Pure Imagination

Very good advice! Thank you I do this many times a day and I always come to the conclusion that I am the empty awareness the knows the thoughts. I just lose that insight pretty quickly and I have to go through this process again and again. When I'm really conscious, I can see that I'm not even authoring the thoughts and they are all appearing without my consent. Now that's a trippy experience

I wanted to get your guys' take on this question. In my experience, most thoughts come from the ego but occasionally thoughts arise that seem to be more inspired from the true self rather than the separate self. An example could be teachings of Matt Kahn that are about loving yourself. It is still the mind stating the love, but wouldn't that thought be more truth inspired rather than ego inspired? Now I get that in a sense thoughts are by definition not your true self because they are content in awareness rather than the nothingness. But in my opinion that statement oversimplifies how the mind can be useful in discovering your true nature. And doesn't non-duality include the content in awareness as well? What are your guys' thoughts on this?

@ajasatya that's a good point! I guess trying to label thoughts as ego or true self could be seen as merely an arbitrary distinction. All thoughts by definition come from our true nature of nothingness.

The one who believes it's getting tricked by the ego is also the ego That's how tricky the illusion is. Deeper awakening comes when you realize the ego is literally as identical to experience as everything else.

@Charlotte That resistance you feel is totally normal. That often happens to me after a deep realization. The ego has a hard time making sense of new points of view you are uncovering. And that's the thing, it's impossible to articulate or make sense if it

@heisenburger Thank you so much for sharing this - it really resonated with me. I feel like I was missing the fact that all of reality has life to it and that life comes from from the Universe

@Lynnel I'm glad what I said resonated with you! Now I just need to get better I taking my own advice

@username I couldn't tell you how many of them there were or what they looked like. It was more like a manifestation of pure love. But it definitely felt like they were sentient. It felt like they were related in some way to the beings my teacher was channeling. In the moment, my ordinary paradigm of reality was completely shattered. My description of these beings is really the only way I feel like I can effectively communicate what I was experiencing. Reality gets weird when you take the mind out of the equation.

