucking tired of editing the shit out of my life. Thinking about every single thing I say, getting paranoid about my health, taking unnecessary action, and so on. Instead, I want to become a force of Nature once again, like I was when I was a kid. This feels so nice, as opposed to braw beating myself over and over for not being perfect. Dude, remember: Stop giving this responsibility to others. They are a huge pile of horseshit, when it comes to giving an opinion about yourself. The only thing they can see are projections. Remember? There is no world outside of you. That’s what Leo can’t stop emphasize in every single video of his. So… are you gonna take the real route or the imaginary one? Cause, seriously, everything happens inside of you. And the strangest thing is that very few people self-reflect just a tiny bit to grasp that they are the causing of their own suffering and their own happiness. Well, I am already judging myself harshly for writing this text. “You have incorrect posture.” , “You are tensing your body too much.”, “You are going to feel bad afterwards” etc etc etc, all of which are self-fulfilling prophecies. But what @soulbass has made me understand is that: we create our own antidotes and our own poisons. The only thing necessary for us is to resignify. For example, I am home alone on a Saturday, while my mind comes with all sorts of things I “should” be doing (FUCK SHOULD STATEMENTS, BTW!): You gotta go see a friend. You shouldn’t be staying alone for so much time. Basically, all of these are my version of being a parent. Exactly! It is a new version of my mom and dad. Dude, that is so fucked up to realize that. BOOM! Well, I have completely overwritten here. The thing I wrote on the actual paper I wrote the insight is: Hope all of you are trusting the Path. Peace out !

Results… 21-day Challenge Setting An Intention for the Day So, I decided to try this out. I have been real big on intention lately, and this little challenge seemed to fit perfectly. So here it was: set an intention for my day before getting up from bed. This way, I would not overthink about the intention, and it would also be pleasant. The results were very positive. I have realized how important it is to set clear intentions. Btw, I also wrote a reminder on my body so that I would totally forget about the intention during the day. The really cool thing about doing this is that whenever I feel lost during my day (and that happens quite frequently), all I would have to do is think back to my intention to ground myself again. And lemme tell you, it works. Intention is like a thesis for my day. And I have also been working with long-term intention (e.g., life purpose) and medium term (monthly) intention. It has been transforming my life for the better. It gives me a sense of direction. Anyway, I am already thinking about my next challenge. Some ideas include repeating out-loud my “goals” for the year (I have come up with a 100-item list). The only problem with this is that it is going to take long. But I could try it. I mean, it will be like 5 minutes, but I want to do it not as a chore, but as something that I genuinely want to do. Another idea is to repeat out loud a post that I simply loved that I saw here on the forum. The guy was so inspired when he wrote that, and it has been helping me cope with depression without getting neurotic about fixing it. I will probably think about what challenge to do tomorrow. Btw, I have also set my intention for the year. It is quite an enigma actually hahaha. Here it is: playful root. To explain it: Stay connected with my roots, while being playful in the world. Kinda too complex, tbh, but… that is what came up after a 25-minute contemplation. Thanks for reading

This was in 2015. It was life-changing. Not only did I find a great community of friends there; I also learned how to live life. After all, yoga is sorta like a lifestyle. 1- Your Breath is Your Gauge Here is the thing: if you do not have control of your breath, you are probably doing too much. Gotta slow down. Take child's pose and FUCKING REST. However, you gotta still be in control of your breath. You do not lose it. Like when you are resting in child's pose, the breathwork continues. 2- Growth is Not Always Pleasant But here's the thing: brute force will not get you any closer to growing yourself. At least in yoga. Softness is the new strong, as a teacher of mine once said. I see a lot of people in yoga who are COMPLETELY neurotic. It's like so "goal-oriented": I GOTTA DO THIS POSE... However...... 3- Yoga is not about poses We get stuck in form... in the materialistic mindset (as Leo always says)... but that's not what life is supposed to be about. It's like the pose "Crow". A lot of people desesperately wants to take their feet off the floor, but they end up fucking their wrists because of that hahaha... great job, Ego! HAahahaha... 4- Are you feeling energized? If not, CHILD's POSE! So... continue talking about the fact that people are neurotic... Here is one good question to ask yourself in any situation you are in: Is this a good or a bad discomfort? In yoga: Good discomfort: Muscle discomfort Bad discomfort: Joints Good discomfort grows you. It is no use going to a super-advanced and vigorous yoga class if you haven't got the basics down. 5- Correct Effort A teacher of mine used to say: For this class, set the intention of "using as little effort as you can." Because one of the things I found in yoga was how much I use muscles that are simply not needed. Haha... It is like I am working on my hip rotator, but I am also frowning my face. This same teacher used to say: When you are practicing yoga, your face should like as if you were sunbathing in a beach in Brazil. Hahahaha... So... quit that frowny face. As Leo puts it, when you are meditating, your face should look like a baby, without any tension whatsoever. The really bad that happened to me was that I got so passionate about yoga that I took it to the hardcore levels and ended up falling on my ass (a.ka., backsliding). Seriously... in January 2016, I was in one of my most lucid periods of my life in which I was TRULY appreciating the present-fucking-moment. However... BOOM! I crashed into a HUGE depression and psychotic episode. My life turned upside down... I went from heaven to hell. And I attribute this ego backlash to my own neurosis of "having to feel good all the time." Guys, you probably will not believe in me, but yoga can be better than sex. I feel more connected to the people that I practice yoga with than sometimes in sex. But, anyway, the backsliding was necessary... I needed to go back to my homecountry, solve some DEEP-ASS family and psychological problems, and educate myself more on psychological principles (for example: I would have not found actualized.org if I was feeling super-good all the time... that depression was needed to actually find more Knowledge) Now... I feel pretty good actually... because I got tools... :):):)

