arberor

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@doronshadmi I'm sorry, i don't understand what you said.

@Nahm I fear that physical responses get intense to the point of actual death, and I'm not able to control them even though being fully aware of.

Yes you are right. Fear doesn't start when you see nothingness, it doesn't start even when you are sucked in a point, it starts when you feel your heart ripping your chest apart. It is perfectly normal to take a break for a period of time (even for years, if you still have deficiencies in Maslow hierarchy of needs), this is serious and challenging stuff.

@doronshadmi I perfectly understand everything you said but how can I reach that position where nothing and everything exist at the same time?

I don't want to say some name for it, also don't trust what I'm going to say because my ego distorts this experience every time after I have it and the more time passes more distorted it becomes. Anyway, there is this being or thing that wants every thing on it including me, and it sucks everything on it and I'm the last thing being sucked by it. At this moment there's the realisation, I am it and it is nothing also everything at the same time. After this realisation it fully let go and give everything away by a big, big, infinite expansion that is infinitely powerful and it remain like that forever. At the end my ego starts to emerge again piece by piece.

Yes. What was lelft of me at that point.

@cetus56 The other times that I had this experience I was feeling the the spaciousness and every thing expanding to nothingness (if that make sense), but the last one that we are talking about it felt different, It felt like nothingness was collapsing everything down to a point and that gave me a strong strong feeling of claustrophobia, even though it was the same experience.

Thank you cetus56, thank you Leo, thank you guys, for your help and support, really appreciate it. I will definitely check out your recommended sources. Hopefully this goes the right way to the end.

Yes, I want to go deeper even though one part of my mind is shouting '' F... that, you can do this at 75, when you have nothing to lose", but going deeper with the risk of health consequences, it is not a very wise decision. Are there any mechanism that help to minimise the physical responses of the body, or any other way that I can slow down the process, to have more time to accept it?

Well in general I fear a lot of things (as any body else), but if you are referring to this particular situation, I fear that if I try again and the same situation occur and I go blindly even deeper it could damage me in some way. The other times that I had an enlightenment experience it was what much slower than this even if the happening process was closely the same. This means that I had more time to accept what was happening, but yesterday felt like a punch. The first time that I had this experience the process lasted at least a month (and i was not even trying to get enlightened) but yesterday from the point of first realisation to the point of the black hole lasted less than a minute. I hope that I'm clear enough in describing my experience, if not just let me know (english is my third language).

I have been doing inquiry for a month now and last night I had an unusual and terrifying experience. Before I go and describe the experience I wont to let you know that I had enlightenment experiences in the past. During the inquiry I was questioning existence in general, existence of things and existence of concepts like time, mater, etc. After a few moments I was made conscious that existence have no supporting structure to stand on (it doesn't lie on anything). Than concepts like people, relatives, family, mama,papa started to disappear also they didn't exist in the first place. After that everything started to disappear, the things where there but they never were there (example: the floor deaspeard even though it was there, the best feeling in the word you should try it (I'm joking)). So in the end I was made conscious that nothing exist even though it is perfectly lying there (and this was not a good feeling, at all), then a black hole (as a concept) started to suck every thing on it, I tried to accept it but it was too powerful and to negative so I tried to grab on things and concepts by saying " this or that is real''. Meanwhile I had pain throughout my whole body but more intensely in stomach and head area, my heart was pounding like crazy I was not able to breathe even though I tried hard and for a moment I thought "that's it for me". Then I started to grab on things very hard, long story short I was able to get out of that state (after a few hours). I'm sharing this experience because I want to know your perspective on it, also: How should I interpret this experience? What can I do, to minimise the after effects of this experience (because the floor is disappearing even today, from time to time)? Am I doing something wrong with my inquiry? How should I do inquiry from this point on? Any opinion is welcomed even if it doesn't answer the questions. Ps. You should get one of those ''no floors" experiences, they are so enlightening ;).