Wow. Like most heavy awakening experiences, words will not do this experience justice. But I will try my best! I am hoping writing this out and sharing it with you all will help me clarify the experience, and I hope you can get something useful out of it Here is a link to my 5-MeO-DMT trip report if you would like more context to this experience. You can also skip to the last two paragraphs for the TL;DR version Here is some more context on my spiritual background. It has been almost a year since I had my breakthrough 5-MeO-DMT experience. Up until this last August, I had been really struggling to integrate that experience successfully. My meditation practice was hit or miss and I was left feeling subconsciously fearful to go deeper with my spiritual practice. But at the same time, something was left permanently cracked open in me to the point where I could never go back to being permanently asleep. I have also experimented more with psychedelics which have always been great teachers. This last August, I moved to a new city that happens to have a much stronger spiritual community than my previous place of residence. I was able to seek out a spiritual teacher who I believed would help me make sense of my previous experiences. I met with her a handful of times before this experience, and she has helped me so much in progressing with spirituality. Fast forward to today, a couple hours ago. I met with her, heart wide open, ready to go as deep as I possibly could. We started by closing our eyes and becoming deeply present. Just being in her presence puts me in a deep state of awareness; I can tell she is quite advanced on her enlightenment journey. I could already feel the energy field of the body intensifying quite a bit. She began channeling beings from other dimensions to give me advice on how to let go. The energy field in the body began exponentially intensifying, and it started moving quickly throughout my body. It then hit me like a ton of bricks. What I was experiencing was almost completely identical to the come up of my 5-MeO-DMT breakthrough. I started to get incredibly anxious; it felt like I was uncovering fear that had been dormant inside me for millennia (which began to open me up to the idea of past lives). I told the beings she was channeling that I have felt this experience before and that I didn't know if I could go through with it. They told me to be open to everything, no matter what was being experienced. I cultivated as much love for reality as I could, unconditionally loving whatever came up even if it came from the darkest depths of Hell. The vibrations in the body maxed out - I became everything. The heavy vibration was still being perceived, but it was taking place in this vast infinite landscape that I could only describe as being the entire Universe. It didn't matter that there was "bodily sensation" or a "visual field," it was all taking place in the infinite space of the Universe. On the "physical" level, I could hardly talk. The channeled beings were asking me questions about my experience but I couldn't even string together a sentence. For whatever reason, my lips and oral cavity were forming words in a way that I have never experienced. It was almost like getting all of your gums numbed while visiting the dentist. It was truly something that words cannot describe. My heart was broken open so much that there was nothing left other than pure experience. I began balling my eyes out. This was what my 5-MeO experience was trying to tell me, but the ego created a bunch of stories that made it seem like a negative experience. The vibrations of the body did not let up. I felt like I was going through hyperspace experiencing the entire Universe. I began sensing the presence of other omnibenevolent beings who were wishing me well on my journey. They were in of themselves no different than pure love. Just like everything in the infinite Universe. There was something odd about this experience however - my ego was still somewhat present. Not as a traditional body and mind (those were long gone), but rather as a shadow that was experiencing this along side me. Looking back to my 5-MeO experience, I believe that was the case as well. But instead of the ego being a harmless shadow in alignment with infinity, it was the Devil looking to create eternal suffering. Essentially, the two experiences were identical, but my perspective of both was drastically different. The channeled beings were telling me to start relaxing and to return to my body. At first I hesitated, I didn't want this experience to go away. But then I realized that this experience was quite the rabbit hole, and I didn't want to put my body and mind through too much shock in one go. So I obliged and attempted to return to my body and the physical world. This was not easy. It was like I was trying to control a crash landing. As my mind began to return, so did all of the negative emotions and stories. My mind was saying things like "This experience will destroy your life!" and "You will never see anything the same way again!" To which I responded, "Good! I love you and I respect that you are trying to protect me." The mind did not let up on trying to make sense of the experience; it began accelerating very quickly. I just surrendered the thought stream to the Universe with as much love as I could cultivate. The channeled beings were telling me to let Mother Earth hold me - you are it's eternal child - you are One with Mother Earth. After many minutes passed, I came somewhat back down to Earth and settled into my body. TL;DR/Morals of the story: This experience was the most profound thing I have ever felt - and it was experienced without the use of a substance. It has stuck with me to the very minute I am typing this. I have never tried n,n-DMT, but from what I have read from others' trip reports I feel like this experience was in between n,n-DMT and 5-MeO-DMT. The visuals were identical to 5-MeO (so basically non existent), but I encountered beings and explored the Universe through hyperspace. The most profound thing I took away from this experience was that the shadow (or ego) is identical to Divine Perfection. The shadow is going to always exist, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. We need it to navigate the practical aspects of reality. Before this experience, I had a tendency to demonize the shadow. I thought I was supposed to become one with the Divine and leave the ego behind, but in reality it is all perfection. No matter what the ego does, it is intimately one with the Universe and your True Self. Overall I feel much lighter after this experience. Everything just feels so much more slowed down. There is no need to quickly speed walk through life - appreciate everything as it is right now. EVERYTHING! Including your least desired emotions and your noisy mind. They are not inherently bad, they are all part of Divine Perfection! And if you just allow them to be and approach them with your heart wide open, you will see them with clarity for the perfection they are. I also think this needs to be said more - if you are able, find a spiritual teacher!!! Just being in their presence can be more effective than months of a self-taught practice. This experience would not have happened as quickly as it did if I did not have my teacher there guiding me. My anxiety would have likely gotten the best of me and I would not have been able to go as deep as I did. And I probably would have created more anxiety in my personal life after this experience. If you are struggling with integrating an awakening experience you had, an experienced teacher can give you the guidance you need. Seriously. Thank you for reading, and I love you all. Enjoy your journey to perfection that you already are

This happens to me as well. The good news is the more you progress on your spiritual journey, the more you learn to trust your intuition. You lose touch with the traditional mind and your intuition brings you whatever you need to know at the moment. From what I can tell, this is just a natural part of seeing through the illusion of thought and ego

Confusion is generally a good indicator that you're on the right track! It's cognitive dissonance in your mind that is rearranging and discarding old opinions of reality that you used to think were true. Just embrace whatever you are feeling with the highest levels of consciousness and love that you can cultivate

@Sine Love your feeling of isolation. Respect it and hear it out. All it wants is your attention to tell you a story. There's an irritation because you're not enlightened? Respect that feeling and hear it out. You're exactly where you're supposed to be on your journey Don't run from the ego

"You may think you are afraid of insurmountable odds or the inevitability of loss, but perhaps the real fear is confronting and accepting how brightly you shine." - Matt Kahn

I live fairly far away from my parents and siblings. This has been nice for consciousness work because I feel like I'm away from my past and it has been easier to free myself from the ego. However, every time I come back to visit my family my ego reemerges with great intensity. It's like all of my previous memories of growing up start appearing more frequently and it's hard to see through the sense of ego this creates. Has anyone else experienced something like this? I feel like I've been making decent strides with my self inquiry and it's kind of discouraging that the ego has suddenly returns so strongly