For total beginners, I strongly recommend taking classes with a teacher. The chances of you screwing things up are too high... After you get the hang of yoga, then you can do it solo. If you are talking about "gym yoga", then you might be right. But reducing real Yoga to that is not right. It is a lifestyle, really. Sure, it focuses on the body, but I feel like people underestimate how much pent up energy is built up in the body. Yoga was much more important than therapy for me. A lot of repressed memories were stored on the hip area, for example. And, plus, you can also see the relationship between body and mind. For example, when you are mentally clear, you feel more flexible naturally. If, on the other hand, you are too rigid in your mind, then you will also have a hard time with doing the poses. Definitely, Yoga is not the end-all-be-all. There are other tools you can use to self-actualize, but it is damn an awesome tool.

Hehehe, thanks man Once you get the hang of Yoga, insights starts pouring in every time uou practice it. You begin morr and more to directly experience that the inside is what really matters. « If it feels good, it will look good. » Thanks! Totally! I am not so immature as I was. I got experience and tools to navigate through life and work on my consciousness with stability. ??

Awesome! Totally agreed

@cirkussmile I have done several meditation challenges. Last year I committed to doing 4 hours of Do Nothing every single day. It turned out to be more a contemplation practice than a meditation itself. I feel like yoga can be a spiritual practice per se. Sure, you can see it as "gym yoga", but if you see how every pose is actually a reflection of your own mind, and how the physical struggles you are having actually are deeply connected to mental and even spiritual issues, this completely changes how I see yoga. It ends up being a practice for spiritual purification. I took classes at Yoga One in Santa Rosa, California. They used to have at least a $100 monthly plan of unlimited classes. I tried about 10 different teachers, and I really liked two of them. Both of them had a mixed practice, so it wasn't Hatha Yoga or a specific type. These two teachers that I actually liked used a lot of their intuition to guide the classes. When you take a yoga class with a GOOD teacher, you will feel it. Conversely, you can quickly spot westerners who simply do not get yoga. For example, if you go to a class and the pace is VERY VERY fast and the poses are done unmindfully, then you can discard that, because it is bullshit. So, I'd recommend taking various classes with many teachers until it clicks and you go to a class and you go like, "YES! This is the one!" >> that's how to know you have found the right class for you. I do not really recommend learning all by yourself, because you will probably mess things up, if you do not have someone to guide you. Currently, I practice yoga only when I need to ease off a tension in a specific body part. I have been practicing a lot of Pranayamas (breathing techniques) with a friend who went to a 15-day Osho retreat. It is AWESOME to learn how to breathe correctly. But anyway... just don't take a yoga class at a gym... cause the chances of being a neurotic yoga is very high... Kundalini Yoga is very interesting for consciousness work. You can activate your Kundalini energy there. If you do not have the opportunity of using psychedelics, Kundalinin yoga can give you a lot of highs just by using your breath. It is quite remarkable. Totally... I get deeply connected to myself when I am doing yoga. I turn inwards, as Leo puts it. And a lot of us are so disconnected from our body that before attempting a meditation practice, we should focus on releasing all the pent up energy we have accumulated in our body. BTW - I should have written about the interconnection of each reason between yoga and real life. For example, if you are working too damn much and you are actually losing your energy, you should take a strategic break (child's pose) before continuing. So... you could take some relaxing breaths before continuing with your activity. Anyway... I am writing too damn much hahaha... Well... the thing is: after a while you start to embody the practice of Yoga to other areas of your life. It bleeds into areas you'd never expect... And you start seeing that Life is a yoga practice in a way. If you are doing everything very unconsciously, you will suffer. If you do it with attention and always checking in with yourself to see if you are feeling good with what you are doing, then... you have begun to expand your practice off the mat, as a teacher used to say.

