ajasatya

i am 28 and i want to do a psychology degree too. but i'll start from the beginning. i just don't know when i'll do it yet. maybe on my 60's.

purify yourself.

why'd you be walking between such toxic people? get out of the social mud. or simply stop hypothesizing absurd situations that feed your aggressiveness.

be careful though. don't assume you've seen enough for Reality is an Absurdity. even though it has nothing to do with enlightenment, which is Truth realization and Truth embodiment, i've seen people access some kind of universal memory with the help of ayahuasca rituals. they're able to attain wisdom and knowledge that goes beyond their individual lives. a raw example of this is a brazilian man called mestre gabriel, who seemed to be able to access the memory of a vassal of the solomon king in order to (re)create the religion união do vegetal. actually, to be more precise, he said that he was the reincarnation of that vassal. and when i contemplate the greatness of his wisdom and the beauty of the união do vegetal - with its thousands of happy families -, i humbly ask myself who i am to say that he was mistaken. and not just that. i myself have experienced union with people in the thought level. it feels like i'm able to think/feel what others are thinking/feeling. if you're really willing to investigate such questions, don't simply use your head. use your entire body and throw yourself in the world to have true first hand experiences. there's no other way to heal your thirst.

@Mert if you exam what you are, considering only your direct experience, you weren't even born. you were not born and you won't die. nothing reincarnates. reality simply assumes another form and experiences itself through another body, just like these words are being read right now. fear of death? pshhh fear of eternity is the real deal. you've always been here and you'll be here forever.

i transformed my life in an endless meditation, full of spiritual practices: zazen in a zen sangha 1x per week hatha yoga classes 2x per week kundalini yoga classes 2x per week meeting krishna devotees 1x per week to meditate with the mahamantra meeting nacion pachamama 1x per week to meditate with them going to all silent retreats i could whenever the urge to masturbate would come, i would become extremely mindful of the sensation and would observe it along with my breath until the urge went away. as time passed by, these urges became less and less frequent.

i'm completely free. no meat, no chicken, no lactose, no sugar and no processed food

as soon as i say "my life purpose is X", it feels like a limiting belief. in fact, i can do whatever i want to do, as i've already done many things in my life and i'll do even more. yes, i work. i have to pay the bills. but that's just work. i am an academic. but i could be an yoga teacher. i could be a database manager. i could go live in an alternative community that practices permaculture and plant my own food. i could go live near the forest and help with ayahuasca ceremonies. i could go live in a zen monastery and beg for food. whatever i do for living, it's just a role. it's not really me. people struggle to find their dream job without realizing that reality is a living game. it literally fucking is. maybe you (the reader) just don't have the courage to embrace it as so. you may be like "shit's so serious. my status is very important. huh i'm so scared of what people will think of me". well, good news. shit's not serious like that. it's just a ride. eventually it will end and there will be nothing to remember. enjoy the play.

it happened gradually as i allowed meditation to become me.

@kieranperez when you're meditating, running or doing your personal development work, you're not being pathetic. you're just doing what you're doing. i practice meditation everyday. i'm not being pathetic. i just meditate. same thing with my yoga practice. stop believing in these self-sabotaging bullshit as if they were true. they're not. they're just thoughts. you live with your dad and he seems to harass you. if you watch closely, you'll notice that he's going through an episode of deep suffering due to his divorce. let your heart grow and feel compassion for him. he's suffering and he makes you suffer because of that. it's not because he's a bad person. it's because he's just as emotionally instable as you are. stop complaining about your dad while you cannot deal with your emotions. that's hypocritical.

@john5170 it won't become you if you depend on external substances. it's not very different from marijuana or alcohol, which can give a glimpse of the same stress free experience. you have to practice mindfulness as @Gabriel Antonio said. you can even forget about the mushrooms and just practice 24/7 mindfulness. there's no shortcut.

my first fundamental fear was the fear of death and then it turned into the fear of eternity.

this forum helps me to mature my comprehension about what spiritual enlightenment really is and what it is not as it teaches me about the nature of the human suffering. this forum also helps me to improve the teachings i provide to help people around me. i can see my teachings becoming simpler and more effective.

@Jordan wang porn can fuck your life pretty badly. masturbation is bad if you cannot live without it, just like any other addiction.

@faith your frustration is a gift. and being sick of being frustrated is a bigger gift. there will be a turning point from which you won't be able to live by your old patterns anymore. there's nothing i can tell to help you. i can only hope it doesn't take you 40 years to start cleaning up your mess. your teacher is your own disgust. your fuel is your own suffering.

one must search within himself the wisdom to say or write such things. i myself had a phase in which i wanted to read all the buddhist suttas. it only lasted 3 days before i realized the non-sense behind the attempt to attain wisdom by reading any kind of scripture written by anyone else.

is he happy though? isn't his behavior a symptom of an inner anguish? aren't those signals of an unfulfilled life?

hello dear brother. i am playing a role on this forum. the ugliness/beauty of what i say is correlated with the ugliness/beauty of what people need to hear (read), which is correlated with the ugliness/beauty of what people are doing to themselves. sometimes i wish i had someone in the past with enough courage to throw my own lies on my face, just like i did with our friend @Electron. it would have hurt like hell, but it would have saved me from many ailments that i was summoning to myself due to ignorance. healing can get very dirty, ugly and painful before it blooms.

self inquiry is not supposed to give you answers. it's supposed to get you to an "unaswerable" state. it's supposed to break your mind and expose your irremediable ignorance. it's supposed to destroy your intellectual pride. if you really want to do it, stop asking others and get used to not knowing. nobody else can help you. we can only frustrate you and that's probably our job.

@Joseph Maynor go out in a quest to find the best yoga teachers for you. that's what i did. that's what seekers have been doing for centuries. luckily, you don't have to walk to another country on your own feet anymore. take the bus and stop by some yoga teaching center. there are plenty around us nowadays. they usually offer some free experimental class. if you're interested in kundalini yoga, check this out!

every breath i take feels like a prayer.

when i was a child i had these existential crisis because i could not grasp the fundamental nature of what i meant by "i". these experiences were always extremely terrifying as i felt like i was simulating my own death. i also had (and still have) the ability to focus in a way that triggered a funny pain in the center of my forehead. i used this technique to tolerate boring classes.

take some time to yourself, close your eyes and try to find that anger/apathy within your body. try to reach its source. relax each part of your body that you target with your attention. if you get in touch with that pain, stay with it and breath deeply. do it until you master the level of mindfulness to practice anytime, anywhere.

@Kimasxi the suffering you're experiencing is teaching you to live without expectations. it hurts because of your attachments. let go of the entire armor. it does hurt. that's how we differentiate between real work and mental masturbation. yes, it's getting you closer to enlightenment.

that's life in a monastery. the heart of zen.