ajasatya

no, it's not possible because you're trying to deepen a relationship. for such thing to happen, BOTH participants need to be ready to go deep into themselves. i don't know about you, even though i suspect that you have deep unhealed wounds too since you're with him. but he doesn't seem to be willing to go that deep and heal his wounds. you see, alcoholism doesn't come up from nowhere. i don't stay on the surface. my words pierce hearts, which should hurt. how can you be so sure that you love him? why do you think that you deserve it?

@Perfecitonista you cannot change him but you can make your choices according to the kind of life you want to yourself. do you want to have kids and grandkids? if i were in your place, i wouldn't stay with him if the answer for the question above is "yes". responsibility, health & wellbeing are too important in this case. remember, you're going to die. do not forget this little detail. you are going to die. it's your life that's passing by. always ask what kinds of relationships you want to cultivate.

@Epiphany_Inspired yes, express yourself. let him know what you're up to, so he will be able to choose. being sincere with yourself is always the first step. people usually struggle in this part because they don't know what they really want.

@Epiphany_Inspired you're lacking sincerity with yourself. you're getting into a situation you dislike. the guy, though, is being honest, telling you what he's about right now. if you're not comfortable, then just get out of that situation. get over your neediness and be more patient until you find someone with the same interests as you. don't try to change others, telling them what to do, because it's an infantile attitude arising from a controlling ego.

i feel you

good one. simple and straightforward. let me try to dig a little deeper. the process of having someone else to help us healing depends on our willingness to go deep in ourselves and touch the pain we need to feel. it happens because we're either too scared or to ignorant to do it alone... or both. another obstacle is the fact that we're taught not to be vulnerable. we're taught to be strong and resilient. it's not people's fault though. they're just reproducing this destructive pattern because they don't know how to deal with suffering and how to stop creating suffering for themselves. @Pallero, you want "someone that understands" you, which i translate as "someone who demonstrates his desire to see you healed". but you can do it alone with self love. sit quietly, feel compassion for yourself and have the courage to touch those wounds. be vulnerable. let go of the resilient stigma. i've done it myself. feel all the pain you need to feel and cry all rivers you need to cry.

@Aamir King i feel genuine happiness when i let whatever comes just be.

do everything you can. it's your freedom, your life, your happiness, that's on the table. listen to your own intuition.

@Deepak sadhwani you need to be fully conscious of what's really going on. it's not that you're feeling guilty because of those things in particular. you're just feeling guilty and this is your pattern. it will be with you no matter what you do, unless you notice it and recognize it as your pattern. it's simply your pattern so you can let it go.

@Life Coach i can sense your fear and its reasons. i can see myself saying the same words as you a few years ago. and i support you instead of saying that there's something wrong with you. instead of talking about you, again, i'll talk about myself and my fiancée. we're part of a huge net of happy families called UDV (união do vegetal), which is growing bigger and bigger. it's a huge family connected to the wisdom of nature, a powerful vehicle for peace. UDV was (re)created in brazil and it's spreading all over the world. it's already on the usa, btw. here's our website, if you mind. i can tell you from my deepest lucidity that i have no fear whatsoever. i've seen the ugliness in the world and why it exists. and now i'm being able to see beauty and loving families.

@BeginnerActualizer remember that the buddhist training process is based on creating a context that will provoke artificial emotional crisis in you. keep in your mind that the buddhist training process aims to weaken your sense of self, so you'll feel awkward, you'll suffer, you'll feel like you're doing everything wrong, you'll feel like a worthless piece of shit. because it's made to be that way. some training centers require the trainees to shave their heads. others don't. you choose the intensity of the training depending on how much of you you're willing to let go. nobody can force you to do anything. you're just fine the way you are and where you are. it's up to you if you want to undergo a certain kind of mind training process.