5 Insights I Have Had - The mind, when untrained, is extremely LAZY Thinking is great. As Leo said in one of his newest videos, people totally underestimate the power of visualizing your future in detail. This is an extremely useful skill for building your future. However… somewhere along the line, maybe our parents, maybe our school, IDK, implented the following belief to your web of beliefs: Thinking is boring. NO! Nothing could be farther from the truth. Visualization is like a muscle. Your mind in itself is like a muscle. If you do not train it, my friend, it will fucking ROTTEN. So… a practical thing you implement to your life in the future is: visualization. Seriously, the brain does not know the difference. You are able to get reality-like visualization. Ain’t that something worth pursuing? - When you are truly aligned with your Life Purpose, you will get TONS of extra energy Leo has already mentioned that in one of his oldest videos, which is also one of my personal favorites. In the video, he says that many “energy problems” people have are actually a lack of purpose. Why? Because your body produces the energy in proportion to how much you need your energy. If you ain’t got a purpose, you might wind up like a lazy cat. I mean, nothing wrong with that. It’s just that… I want to enter the Third Stage. Divine-like. And I only imagine myself accomplishing that through working my-ass-off (but not neurotically, please, remember the 80/20 law) on my…. LIFE PURPOSE. - A life without a purpose is a life without a thesis I agree with Leo with that. I don’t know why, but I tend to always agree with him. He is lucid in a crazy society. But, anyway, here is the thing: if you have ever taken English 1A in college, you should know that you alwayz gotta have a THESIS. Otherwise, the chances of you messing up the full essay are too damn high! Same thing with your life: I totally understand the approach of “letting go” and allowing Nature to work itself through you by you releasing all resistance, by letting go of your ego, and so on. Okay… that is part of the journey, and I have been there. But it is so fucking boring. One year ago, that was the only thing I did. Consciousness work, consciousness work, consciousness work… IT WAS HELL. Cause, hey, facing yourself is not the most pleasant things when you have completely abandoned your own fucking self for 12 years, so it is like cleaning a house that is so filled of junk you can barely get in there. Hahaha… like that show Horders. - For the shy: have you ever considered working on your voice? I cannot stress how theater is important. But like you gotta go with a GOOD teacher, not a neurotic one. I have been working on my voice for the past 4 months, and MAN, it feels amazing! I felt my voice opening for the very first time in my fifth ayahuasca trip. I probably threw up or something, and then when I said something out loud, I was like: WTF??????? Is that my voice? I still backslide on that. So sometimes I force my voice too much, and I also got LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of emotional baggage stored in my chest area. It is fucking annoying to be so thawed in this area (the chest). And it hurts to unfreeze. And if I do it too quickly (like I tend to wanna do things in life generally), there comes a HUGE, bombastic backfiring. Backlash. EGO BACKLASH sucks, but it is a part of growing yourself. - Create a creativity incubator: Be aware of creativity attacks I know this is something @Leo Gura has struggled with in the past. My very first meditation teacher, Jack Kornfield, talks about this a lot. To paraphrase him: “So you are meditating and then BOOM! There comes LOTS and LOTS of ideas, like you think somehow it is possible to lose them.” This is an exaggeration, but I notice that I get those creativity hits that are indeed authentic and sometimes are hard to let go. But Jack Kornfield advice to this is to negotiate. So, you can tell yourself. So you tell your little ego: “I swear I am going to think about that when we are done.” If you got a more disciplined inferior ego, you can tell it simply: “Let’s think about that later.” And this simple phrase “Later” sometimes is enough to quiet down my mind completely. And just focus on being aware of the present moment. However, I do admit that it is hard to keep up with that in an informal situation. I do backslide on this a lot also. I get triggered by an insignificant even of the past and get so lost in that emotion, which is hiding in the appearance of a thought, that I get triggered into a spiral of negativity. So thoughts related to fear, guilt, and shame basically. So, all inferior ego. So, just to wrap up this text. I want to thank @JKG for our Skype meetings. I am so happy we have made 3 weeks in a roll of at least one meeting. It has been very beneficial to me, and especially my life purpose. Talk about self-actualization with a friend is the bomb hahaha… seriously, at least once a week. It helps so much to clear your ideas. It is like contemplating something, not alone, but with another person And, by the way, I have refined even more the statement of my life purpose hehehehe

