Scholar

Well mostly exhausted, didn't sleep and my mind feels slow.

My question is, what do you guys do if you do fall into terror during a trip alone? I have no idea what I would be even doing with my body. Do such trips cause permanent trauma?

An another important note: This forum is not LSD friendly because the white background completely annihilates your eyes, lol. It repelled me like garlic repells a vampire.

Hm, I will have to think about this more deeply. When I wrote those things the trip was not over yet, even though I thought so. I had a strange detachment from my anxiety and fear, yet, at least half of the trip was defined by anxiety and fear. It didn't make me suffer, but I could feel me holding and being unwilling to let go of the tension, of the idea of horror. With the shaping reality and being in control, what is so terrifying is that it's like your ego wants to cling to anything, to stability, because it is terrified of the unknown. But there is no stability in that state, reality is just completely what will be determined in the moment. But it wasn't ever truly terrifying to me, it fact I would not say I experience actual terror during the trip, I was very detached from the fear responses, so that I was almost observing them objectively. There was a moment where I had realizations and was at peace, but the tension came back after some time, and I did not resolve it. So there were certain thought patterns and tensions, but I was detached from them and they did not actually touch me. I had a grin on my face for most of the time, and was laughing at how silly I was being. But I did not dissolve the clinging, I just let the egoic structures do their thing. It's hard to describe, I also didn't sleep at all and my brain is drained. I will write a proper trip report because there was a lot of things beyond this, but I have a feeling I won't be able to describe them in words even after I try. Either way, it was foolish to take that great of a dose alone, and it being my first time tripping. During the trip i realized I had to be my own trip sitter and so that took away my ability to let myself go completely, but I don't know how I managed to not fall into complete terror. That was the worst start you could possibly imagine for a trip, 20 minutes after intake I was in a full blown panic, thinking about sticking a finger in my throat to puke it out and coming on this forum to ask for advice, but somehow I just managed myself well. But I see the potential of this being incredibly traumatizing for some people who cannot regulate themselves in the way I somehow did. What I would say "saved" the trip would be, if anything, the realization that I don't need to get rid of the fear, even the fear of the fear. I just allowed it to be there and observed it. I stopped evaluating the trip in terms of bad or negative, even though I did observe some thought patterns trying to make meaning out of it, saying "Oh this could be so terrible for you!" "No actually this is healing!" etc., so it was a very objective or detached kind of experience.

Oh, one key insight was: What was terrifying about the trip was not that I ever lacked control, but rather, that I always was in complete control. I could and can shape this reality as I please, and that is the control, but somehow it is controlless. Either way, the fact that the ego does control^... I don't even know what I am saying anymore.

I am still so much tripping rn that I will not remember this later, so, I basically talked myself into a compelte terror before the trip, and then over the span of the trip Valerie showed me the fabric of fear itself and that I am literally creating all of it. The terror is literally fear of nothing, it's just fear. Like the color red. On another note, reality completely merged into one substance. Music, my thoughts, imagery, it feels like one thick, gooyed substance that I can scoop around, and I can shape it literally with my pencil. I was taught that, the intention, the idea of reality, the supposed terror, the bad trip, those were just figments, and that's all that exists. So, if I want absolute terror and fear, that's what I will have, I can just create it with my pencil. I am in a complete, controlless control. Everything feels so completely imbued with meaning, and as I write this it feels like the music is flowing through the visual-mind-substance or whatever. Anyways I just wanted to give you guys a quick update, which somehow pulled me into this sharade. But ye I am still tripping balls.

I am fine guys but holy moley. I am holding onto reality by a piece of paper and a pencil in my hand, and I mean that literally.

I actually just moved alot, and working my anxiety out. That is working splendidly, but Jesus christ did I talk myself into a panic, I have no idea how that happened. I already learned a few lessons and the trip did not even start yet. I talked myself into such a panic I literally felt like dying from fear and that was like 20 minutes after taking the substance. Actually hilarious.

I am in a full blown panic attack holy shit

Yes, that is what I am planning to do. R-Mode engagement.

I still don't know what to do during the come up. I feel like if I listen to Max Richter during it I will experience something spiritual during the trip. But my main goal is focused on increasing my visual processing abilities, which I know I won't be able to focus on if I do the spiritual focus. But I also don't know if the melancholia wouldn't cause a bad trip. Maybe I should experiment the next time more and this time just see what happens.

That is the worst analysis I have ever seen, I could have made shit up and made a better debunk analysis, lol. I don't believe in it being a real body but holy shit are the arguments terrible.

I don't know if he is careful, in general this forum seems to view caution and common sense as secondary. I don't think we can just assume his phenomena are activations. It could be anything.

Well, if we were to enforce spreading misinformation, or framing ones own views as fact, I think most the posts in this thread would have to be removed. But sure, I will be more careful around such claims in the future. What is troublesome to me is that noone in here even cautioned this person to be more careful around using this substance, even though their reaction to it is definitely abnormal.

Well, whether or not it is a fact we don't know. I strongly suspect his usage of the substance was related to the episode of problems he had at that time. Either way, my greater point still stands that there is a risk involved and that these substances do cause changes in the brain.

I don't think his sleep issues were unrelated to his 5-MeO-DMT intake, and I do not think we can just dismiss such risks. You have no clue if these are reactivations, some spiritual mumbo jumbo, or his brain structures being altered in dysfunctional ways. People need to stop pretending they know what they are talking about, in my opinion.