@Martin123 nice. i hope you heal completely soon! but i feel healed and i find this kind of thing actually fun to do

there's a continuity of experience but there's no such thing as a soul that comes and goes. it's a karmic wave that entails rebirth of another "i", completely new, even though the karmic wave shapes the reality we're born. the karmic wave shapes the reality we're born just like it shapes reality right now and reality shapes the karmic wave. so if we look closer and deeper, the reality we experience and the karmic wave are the same. they're made of perceptions, which create the sensation of time. the mind's task is to work for this life, to keep this ego alive, so we cannot access past lives that easily. these memories may arise in the mind right after a legit state of no-mind. i am investigating past lives and yesterday i had an incredible experience which gave me profound joy, proving indicating that it's possible. after a profound state of no-mind, which i cannot tell how long it lasted, i felt a cosy and warm feeling of being involved by the love of a mother. i saw the lap of a woman with colorful clothes and a word i had never heard before came to my mind. it sounded like "vernassi". then i heard the sound of a deep breath, which made me scared. i don't know... maybe it was my own breath but it was enough to pull me out of the experience. everything was incredibly quick, like a flash of 2~3 seconds. i googled the strange word and judging by the clothes of the woman i also added "india" to the search. google fixed it for me and it looked for "varanasi", which i found to be a big city in india. i am examining this experience with a large grain of salt and i'll try to replicate it many times.

@Life Coach you gave me the perfect opportunity to explain a bit more about my own life. i'll do it with simplicity for i'm not going to be judgmental about others. i live in brazil, a country that lacks education. so i'm working my ass off in my academic career (teachers/professors are poorly paid here btw) in order to be able to change the educating system in some critical aspects. our public education is precarious. you can do your own research about the brazilian public education to see what i'm talking about. but! i do ALL this with peace in my heart. i work from a place of contentment and compassion for everyone around me. i don't open my mouth to criticize others. i work hard with peace and consistency. i live a simple life. i don't give my money to big companies because they suck our country's resources. i have a tiny set of clothes. i consume cheap and healthy food (meat is expensive). i don't give my money to the agriculturalists, who own HUGE lands and explore them to produce meat... they're drying our precious water and destroying our trees QUICKLY. you can check it out as well. am i going to feel sad? hopeless? am i going to waste my life instead of being loving and caring? no. i'm getting married soon and if everything goes well i'll have kids just like everyone else does. and i'll work towards guiding my family within a simple and healthy lifestyle. and it's also true that i, as this avatar, cannot control everything. the situation in brazil is becoming more complicated each day. so i DO have my last hope to live on from a state of peace, which is becoming a monk and producing my own food with my own hands. the human race is full of flaws. please forgive us. i apologize for every spiritual teacher that charges for his teachings. i apologize for pedophile priests. i apologize for our corrupt government. i apologize for my lack of wisdom for i was born and i'm going to die eventually and i'm trying to do my best in between those moments, just like everyone. please forgive me because i love you, truly.

i stopped using weed because i started to realize how retarded i would become after smoking it.

@Lynnel hopelessness for what? human future? your future? anyway, i simply visualize what society needs the most. i also have a backup plan. if everything goes wrong, i'll be content with simply going to live in a monastery and becoming a zen monk.

I LOVE YOU ALL! try it without the need for explanation within parenthesis. it's even more liberating!

@username this is an old and common theme. you're seeing this in reality because this is how you've been seeing yourself.

@Gladius let it go. it's a fantasy. get healthy. presence is fundamental. be present in your own life first.

@spicy_pickles do it. you're the worst person on the face of the earth because you're hurting yourself. you can't go anywhere if you're lacking self love because all you'll be able to do is either demand satisfaction or try to be a people pleaser. both are destructive patterns.

@rush start organizing your life. there's nothing else to say about it.

@Kevster are you using meditation to inflate your ego? meditation challenge... what the hack does that even mean? seek instructions for a meditation technique called zazen. start a meditation routine. after each meditation session, read a chapter from zen mind, beginner's mind. learn the proper way to train your mind.

the love i experience is an intense happiness due to the fact that i am alive right now. it's impossible to experience it if you haven't subjected your mind to a training process yet because the unconsciously conditioned mind is attached to the past and/or the future. thus you experience neediness, loneliness, remorse, fear and anxiety. if the mind is consciously conditioned to pay attention to what you are right now, then you will be content and peaceful. anger will be transformed into tenderness and neediness will be transformed into contemplation. if you ask me what to do, the best thing i can do is tell you what i did. i subjected myself to a rigorous zen training. meditation (zazen) routine, present mind practice throughout the day, lots of zen readings and retreats. thanks, @Loreena. suffering + pointers like the ones i'm giving saved my life.

you want me to list things that i should expect from a relationship and that's the problem because i don't expect anything. i just want to express how affectionate i can be. i don't want to get anything FROM it. i don't even NEED a relationship. it's a bonus in my life because i'm already complete. in fact, everyone is already complete but people are convinced otherwise.

insanely beautiful words.