@krazzer @Saarah @Nahm @Brimstone I completely agree. I am definitely more consciousness now with my family than I ever have been, but it is still a step back from when I am on my own. If anything, I guess this will speed up the process of uncovering more aspects of my ego. The key isn't avoiding it, it's facing it. @General 2 I have a great relationship with my family, but we see the world completely differently. They don't have any knowledge of enlightenment, real spirituality, or consciousness work. @Blue is the sea Thank you for the book recommendation! I love Matt Kahn's videos on YouTube, and I will look into that book for sure

Yes

You must empty your cup. Any beliefs you have of the truth are not the truth. Any conceptions you have of what the truth is is not the truth. The truth is right here, right now. Subtract all concept from it. It is simply everything. The mind and ego are concepts within it. Concepts are concepts within it. Welcome all of existence. It is you and you are it. Do you believe this? It doesn't matter. Simply observe it. Let it exist. It is surprisingly simple. Don't think about it. Don't construct stories about it happening in the future. The future is now. The past is now. Time is all happening right now. Allow it all to be regardless of circumstance. It is all the infinite singularity of the universe. You are the universe. There is no separation. Continue to observe what beliefs really are. You must empty your cup.

As I've been struggling to establish a daily meditation habit, I've been seeing more and more how difficult it is to achieve a permanent state of non-dual awareness. The chances of this happening are so slim and I don't think most people fully grasp how unlikely it is that it will happen. Unless you commit to meditating all day for months/years, or get lucky with psychedelics, I'm not convinced that the odds of a permanent enlightenment are likely for anyone in the western world. Even if you are meditating for an hour a day. What's the point of increasing your odds from .0000000001 percent to .000000001 percent? Now I'm not saying we should all just give up meditating right now and adopt a defeatist mindset about enlightenment. As Eckhart Tolle has said, awakening is the next crucial step in human evolution. And I do believe the insight and temporary awaking experiences achieved through meditation and psychedelics can be potentially life transforming. I'm just trying to be realisic and point out that our current world is set up in such a way that makes achieving permanent enlightenment nearly impossible. Even if you are a devoted seeker. What are your guy's thoughts on this? Maybe I'm wrong and achieving permanent non-dual awareness is more probable than I believe, even while maintaining aspects of a "typical" western life.

Thank you all for your responses. I must say I'm even more confused now than when I posted this. I guess cognitive dissonance is an effective way of changing perspective. Lots to contemplate...

@Leo Gura I think I'm starting to see what you are saying. If awareness has a strong desire to know itself, not even the ego can get in the way.

Very interesting points! I think it could be possible to be enlightened from a very young age. If said individual is lucky enough. Unfortunately 99.999999+ percent of people don't have this luxury and must work towards enlightenment through traditional means. I also completely agree with what you said about suppressing desires. Everyone should work towards becoming aware of their desires to "work past" them. Suppressing them just creates more resistance which usually ends up amplifying unwanted desires. To answer this, yes I do believe ancient cultures had higher consciousness. They were not surrounded by constant distractions which made focusing on introspection much easier. Plus meditation and enlightenment work if anything were slightly more mainstream than today (at least in the western world). Ancient wisdom has withstood the test of time for thousands of years, and I don't think present day humans fully comprehend how significant that is. I think science and history lack the understanding of what these ancient teachings were talking about. You can't look at pre-rational human understanding through the lense of rationality and expect to understand.

@Nahm I think they are enough to gain valuable insights and live more authentically. But I do not believe an hour of meditation a day (even for years) is enough to achieve a permanent state of non-dual awareness. Especially without the help of psychedelics.

This point is something that has really been on my mind lately. I feel like I have established pretty clearly that reality is all there is. Reality basically is composed of sensory perceptions, thoughts, and nothingness. It is strange to me however, that there are other human beings in my direct experience that seem to be having their own version of reality. If there is only one reality, then how does one explain the seemly billions of different realities that exist (and even more if you include all sentient life)? It seems that their realities are just as valid as what I am experiencing. So if it seems like other humans are experiencing something similar to what I am experiencing, is there more to reality than what just I can perceive? Does that make sense? If not I can try to clarify a little better.

@Prabhaker that quote is something I could mull over for weeks. Thank you

I have been getting similar feelings about suicide lately too. It isn't entirely new to me however; I have struggled with suicidal thoughts for years. Sometimes I think I'll drive myself to insanity with my spiritual practice and the only way out is suicide. Luckily, that thought is baloney The more I inquire the more I realize that there isn't even a me that needs to die. I'm already dead! Just because there is content and sensory perceptions doesn't mean that there is a self at the center of it. They are simply just there. I can't know for sure, but if "I" were to die, then I would still be who I am, minus somethingness. So basically, you're already dead, so what's the point in suicide?