I would be careful around this substance and probably recommend not using it again. We have no idea if this is spiritual or something in your brain. There is always risk associated with these substances. Martin Ball basically fried his brain using it, he was not able to sleep for a year or so, and I am not sure if he is any better now. But he took it daily. The fact that it gives you powerful experiences means it creates powerful changes in the brain. And it is not a drug designed for anything, it's literally just throwing something at your brain and it happens to have certain deconstructive effects. It might as well cause other changes in the brain that are harmful and make it unable to sleep. And maybe it causes certain changes in your brain that it does not cause in others. Whether or not this is the case, this is a real risk that you should consider. You could destroy your brain with these substances, especially if they are less researched.

Maybe your body being covered was one of the reasons why your body disappeared during the trip?

Did you ever do LSD or psychedelics while doing sensory deprivation? Like blindfolding and plugging ears?

The way you think about reality by default is the following: The world, outside reality, exists. In that world exist I and other experiencers, actors, who travers and interact in that world. The experiencers are not the world, the world is not the experiencer. The experiencer is experiencing the world through sense-organs, which create a subjective reality. Subjective reality is not consistent with the world, and unlike the subjective mind, the world remains constant. Therefore, the world is real and the mind us unreal, because the world is consistent, it is permanent, it is actual. This is the default assumption through which you look at existence. However, these assumptions are baseless, because you are positing two substances: Mind substance and matter substance. Inner world and outer world. Yet, when you point at the world, whatever you believe it to be, it has to be made of the inner world. As long as you are aware of it, it is the mind, and so any conception of the world you could possibly have is mind. But it is even worse. You assume there is an experiencer, and consequently, you confuse pure existence by the concept of experience. When you look at redness, at colors, at visual imagery, you call that perception. You believe there is someone who perceives the color. The color doesn't just exist on it's own, like an atom would. No, the color exists because you perceive it. And you the perceiver, the experiencer are fundamentally not experience. This is all false, and illusion. You do not experience anything, experience does not exist. Rather, everything you call experience, perception, sense data, including thoughts, emotions, colors, feelings, are all made out of existence. They are reality itself. There is nobody experiencing them. What you call redness being perceived, is nothing but redness existing. You have taken existence and labelled it perception. You took ownership over existence itself, and somehow claimed that you are the source and ground of existence. But you are nothing but one object of existence. You are the ego, a substance of reality much like the color red. It can exist, and it can cease to exist. Yet, it ceasing to exist will not make colors cease to exist. You can die, and yet, colors will continue. Feeling will continue, warmth and cold will conitnue, thoughts will continue. You have to set aside the above described construct and adopt a new one, which is: All the exists is existence. The universe is just existence. And the universe, is made out of infinite forms of existence. It is unified, it is one thing. Yet, within this Oneness are infinite forms, infinite parts. All of these parts relate to each other. Some of these parts relate to each other in certain ways. You can think of this as the atoms of the universe relating to each other. Now, certain atoms, parts of reality, form specific relationships. These relationships you call the brain, or brain activity. These relationships are what your human mind is. This is what would be referred to as dissociation or individuated consciousness. Within existence, relationships form, and these relationships are their own form of existence. Now, when you ask "So, if I am everything, why can't I control another body!", it is because you still are in the old framework I described above. In the framework that is accurate to existence, this question is nonsensical, and I will demonstrate how: If all of existence is unified, and that unified existences creates relationship between parts of itself, then all it is to say to be a human mind is to say that you are the relationship between certain parts of existence. And when you say "So how is it that I cannot control another body?", it is like to say "Why is this relationship within existence not this other relationship within existence?". It would be like asking, why is the moon not earth? Why is the flower not the rock? Now, here comes the second confusion: Because within the relationship of existence that is this individuated consciounsess exists ego and selfhood, which is a relationship between parts of unified existence, it is not recognized that existence simply is existence. Rather, existence has a structure that says "This is my, I am the perceiver, I am the one who is the ground of all of these other parts of existence! They are mine!". The reality, however, is that existence is simply existence. Once this relationship between different parts of existence dissolves, that's it. It dissolves. But existence continues. The "I" will be dead, but existence cannot die, existence is eternal, it is absolute. And that's all there is to it. All that exists is existence, and all in existence is existence. It could not possibly be more simple. Yet you are confused because, what you are, what the selfhood is, is a form of existence that is by definition confusion, illusion. So, to ask why you cannot control another ones body, is akin to asking why red is not the blue.

What type of music can you guys recommend for a proper 150mcg trip? Will the music I usually like work well for an LSD trip, like some Max Richter or the like? I usually use that to enter deep contemplative states to ponder the nature of existence, but it makes me very melancholic. I enjoy melonchonia, it feels existentially very gratifying, but I am not sure if on LSD it might not activate negative thinking patterns or the like.

But why relate it to the human emotion of love?

I just don't understand how 20mcg could make such a difference. I still feel completely in flow and in a meditative state. I feel like I could easily figure out the solution to any problem. So many egoic structures seem to be completely eroded or weakened. How long will this last?

If a spider species evolved that does not have psychological love for anything, I don't think it would refer to what you call Love as love. It doesn't make much sense, therefore it could be that the conceptual frame you use is tied to what you are as a human being and how you relate to the qualities of existence. I believe that is Ralstons point.

What would be the reason then? Would a being that has a different psychology to human beings refer to it as love?