Gabriel Antonio

@Ether That’s the thing... Self help can become an addiction. What has helped me not get bored out of my mind is connect with people who are on the same path. You can find amazing people at, for example, a yoga studio.

I think the most important thing is to find a sangha. If you dive into mediumship without any support from others, you will likely fall into many traps (e.g., paranoia). From what you reported, it is clear that you are energetically sensitive. So talking with someone with experience (such as this psychic that you mentioned) is very important. This vid might help you;)

I think your practice should be to not practice anything. @SelfHelpGuy

I think you should take a break. There is a Brazillian song called "Clareia" (by Marie Gabriella) that came to mind. Here is the translation: In other words, sometimes we need to take a break for things to bloom. Hope that helps!

I agree with @Torkys I would also add the importance of "connecting with those who remind who you are." Do you have at least one true friend? who accepts and likes your imperfect version?

I don't think your husband will help you with this issue... At least for now... This blog post might help you: https://www.actualized.org/insights/how-to-find-psychics-healers

Important definitions of words with "over..." Overdramatic (Drama Queen) People (mostly girls - but boys play their part) who like to blow everything totally out of proportion Overtraining Overtraining occurs when a person exceeds their body's ability to recover from strenuous exercise. Overshare 1, reveal an inappropriate amount of detail about one's personal life. 2. when more information is provided by subject that what is entirely necessary or even wanted. Example: Related words: TMI, overexposure, intrusion

11:23 PM 30-Mar-17 Talking With God I am letting God work itself through me. I am proactively asking for its guidance. I have been asking a lot for the protection and strength of the Divine. I was inspired by Matt Kahn's "The Most Important Spiritual Decision" video. I feel lighter. I feel more talkative. I have been blessing people, and I am now able to be more empathetic and bring light to the people around me. Self-Confidence I am in the process of becoming more confident. When I am in a conversation, I ask for God's help at times. I have been doing 1-minute of silence with people especially when I am feeling nervous in a conversation. This takes a bit of courage, but it pays off. I simply ask for a minute of silence for the other person. I did that twice today. I meditated with a girl I met at my friend's apartment. And also with a student of Portuguese that I have. Sometimes I like to guide the meditation when the other person is not familiar with meditation. But I also like to do it silently so we can both connect with one another. Meditation I am back to meditating for 4 hours a day. Thank God I am doing that because I feel so much better. More confident, more at ease. It gives me a sense of direction, like "YES! I have become more conscious today." Day #2 Random Thoughts Tomorrow I will probably go to church and to my meditation group. People, start talking to strangers. There is so much joy in talking with new people. You will get good at it. One thing I have been noticing is that as I talk there is a tension in my throat. I feel meditation is good for that because then I rest my muscles. I have also been asking for healing in that area. Hope it gets better. Ungrateful people are the ones who need love the most. So keep saying words of divine Love to all beings. Thank you all! Let us celebrate this wonderful human experience with joy and contentment. Peace =]

Congratulations for breaking the silence... This is the first step for your healing. I am sorry you had to go through that. It's such a humilliation.. and I can sense how powerless you must have felt. This is a very touchy subject... Have you considered talking to a therapist? I hope you get well!

4:35 AM I think I will stop updating this journal. I want to start a new one focusing on my life purpose.

I think you need a real-life friend who you trust and who you can be vulnerable with. Good friends make me feel healthy. That's more important than any spiritual accomplishment. A good place to meet friendly and supportive people is at your local yoga studio.

God is always in command. Whether we want it, whether we don't. Whether we believe in It, whether we don't. The formless. Absolute Infinity. How can you not believe in something that you already are?

omg what an asshole stay away from this guy. if he keeps contacting you, tell him you are gonna call the police. Someone MUCH better will come to your life. LEt that guy go. I highly recommend you find someone trustworthy to talk in-person about this topic. You are NOT complaining. But talking about a very serious issue that you went through. @ajasatya any thoughts to share?

Direct Experience I would put "direct experience" as one of my values, so to speak. I am often just reproducing something that I heard. That's okay, as long as I have a direct experience from what I am talking. For example, I know from experience how tensing up body and mind will make me tired very quickly. Instead, by being with people who remind me who I truly am, I can trust my relaxed version. And if something is not flowing like I wish, then it is probably a sign to change. Or do it some other time. There is no rush. This is not a race. Today 5-7-2018 Today I stayed at my house throughout the day. I didn't do shit. Just watched Yu-Gi-Oh! videos ... read some things online... But I didnt socialize nor did I leave my house. It doesn't feel very good. I mean, I am glad I allowed myself to have such a lazy day, but I know from personal experience that "basic" pleasures (eg, eating, sleeping, orgasm) must not be overdone, otherwise it gradually gives off less and less pleasure--until it becomes painful. But anyway, right now at the end of the day, I feel very optimistic. As if I had become aware. "Oh... another day of depression. Ok..." Things might take some time to figure themselves out, but I know that it is just a matter of living one day at a time and taking in whichever bitter pill the Universe wants me to swallow (in homeopathic dosage), and not force myself too rigidly. The healing is already happening, whether I want it or not.

“Love your crooked neighbor with you crooked heart.” - W. H. Auden

Omg! That’s so sad! I feel for you. You deserve someone better than this boyfriend of yours, dont you think?! You did the right thing! If my brother had raped my gf, I would WANT him to pay for what he did, in the fucking prison! Wtf, he said you “ruined” everything? Give me a break! His brother ruined everything! Not you... Hope you are feeling better! I think it would be very good if you could talk to a therapist about that! It’s a very serious thing! I am sorry you had to go through that...