This book is like a course. You read about a topic each day. It is so well-written. And it helped me A LOT stay grounded and it was cool to read this book with a friend because both of you help each other. The insights Iyanla gives are REALLY juicy. She exposes herself a lot also, so basically she gives lots and lots of real-life examples. My favorite topics were: Conservation (of energy), Having Fun (maybe it is self-amusement, maybe not cause that's a PUA terminology...), and Guilt. She also gives a affirmation to do every morning which is really good to reprogram your subconscious mind. I really feel different after reading this book. It was as if I had attended a seminar... This book also taught me how to do proper personal development: in small bites. The title of this book really captured my attention... Above is the Portuguese version, which was the one I read. So... it is great for self-help... It is more feminine, I would say... It is not like: "YOU ARE GONNA GET ENLIGHTENED" sorta thing. Haha... It is very lucid, I would say. Down-to-earth. Practical shit. I didn't give a 10, because I didn't get enlightened hahaha... Just kidding... Or am I not? Anyway... I am just making myself worse here ahhahaha I feel lucid after reading the book. Yes.. that's the word. Lucidity. More aware. More wise (and modest :P) It's defintely not the typical self-help book. It has GREAT content!

@cirkussmile Not really... I used to be very into Buddhism at that time. I have experimented with the Do Nothing technique, which is really cool... it is a lifestyle also... Anyway, I am attending a vipassana retreat in February, so that might be a turning point... Yoga is a meditation in a way...

What would you tell to your 20-year-old self? Like, if you could give an advice... is there anything you said in an old video that you have completely changed your mind? If so, what is the idea? Have you ever done Dynamic Meditation? (that crazy-ass “meditation” by Osho) ??

I think I have figured two of my values thanks to a conversation I today with @JKG 1. Radical Honesty 2. Shit, I forgot the second one. Edit just remembered: - Desensibilization

Energy must always flow Simple. What is better: a flowing river or a obstructed one? Flooooooww................. =================>>>>>>>> Your story is enough When you start thrash talking yourself, fucking remember how far you have walked. Everything you have gone through is enough to prove yourself. Just by the fact that you are alive, you are already worthy. If you are shy, take Theater classes Seriously, that’s so simple… but sometimes we take the harder road. I could have simply started taking theater classes at 12 when I spotted my Social Anxiety. But no… I tried all different paths: NLP, hypnosis, and yata yata… All a WASTE of time! Exposure therapy is very liberating. You do not have to confront anything, you just gotta show up. The Power of Speaking Correctly If you are like me, you speaking on your throat. And this is FUCKING painful and your voice sounds horribly because of that. Hahaha… If your throat hurts after a while, you probably got a tensed soft palate. Go All The Way Through That’s one take-away from the “Tony Robbins” video from last week. (Hahahaha)... The problem is not that you are depressed; the problem is that you are not depressed enough. To complete the fucking cycle! But it is hard…

Some interesting definitions of Urban Dictionary Drama Queen Someone who turns something unimportant into a major deal. Someone who blows things way out of proportion when ever the chance is given. "Oh my god! You copied that without giving the other person credit! That is just mean. You're horrible, don't talk to me. I'm gonna go tell everyone what a cruel person you are just so they will pay attention to me and think i'm cool." Savage 1. A savage is some who does not care about the Consequences of his or her actions. Usually the savage will do things that make other people say, "What the fuck are you crazy?" It has been over used to mean other things but this is the original meaning. See balls of steel. 2. A person who dont give a fuck. Who is ruthless in getting what they want. 3. a bad ass mother fucker who did something nobody else had balls to do. [i think i have already posted this definition here on this journal]

Here am I again... lost... Fuck! I shouldn't be feeling this way. I shouldn't feel so bitter towards the world, but I am... And it is always like this. Up and down. Up and down. Up and down. And sometimes I realize that there is nobody that can help me but myself. Ultimately I have to rescue myself from the abyss. I know the type of life my family lives on. Total ego. Survival & reproduction. I get so sick of these petty little things... I mean, sure, I am grateful for being in this Earth and have this human experience, but I would be lying if I told you that I feel good all the time. And in fact, I am very neurotic about feeling good ALL the goddamn fucking time. If I am not in ecstasy 24 hours a day, thoughts like "Omg! I must be doing something wrong." start appearing in my head. It is annoying as fuck. Not to mention this environment I am in... I mean, sure, I could be practicing bringing forth the opposite vibration of the world around me, but, hey, that is not easy at all. Life is uncertain. I can be feeling great today, but tomorrow I can crash... There is no guarantee... so in those cases, I am not afraid of taking refugee with people I trust (no, my mom is not on this list). I have always had some complexes with my parents. And this little game I play in my head is annoying... Like... Okay, it was a messed-up situation, I didn't grow up in the best circumstances (they are never good enough)... I mean, I am tired of this whole war inside of me. And I don't care how much Leo preaches to "face your loneliness" and yata yata yata... When I am feeling really bad, there is no other way to feel good again except connecting with people who are also on this path.

"The best adjusted person in our society is a person who is not dead and not alive, just numb, a zombie. When you are dead, you can't do any work for the society, so it doesn't want you that way. But if you are fully alive, you must constantly say "No" to the many destructible processes of the society, the racism, the polluted environment, the nuclear threat, drinking unsafe water, eating carcenigenic foods. Thus, it is in the interest of modern consumerist society to promote the things that take the edge off, keep us busy as working bees, keep us slightly numbed out and zombie-like. In this way, modern consumerist society itself functions as an addict." - Ann Wilson Schaef (From the book "The Addicted Society")

intentions for this week 1- activate automatic mode 2- multitask 3- if it's easy to let go, let go. if not, let it be. 4- focus on projecting the voice correctly 5- preserve your Divinity 6- You Already Are (God's highest intention) 7- You = you + your circumstances 8- Decide and don't look back 9- step into radical action 10- I deserve to rest 11- God loves me regardless of what I do or do not do 12- make lists 13- get things out of your system 14- purge in however way you can 15- talk to your inner child 16- play mind games 17- ACT your role 18- laugh at your own devilry 19- share but don't overshare 20- 1-take so i have decided to set the 1st. intention for this week. i am also going to set a intention for the new moon (the 18th). i am trying not to think a lot before experimenting... just gotta remind myself to seek out help from real, 3-D friends... like the close ones, when I need. when in doubt, go back to your Friends... Hahahaha ideas are limitless... but anyway... why have I chose this intention -- activate automatic mode? cause life functions in counterintuitive ways. when I allow myself to accept the shit of what is happening in the moment; things start to change automatically. so... since my goal in life is to reach the Effortless State, i gotta learn how to flow... surf... and not get attached to "negative" results... i get so lazy due to my overproductive... the idea that i have to be alert and mindful 24/7 is a joke... true presence comes from relaxation not neurosis... and i am on the the neurotic end of the spectrum. not that i am going to seek situations to be lazy, but understand that they are a part of life. there are chapters in this journey that simply not much happens... and i have tried to brute force my way out of depression way too many times. i know that our psyche is not so simplistic. we need darkness. and, well, if during this week i stay like a lazy-twat, well, let it be. but i doubt that will happen. my problem is that i do not accept feeling low on energy, raw. but i got to learn how to embrace those states, instead of running away from them. Me |--------------------------------------------|-------------------x-----------------------| Laziness (lack of action) [Sweet Spot] Neurosis (excessive action) anyway... i am here despite my neurosis, not because of my neurosis. that is why I am proactively activating the automatic mode so that I don't overuse my energy and allow resignation to prove itself as one of the elements of Love. When i stop trying to figure everything out, things start to flow. So.... Automatic Mode ON! [random fear: freaking out at my house hahaha... cause i get so lonely and my mind jumps from thought to thought so quickly that I become unaware of what I am thinking. the thought hasn't even processed, and i am already thinking the next thing. anyway... i have no problem taking refuge, if you will, at my friends' houses. i have made 3 good friends this year, and they are enough to keep me sane, I feel.] [btw - i have been also thinking about my life purpose: overcome shyness and help others do the same how? > be a fully embodied transmission of Tranquility > 1-take lifestyle > antifragility]

"Be bold, and mighty forces will help you." - Goethe

https://datingheroes.com/en/attraction/self-amusement-to-attract-women Awesome article to remind yourself of what it means to self-amuse, a critical still to developing social confidence. Self-amusument > Impressing others Have fun with yourself!! Not that a order would work in that case haha...