Changing my focus instead of having the pretension of “God working itself through me”, I want instead to focus on something more concrete, more human. >>> relationships <<< i am very lucky to have found three amazing people who I can practice being vulnerable (aka being the weird me). And what I have found through cultivating those friendships is that Everything I desesperately want (and more) can be found in human connection. i am not saying any type of interaction, but to have a few friends who you can act stupid with. People who you can be authentic with, without fearing that you are gonna “lose” the friendship. I am even thinking of starting a new journal focusing specifically on communication, interaction, bonding etc. btw, in a psychedelic trip, my life purpose came to me very very clearly and very strongly. Overcome shyness and help others do the same. so I am considering creating a new journal with that title...

This book is really good. Not the typical self-help book... very counter-intutive and you will experience various of moments, "Wow! That is so fucking true!" The first half of the book is phenomenal; the second half (which could be a separate book) is okay... Gives good advice, but nowhere near as groundbreaking as the first half, but the second part is also very good. Very down-to-earth type of book. Specially useful for chronical people-pleasers. There are many insights on this book, and it is definitely worth buying. If you want to know about the book, here' s a pretty good interview about it: Some random about this book: > We are always suffering, so we might as well pick our suffering. > Positive thinking is sometimes nonsense. "Thinking positive? Sometimes life sucks, and the most healthy attitude is to admit that." > One of the worst things in the world today is the neurotic need to ALWAYS feel good emotions (he gives a very good examples about this on the video above) > When you find your mission, you will stop giving a fuck about all your petty little problems > We shouldn't trust our feelings so much. (He explains in great detail in the book) > So, the most famous quote on this book is something to the effect of, One thing that popped in my head was the fact that in Math, when multiplying the rule of signs are: - + = - - - = + So: if I have a negative experience and I try to positive, this turns out to be negative. If I have a negative experience and allow myself to fully feel "negative", this turns out to be positive. >>> He provides brilliant real-lifes examples. The Beatles one was my favorite because I got a great mindfuck.

“Stop trying to ‘fix’ yourself; you’re not broken! You are perfectly imperfect and powerful beyond measure.” - Steve Maraboli

I have realized in life that sometimes it is all a matter of taking the first step. You don’t really have to think about it, because there will be no YOU who is doing. The experience is happening by itself. I have to be honest here: I am procrastinating a lot of life problems. It seems like I have tried so hard, and now it is time to slow down and focus on cultivating friendships. I am kinda attached to the Earth element. Part of me thinks that life is only about facing fear head-on. But it actually isn’t. That only makes me stressed, and it eventually backfires. |--------------------------|---------------------------| COMFORT COURAGE When I apply too much force on courage, the thing ends up going all the way back to comfort. I think I have tried enough to do things solo. I can only get so far by myself. Still, I miss having a healthy outlet for my bad-quality energy. To transmute that shit and be spiritually, physically, emotionally, and psychologically PURIFIED. There’s still a lot of shit in me that is blocking “God to work itself through me.” I have realized how truer life feels when I am connecting with a friend. It is an exchange of energy. It’s not like I have to “sacrifice” myself, but simply caring about the other person. I have a masculine mind, and sometimes it is worthy comtemplating the difference between objects and living things. The goal of sex is not to satisfy my sexual desires, but to bond with the other person. I find that it is much easier to be courageous when I have good people inside and outside of me. The more I nourish the outside friends, the happier the inside friends also get. It is a win-win. And I do feel at times my friends inside of me. Last but not least: I am in the process of embodying the lazy-man’s path to enlightenment. See more here: http://gururating.org/2017/03/04/mooji/ I am more in contact with the feminine energy. It is so healing… even thou I judge it as being “fruity” Question-Mantra for the week: What feels the most natural right now?

Yes. Maybe this backlash is showing you that all you "self development progress" was actually fake growth. That's what happened to me. I myself used to be so neurotic about being perfect in every area of my life that I eventually collapsed, just like you. And I will probably will a thousand more times. Things that helped me: > Connecting more with other people. As the Buddha taught, our community (sangha) is one of the Three Jewels. This is no accident. I used to think I could figure out everything solo, but that was too painful. A yoga community, ayahuasca ceremonies... > Energetic healing through Reiki. The basic idea of Reiki is very simple. Remove energetic blockages. Boom! It is actually something very gradual, but it works. > Find a more authentic life purpose. And groud yourself in it.

> To me, playfulness arise when I allow myself to let go. Let go of needing to do anything specifically.. > i am not sure how would yoga, meditation, or any other type of discipline would improve your playfulness. > The idea of being playful 24/7 is unrealistic and neurotic. Yes, humor is a great tool, but it is just one from the toolbox > What really helps me is connecting with a good friend. no pressure in “being funny”... just someone who I can practice being my imperfect version with.. > Psychedelics can give you a glimpse of how unnecessarily serious we tend to be. > dont use too much effort. Playfulness is like sleeping or ejaculating. If you try too hard, it is not gonna happen Leo has a whole episode on this topic

"I can see in my own life the way in which clinging has caused me suffering. I remember years ago as I was losing my hair, how much I clung to somebody that had hair." - Ram Dass

"When we realize this truth and when we resume, when we find our composure in the everlasting truth which is everything changes, we find ourselves in nirvana." Suzuki Roshi